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how to be less monogamous Anonymous 45844

I have been in 3 long term relationships. I don't need to watch porn, I literally just get off to the thought of my significant other. I could do this indefinitely. No one else is attractive to me except the person I'm with, when I'm with them.

I've realized it's always unfair in that my significant others watch porn. They are essentially fantasizing about other women in doing that. How do I train myself to not only get off to my partner? I feel like I'm too monogamous and it makes me self-conscious. I know that asking my current partner to stop that they will probably agree, but still use porn and hide their usage of it from me. So how do I unlearn to be monogamous?

What's stupid, too, is that my current partner stresses how monogamous he is. If that were true, he wouldn't get off to others. The reality is, he's just like every other polygamous male. I feel alone in being a truly monogamous person. I have a very high sex drive for what it's worth, it's just I cannot think of anyone but my partner.

Anonymous 45847

Start hating him and seeing him as a lesser being.

Anonymous 45851

Porn is monogamous as fuck, you're a spoiled brat with a personal preference who's never been betrayed before.

Anonymous 45853

>>45851
I have been cheated on in my two prior relationships. Ffs.

Anonymous 45854

>>45853
I'm sorry that happened, unless you're referring to your previous partners watching porn

Anonymous 45855

>>45854
One straight up cheated on me, the other solicited and received nudes from a co-worker for sure, he probably slept with her as well, but won't admit it.

Anonymous 45856

>>45855
I don't consider porn cheating, but I don't think it's pure monogamy

Anonymous 45857

>>45855
So why is it so terrible that your current partner watches porn? They sound like the best person you've encountered so far, no?

Anonymous 45898

lawl.png

Sorry to break it to you, anon.

Anonymous 45899

>>45898
p sure this is completely false. men dont find pornstars attractive in the same way they find real women attractive. if they saw a pornstar, but not in porn, they wouldnt be attracted to them

Anonymous 45900

>>45898
>u/PornCheater
Wow this certainly sounds like a normal man and not at all a weirdo or larping femcel.
Besides, it's reddit. They're all disgusting porn addicts on there.

Anonymous 45901

>>45844
The caveman part of the male brain wants to have sex with multiple women, because it can impregnate multiple cavewomen. If a man wants to be monogamous, it's out of his moral or heart, not because of his libido. Many men use porn to fulfill their polygamic nature while being (relatively) faithful to the woman they love.
Cavewomen do not want to sleep with multiple men because they're the ones who get pregnant.
I'm not saying your feelings are wrong, and I don't know the solution to your dilemma, but I don't think trying to make yourself less monogamous is the answer. It's not in your nature, and what would be the point? Revenge against your boyfriend? That seems like making your relationship even worse, not better.

Anonymous 45904

>>45901
This

You can't fight against porn, neither you should become a slut. Go search some porn yourself, try something new, bdsm, femdom, bestiality or watever makes your boat go

Anonymous 45916

>>45898
>>45899
>>45900
I asked men on /adv/ about this once. The consensus was that they preferred fucking irl to porn.
And those are guys on 4chinz of all places, so…

Anonymous 45927

>>45898
sounds like the coomer guy

Anonymous 45931

>>45844
Got something like this going on. However he only looks at hentai. Since they aren't real I try not to mind but they still have unrealistic standards. How would the rest of you react to this?

Anonymous 45934

>>45931
Try to get him into femdom so I could reenact my favorite douijins

Anonymous 45935

>>45934
Which ones?

Anonymous 45937

>>45935
This is my favorite recent one.
https://exhentai.org/g/1532690/11424d15b3/
No humiliation, no being mean, just enjoying a kink.
Shota warning if that bothers you.

Anonymous 45938

>>45934
Why is femdom so popular on here and other imageboards? Is it a counter-culture thing?

Anonymous 45940

>>45937
Cute. So I take it most people would be ok if their bf looked at hentai?

Anonymous 45941

>>45940
As long as he didn't get off to anything that disgust me.
Or like those terrible korean ones with super tall pages.

Anonymous 45942

>>45941
It was mostly tame. If it had anything like lolicon or gore I'd definitely have major issues. Weird saying that right after seeing >>45937 but its different.

Anonymous 45943

>>45942
For me it depends. toddlercon or otherwise very young? I'd do my best to get him arrested. There's some stuff on exhentai that has the lolicon tag but there characters are highschoolers and that wouldn't bother me.
Toddlercon scares me, though. How can anyone enjoy that? It's despicable.

Anonymous 45948

>>45942
How is it different lmao

Anonymous 45953

>>45943
It's a drawing

Anonymous 45954

therefore.jpg

>>45953
If it's a mere drawing, why masturbate to it? Surely it doesn't represent anything that could arouse a person?
Drawing of a toddler might not include a real toddler, but it represents a toddler. It's better than 3D cp, but it still shows that the person jerking off to toddlercon is a pedo. It's pointless to make excuses. Don't cope, just accept it.

Anonymous 45955

>>45954
If toddlers looked like anime drawings in real life then there would be a lot more toddler rape.

