I asked my FWB on a date and he rejected me
I'm not a stacey. I'm a lonely girl looking for a qt bf.
>>30491>not stacey/calls herself lonely >has a fwb
Choose one (1)
Is this a troll post?
Tell us more about yourself and your fwb.
Why did you agree to FWB in the first place?
Then quit doing fwb, other girls agreeing to this shit when what they really want is a bf annoys me to no end as it makes even more guys expect to be able to just do fwb instead of a real relationship
FWB is a lie made up by men to get a practice gf they can ditch when the find "the one" aka one of many gfs. Beginners mistake.
On the bright side, when he reaches out to you for side ho application you'll know better and ignore him, right anon?
OP, you have debased yourself and devalued yourself in his eyes by agreeing to FWB in the first place. He's made it clear he isn't interested in you as a person and for your own sake I hope you end your business with him. If you want a BF you need to upfront from now on and don't agree to FWB if you do not want that type of relationship. Don't waste your limited time on men who do not value you and will string you along for as long as you are useful to them.
I thought this was gonna end in one of those trad rants we get a lot on here, but I actually agree this time.
I fell into the FWB trap and every time I came out wondering why I was good enough to fuck, but not good enough to date. There's just a blatant disconnect between men and women, if a guy wants to fuck you that just means you're fulfilling his basic requirements for a woman, which isn't much. I've heard so many guys in my social circles say shit like how they hate a certain girl but want to fuck her, or how she's fat but they really need to get laid, or that she's a crazy bitch but those are good in bed am I rite???, while for me to be willing to fuck a guy, I must first like and trust him as a person and his looks are secondary to that. So if I like someone enough to want to have sex with him, I usually also like him enough to want to try to date him. It just doesn't work unless you're extremely detached from your emotions and have sworn off dating.
Never, ever, ever go into a "FWB" thinking you can turn him into a bf. Men who want that are scum and not bf material anyway.
It comes down to not falling for the "modern, hip" advice nonsense that tells you to that we are all know equal and can have sex with no hang ups. It's nonsense. Men will treat you badly if you fall for that.
Advice - if a guy pushes for sex after three dates, and is not willing to go official, ditch him.
Yeah, also upfront. Make it absolutely clear, from date number 1, you're after a bf. That weeds them out, and those who think they can lie and get you in bed will also soon be weeded out if you just keep to that demand. It's trite, but if you respect yourself, it shines through, and you'll find a man to respect you just as much.
Settling for a FWB is, I think (unless you are completely on board with just casual sex. in which case power to you), a sign of poor self esteem. You think badly of yourself, and you think "Maybe I can get him to respect me enough to be my bf if I just give him what he wants". That leads to just him abusing you.
Seriously, I think FWB is quite close to rape in these cases. You're manipulated into giving sex that you don't really want on a vague promise that he won't keep at all. Sounds like coercion, sounds like rape.
Agreeing to fwb because you don’t have the self esteem to keep looking for a real relationship is not rape. I feel like rape and sexual assault are considered less and less serious as people start try to lump dumb stuff like this in with them. I agree it’s bad if the guy promised to transition to a serious relationship with time but that’s not rape, you can always say no and keep searching for a guy who isn’t like that. People who secretly cheat on their spouse and continue having sex with them can’t even be arrested for rape when found out, and that’s way more misleading than “yeah let’s start out like friends and not get serious till we know each other better haha just kidding I never planned to get serious”.
>>32443>consenting to fwb is rape
nice logic. are you an ironic incel?
>>32578>cites made up definitions from a site where anyone can “contribute”
As someone actually raped before, go fuck yourself.
>>32578>rape by deception in GB
Meanwhile thousands of children get groomed by Paki gangs into sexual slavery and H addiction.
Sometimes I want the immediate benefits of making out and sex with someone a relationship would never work out.
Like on a cruise to a far away place…
People who secretly cheat on their spouse and continue having sex with them can’t even be arrested for rape when found out.
