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how to stop being a troon sage 111573

be female
sexually abused
abused by dad throughout childhood
constantly compares and gets compared to dad
troons out at the age of 12
can't escape, this is what i want
starts testosterone
feels good man
browses lolcow more frequently
begins to doubt self
begins to sympathize with terfs immensley
hates troons, despises being one
starts to ponder if i'm just a self hating lesbian
HOW DO I ESCAPE THIS AGONY, I am sick of being this abomination. I know because I've been told so often I am a very cute girl. But i genuinely wish I was male and don't know why. Are there any detransitioned women here who can help me? I am so lost and upset. I'm not so far down testosterone that its irreversible, I want to know if there is any way to fix me before it's considered too late.

Anonymous 111574

If you're having doubts you should probably stop testosterone now. If it turns out you're full on troon you can always go back on it later although full disclosure I personally think you can be happy without it

Anonymous 111577

Trans aren't loved very much here, so this might not be the best place to ask. With that said, I'd say your best bet would be to try and get rid of stigma first. If you hate lesbians, or trans, or yourself, it'll be kinda hard to be objective.

Anonymous 111582

Don't use Reddit so I can't vouch for how good they are, but there's a r/detrans sub and it seems like it's mostly FtMtF so you might be able to find some people who can understand better
I got kind of close to wanting to go for the troon path, but I met a friend who was really accepting of my masculine interests and my ability to be just as much of a girl while liking them (instead of being all "lol are you trying to become a boy?") and that helped. Also I didn't like the way most women where I lived were like (being abused by women didn't help), and finding out examples of people who were still women, just not that way, helped too. Basically I was made to feel like the person who I was was incompatible with being female, and internalizing that that wasn't true helped me feel better about it

Anonymous 111594

You can never be male, it's the same as wishing to be an angel, or a witch, or a god damn monstertruck. The most you can do is fucking up your body with hormones, getting your tits chopped off, going through menopause in your 20s and having a flesh tube installed in your crotch. Some people will try to be nice to you, many will keep seeing you as a deformed woman, most will just pity you. If you genuinely feel better like this then by all means go ahead

>sexually abused

>abused by dad throughout childhood
This is the part that interests me. Have you spoken about these things to a psychologist? I mean, you're obviously trooning out to cope with this. Do the medical health professionals you talk to in order to troon just go with it and say trooning is the best solution or has anyone actually tried to work to alleviate your trauma? Because going from one extreme and fucked up life condition (abused) to another (being a troon) doesn't seem like a huge improvement

Anonymous 111599

None of us here can tell you what you should or shouldn't do with your body to make yourself happy, but please, get off these corners of the internet if they aren't good for you. Get off of sites full of anti-trans rhetoric if they're making you hate yourself for being trans. Figure it out on your own without being surrounded by this shit.

Anonymous 111601


>HOW DO I ESCAPE THIS AGONY, I am sick of being this abomination. I know because I've been told so often I am a very cute girl. But i genuinely wish I was male and don't know why. Are there any detransitioned women here who can help me?
Help you cope with the mental side or the physical side effects?

>I'm not so far down testosterone that its irreversible, I want to know if there is any way to fix me before it's considered too late.

Well you can always stop the testosterone, yes some changes are irreversible, but you can always stop. Again, what exactly do you want help with? The physical problems or the mental inclination?

>This is the part that interests me. Have you spoken about these things to a psychologist? I mean, you're obviously trooning out to cope with this. Do the medical health professionals you talk to in order to troon just go with it and say trooning is the best solution or has anyone actually tried to work to alleviate your trauma? Because going from one extreme and fucked up life condition (abused) to another (being a troon) doesn't seem like a huge improvement
Don't know OPs country, but as far as I am aware if she lives in the US, healthcare providers can either have her sign an "informed consent" document basically signing away the right to complain if she doesn't like being on hormones. Basically a contract that allows someone to self-diagnose as trans and get hormones with no legal implication to the doctor.

If she did actually see a therapist, there's no psychological screening for whether or not the gender dysphoria is a co-morbid disorder, only affirmations of the clients decision. At best the doctor will explore helping the client resolve their gender dysphoria, but no medical professional would posit that gender dysphoria could be caused by sexual abuse, not nowadays at least. Again, this used to be screen-for, but the "trans-community" complained about "gatekeeping".