Anonymous 45961

>>45954
Right, and watching execution videos makes me a murderer

Monky 45963

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Anonymous 45968

ENBnuNRVAAAHHfm.jp…

>>45953
>>45954
>>45955
I think there are 4 main types who consume this content, and it depends on which it is. Also note, by loli/shota I mean PORN. People who enjoy cute media with kids (but nothing sexual) are different.
Type 1
>consumes loli/shota as a substitute for 3D children, gets off to the media, perhaps is in denial of their attraction to real kids, is the biggest threat to real children
Type two
>is one of those 3DPD types and is not even attracted to 3D adults, gets off to the media, not a real threat to kids
Type 3
>self-inserts into either the loli or shota, gets off to it that way, only a threat to kids in that they may believe it's hot when kids irl get raped and do not see it as traumatic (they may enable type 1)
Type 4
>reads it for shock value occasionally, never gets off to it
I believe people who enjoy shotaxshota or lolixloli can be type 1, 2, or 3. People who like loli or shota where they are not the same sex as either characters (such as fujoshi who like gay shota), it can be those types as well, but is sometimes more complicated than that. This is why I said "main" types.

Anyway, my opinion on these is that none are committing a crime by consuming this content alone, but an individual has every right to choose not to date any of them. Or associate with them at all, even as friends.

…unless you anons in the "it's fiction and no lolicons/shotacons are actual pedos" camp believe no one should have the freedom of choice when it comes to dating? Odd opinion to have. No one should be forced to date anyone.

>>45961
I think my types apply to this, too. Just with violence instead of pedophilia.

My point is it depends on what the individual brings to it, although some pedos may be awakened by being introduced to it.
t. ex-shotacon

Anonymous 45969

>>45968
>ex
what changed?

Anonymous 45970

>>45969
Her taste got worse
Shota is wonderful

Anonymous 45971

>>45969
I was underage at the time and lost interest as I grew (naturally, but also out of fear of becoming type 1…I still fear this).
My point of putting that there is that I've been a consumer and have observed other loli/shotafags.
>>45970
Which type are you?

Anonymous 45973

>>45971
Probably 2, I'd never even consider touching a real boy (they aren't attractive to me), but I wouldn't mind a man with shota-esque features (short, skinny, maybe a cute penis).

Anonymous 45974

>>45968
Another ex-shotacon here. Like you I was also super underaged (aged 12-16 actually) and I was into shota mostly. Specifically shotaxshota but I also liked some /ss/. I guess my tastes just aged with me, I might find 2d high school boys hot still but not literal kids a la boku no pico
In my head I always separated 2d and 3d and I was never attracted to 3d children in any way except for peers of my age obviously. My taste developed towards older aged bodies (and bigger dicks…) but I still like youthful/twinkish features in my 2d porn although I rarely masturbate to 2d nowadays. In all honesty though I think another major reason I stopped looking at shota porn was that my old computers hd died along with all the shota doujins I had and I never bothered to make another porn collection after that.

46013

>>45844
That's based, there's nothing wrong with that.

Anonymous 46746

>>45904
I don't find porn as stimulating as imagining because in imagination, I can "feel" being fucked better.

I really don't find porn stimulating because it's not of my partner. It's hard because I'm so horny. I cry at work and school because I'm horny and because I realize I'm never going to have as much sex as I want. Then I realize this is not how my partner feels about me and it hurts because I wish I could find another person like me in this aspect since sex and sexual attraction is one of the highest priorities to me in a relationship.

Anonymous 46761

>>46746
What we really need in our lives is this.

Anonymous 47602

>>45844
I'm speaking as a guy here. (yeah ban me whatever, this girl needs actual advice) and I'm only gendering myself because it's relevant. I respect the segregation here and the necessity of it from what /r9k/ and *chan communities and incel and everything else wrong with internet males has become and done to these sorts of communities.

Two things -
1)watching porn in a committed, exclusive relationship is cheating
2)men are not taught this at all. even women are not taught this. They are taught the opposite and do not see anything wrong with it. Most are taught some excuse or reasoning that doesn't fully hold up.

I'm like you, that weird not-demisexal but gets the full effect of hormones that cause pair-bonding sexual exclusivity (look up studies on prarie voles, vasopressin and the rs3 334 gene for more science. there are few males out there like you and I and a scant few others I've met, but it's factual). We are not the majority of people. We are not the majority of extant species, especially not homo-sapiens.

Your boyfriend is one of two people: a liar, who is not truly monogamous, or an okay-but-not-truly-monogamous person who just has a dopamine reaction to things and needs to get clean. It doesn't take too long, but it is a hard process if he doesn't follow the steps. The compulsion has to be ignored and some distraction needs to be made in order to begin the process of healing & weaning off.