Adultery used to be illegal, and still is in some places.
>>32443>Make it absolutely clear, from date number 1, you're after a bf.
I've tried that and it just made them look at me like I was crazy desperate, because in the first date they're trying to figure out if they like me yet, and right from the start they feel pressured because what they hear is "you have to commit to me immediately" before they even know IF they like me is strongly off-putting to them, apparently…
I'm not sure what is being weeded out with this…
Why would a FWB ever want to start dating their useful hole? It would just mean that he wouldn't have access to a vagina if you were mad and he would have to take you out on dates and spend money on you. I never had sex until after I was dating someone. If the guy only wants sex on the first date, then he isn't worth keeping.
Not op first off. I'm a khv. And sorry for ot.
Do men even enjoy emotional connection at all? It seems they don't, since I hear them complain about having to interact with their partners all the time. Like it's just a chore to get sex.
Honestly, at this point what would be wrong with keeping a male in my house naked all the time like a pet whose only use is sex? No men want to talk to their partners, no men want to watch movies or go out with their partners, no men like hugs, they only wants sex and that's it. I would financially support him fully and feed him regularly, as well as supply him with whatever he needs for his hobbies. All he needs to offer in return is his body and complete loyalty (never leaving the house, ever). I won't be there to have sex 24/7 because I will have to work to support us but the rest makes up for it I think.
From what you know of men, does this sound ideal?
Just weed through people til you find someone committed.
Stop making us look like bizarro /r9k/. This isn't it.
I've been in positions where I've offered men FWB relations either because they were good friends and I felt comfortable enough to ~scratch that itch~ with them and they refused because they preferred a real relationship.
>inb4 "they just didn't want you specifically"
Actually some of them told me they actually had feelings for me and wanted the full deal.
My husband is my best friend, and I'm his. Like, we almost never hang out with anyone else. A lot of men are, at heart, super sappy romantics. Sure, there are assholes who want to hit it and run, but I don't think I've ever met a dude who would go for what you are offering. Guys like hearing about your day, but they don't need all the introspective shit that goes on in your head. They want action points, but emotional trawling is what you do with girlfriends. Girl, just treat a guy like he hung the moon and you'll have him for life.
Aww, you broke their hearts. :(
Yeah, one of them took it really really badly but we reconciled later and ended up dating for real
Something something cow milk etc…
You're a slut sleeping with another slut, why do you think that's gonna turn into a stable relationship?
>>32984>Do men even enjoy emotional connection at all?
Of course they do.
they just don't require constant maintenance of that emotional connection
the connection doesn't magically degrade if you don't meet your daily/weekly/monthly quota of exchanged words
no hug pls.jpg
I can't help it. All my friends are male and yet I still can't understand them.
Are you sure they didn't just ask for relationships because they've been memed/guilted into not going for noncommittal relations? How did it go with the one you ended up with?>>32989
That's fine, I generally prefer not hogging the conversation anyway. Imageboards are the only place I can discuss personal issues in depth because I can tell no one irl gives a fuck kek. Outside of my mom.
That is nice to hear though, since I would like to interact with a man as a human even if it means minimizing my own contributions to the conversations.
I think I'd always be paranoid that he actually hates kisses and hugs though, like a dog. I'll just have to work on not caring about it and see it as payment for other things I'll do for him.>>33042
This is pretty amazing, I wonder how they're doing now? I hope it worked out and they're still together.>>33101
So is my plan correct or not?>monthly
Am I supposed to not talk to him for a month straight even if we live together? What does this mean?