Anonymous 111607

If you don't feel like becoming an abomination and its not too late, just stop. Becoming an abomination is a bad idea anyway, try gardening instead, that would be a much more sensible way for dealing with childhood trauma and what not.

Anonymous 111610

>i genuinely wish I was male and don't know why
You are trying to escape womanhood because you were abused because of it Anonette. It's a coping mechanism but it will never bring the peace you seek.
Stop the transition now before you permanently damage your body. You will never be a man, you can't, it's impossible. It's best to learn to live with your burdens and learn to love yourself.
What happened to you is not your fault and you shouldn't destroy your body to spite your abusers. Please stay, don't become a monster

Anonymous 111613

I think most women at some point in time think that becoming a man would solve all their problems. But men are a different creature altogether. They're socially conditioned to be aggressive and ignorant. You want to be the idea of a man, but it can't be further from the truth. Remember that most of humanity's ancestors are women and less than 40% of men reproduce. Men lead lives full of needless suffering, don't let yourself be fooled by the glorification of masculinity

Anonymous 111614

I should correct myself to say most men in the history of humanity have not reproduced. I don't know the statistics today. Here is my source

Anonymous 111615

>genuinely wish you were male
Have you ever considered maybe ssris or medication. There is nothing wrong or bad about treating mental illness and seeking support. Especially looking at what you have said about your past. I think 12 is very young to make such a huge decision that clearly you are conflicted with as you or much older now.
What exactly do you want fixed is really the question? Do you want your dysphoria to stop or do you want to be more masculine? I’m a little confused with what you need help with.

Anonymous 111618

i don't know how to do it but i'm rooting for you. probably the best thing you can do is talk to other detransitioners. r/detrans is almost entirely ex-FTMs. good luck OP.

Anonymous 111623

But you don't have to take shit from anyone, you don't have to be feminine to please anybody.

You have to learn to enjoy gender nonconforming life. Do you have the problem of not relating to most women and not being able to talk to them?? I feel the same way. I think this message… 111610 is really pessimistic. You can live as a man and still be a woman. If someone makes you feel awful for doing so I think that's your problem. Does this help?

Anonymous 111627

You NEED to resolve your trauma over the abuse before you consider sex dysphoria, and make sure you're not pursuing this as a way to "solve" other problems in your life. Transition is not magic; the most it can give you is part of what genetic men naturally have from birth. If you have ANY doubts, stop testosterone, at least until you work this out. Just ask MTFs how irreversibly defeminizing its effects are.

Anonymous 111630

Second to this. I never really fitted in with other girls, due to my strange interests. While I still struggle to relate to most women, I've found women who I feel I can relate with. I was lucky enough as a kid to have good parents who taught me not to seek external validation, so I've never minded not fitting in.

As for OP, stop the testosterone immediately. Beyond the aesthetic permanent changes, you don't want the negative health effects. Like seriously, you don't want to go through early menopause and have your vag prolapse due to the inevitable hysterectomy you'll have to get to avoid cancer. There's nothing wrong with being a butch lesbian with typically male interests. Hell, I'm straight, and even I'm not particularly feminine.

Anonymous 111631

This girl is giving solid advice. Listen to her.
r/detrans is probably the best place to go, for you. Also, consider investing in a therapist if you haven't done so already. It sounds like you have a lot to work through if you were sexually abused.
My sincere condolences, by the way. I hope you find happiness and peace.

Anonymous 111650

From what I've observed it seems to me that most transmen want to change genders because they want to avoid being sexualized because of abuse as a woman.
On the other hand, most transwomen want to change because they want to be sexualized- it's a fetish to see themselves as women and want to be objectified and treated as women.

Anonymous 111653

Part of it isn't really fetishistic. Part of it is the fact that being sexualized is extremely addictive to a lot of people and reaaaally isn't that healthy to strive for in the scheme of things.

Huge sections of misogyny is pretty much manifested from men being envious of women's effect on men.

Anonymous 111656


I have something to confess, anons, I think I’m the female version of one of those nasty AGP tranny MtFs. I look at attractive men and get pangs of jealousy; I don’t want to have sex with them, I want to BE them. How do I stop being a weirdo pls help

Anonymous 111657

Seconding you. I wonder why we’re like that.
In the perfect universe, I’m a tall fit musician.

