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Thought Broadcasting Delusions Anonymous 127783

Over the last few months and especially the last few weeks I have had an increasing amount of delusions revolving around people being able to read my mind, particularly my boyfriend. At first it was easy to ignore because I know how ridiculous it is, but every day it gets harder to deal with and is starting to cause me a significant amount of distress, makes me want to kill myself, makes me distrust my boyfriend, very little things set me off. At first I thought our connection was sweet, that he sort of knew what I was thinking, on a similar wavelenght but its becoming so distressing and disturbing and every little thing is evidence he can read my mind and I don't know how to deal with it. I KNOW its ridiculous, but telling myself its ridiculous isn't enough to comfort me anymore and I need more coping skills.
Something I have trouble with to a lesser degree is feeling there is an entity who has access to my thoughts and is using my expectations for outcomes of things, then manipulating my life so that the opposite happens, trying to catch me off guard to mess with me and scare me. All day I try to control my thoughts for this and be prepared for anything. Its a weird balance. I believe if I brush off anxiety it will ude this against me to make it come true, but I also think if I am too anxious about something it will actually manifest. I have thought like this all my life but again it is becoming more distressing.
How to cope? Someone please fucking help me and no I will not consider meds or therapy.

Anonymous 127784


It's strange seeing this thread because I've had similar thoughts and anxieties which have gotten worse over the past year. I know you don't want meds, but reading about intrusive thoughts and OCD might help you.

Anonymous 127787

if he could read your mind, what are you worried about? are you ashamed of something that you don't want him to know about? are you afraid of not having enough privacy and being too constrained by him?

knowing what's behind that fear is the best way to fix it. there's probably some underlying fear that you need to confront and understand that will help you get over this issue.

Anonymous 127798

Y'all need to take your meds yo

Anonymous 127809

I don't want to be a party pooper, but both of you immediately need to see a mental health professional. This could be the beginning of something very serious that definitely needs treatment. Recognising you're having delusions is a good thing, but being unable to stop them is cause for concern.

Anonymous 127816

This is a very major trait of schizophrenia, please see a doctor before it gets worse to at least be evaluated.

Anonymous 127822

Thank you, I have read about OCD now and I think that it may be related, I have always had weird OCD tendencies ever since I was a child like feeling like I need to touch things equally, but the compulsion wasn't so strong that it caused me any significant impairments in functioning and these little things have gone away. Maybe it is OCD, because now thoughts like these do cause me more stress and I try to suppress or control them all day. What I see suggested is not trying to suppress them because it makes it worse. I will learn more, thank you.
I am ashamed of everything I think and I have many things I intend on hiding from everyone. Imagine having people able to read your thoughts, and thinking they could, wouldn't you start to analyze everything you think and feel ashamed?
I do not think it is schizophrenia. I do not have a family history of schizophrenia and I do not struggle with any hallucinations unless I am very tired on very rare occasions. OCD seems to make more sense.

Anonymous 127846

If you have new onset symptoms of delusions, and those delusions are getting worse over time, you need to get evaluated. Miners on CC are not medical professionals.

Anonymous 127865

>I will not consider meds or therapy.
Anon, it is unlikely that you will get better without medical help. You have a choice, you can accept help and return to a life without this endless emotional turmoil. Or you can refuse and get worse and entirely die like this. The choice is entirely yours, and with the medical protections provided by law, only you can make it.

What are your concerns about therapy? What are your concerns about medications?

Anonymous 127897

>..and I need more coping skills.
Easy answer, go to a support group. If modern therapy or whatever that entails in your country doesn't interest you, or you don't trust it, then at least reach out to a support group of similar individuals and ask for basic advice and information about coping mechanisms. Personally, I think you should try a quick email or phonecall to an OCD group or organisation in your area, they will have advice and will have resources to share about other groups. Even if you don't go to a meeting with a therapist, you are saying that this is interfering with your life, which makes it "disorderly" automatically so you need to do something about it by proactively asking for coping skills and support before you are left to convince yourself of things on your own.
It's certainly an option, hope this helps

Anonymous 127914

And if it is OCD, that can be helped with meds. I know a guy who essentially crippled by OCD. He took some sort of medication that basically reduced the symptoms to be more manageable. I get not wanting meds, but there comes a point where its not worth dealing with the illness. I think at least giving meds a try could be helpful. You can just stop taking them if they make you feel like shit.

Anonymous 127925

You need to go alpha mode anon. Stare at the right in the eyes and imagine sexily taunting them with nipple clips or something. Take advantage of the possibility that they will know.

Anonymous 127962


OP I had this too for certain brief periods of time several years ago and managed to heal

I took Sertraline (zoloft) 200mg. This seemed to cause depersonalisation and akathisia in the first month I took it, which was horrible, but then I got a lot better

I've thought about the meaning and possible origins of the 'thought broadcasting' delusion.

This is what I think.

People ARE able to read your mind in the sense that your thoughts subtly condition your behaviour, and they see the way you behave and react to it. And if you're hypervigiliant about the ways your thoughts are affecting your behaviour, it can seem on a visceral level as if people are reacting directly to your thoughts.

The thing is, your thoughts are just not there if the contents of your thoughts is 'he can read my thoughts'. It will feel like he his reacting directly to you, and he is. But he isn't reacting to your thoughts. He's reacting to your body language, which is a result of your thoughts.

The best way I found to cope with this in the immediate term was to listen to the radio (or a podcast) and go for a walk.

You have to go for a walk while you listen to the radio/podcast because otherwise you might start getting delusions of reference, which I also got (i.e. 'the radio is talking about me!') When/if that happens, you just focus on the natural environment around you. Notice the shapes and arrangements of the flowers and leaves. Try to guess the species of the plants around you. Smell the smell of the trees, grass, car petrol, concrete… That should interrupted the psychotic thought process.

Good luck OP!

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