Dopamine determines impulses that override free will and regulated thinking. That is it's goal. It's why heroin makes people murder and steal and manipulate others. They are not in control. This is the spectrum your boyfriend lives on. It does not "reinforce", it "forces". Endorphins are the reward chemical, dopamine makes it impulse. It warps any sort of moral thinking or reasoning or consideration of consequences. The brain(male or female) does not begin it's natural thinking patterns of moving between distinct areas (frontal lobe). The entire process is halted and skipped. Pornography is as bad or worse than nicotine, and depending on usage, gets as bad as heroin. I've bordered on becoming a sex addict with past partners before, I understand fully, completely well, how it goes. Testosterone factors into libido but it much easier to control than dopamine. There is almost no chance your boyfriend has "too high test" to control his urges. There are many men who take massive amounts of steroids and still control their selves very well.

Tell your boyfriend in steady, step-wise reasoning how fantasizing about other people is not monogamy. It is not the physical act of cheating, but it is a form of cheating, just like flirting. It is not "just pixels" or a sexual stimulation or masturbatory aid. It's other women's bodies who truly exist. Whether they are in front of him is irrelevant, they're other women. Fantasizing means wanting to fuck. The only grey area here is finding porn stars that look like you, remind him of you and are fantasized about being you. Don't call him a cumbrain. (he is but don't call him that, it won't help talk to him and tell him calmly and rationally. Don't fight about it. Tell him it hurts you or makes you disappointed or feel alone or burdened) Compare it to women who want to fuck brad pitt and use a dildo/vibrator and cut out magazine photos, or fantasize about their ex. If he doesn't immediately have an epiphany of what he's doing as wrong, he's a liar, or stupid or selfish. And you'll be much happier without him and with someone like you.

I dated a demi- femcel from LC and she opened my eyes to the reasoning I wasn't aware of. I immediately stopped watching porn as soon as she told me about it. I had it compartmentalized, as most men do and perhaps even your boyfriend. From there I started reading more about pinkpill.

Porn is never really brought up by anyone in sex ed, or philosophy or by your male friends. No one is taught in middle school that watching shit on pornhub is not acceptable in a relationship. As men grow up they slowly get comfortable with the idea that others watch porn. It is a poorly kept secret that is almost never discussed. It is still taboo in much of society to mention, it's taboo to talk about with your parents. There is no moral authority weighing in here. Many women don't even care about it and frankly that disgusts me.

It just isn't considered from a moral perspective. You watch it to bust a nut and move on. It's seen as a quick, natural high or hobby. Men do not think about this. Men do not bring it to anyone else's awareness that it can be wrong. It is incredibly unprovoked and awkward to suddenly turn to your male friends and say "dude watching porn is bad". Usually only extremely crazy/jealous women bring it up at all and they are dismissed on ad hominem, or ignored as part of a insane tirade.

>>45853
please love yourself and do more research on your dating prospects before committing. Test people, please. For the love of god test people before you commit.

Anonymous 47606

>>47602
This is helpful, thank you.

The deal is, I'm just frustrated by the imbalance on mental level, not an emotional one. I am not "jealous" in a crazy way, like I understand this is a common cultural phenomenon I'm just supposed to accept. But the truth is, I want more from someone if I'm truly committing to them given how I extend that courtesy to them .

I think my bf sees it as "normal" and that's why he does it, when he is with me he has no porn-induced issues and he doesn't have any vulgar or overly fetishy kinks.

I think another reason it is so apparent to me it's not true monogamy is because much of his pleasure from sex is seeing me. He's quite present during sex (lots of eye contact, hand holding, smiling, etc.), but he does like looking at these full length mirrors to see what we/he/I look like getting fucked. For me, I love the scents, the feeling of his body, seeing a live human's flesh, etc. and porn can't replicate that kind of pleasure, only a live experience with another man would. I personally think porn should equate to an open relationship (not that I truly want either) given the differences in experiences with sex.

What's funny is he has mentioned dreams of his where he's scared of us having open relationships because in his dream, he is hearing me tell him my recent conquests and he felt bad about being so insecure he had such a dream. Perhaps that was his conscience and/or knowledge of the imbalance in a sense. It's also frustrating because he claims I watch porn (and a lot) since I'm aware of names, can discuss things from porn culture, etc. and the truth is, I literally don't, I just know because i see it as a phenomenon I don't want to not be aware of.

Anonymous 47607

>>47606
>he doesn't have any vulgar or overly fetishy kinks
That you know of.

Anonymous 47608

>>47607
Compared to everyone else I've been with, he doesn't have any strange kinks. He doesn't like any butt stuff, he respects that I dislike taboo roleplay at the very least. I am more kinky than him and I'm really nothing crazy, I am more open to different stuff than he is.

Of course, who knows what he watches. Until I have access to that, I'm never truly going to trust him. But for me, the mere fact that he does not project disgusting fetishes onto me is a good sign, even if he posseses those fetishes.

Anonymous 47611

>>47608
I'm saying you won't fully know until he opens of sexually to you. It's what you need him to do.

Anonymous 47612

>>47606
>he likes looking at me
>this is less monogamous
Huh?
This just sounds like a difference in sexuality. The rest I get where you're coming from, but how on earth is it less monogamous for him to be visually attracted to you?