>>32984>>33129https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2057016/Not-tonight-dear-Never-mind-sex-CUDDLES-women-stand.html>But as a new study reveals, it seems that it is men who are the keenest on cuddling, while as many as a third of British women claim they can't bear it.>A staggering 32 per cent of UK females admit they can’t stand cuddling when in bed, but force themselves into a clinch to avoid upsetting their partner.>'By their own admission men admit they are the ones most likely to kick up a fuss if they don’t get their night-time cuddle.>'It seems men are much more sensitive than even they realise and they certainly crave that loving feeling that comes with a cuddle significantly more than their partners do.'https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/schlepping-through-heartbreak/201208/don-t-touch-me-i-m-your-wife> But now his touch feels aversive and rather than turn her on, she hates it. Strangely, women have often told me that they can manage the vaginal part of things and find intercourse tolerable, but really don’t like having their breasts fondled. That stimulation is mixed—partly pleasurable but partly disturbing. It feels intensely intimate, flooding them with overwhelming feelings.>As a result, during sex their bodies become a patchwork of go/no go zones that are deeply confusing and frustrating to the partner who remembers the spontaneous freedom of their past sexual expression. He doesn’t know what happened, but then, neither does she. In this case, not wanting to be touched doesn’t necessarily mean the woman has some deep psychological problem. It just means that the couple needs some help.https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/05/well/family/gender-men-touch.htmlhttps://upliftconnect.com/why-men-need-platonic-touch/>Find a girlfriend or give up human contact.http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Men-like-to-cuddle--women-prefer-sex---study_11325838>The study, titled 'Sexual Satisfaction and Relationship Happiness in Midlife and Older Couples in Five Countries' is said to be the first to examine sexual and relationship parameters of middle-aged and older couples in committed relationships of one to 51 years duration.>It found that for men, relationship satisfaction "depended on health, physical intimacy, and sexual functioning, while in women, only sexual functioning predicted relationship satisfaction.
Men developed wrestling as a way to have physical bodily contact with another person. They program themselves to seek intimacy through intimate violence.https://faithit.com/men-starving-physical-touch/>When I was in college, we regularly had fight nights on my floor, where two men wrestled to the death. Or at least to submission. Whichever came first. I still have a scar on my elbow from one of these nights, and I remember who gave it to me. There’s a good chance I would have no recollection of this man had we not went flesh-to-flesh in attempt to prove our merit. Anyone who has ever wrestled before will tell you how close you feel to your opponent during and after a wrestling match. The prolonged skin-on-skin contact, where your sweat and his blend together can be—in a platonic, heterosexual way—a very intimate experience.
So; to find a man who wants those hugs, and has a higher demand for affection, find one you can beat at wrestling.
>>33131>Find a girlfriend or give up human contact.
Careful there; we don’t want to give the incels more ammo.
Turn the menacing incels surrounding your cafe into allies by feeding them
If they don't have any girlfriends, let them eat eat pussy
>>33131> But now his touch feels aversive and rather than turn her on, she hates it. Strangely, women have often told me that they can manage the vaginal part of things and find intercourse tolerable, but really don’t like having their breasts fondled. That stimulation is mixed—partly pleasurable but partly disturbing. It feels intensely intimate, flooding them with overwhelming feelings.>As a result, during sex their bodies become a patchwork of go/no go zones that are deeply confusing and frustrating to the partner who remembers the spontaneous freedom of their past sexual expression. He doesn’t know what happened, but then, neither does she. In this case, not wanting to be touched doesn’t necessarily mean the woman has some deep psychological problem. It just means that the couple needs some help.
Am bi. I've talked with ladies about this a lot who i've been sleeping with because they felt like talking about this with men is too hard. From what i've gathered its about self image and shyness/trusting your partner. I'm super comfortable in my body and often suprised guys with stuff like forcibly placing their palms on my breasts during foreplay. Some ladies were kind of scared when a man was "all over them" because they thought he may notice their "imperfect" bodies or they were too stressed to let themselves have fun.
I'm not advocating for everyone to be a "slut" but i'd lie if i said practice doesn't make perfect.
>>32984>>complete loyalty (never leaving the house, ever)
Are we all just gonna gloss over this part completely…???
It's not unrealistic. She wants a NEET she can take care of and use for sex. I'm sure some guys would be up for that.