Anonymous 111658

My question to you op is: what will you do if you detransition? Do you think it will make you happy, to wash away all this trans stuff out of your life? I can't help but feel like you are still going to have the same feelings, the feeling of wanting to be a man. You said that being on testosteorne made you feel good, but going to lolcow made you feel bad. Is it just the perception of other people that makes you feel bad? Do you only hate being trans because you hate other trans people? I know that maybe this isn't what you want to hear and I understand if the mods want to delete my post for what I'm saying. But I think it would do your more good to ask these kinds of questions instead of letting other people (who are for or against trans) tell you what to do with your life. I wish you the best on your journey for happiness.

Anonymous 111660

i know reddit is cringe but the r/detrans subreddit has a lot of females who went through abuse and tried to transition to escape it, you can make a throwaway account to post on there or read other posts and DM anyone who seems similar to you

Anonymous 111661

yeah, that's a thing. autoandrophilia.

Anonymous 111663

Speaking of this and autoandrophilia:

I didn't transition but did suffer from autoandrophilia (still do to a small degree but enjoy being female a lot more now) and gender dysphoria when I was a teen, it actually made me depressed.

Anonymous 111664

*biologically conditioned to be agressive and ignorant

Anonymous 111668


i do the same thing nona
sometimes you just want to be the man of your own dreams

Anonymous 111674

Try Praying friend, just try it out, simply talk to God for a bit

Anonymous 111682

Emotions and desires always have a cause. They don't just pop up out of nowhere. Troons try to fool you by saying "I NEED to troon because I have GENDER DYSPHORIA" but they won't talk about why they have that gender dysphoria. In your case, your desire to be a tall, successful musician is probably rooted in internalized misogyny and stereotypes. You can be succesful and a musician without being a man. Your desire to be tall is probably rooted in wishing to be more respected. Neither of those things can be achieved by trooning out - that's the placebo that your groomer doctor might sell you because just putting you on hormones and cutting your tits off is an easier and industrialized process compared to actually turning yourself into a succesful musician.

Anonymous 111712

No, only 40% of men worldwide reproduced historically. In the western countries, 80% of men married and reproduced historically.

Anonymous 111714

I just want to know the artist.

Anonymous 111730

This is not correct, you are mixing unrelated things up.

Anonymous 111731

This is correct.

Anonymous 111747

It's not, the 40% figure applies to all of humanity and is cumulative for all of our history as a species, that's tens and tens of thousands of years. The 80% one is not exclusive to the western world at all and is at most as old as agriculture, so just a few thousands of years at most.

Anonymous 111751

nah it's because I find those men super hot and I watched too much porn since I was a kid

Anonymous 111752

Anonymous 111761


for those of you wanting to be men (more so than just typical passing thoughts of "oh, life would be easier, etc.) – can you dig a little deeper about how this appeals to you? What is it about this man you imagine being (personality traits, hobbies/talents, physical traits)? Are there ways you can pursue these traits as a woman? Womanhood can seem very limited based on what we're taught/told - but I promise you can have any of these traits and do practically anything you want to, as a woman. You don't need to be a man.

Anonymous 112007

How did you stop being like this…I wish I didn’t spend my days daydreaming about being a man. Literally every night before bed I close my eyes and imagine myself living life but as the male version of myself, every time I see a moderately decent guy I can’t help but wish I was him. I’ve always been this way but I want to change, tips pls anyone

Anonymous 112022

op here, i read all your replies. I have worked through much of my sexual trauma with therapists and psychologists before i even considered to transition hormonally. Part of me is realizing its ok to be a freak of nature and never be a real man. Maybe I just like to be like this and the way I'm perceived wont matter. I honestly have more respect for any terf before most troons because they arent afraid to fight for themselves. I'm a huge feminist myself and will always feel ashamed for essentially betraying my sisters, but I think I'll be ok. Sex isnt the most important thing to me so I'm ok with not having a partner in that sense. I have a girlfriend I love a lot and is a true bisexual so if I ended up detransitioning she would be just as content with me as a woman. I am sorry, I just don't feel like I can change. I am obviously mentally ill but I think I've accepted that testosterone is my form of medication. I'll probably stop testosterone after a few months and just sit with myself before I got further. I wont remove my breasts until I've made extreme progress within myself and my trauma, I won't mutilate myself until I am sure of it. Thank you s, I'm sorry I cant change this illness. I wish I could be a woman but it isnt that simple.