I'm a (female) ex-porn-addict and even after giving up porn completely my libido is still insanely visual. Shit, I'd also be into the mirror thing so I could see a man (the love of my life) in different perspectives while he is being brought to the peaks of pleasure.

Some people are just like this, I hope no one in the future thinks I'm not committed or incapable of love or whatever just because of it…

Anonymous 47615

OP, the answer is to stop taking your hormonal birth control. Birth control simulates your brain while pregnant, which induces a hyper-monogamous state.

Stop taking it and use non-hormonal, you'll be lusting after every fuccboi with a 6-pack and a beaded necklace in no time.

Anonymous 47616

>>47612
Oh, it's not that he likes looking at me I have a problem with. I don't see that as an indicator of him being less monogamous. I am quite visual as well, but I prefer the entire experience. It also has the do with the fact I feel like the positions I am in don't offer as many opportunities for me to look in the mirror (and even then…I don't like looking at myself).

My point is, he watches porn and gets off at that visual stimuli, and he still has sex with me. But for me, there is no porn equivalent (unless VR gets really well developed) for what I like about sex, unless it's an open relationship and I'm having sex with another person.

At the end of the day, he still gets to look at other women, see them get fucked, and he get off to that through (self) stimulation of his penis, much like how he enjoys seeing me get fucked. It feels like a double standard to me and a case of wanting to have your cake and eat it, too.

>>47611
Well, I feel like he has, at least to some extent. He's told me stuff he likes. Of course, who knows, the list may be longer than what he's told me.

>>47615
How interesting. While I've always been quite monogamous, I've noticed since starting birth control last year, which was before I started having sex with him, I became way more zeroed in on him sexually than any of my exes.

Anonymous 47617

>>47616
I'm sorry my previous post implied that it was because he is visual I see him as less monogamous. I see how my wording gave that impression.

I meant that in conjunction with the fact he still watches porn is what I find indicative he is not monogamous like he claims.

Anonymous 47618

>>47616
>>47606
>I personally think porn should equate to an open relationship (not that I truly want either) given the differences in experiences with sex.
This is absurd. I highly recommend not using this line of argument if you ever try to convince him to stop watching porn.

Anonymous 47621

>>47619
Where are you getting this from?
>>47618
I would rather convince him I want an open relationship at this point. At the very least, I just want him to see how it is unfair that he watches porn and I don't. I am not going to equate porn to cheating in any capacity because it isn't.

Anonymous 47625

>>47621
I was referring to the open relationship analogy.

Anonymous 47626

>>47621
Maybe looking at some hentai and playing with yourself would do your relationship some good

Anonymous 47627

>>47621
damn you sound insane, I think you should do what you're saying, he's gonna break it up and save himself from you

Anonymous 47630

>>47627
How is it remotely insane for me to want my partner to understand my perspective on something? I'm not even saying he should change. I realize what I accepted by being in a relationship with a man in this day and age. I'm not saying "be in an open relationship with me or bye". I just hope he understands why I think it's silly he claims he's monogamous.

Anonymous 47631

>>47630
It just sounds like you don't understand men, they only use the visual stimuli, they don't get attached to it, plus unless they're doing it to someone they personally know I don't give a shit

Anonymous 47632

>>47616
It's truly no joke on the hormonal bc. I used to be on it and got hyper-monogamous and was stressed out by my guy looking at porn because it felt like cheating since I wouldn't do that myself.

Since going off it (I actually stopped because it gave me low libido too) I am much more okay with having my own fantasies and watching porn myself. This helped me feel much better about him doing the same since I understood viscerally that it didn't mean anything and had no bearing on our relationship.

Anonymous 47638

Why does everybody get so upset about porn?

IT IS NOT BIG DEAL

Anonymous 47665

>>47606
You aren't "supposed" to accept it. Don't accept it. Tell him about it, open his eyes up to what's wrong with it. You are a true monogamist. You deserve an equal partner in a relationship. (good luck, holy shit I can barely find women like this so a man is…)

>much of his pleasure from sex is seeing me

I don't really know how to respond to this, because you could simply be extremely hot, and on an instictual level he's turned on by it. And some men turn, or are, true monogamist but are still turned on visually by their partner's body/secondary sex characteristics. It has a sort of imprinting effect. I dated a girl who had alopecia, stretch marks from childbirth, and was bald. I suddenly developed an interest for bald women after. I wouldn't necessarily take this as a sign. You know he's not exactly being true, to at least some extent but you need to confront him about it. Try turning off the lights during sex and indulge in all of the things you specifically enjoy, the full gamut of emotional connection. Sex is supposed to be about pair-bonding, and a different chemical and emotional cocktail is released in the brain in a healthy manner. It is not addictive and diminishing like porn.

>dreams of his where he's scared of us having open relationships

this sounds a lot like projection, or overwhelming guilt. as a general rule when people out of the blue start being extremely jealous or accusative with no reason or experience to ignite any jealousy it's usually projection. if they're normally insecure that's different.

>he claims I watch porn

Does he do this often, more than once? Refuses to believe you/ignores your response? If so, he's projecting. This is beyond a red flag this is genuine evidence.

