Was it the same for you? Anonymous 33287
My boyfriend is 25 years old. He's 3 years older than me and a virgin and he didn't quite cry, but got pretty close to it, when we were cuddling for the first time.
He didn't have such a reaction to when we had sex for the first time, so I am wondering what the difference is. Why is cuddling more emotionally intense? Is it like men can practice "sex" in a rudimentary way by masturbating, but since cuddling has no replacement, it feels more intense?
I forgot to say "virgin when I met him". Obviously he isn't anymore.
Every man I have ever cuddled has loved it, way more than sleeping with me honestly, regardless of emotional connection. I think it's because boys are looked at as future men, so they're hugged/cuddled less once they're past preschool aged. Even men who were older and much more experienced than me turn into children once they're the little spoon for a few minutes.
Men have issues with bonding with other men , particularly in that way - to the degree men are physical with each other - it’s in a very casual joking way. Quick hugs with close friends, a weak punch maybe.
I’m in the US and I haven’t seen my brother have an emotional hug with any other man outside of his family.
Even within the family, emotional/personal hugs are rare between men - only if they haven’t seen each other for a while, or at a marriage or funerals.
I think guys would need to be very very close friends before they can be emotionally vulnerable with each other because it goes against their identity as heterosexual men - who need dignity and personal space. It’s not just the culture, I think it’s almost biological. Holding another man while crying would feel unnatural outside of rare circumstances, I think.
Like I can imagine men who fought together in the frontlines of a war as having a sort of bond that would allow them to support each other and be vulnerable around each other.
My brother has a friend of 9 years and I think they very rarely discuss any particularly personal issues or sensitive topics.
For example -
They might have joked about porn when they were younger but never would have legitimately discussed personal aspects of sexuality beyond “that girl is hot”
There is this other thread somewhere here that linked to https://upliftconnect.com/why-men-need-platonic-touch/
My friend once told me her male friend used to say "thanks" every time she hugged him. "It was funny" she said.
Sex has been commoditized by modern culture.
It is implied in every commercial, referenced and lamp shaded in so many movies, spread through every form of social media, so ubiquitous.
In many countries it can be purchased directly, in others it can be purchased indirectly (escorts).
Now throw in pornography on top of that.
In this way, sex has been, in the eyes of many young men, stripped of sentimentality, intimacy, romance and value, beyond orgasm and bragging rights.
Cuddling is not sexy - it isn’t exactly something to brag about - it isn’t bought and sold - it suggests vulnerability - and it is very hard to obtain or simulate.
I think there are some women are more stingy with their love and comfort than their sexuality. You can sell your sexuality through cam whoring but comfort and support cannot really be purchased - not from a therapist, not from a sex worker, not even from those people who created a “cuddle me” service.
It’s something which has to come from the heart. And so it is the hardest thing to get.
Men don't fucking like cuddling, idk where you girls are getting this.
They lie about it, but actually hate it.
People that don't like cuddling don't have a soul tbh.
>>33299>>33300>implying he doesn't secretly want to be cuddled
The moment you touch him, he'll shatter like a castle of sand in the wind, and fall into your arms, cradling in his own tears.
>>33287>Put his head … on your chest
On my bony chest? He might as well put his head on the cold hard floor.
He could feel your heartbeat.
Men don't like cuddling with girls they don't really like or care about
Either that, or the man in question has issues and you shouldn't be sleeping with him
I would say that who a man would accept hugs from varies depending on how stressed he is.
Although the same could be said for anyone.
>>33328>people don't like doing intimate things with people they don't know well/don't care about
You don't say…
I think you're spending too much time in bars. Get to know a guy, really, and you'll find out the men you see in movies are very different from the men you see in real life.
If you can have sex with someone, wouldn't it make sense to enjoy cuddling them too?
That aspect of men makes no sense to me to be honest
You'll exchange fluids and touch each other on the inside, but wrapping arms around each other is just too much I guess
Never been with someone like that, but I've seen guys talk about disliking cuddling after sex
I always just assumed it's because of a lack of attachment
It doesn't make sense to me. Why have sex then?
What really boggles my mind is ALL of my friends think guys hating cuddling. Every single one of them says things like "Don't ask him to cuddle with you, he'll hate it"
But my last bf (we amicably broke up a few years ago) absolutely loved cuddling. He liked that even more than sex, honestly. One of his favorite things was laying on the couch with his head in my lap, just watching movies or anything. The anons in this thread saying "he'll melt" are absolutely right. I'm sure it's different for every guy, but there definitely are guys out there who are basically puppies. Cute puppies. But in human form so it's not weird to lock legs and swap gravy with them.