That makes some sense for new relationships, but it feels like there'd be more to it than that, precisely because "practice makes perfect." That therapist was describing issues facing women in longer, permanent relationships, in which affection but not sex has shut down, after years in which affection was practiced and much more thoroughly enjoyed. That doesn't really seem like a scenario where shyness and lack of communication or trust would be significant factors, since she talks so much about how different the situation was earlier in the relationship.> This “shut down” phenomenon typically appears a few years into the relationship> Whereas, in the past, they used to have a fun, relaxed time in bed>The woman in this scenario may really wish that she could access that easy sexual pleasure that was so evident in her past> remembers the spontaneous freedom of their past sexual expression.
It seems like partner distrust, shyness or insecurity might just be an attempt to explain away another feeling. Women are always taught to blame themselves first, that emotions are "hysterical" and illegitimate. A feeling of personal unworthiness or imperfection might just be the only way some women allow themselves to express a feeling that actually comes from an external source, such as a realization that their husband actually is in fact unworthy. If someone feels a profound disgust at the touch of a man, and had been conditioned to blame herself for everything and to aim all negative responses inwards, she'd think that she felt disgusting
, not disgusted
. The lack of self-esteem is a problem, and possibly a much deeper problem than the sense of disgust, but resolving the self esteem issue won't resolve the disgust issue, and as long as the disgust issue is the visible issue it will keep misleading everyone involved.
I have to admit though I've developed a kneejerk hostility to anything vaguely similar to the idea of "low self esteem" as a primary and sufficient explanation of behavior that upsets or harms other people. Particularly when it seems like a deflection against digging deeper. Self-esteem issues are real, and they have a real effect, but hormonal metabolism and any related digestive issues are also real and have a real effect on weight, that doesn't mean that we stop at metabolism when we talk about weight. And in some high profile examples self-esteem issues are less like the relationship between metabolism and obesity, and more like a relationship between cavities and obesity. Allison Mack brands other women with her initials with a searing pen, Mack's self-esteem issues are to blame. I read some article about a mother in the northwest who allowed a pedophile to rape her children even though she was not a pedo herself, because of her chronically low self-esteem, and I'm just, no, no, no, no. No.
Saw a related article in the footer, your post reminds me of it: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fear-intimacy/201810/i-don-t-need-you-please-don-t-leave-me
My experience is mostly in women talking about this after their husbands or longterm boyfriends grew a spare tire, stopped taking them on romantic evenings and developed a hobby that acts as a surrogate for sexual, social or personal achievement. In one case the now gross bf's online fixation turned out to be online erotic roleplaying. So yeah, that biases me, a lot, since I see their men as gross and would tend to think that they should see them the same way. I guess a case could be made in the opposite direction, that they turned increasingly filthy and goblin-like as a result of their relationship taking a downturn due to an affection deficit. Maybe there's a South Park lesson to be learned here about the truth being somewhere in between. And as long as that space in between is a place where the men understand that receiving affection requires that they avoid getting fat I'm okay with that.
Just go to /r9k/ and take your pick. None of them are capable of getting a girl to actually cheat on you, and if you supply them with food and internet, the idea of leaving the house won't even occur to them.
They'll probably be a lot more emotional than you expect and there is a small possibility of having to share him with a fictional character, but neither should be much of a problem.
If it's purely about letting your looks go downhill after some time in relationship then i don't see how only men would be gulity of that.
>>32443>Seriously, I think FWB is quite close to rape in these cases.
wtf? Literally incel logic.
And I think you're all looking at relationships, and sex, the wrong way. You're treating relationships as something a boy needs to do in order to "earn" sex with you. Every guy I've ever been close to has told me at one point or another that using sex as bait to get "something" (relationship, gifts, money, affection) in return, is extremely irritating or just a red flag to leave. That's only 4 men, but that's my experience.
Don't withhold sex to force a guy into a relationship with you. Find a guy who wants a relationship. Jesus maybe this is why you're all so miserable, you don't think.
