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Tell some jokes Anonymous 28645

A moose walks into a bar. Both the staff and customers were quite alarmed, the bartender proceeded to call animal control whom promptly removed it from the premises.

A Jewish man and a Muslim man walk into a bar. They don't actually know each other they just kind of walked in at the same time. To the disappointment and ire of his parents the Muslim man is pretty westernized as he grew up in the country and he isn't that religious so he drinks socially with his girlfriend.

A transwoman, a socially stunted anime watcher, and a mentally ill freak walk into a bar. It was a slow night so she was the only one in the bar. sorry

A bartender walks into a bar. He uses the bathroom real quick before starting his shift for the evening.

An incel walks into a bar. Well actually it's a dance club and he has an AR-15.

A rhabbi walks into a bar mitzvah

Roseanne Barr

Anonymous 28657

Dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Anonymous 28670


This is objectively one of the best threads on cc.

Anonymous 28673

Ok ok I admit i laughed kek

Anonymous 28677

A blind man walks into a bar. He has to get 4 stitches for the wound

Anonymous 28697


Pls post more pretty apus if you have more, she is beautiful

Anonymous 28710


ty ty

Anonymous 28734

Anonymous 28741

Why do ants not like churches?
Because they're in sects

Anonymous 28742


Freaking nice

Anonymous 28743

use the direct link field, friend

Anonymous 28744

An Frenchman, an Irishman, and a Swede walk into a bar. Or at least that's what they refer to themselves as but in reality they're white Americans with a shallow understanding of these identities.

Anonymous 28753

Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane…" Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking Goofy!"

Anonymous 28760

Anonymous 28774

I've got a joke for ya: Every single United States Presidency since the 90s except for Obama.

Anonymous 28787

>except for Obama
Legit giggled at this punchline.

Anonymous 28810

The bartender says ‘we don’t serve your kind’
A tachyon walks into a bar

A sandwich walks into a bar
The bartender says ‘we don’t serve food’

Anonymous 28865

Soviet peasant filled with burning desire to read for glory of Soviet Russia. One day peasant go to Soviet bookstore, and sees book with skull on cover.
He asks owner how much is book, and owner responds 80 rubles. However, owner tell peasant never read last page, or else doom shall fall upon him!

Peasant reads all book in one night, is dark book of capitalism about by evil man, John Deere, talking of automated machinery and air conditioned tractors, many horrors in book indeed!
Yet peasant does not read last page, for he has fear in his heart! One night it storms however, and the man is bored. He finally gathers up enough Soviet courage to read last page, dispelling superstition, for he has faith in the Party.

As soon as he reads last page, man gasps! Book originally 20 rubles! The owner was Jew!

Anonymous 28895

An ignorant farmer tries his hand at pig breeding, but none of his pigs are getting pregnant. He calls the vet, who tells him to try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't know what that is but is embarrassed to admit it, so instead he asks how to tell if the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him if they are lying in the mud, they are pregnant.

The farmer thinks about it and decides artificial insemination must mean he has to inseminate the pigs himself. So he herds them into his truck, drives to a nearby wooded spot for some privacy, and proceeds to fuck all the pigs. He then herds them back into the truck and drives them home.

Next day he looks out the window into the pig pen, but none of the pigs are in the mud. He decides he should try again, loads them back up into the truck, takes them to the woods, and bangs each of them twice for good measure. Exhausted, he loads them back up and takes them home.

Next day the pigs are still not lying in the mud, so he takes them out to the woods again and spends all day fucking the daylights out of the pigs. He brings them home and collapses into bed.

Next morning he is so exhausted he can't even get up, so he asks his wife, "Dear can you please look out the window and see if those pigs are lying in the mud?"

She looks and says, "Nope, they're in the truck, and one of them is honking the horn."

Anonymous 29326

That's perverse.

Anonymous 29599

A person walks into a bar and now his forehead hurts.

Anonymous 29619


>Tell some jokes
your life

JK! Happy 2019, things will be better now!

Anonymous 29620

Cute .gif remidna me of sumtin (not my video acoid the end message)

Anonymous 110340

A miner walks into a bar, makes eye contact, suffers a panic attack, and never socializes again.

Anonymous 110354

I was once told the story of a small local hospital where a nurse was giving a tour to a nun and as they toured the renovated part, the nun hit her head on a low hanging metal pipe and it badly cut her and knocked her down. So the nurse goes running for help and bursts into a room of doctors and nurses and shouts "A nun has walked into a bar and now she's unconscious and bleeding everywhere!" and everyone laughed at her because they thought it was a joke and not an actual emergency.

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