I did date a guy for a few weeks though who was totally disinterested in cuddling or any kind of physical affection, which is the main reason we stopped talking. I still don't know if it was because he had some kind of childhood trauma or he just didn't like it, though.
If you like it, find yourself a cuddler and indulge him. He'll turn into a puddle in your arms. I think most men don't get a lot of physical affection in their lives, so when they do get it, it's like a drug.
And if you control the drug, you control the addict. Remember that.
>>33362>And if you control the drug, you control the addict. Remember that.
Based subtle incel comment to give something as innocent as cuddling an ulterior motive.
>40 year old men call people to watch Netflix and cuddle
At first I thought "What the fuck?? 40s are when you call your FWBs for fancy dinner dates and cocktail parties that end with steamy nights, not Netflix and chill lmaoo" but I then realized that it's very contemporary
That's definitely what all the 20 year old guys now will be doing in the future too. Life is weird
Is there a way to increase my sexdrive? How fit are you? Would going to the gym help? Were you ever less fit and had a lower sex drive?
I guess that was funnier in my mind. This is why I leave humor to the guy, usually.
I thought we were trying to get them to cuddle, not have sex. We already know how to get them to have sex with us. Usually they just do that on their own.
There are certain foods you can eat.
>tfw no cuddle-sub bf
I like snuggles but hate when other people initiate them first. Like a cat I guess, I only like cuddling when it's my choice and being suddenly grabbed without warning makes me panic. I'd put up with it from a guy early on if I really liked him though. I mean, who am I to tell a tiny qt to stop going in for a hug on the second date? Gratefulness would probably outweigh the anxiousness.
Also like the idea of being the bigger mommy gf.
Are you a cuddle-switch (lol), anon?
The internet would be a better place if the rest of the world followed Australia and NZ in banning 8ch
That isn't me friend.
I wonder what were the deleted posts.
>>33417top 10 questions scientists still cannot answer
Someone came from 8ch and linked a thread with the same pic as OP. Then he accused me of being a poster there when I said >>33406
Angry boy screaming: "NO STOP IT I'M GOING TO CRY FUCK OFF". Then proceeded to link 8/b/ thread full of multiple boys going "NO STOP IT I'M GOING TO CRY FUCK OFF". I think OP may have cracked the case.
Most responses I saw there were the opposite of that. Girls who dream of having bfs and loving relationships: Please don't go there, kek.
I half don't buy this. My boyfriend likes to be held and cuddled but like I don't think adult men who do date women are starved of physical affection or anything much more than adult women who date men. I mean I do hug my girl friends but no ones going around kissing me on the forehead and rubbing my shoulders unless I'm dating them. Mind you my parents weren't particularly physically affectionate ever so I probably see this differently…
>>33362>And if you control the drug, you control the addict. Remember that.>using cuddling to make the perfect slave
Stacy as fuck.
Maybe it's some kind of leftover from not getting enough physical affection as a child. Like one of my cats was born on a farm and the didn't feed him enough or let anyone pet him, so now he's always hungry and cries in the middle of the night because he needs cuddles. Could be the same with men.
Cuddling can release Oxytocin. Which is one of the hormones associated with bonding.It will increase trust and empathy Between those who share it. Men don't run high on it in normal situations.
This is just a theory, But when they get a surge of it from cuddles, It might overwhelm them. Think of it like how people new to drinking can't handle it as well as others.
Men are taught that fucking is the objective and after climax with someone you just think is hot, or have just fucked to fulfill some social obligation, you just feel dirty. Like when you orgasm to porn and then feel disgusted by the images in front of you (not even fetish stuff). It just feels fake. Anonymous sex is lonlier than no sex. Afterwards.
>>35420>tfw I'm completely uncomfortable with items 2 through 5
What did God mean by this?
None of it matters if you can make life matter in a different way desu.
People just seem to think that anybody who can't enjoy normie intimacy is immediately hopeless at life. Don't let that get to you, I feel the same way.
You deal with that the same way you should deal with anything you'er uncomfortable with. Do it more.
lol reminded me of this>… We could hug?>Yeah you'd liKE THAT FAGGOT-sorry.
fucking gets me every time
>>33287>25 years old>a virgin
lmao. How does this happen?