Anonymous 47672

They are in very far and between (and most probably in religious communities), but they are out there. My boyfriend is very monogamous, doesn't watch porn or other women. He only wants me and I know this is probably true because we are together all the time (of course there is still a chance he fakes it very well or something because I'm not all that pretty even). Feels like I found an unicorn. I met him just before I started to lose my faith in men and love and I feel so lucky. I'd lose my mind with a typical guy that watches porn and looks at other women etc, especially when I'm also very monogamous, I get attached to only one person and love tunnel them.

Call me crazy or whatever but I don't accept watching porn or other women in a relationship. If a guy does that in my opinion it means he isn't into me enough so I don't want to be with such person. I only enter in relationships with a person that gets me so lovestruck I'd not look at other people. I'm sorry but to me people that try normalize porn in relationship are either coping or doing it themselves as well so they don't care.

Anonymous 47683

>>47621
You're going to wind up alone.

Anonymous 47698

unfortunate.png

>>47683
different anon but being alone is so much better and more peaceful than living with someone whose habits stress you out and disappoint you because they're on a different level of mental commitment lol

Anonymous 47705

>>47698
Then just break up instead of messing with someone, you psycho.

Anonymous 47716

>>47672
This one is living her life correctly. Love takes patience or perseverance, pick your choice

Do not listen to cumbrain logic telling you that anything else is acceptable. People are not thinking this through.

Anonymous 47717

If your partner watches porn, just have sex with them often enough that they stop needing it.

Anonymous 47720

walk.jpg

>>47705
oh don't worry I would, that's what I recommend lmao. but surely it also isn't that unreasonable and ~pSyChO~ if someone wants to try to negotiate first? if you know what the problem is, and you can think of a solution which you'd find acceptable where he even gets to keep his precious porn, why wouldn't you suggest this solution to give him the option, instead of just dumping him without asking? you can then mutually break up if he doesn't agree with the solution

Anonymous 47724

One of the things my dad hated about his ex wife was that she would get angry about porn so he had to see it in secret. One of the things he loved about my mom was that she didn't care about porn. He loved my mom more than he had loved any other women.
It really is not a big deal. Stop being so controlling.

Anonymous 47725

>>47724
I don't care if someone like that would love me more than anyone else, I wouldn't love him. I'm sure some ugly 70-year-old would also love me more than anyone because he never thought he would get a hot young gf, I'm still going to be disgusted by him.

Can't you accept that people have preferences, and let the women who don't want coomer BFs weed them out? If men were honest about their porn use, so that people like me could avoid them better, your dating pool would be bigger and you could get a better partner among the porn users. So why are you even trying to convince us to accept them, instead of convincing these men to find compatible sex-positive partners rather than lying to us who would rather be alone?

Anonymous 47729

>>47724
why are your parents telling you about your dads porn watching experiences tbh

Anonymous 47734

ed.PNG

moids and libfems: haha you're never gonna find a man who doesn't watch porn! they'll just lie to you about it! any man literally will lie about anything to the love of his life if he just can keep watching porn in peace haha!

also moids and libfems: why don't you believe men when they say they don't get attached to women in porn at all and that it's doesn't have an impact on how they see you or other women? men constantly say very clearly that it's literally just meaningless pixels to them, and that they don't actually want to degrade women or cheat on you, why don't you believe them when they say this? why would they lie about this when we all know men would never lie about their behavior or feelings towards porn in order to keep watching porn in peace??

sorry about the uncharitable take, but I will never believe men on how porn is no big deal because of their MASSIVE incentives to lie here. also because of the rate of ED in young men lmao, which has doubled in the last couple of decades and is now more than 30% from ages 18 to 40.

libfem women don't understand why it's a problem probably because pic related and other similar studies, women don't have the same reactions to porn so they believe men when they say it's harmless since this reflects their experiences

Anonymous 47735

I watch porn a lot and would 100% cheat if the opporturnity arises, no joke. The more feelings you have for each other only make the act more intense. Most men are like this. They have an unhealthy way of suppressing these feelings with "moral code" but not me, I'm a warrior.

Anonymous 47737

>>47734
>There was no association between IIEF and craving for, or obsessive passion for, pornography.
doubt.jpg

Anonymous 47742

>>47737
Yeah, I think in that study the questions based on physical behaviour like porn consumption (which is where the effect was found) are more reliable than some "obsessive passion" questionnaire. It's easier to lie to yourself about whether you crave porn than whether you physically watched it.

Anonymous 47748

>>47720
>negotiate
It's going to be an argument, anon. If you're not willing to fix your relationship, then just quit instead of trying to start drama with him.

Anonymous 47751

>>47729
My mom and I are very close. But it was more about telling me why my dad disliked his ex so much.

>>47725
I'm just saying that you're making things complicated for yourself for no reason. Would you really rather die alone than have a partner who loves you and occasionally feels like watching porn?

Anonymous 47753

>>47751
>Would you really rather die alone than have a partner who loves you and occasionally feels like watching porn?