>>32981>"you have to commit to me immediately" before they even know IF they like me is strongly off-putting to them, apparently…
Apparently? Wouldn't you be a little concerned if a man told you he wanted commitment on the first date, and if you say no he wants nothing to do with you? Wouldn't that seem a little
>>32984>Like it's just a chore to get sex.
In a lot of cases it is, because of what I said in this post: >>33387
You never hear happy couples complaining about that because happy couples don't use sex or affection or LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE as a fucking tool to get their SO to do something for them. Like Jesus Christ why does nobody here know this? Am I going crazy?
Happy couples, successful relationships are that way because the girl and the boy do things for each other because they want to make each other happy. They have sex with each other because it feels good for both of them. They support each other when one has a bad day. They don't pull crap like "oh well you need to buy me this thing/do this chore/change this aspect of yourself or I'm not gonna have sex with you."
How do I achieve the opposite of OP? There's a guy who really likes me and I think he's cute and nice but a relationship wouldn't work for a plethora of reasons. I'd love to just be his close friend and show him everything (he's a khv) with much adoration and good feels but without being his gf, but he's set on the relationship and I just wanna bone and play vidya together, and maybe cuddle
That’s rare - guy turns down fwb and asks for relationship.
Huh - want to tell us how this came about?
And for that matter, why you aren’t interested in him? Not that I want to judge your motivations, but… you know.
We met via mutual friends, he got a lil crush on me, I was in a weird place at the time and suggested fwb instead because he is very sweet and nice and handsome but also younger than me in a way that's really noticeable when it comes to life experience and I don't want to be a mommy gf. So back then he turned down the fwb offer because he only wanted something "real" and we stopped talking. A few years have passed and we crossed paths again and I thought maybe this time I could do it, but I'm getting cold feet and in my ideal situation he'd just decide that he's happy with me showing him intimacy and all that and being a really close friend he can play vidya and smoke weed and cuddle with, because I feel like if we had a relationship, I'd be unfulfilled because he's inexperienced, emotionally clumsy, and uneducated. Also I think he deserves a cute gf of his own age with whom he can experience stuff rather than me who has already done mostly everything. But he's set on me and I'm worried I won't be able to give him all he wants.
You sound overtly preachy and/or creepy already so I'll pass. You could have just gotten it over with in the first place, but the way you write makes me feel like you're just gonna tell me to quit my whorish ways.
getting serious neckbeard vibes here….
m'lady would you care for some advice? are you willing to hear my advice?
BTW I know I'm gonna have to cut it off either way, because I can't force him to drop his feels and sleeping with him would probably just make it harder to draw the line. But thanks.
nta and I don't even play videogames anymore, but aren't most vidya akin to interactive tv shows/comics/movies/whatever? Most tell stories and can have compelling characters.
Or is consuming media in general useless to you? Is creating media (from writing stories to creating movies) also useless then, despite it being a skill? If you consider those skills, then what's the point in doing it if you believe no one should ever consume those stories outside of old people?
Also are you just a STEMfag who believes anything that isn't science is stupid? I can understand why that would be your viewpoint, in that case.
I personally think consuming media can be quite healthy emotionally. Even if it isn't for you, for others having characters they can relate to is cathartic and enjoyable. Although in the grand scheme I guess any recreational activity is useless and wasteful.
Wow you read a lot of bullshit into what I'd like to do recreationally with someone who I know wouldn't enjoy or be able to participate in my usual hobbies and interests, gg. I just want a casual thing with him because as much as I like him as a person, I know I'd be alone with my interests and pursuits and I don't want that in a full-time relationship, that's the whole issue I was lamenting in the first place.
>Does he have other female acquaintances? Would you try to play match-maker for him?
What the fuck is wrong with you? She doesn't have to provide him with third-party pussy and companionship to make up for not wanting to date him.
No one should have to play matchmaker for anyone, that's weird
I can't fucking stand this post.
>make an agreement to use each other as objects
>try to breach the agreement
>other party upholds agreement
Did you think fucking him would make him love you? Be honest, I want to laugh at you.