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Anonymous 122016

I made the mistake of asking my boyfriend "his type" and he described someone completely different than me. Considering dumping him because I don't want to be a placeholder and get traded in after wasting years with him. Your thoughts?

Anonymous 122018

consider the fact this might also be a neg. not that it makes it better.
i'd dump too but i realize it can be an overly simplistic way of looking at relationships and personal taste.

Anonymous 122019

>consider the fact this might also be a neg. not that it makes it better.
Yeah I thought it might be a neg but we were just hanging around, talking bullshit about what streamers/celebs we found attractive, and I asked him what his type was. He asked personality wise or body/face. I said both.

He said "a young art teacher, pale and thicc"

I'm pale and thicc but I'm not young, and I'm a software engineer.
It seems like saying someone so diametrically opposite to me is like saying "yeah you're good enough to fuck and keep around as a stopgap but not someone i'd marry"

I've always felt like he was just using me as a placeholder. Before we started dating, one of his guy friends (who admittedly may have had a crush on me) told me he will not settle down with a girl like me. and he "jokingly" called me Christmas cake before cause I'm turning 30 soon.

Anonymous 122020

why would he say something so cruel if he loves you? probably better to dump him

Anonymous 122021

I don't know. I'm still kind of crying over it and I don't know what to do. I don't think I have the courage to break up with him.

Anonymous 122023

Yeah, it is kind of shady. It's ok for people to have preferences but in my experience it's usually a bad sign if it's rigid. And honestly…this might be more contentious, but if someone really, really adores someone, it's pretty likely for them to find THAT their type.

And lemme see. "a young art teacher, pale and thicc" is…extremely specific and kind of creepy. Like, it sounds like some sort of porn fantasy, as if he extensively fantasizes about it. Also apparently he thinks being an art teacher is a personality?

Also, his friend sounds like an asshole and 100%, who a guy chooses to hang out with says a lot about him.

One of the only times I saw people taking men having a type they obsess about seriously was when a woman in her mid 20s starved herself to 17 BMI (even then she wasn't petite) because her bf had 100s of gbs of porn of girls with childlike, tiny bodies.

Just be prepared to be seen as crazy if you do dump him. Honestly if you choose to do so, I'd advise doing it over text too. Don't get me wrong, this is a total social faux pas but better distance yourself sooner than later.

Anonymous 122024

And let me clarify…I believe there's been other things like this that has happened. You already feel like a placeholder, I think there's a good chance he's been saying or doing things to reaffirm it.

Anonymous 122026

I should clarify that it's my boyfriend who called me Christmas cake, not the friend.

But thank you for the advice. I'm worried he'll gaslight me into feeling like I'm crazy or overreacting if I stay mad about this.

He's done other stuff, like he asked out this girl who was hitting on him "jokingly" in a discord server I was not in. The date never happened but it was front of all his friends and everything.

But he insists he loves me and he spends lots of time with me.

Anonymous 122027

My boyfriend asked out the girl "as a joke" that is. I felt humiliated.

Anonymous 122031

Men know the first time they meet you whether they wanna marry you/be lifepartners or not, it's well known they will date women they don't view as such as practice and/or company until they meet "the one".

Anonymous 122033

Yeah I think all signs point to "no" for OP

Anonymous 122048

>his type is completely different from you
>you feel like a placeholder
>he called you a christmas cake
>"jokingly" asked out a girl and humiliated you
i think you should just end things before it becomes harder for you to leave

Anonymous 122055

It doesn't sound like you're the diametric opposite, it sounds like you're physically similar. If you're in your twenties that would make you young for a teacher, when he says "young art teacher" he means that when you usually think of a teacher you think of someone older. Teacher is also code for classy lady who looks good in a blouse and suit, I don't know if you wear that to work if you work in an office it's probably something similar.
I think it's fine, don't do anything rash, if you think I'm off on this then just talk to him about it.

Anonymous 122064

Seems like you're overreacting a bit. It's not like he said "anything but a software engineer." He just named a different career than the one you're in, but literally everything else was things that apply to you. Chill.