Yes, that should be clear by now. I'm not making things complicated for myself any more than the women who don't want a 70-year-old or a reddit poly guy are making things complicated for themselves, I'm repulsed by men who get off to porn (except maybe if it's his partner). I get that you don't have the same feelings and that's good for you, but I don't understand why so many women try to convince and argue people like me to accept men we aren't attracted to.

The dying alone part is not a female concern anyway, women are statistically always going to have a few years left when their husbands kick the bucket so we have to build other communities to support us in old age than just a partner.

Anonymous 47755

>>47753
>yes
Then you wouldn't have bothered with him in the first place, unless he's been leading the whole relationship from the start.

Anonymous 47760

>>47755
this is not OP, who is dating a porn user, this is the anon who is disgusted by porn users unlike OP who just wants more symmetry in monogamy levels.

Anonymous 47761

>>47760
Ah, my mistake.

Anonymous 47762

>>47753
You are making things more complicated than those people because of the proportion of men you're ruling out.
>>47621
>At the very least, I just want him to see how it is unfair that he watches porn and I don't
Isn't that because you don't want to watch it and choose not to? Or does he have a double standard on this?

Anonymous 47764

>>47762
JFC friend, I know I'm ruling the men out by having preferences many of them won't fit, I am not making it more complicated for myself because I don't choose who I'm attracted to or what or how strong my preferences are. Are you making it more complicated for you to not live to be 10000 years because you biologically won't live 10000 years?

Sure, probably it's theoretically more feasible to change what I'm attracted to with hours and hours of work and conditioning myself just like sometimes people succeed at bihacking or whatever, but it's not worth the investment and would give me years of stress and having to tolerate someone I'm repulsed by until it maybe works. I'll rather do someting fun and productive instead of bending over backwards to be a more suitable partner for some guy.

Please refer to
>I get that you don't have the same feelings and that's good for you, but I don't understand why so many women try to convince and argue people like me to accept men we aren't attracted to.

Anonymous 47765

>>47764
You can't compare this to sexuality. It's entirely your choice whether you're willing to accept a partner who watches porn. That said, I'm not trying to convince you to accept it. You're entitled to make that choice for yourself.

Anonymous 47771

>>47765
It's not her choice to be attracted to men who don't watch it, though. It's almost like someone stating they're attracted to intelligence, and you saying "w-well, that's their choice, they can choose to accept dumbasses too!!"

Anonymous 47774

>>47765
Do you, uh, not have any other immutable preferences than your sexuality? Come on anon. It's clear in what ways this is perfectly analogous to sexuality, some parts of attraction are hard or impossible to change, so they're not a choice. Or the only choice is between dating someone you're likely always just be disgusted by or having a smaller dating pool, in which case making the former choice would mostly signify brain damage or XY chromosomes.

If you claim that you still don't get it and your only strict or near-unchangeable criteria for attraction is that the person is of the opposite sex, regardless of how old, smelly, unfaithful, mean, ugly, slobby, etc. this person is, I'm sorry, but you're also either trolling or a moid.

Anonymous 47778

>>47764
How is this not making things more complicated? You're making a huge deal over something harmless that you won't even see your partner doing. It's not even some trait that's hard to deal with like anger issues or jealousy, or an unattractive physical deformity. It's a minimal flaw that can be accepted. Most men don't even keep using it once they have someone who can give them sex every day.
I'm not trying to convince you to date men who watch porn, just saying that your opinion is retarded.

Anonymous 47783

>>47778
Nta but it's about the mentality behind it and not the action itself. Some people value intimacy and sex more, want their partners to only fantasize about them and not other women. I don't see what's wrong with that. On the contrary, why the fuck is it normalized for people to masturbate to others while they're in relationships? For some reason it only seems to hit home when men look at camgirls or some shit because there's a possibility they can interact with them even if they never will. But they are still not addressing the underlying mentality, that whether or not they can directly interact with the person they are still getting off to and fantasizing about someone else. Sorry, but that's just not an attractive trait in a supposedly monogamous person, especially if you're considering marrying them.

Anonymous 47785

190430.png

>>47778

>>47764 says this is a visceral reaction that will make her not enjoy a relationship with anyone who uses porn and is also very effortful to change. This can apply even if it's just the mental knowledge of him watching porn because this is how disgust works (you would also be disgusted by some harmless things your partner could do). She says she is happy alone so having very high standards is not some huge problem that makes her life complicated.

You say she is wrong and the reaction is actually an opinion which is as easy to change as thinking about it a while and choosing something else. You also imply she is wrong about how much she needs a partner and actually it's making her life very complicated and bad if she is alone.

Do you see what you're claiming? On what grounds do you know her mental states better than she does unless you think she is lying? If you think she's just bullshitting you anyway why do you keep replying to a troll?

Anonymous 47792

>>47774
How can you have an attitude like that and not be lonely? Eat your pride.