Not everyone is a slut. Not that having sex before that makes you one, but shaming someone for valuing intimacy and not fucking everyone does.
>>35457>25 y/o virgin male is something weird
you got the genders switched, in america theres less percentage of men having sex than ever in history
Wow you're not like the other guys! I want you so bad right now.
Not being a miserable slut that has meaningless sex with random people so you can brag about not being a virgin. I feel bad for you, really.
There's a gap between slut and virgin. I'm sorry, but if a guy is still a virgin past like 21 then it's probably best that he stays one.
Do you say the same thing about women?
Male virgins over the age of 20 can just pair up with female virgins over the age of 20. There are more of us out there (in both categories) than you think. Let us losers live in peace.
>>35615>There's a gap between slut and virgin. I'm sorry, but if a guy is still a virgin past like 21 then it's probably best that he stays one.
21 is a bit harsh. But if a guy is still a virgin by 25, you should not ignore it. There isn't much of an excuse for scrots. Girls have to put up with the stigma and ignorance, so it's forgivable.
I've been a virgin up to 24 and I never had to deal with any stigma. I don't know what you're talking about. Insecurity yes, but no stigma I can remember of.
It must be harder for men.
>>35626>It must be harder for men.
It's harder for some men. And you should ask why. If they went through highschool and half of their 20s with out a sexual partner, It can only mean one of two thing. Either they were so terrible at communicating that they could never even spend time with a girl, or they got pornsick extra early and never left their rooms to talk to them. Don't fall for the pity trap.
Or the guy doesn't believe in sex before marriage and prioritized his studies and starting a successful career over hookups with slutty women
Kind of heart to meet women if you're working every summer and taking 16 credit hour semesters
This. Shy guys and porn hounds are pathetic.
Go ahead and argue the exception to the rule if you like. You're only acknowledging the rule is there. meek men are loners for a reason. If they have the ability to self reflect, they hate themselves. They could never love someone else.
Go ahead and argue that the exception to the rule proves it. She's acknowledging that your rule is nonsense. What she's saying is that whatever "rules" you've come up with are weak and the conclusions you draw are incomplete generalizations.
You know, I agree with the first half of your post - you should be asking yourself why
a guy would still be a virgin after around 21-25 and give it some critical thought. But if you were to actually do this, you'll find that there are plenty of reasons why a guy might be 21+ and still a virgin that fall outside your crappy rule. (it doesn't necessarily mean they're good
reasons though, but that's obviously for each anon to decide for themselves)
Sounds like bait but do you think the same about shy virgin girls?
Why not? One could argue that shy virgin girls are too socially anxious and therefore terrible at relationships or something like that.
male socialsation and their heterosexuality requires the splitting of emotion from sex. For men, sex is a hierarchical affair and arousal is largely based around dehumanisation ; love and sex are diametrically opposed.
For why men might break down, they're just that emotionally starved.
This is such a cute thread. I like you people
Guys don't care if you're shy or a virgin. It's a bonus half of the time anyway.
>>35629>>Kind of heart to meet women if you're working every summer and taking 16 credit hour semesters
This is patently false if the guy knows how to manage his time. Even in tough majors, even working full time at demanding jobs, there is time to meet people if you're not wasting your time when not working.>>35630>>This. Shy guys and porn hounds are pathetic.
True. And there's a lot of overlap there, I might add.>>35679>>For men, sex is a hierarchical affair and arousal is largely based around dehumanisation ; love and sex are diametrically opposed.
I think it's based around competition and self-aggrandizement; I don't think that requires dehumanization nor is it diametrically opposed to love.
And I think you're a pseudo-intellectual who fails to grasp the reality of others' situations because you're too stuck in your head. You can be technically correct all you like, but humanity is a real experimental environment, not a theoretical one, and value only arises from ideas that function in that real environment.
>>35769>im an emotionless retard, that makes me high IQ durr
Why does everyone here act like handmaidens
Please understand that I'm not being sarcastic or snotty when I ask this; what about what I said was not functional in a real world environment?
It's been my real world experience that focusing on academics/career and pursuing romantic relationships are not mutually exclusive.
It's been my real world experience that many shy guys are porn hounds and vice versa.
It's been my real world experience that men do view sex as first and foremost (but not exclusively) a competition, but that they don't necessarily dehumanize in the process or are incapable of love.
Maybe your real world experiences are different than mine. But your experiences don't invalidate mine, nor do they give you the right to call me a pseudo-intellectual for contributing my observations and experiences and nothing more.