Anonymous 122066

male: insults gf over her age behind her back to HIS FRIEND so has an established history of shitting on OP, fake asks out a woman that's into him
rando: lol means nothin just communicate

Anonymous 122069

I hadn't read the whole thread when I posted >>122064. Didn't expect so many crucial details to be hidden in the replies.

Anonymous 122073

Dump him, as soon as he gets a chance with his actual type he'll leave you in the dust.

Anonymous 122074

This reads exactly like what a scrote would say on r/relationships

Anonymous 122075

basically this
Also, the christmas cake insult in addition to his type being young is indeed concerning.
Must be an imageboard dweller since he uses trad nip slang unironically. He thinks your value is inferior to his and doesn't even try to hide it.

OP, don't confront him yet and start thinking of a breakup plan. If you're tired of the verbal abuse, can't you just cut contact with him ? You don't owe him any explanation if you know he'll use it to gaslight you. I doubt you could get any kind of closure from it.
What exactly are you afraid of ? What motivates you to stay with him ?

Anonymous 122076

>He just named a different career than the one you're in
Even ignoring all the other red flags, this would be unacceptable because he's clearly fetishizing said career (one that's different from OP's).

Anonymous 122082


>I doubt you could get any kind of closure from it.
>What exactly are you afraid of ? What motivates you to stay with him ?
I don't know. Sunk costs. I've been with him almost 2 years.

I also really regret turning down this really sweet, romantic, well-endowed guy who was really in love with me in favour of my boyfriend. I feel like if I can't make it with my boyfriend, me rejecting the romantic guy would be for nothing and I'd feel twice as terrible.

Anonymous 122083

>it's well known they will date women they don't view as such as practice and/or company until they meet "the one".
is there a word for this? i kinda wanna read some experiences from other women just to see how well things line up.

Anonymous 122094

>"pale and thicc"
>spending time on discord together
>mentioning a former interest being well-endowed

This is a man.

Anonymous 122095

Practice girlfriend. Tragic but it's a thing.

Anonymous 122099

I'm not my boyfriend's type at all. It can be frustrating sometimes.

Anonymous 122114

You can't turn a subhuman into a husband, you've already lost. If he was capable of love he'd love you by now, the only thing you can do is cut losses.

Anonymous 122180

With this post I would have said "I don't know anonette I think this is dumb but not really break up material"

Then I read this post and it's like no this guy sucks, please break up with him

What made you pick him? I'm really curious why you wouldn't choose the guy who was in love with you over this lame mf

Anonymous 122185

Don't settle for less. When you are in love you are 100% attracted to your partner, even the parts that aren't your "type" or are flaws become charming. Men also feel like this. If you asked my husband the kind of woman he likes he'd never answer anything other than "my wife."

Anonymous 122187

>well-endowed guy

If you turned him down how do you know this XD

Anonymous 122194

Good point. Dump him and never look back and then do the same in every relationship. Always assume the worst, always escalate, be as schizo as possible.

Anonymous 122196

Yes, unironically.

Anonymous 122211

I've been in your shoes before. You've only been with him 2 years? Leave now before it turns into 7, like my previous horrible relationship.

You clearly don't feel valued. Listen to your gut. Your fear of leaving him is the biggest issue to work on. You can't envision being in a better relationship, because you aren't allowing the opportunity for things to improve with his ass out the door.

I never thought it would get better for me either, but after dating a few assholes, I finally found the one (getting married in a few months). Never, ever makes me feel shitty about myself. Spoils me like crazy. Encourages and inspires me to be better, without belittling me or making me question his love.

I've said this before and I'll say it a thousand times again: Find someone who treats you like a PRIORITY, not an OPTION.

Anonymous 122301

>well endowed
So, you cheated. Not to mention, you brought up the question, and now how a problem with his answer. Sounds to me like you wrote yourself into this one.

Anonymous 123279

Don't ask the question if you're not ready to hear the answer

Anonymous 123291

dump him and make it hurt <3 make him insecure first

Anonymous 123300

pls dump

Anonymous 123491

>made the mistake of asking my boyfriend "his type"
>described someone completely different than me
How did you 2 get together?

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