Anonymous 47803

>>47792
Stop kinkshaming people u prude

Anonymous 47809

>>47803

Unironically tho, saying that a pure morally scrupulous bf who never watches gross videos and is both mentally and physically only devoted to you is your 24/7 fetish that makes you absolutely lose control of your sex drive and is very important to your sexual self expression will probably be the best way to get men and sex positive pickmes to stop complaining

it's also true that's just way more attractive so wth. this will be my strategy from now on

Anonymous 47811

Considering that most men are into porn, if You don't want your partner yo watch it, You should clarify it the moment You date him and definetly not ask him to stop doing it after the relationship is built. No body should turn around their lifestyle for their partner. Not the porn user, neither the porn disgusted. Asking him to change now isnt realistic neither fair. Same goes for you

Anonymous 50566

>>45844
Maybe instead of trying to change in a bad direction, try to get your bf change in a good direction.
Explain to them how harmful porn is, how addictive it is, how it rewires your brain and how he's going to end up as a coomer fapping to tranny porn. Do some research, make him watch videos or read articles on porn addiction like this:
https://youtu.be/DclqE-9vFgY
If he's right-wing, tell him he's a good goy, if he consumes porn:
https://youtu.be/a4mISL49wkE

Anonymous 50640

>>45844
to be perfectly honest, I'd bet you most men would really appreciate a woman like you. I assume you're very loyal and thats something most men really like (apart from the cucks).

I talked with some of my guy friends about what porn is to them (i spoke with 7). six of them said that they couldn't care less about the actresses they just liked the act, as in they liked the fact that people were having sex. only 1 one of them said he actually liked the actresses because of the way they looked.

If it really makes you seethe, talk to him about it

Anonymous 50681

>>45844
you guys keep bothering your boyfriends over random porn and pretty soon those annoying bastards will start pestering us about fanfic web accounts and that song we play on repeat at night

Anonymous 50711

>>50684
most porn isnt kink.com

Anonymous 50716

>>50681
As I mentioned in my OP, I don't get off to anything but him, so where is this criticism coming from based off of this thread?

Anonymous 50728

>>50720
pretty sure those contortions they go into look more painful than fake moans

>>50716
I dont feel like living in a world where everyone is digging through everyones shit just because you discovered boys are insatiable and full of urges

Anonymous 50733

>>50681
>those annoying bastards will start pestering us about fanfic web accounts and that song we play on repeat at night
So? We can read fanfics together, and he can play that song at our wedding if we ever get married. IDGAF.
How are either of those things comparable to porn, anyway?

Anonymous 50734

>>50728
>I dont feel like living in a world where everyone is digging through everyones shit just because you discovered boys are insatiable and full of urges
>boys are insatiable and full of urges
there's nothing I have stated against his horniness or need of sexual release - I experience that, too, multiple times a day, but I only think of him. All I wish for is faithfulness to the degree I exhibit. If that can't be promised, then I would like for things to be fair, hence my question: how to make myself turned on by other men to think about when I'm masturbating.

Anonymous 50735

>>50734
I'm not that anon, but I have some advice. Think about what you like about your partner. Now, imagine those traits on someone more attractive. Completely idealized. Create ideas in your mind of that character, and all the things you'd get up to with him, and either seek out or create content (through writing, drawing, etc) related to it. Male models that fit your ideals help, too.
Basically, refine your own imaginary world. It sounds like you're already good with your imagination.
You don't even need actual pornography to get off, honestly. Only dysfunctional addicts, uncreative monkeys and erectile dysfunction sufferers require it, and it's pathetic how some people try so aggressively to push it as normal.

Anonymous 50738

>>50735
This is helpful. I sometimes would start doing this but stop because I felt guilty, but hey, I don't really have anything to lose, it's just in my head, so why not indulge.

Anonymous 50742

>>50738
Pretty much. I can relate to the feelings of guilt, but honestly, if it's all in your head, and he's doing it too, it's no big deal.

Anonymous 51110

>>45844
They watch porn? Makes no sense and is indeed fantasizing about other women. And they cheated on you, confirming their degeneracy. You are whole and a good person, don't let degenerates brain wash you into think you should be like your ex's.

>>45851
You are mind broken and degenerate. It's not monogamous at all to watch porn while in a relationship. You don't think you deserve good things (the way you've framed it) and so called her a spoiled brat and have been cheated on yet still believe what your cheater told you (that pron is harmless) and have convinced yourself that they're somehow not connected – or one bf cheated on you and didn't watch porn while the one that didn't cheat on you did/does (still doesn't mean shit – if you're not hurt you're numb and broken).

>>45857
Why would you make that assumption. You're trying to justify it without caring about OP at all. Are you a man?

>>45898
lol this is a joke and probably by someone working for porn sites. There's a conspiracy to degenerate and demoralize everyone and everything – even if it isn't a conspiracy, the demoralization is intentional. The dude hates women and is playing out the pain.

>>45904
Degenerate demoralized pozz.

