Long story short I learned today that I was molested as a toddler by my mother's bf at the time who tried to drown her. And everything makes sense now because I was an unhappy, self isolating child who always tried to be someone else, and this carried into adulthood. Only now it's worse because combine all that with adult neurosis.
I don't know if anything will ever fill this void, I had hope in religion but I'm so cynical I can't trust myself to be genuine with that, so suicide seems like a viable solution to my problems
i'm really sorry to hear that happened anon
nearly everyone who attempts suicide but survives regrets it so put those thoughts aside and please contact a therapist today and talk through what happened, even if you don't feel like doing that