Anonymous 112023

OP again. Maybe I will 41% myself one day. But I quite enjoy life, after almost oding I've grown to appreciate it. I will never deny my chromosomes, they're xx and I'm proud of that. But I think being trans is out of my control, I will continue to discover myself and I don't expect you ladies to be happy with my conclusion but this has helped me a lot. I'll continue to work with professionals and maybe one day I'll realize I was wrong. But until then, I'm just going to attempt to be true to myself even if I'm denying biology.

Anonymous 112029

this will probably be an unpopular opinion for this thread but if you enjoy being on testosterone and are lucky enough to not have many health issues from it, you don't have to detransition immediately if you don't want to. you can re-identify as a woman who takes testosterone, i've seen some terfs on twitter and on r/detrans like that, you wouldn't be alone in that

Anonymous 112088

Go to r/detrans you’ll get better advice from people who share the same experience as you.
Good luck

Anonymous 112130

You sure are a cynical one

Anonymous 112146

You should at least stop with HRT until you're sure.

Anonymous 112147

Anonymous 112765

I'm gonna have to agree with this.
Why should you make yourself feel so miserable just 'cause a bunch of random bitter fucks on an imageboard don't like people like you? Note that I don't support the general phenomenon of making every teen believe they're trans and convincing them of transitioning for literally no reason these days, but this shit isn't healthy either.

Anonymous 112772

it's like a weird form of reverse-validation, i've seen people post on sites being asked to be "convinced" to detransition, it's not as harmful as how social media grooms girls to be trans but it's a similar level of unhealthy mentally

not to mention you can be a tranny and agree with terfs at the same time, they're very rare but they exist. if you enjoy HRT but think the gender thing is dumb then just be a roided woman

Anonymous 112829

tried therapy?

Anonymous 112838

Grow up and stop being so self-absorbed. Stop looking for attention. Nobody really cares about anyone else, other than themselves. We are born alone and we will die alone. Stop wasting your time on this earth by trying to get meaningless attention. Stop shaping your personality around meaningless fads that will be cringe-worthy to you in 10 year's time. Get off the internet. Go learn a language or something

Anonymous 112839

>We are born alone
Were you built in a lab by scientists or something

Anonymous 112840


The people here going “if it makes you happy, go ahead” are literal demons holy shit. And no, you can’t be radfem/gendercritical while being trans. The people here saying that don’t actually know what gender critical beliefs are.

Have fun permanently destroying your endocrine and reproductive system because of an antiscientific ideology you wouldn’t know existed if it weren’t for the internet.

Anonymous 112864


This is the right take

Anonymous 112865

>Taking drugs make you happy? Go ahead anon!
>What, you feel like you're actually an elf and you want to cut your ears? Well, if it makes you happy…
>You like walking around with a visible diaper and a dress cut in a trashbag? If you're happy, fine by me!
It's so fucking dumb.

Anonymous 112876

why not? TIMs are men and TIFs are women and some will admit that so if someone is self aware that they can't change sex and will always be their birth sex i don't see how it's different from any other mentally ill person choosing to take meds (even if i don't agree with that method of coping)

Anonymous 112881


what do you have against wearing trashbags anonette?

Anonymous 112890

>if it makes you happy
Yeah, keep avoiding the mental health part of it, dumbass. If OP is fucked in the head, maybe self-hatred isn't what she needs? Also no one told her to get her genitals butchered.

Anonymous 112903

You realize that the “meds” cause permanent health consequenses, right? It’s the same as telling someone to do meth because “well, it makes them happy!”
If OP is fucked in the head (which she IS), then the solution isn’t to take extremely unhealthy drugs, you fucking sadist. No one here is telling OP to hate herself, they’re just telling her not to destroy her health and any chance of a normal life.

Anonymous 112905

absolutely, which is why it's not something i'm personally supportive of (i actually don't support most meds in general either but the same applies there), but if someone is a grown adult and aware of the risks and takes it anyway, that's kind of not my problem

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