>>47602
I am a guy too. Ban me. But keep this post up. I agree with this guy. I just stopped by today because someone said there's a female chan and I didn't believe there's an active female chan and I remember this chan existing for a long time. What is pinkpill? Also, people nowadays are undeveloped retards – I can figure out and have figured out that porn whilst in a relationship is fucking cheating ffs; when first exposed to it being a thing I was in middle school I think and just thought it was for couples that didn't love each other and falling apart. When some said it was normal, I thought they were said individuals that did so. When considering any fucked up sexual relationship, I consider them to be charred meat or charcoal begging for fucking God or Death (life a waking nightmare for them that they're trying to escape). Too many retards. As for "saying so is unprovoked and awkward" is nonsense. Just goes to show how juvenile men have become that saying such a thing is too awkward for them – and I'm a nice person to those I meet and know, not some raging asshole. I try to be hygienic and understand other's point of view – I don't try or am ambivalent to how repulsive or repelling I am. This sentiment just undermines all human relationships, respect, self-respect, and masculine values in general. Say what must be said. "Grow a fucking spine" in a nutshell. It doesn't even require much of one. Jesus.

Also yeah be a better judge of character and probe and test before you commit OP.

To put it bluntly: Men are in a degenerate[d] state. Our culture is the result of extreme cross generational social engineering, propaganda, controlled media, and vested interests. Why accept a fucked up people.

//Yall can ban me but keep this post up please.//

>>47606
"felt bad about being so insecure he had such a dream" Insecure about an open relationship or that you might cheat on him? If someone isn't "insecure" about that, they're a walking corpse. One shouldn't be OK with that shit. Don't know where people get the idea that life should be chronically and compulsively comfortable (apathy. tolerance. nihilism.)

>>47631
>>47638

Apathy and tolerance are the last virtues of a dying culture. Fight, Flee, Freeze. . . . or Submit. You made your choice and it helps no one not even yourself. Good luck.

>>47665
You the dude? Yeah sex is about the woman not the sex. Otherwise one is just a coom brain on the Degenerate Spectrum (DS). I'm not religious or anything even. I had a friend with a father that would talk about and look at other women (on TV or something or some actress/star) and it was pretty sad stuff since he would do so around his wife (friend's mother). I'm a bit older now and would say something as my view on the matter is cemented and I don't think "why doesn't she speak up" as I understand women and her specifically a bit better.
>>47716
upboat

>>47724
>>47725
outt logickdd

>>47729
It's easy to imagine a man that cares for nothing and no one very strongly; this is such a man (and a father at that). Low on the Love and Life Meaning-Making Index let's say. Lazy and weak mutherfucker. ur father is a bitch tits mook.

>>47734
>rate of ED in young men lmao, which has doubled in the last couple of decades and is now more than 30% from ages 18 to 40.
Less men are having sex compared to the past 80 years or so as well. Men are also more juvenile, weak and soft (like their ED), full of doubt and disinfo and confusion and without role models generally. Disappointing.

>>47735
This reads like a shitpost copy pasta.

>>47751
It's not love. Just because they say so doesn't make it so. Apathy and indifference as love lol…

>>47762
You're trying to appeal to weak laziness el oh el. Since you have no clue what love is and have only appealed to weak laziness and possibly fear of loneliness, which can be used when trying to get someone to accept ANY negative of a person (in some places all the men are violent pedophiles cough middle east cough but that doesn't mean you should listen to your beaten molested mother that "it's love"), I assume you have no real argument, noble sentiment or insight.

>>47764
Every day is biting the bullet for them, and an episode of dread and anguish may hit if they don't ritually push it down and lobotomize themselves. Coincidentally, porn reduces frontal lobe activity long after one has 'finished'.

>>47774
>>47765
Many things you shouldn't change even if you can.

>>50566
>good goy
heh

>>50640
Response to first paragraph: For sure.

>>50734
Degenerate. Stop trying to mind break soul crush yourself.
>>50738
Fuck this is tragic man. Just put your fucking foot down holy shit. If your bf was into pedo shit would you be into grandpas or shota to make it 'fair'? Pozzed. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. Would you become a pedo to 'get even' with someone? Would you fuck some disgusting dude because he cheated on you with some disgusting woman? You only bring yourself lower by doing this shit. You are being demeaned; don't demean yourself further to "get even". If someone killed your child, would you kill their innocent child to "get even"? How far will you go to "get even"? "Getting even" can take on a life of its own you know?
Drop that mutherfucker if he doesn't drop pron.

Anonymous 53318

>>45898
Reminder that these posts are almost always false flags by incels. Lonely men and women are guilty of this, posting shit like 'I found out my boyfriend's coworker makes more money than him and now I can't help but think about the coworker every time we have sex' etc.

Anonymous 63913

b3e99ccfeed4670555…

Hi. OP here. I finally got the guts to tell my boyfriend how I feel. He is formulating a formal response and regardless of what happens, I feel so free. Everyone responding to me helped me cope far more than you know, giving me consideration and encouragement, but also cautions. I feel like as a person I've actually been freed and am honest at least. It is probably obvious I suffer from mental issues reading through this thread, and I do, but they have improved so much over this year and the fact I've gotten to this point where I can talk about a controversial fact is encouraging to me. Thank you everyone for your patience and interest in this topic.

Anonymous ## Cleanup crew 63917

Moved to >>>/feels/43949.



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