>>109079>I really, really like him and so every once in a while I say "you're really special to me" so he knows.">He's starting to say I act autistic and he is tired of not knowing how I feel. I'm scared of losing him.>[…]>I have decided if we are to kiss or touch at all it will be in marriage, otherwise I'm just not ready to.
Take everything I say here with a pinch of salt because I'm forced to make a bunch of assumptions, but hear me out.
It sounds like his problem is that you act contradictory. On the one hand you seem distant, but on the other hand you "mechanically" assure him you're into him.
He might understand that you need your time, but waiting for touch or kisses until marriage is quite a bit extreme.
In fact he sounds like he'd like to take your relationship to the next level. Maybe holding hands, maybe a kiss on the cheek. Maybe a proper date.
Do it in your own speed, but I doubt that many people are willing to wait until marriage for the chance to hold hands. [And the implicit risk that it may not be your thing after all.]
In the decision that "you have decided that if you are to kiss our touch at all, it will be during marriage" - have you considered his opinion on the matter?
Of course it's your body and your choice, but if you want to be in a relationship with someone you will have to talk about these things.
Talk about your feelings and what you want. If you feel you need to explain yourself avoid spilling your entire medical history. Those things are better communicated in small doses.
For now an explanation like "I'm not used to be touched, we must take it slow." will do.
And importantly in communication with your partner: Hear him out. Try to understand what he wants and figure if you can find a compromise.
I don't think that it's too much to ask to hold hands and kiss before marriage.
On another note: You're saying "you're really special to me" to make him feel appreciated.
How about you try to find out things he likes and apply that knowledge? I bet that holding hands is one of those things.
Of course take care of yourself, take your time and be safe.