>>35788>comes on imageboard>shocked when people fling insults at her
You're a pseudo-intellectual because you think your personal experience validates you to make objective judgements of other people without understanding their life situation firsthand. Judgement is of the mind, it is intellectual. Your understanding of the life situation you are judging is incomplete, not genuine. Pseudo.
>>35788>It's been my real world experience that many shy guys are porn hounds and vice versa.
You spend a lot of time talking to shy men about their porn habits?
competition and self-aggrandisement is a symptom of the splitting of sex and love, not the root of it.
oh, and I didn't say they were incapable of love, I said that sex and love are two distinct categories for them–to love is to desexualise, to sexualise is to demonise.
What makes you think that men and women are different in this way?
>>35801>to love is to desexualise
Nani?! Are you saying if I get married I can't fuck him?
Or is this just bad wording?
Also who are men competing with during sex? Other men? Or their partners? Should I fight future bfs before sex? I'll probably win because I'm a Big Gal and like miniature men, hopefully that's a positive.
Does the madonna-whore complex have anything to do this what you said?
But you surely wouldn't argue that one needs to have complete knowledge of a thing to have an opinion on it? If that were true then nobody could have an opinion about anything, especially others' experiences and choices, which seems like nonsense to me.>>35801
I think that for both men and women, love and sex are a Venn diagram, just with differing degrees of overlap (and with many men and many women varying within-sex on their degree of overlap as well).>>35798
Men, especially shy ones, are surprisingly eager to over-share personal information if they feel they can trust you.
Yes, that over-sharing is called emotional starvation
nta but >Nani?! Are you saying if I get married I can't fuck him?
I think they mean that love in of itself is not rooted in sexual desire.
>Should I fight future bfs before sex? I'll probably win because I'm a Big Gal and like miniature men, hopefully that's a positive.
Damn this is such a good idea to ensure fitness and interest on their part, unfortunately I am not a Big. I also imagine the best fighters might make the best fuckers.
yes but lesser forms of it are the norm today and have been for a long time ; just look at modern porn.
Yes because all men ever care about is sex. If they're not having sex it's clearly because they can't get it. It's not like a man could ever just, you know, not have sex. Keep telling yourself this so you can feel like you are somehow needed
I have a friend who is a therapist and he had a 20 something year old guy coming to him for depression. He killed himself out of nowhere one day while he was doing really good in therapy. And he had never even talked about suicide.
Turns out, he was paying some girl online to insult and degrade him once a week. Men are weird. If a hug makes him cry, imagine what making fun of him will do.
The word is "traumatized"
I don't know if he was traumatized. My friend said that he was really lonely. He had a bad speech impediment his whole life and had never really had any friends or romantic partners. And his family lived in a different state. People often kill themselves after a slow grinding down on their will to live and a hope for a better future. Rather than a single traumatic event. But I'm not going to analyze someone I've never met. I still say that paying some girl to humiliate weekly and shooting yourself after telling everyone how much better you feel; is weird.
Imagine if you called him weird to his face. He'd probably kill himself faster. Wouldn't he? :/
Trauma is not just caused by singular events. Your perspective is understandable, but there's a lot going on underneath the surface there. What he did isn't weird at all for someone traumatized by a lifetime of ostracision.
Maybe, maybe not. I think it's very difficult to live in a world where I'm told "you're so pretty, a cute boy will fall in love with you some day!" when I know damn well I'm not, and one won't. It's way, WAY easier for me to deal with my physical imperfection and subsequently small and poor number of options than it is for me to allow myself to believe that it's better than it is. Being patronized (and by extension pitied) is worse than being bullied or ignored (at least to me).
When I was 26 and was a KHV nothing would depress me more than people saying>You're so social, why aren't you with someone?>You won't die alone, you'll always have us to support you>I know you're going to find someone soon>You know God has a plan and your day is coming>Look at [older family member], they didn't find love until they were 40!!
Being patronized sucks, even though they're trying to help. Because it's a reminder that anyone can be polite but only a monogamous, exclusive relationship is truly, deeply validating. Where someone chooses to be with you and put up with your shit and share their vulnerabilities with only you. It proves that for someone, you matter the MOST. That's why we don't just stop dating entirely because let's face it a lot of times being around the opposite sex fucking sucks.
Anyway I'm doing a lot better now that I found someone but I was seriously shut in depressive for a while.