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How do I stop getting so easily upset about things? Anonymous 72356

A friend jokingly called me a crybaby when introducing me to some of her other friends and it irked me enough that I kept internalizing why she would say that instead of taking the joke in stride and getting to know new people. Please help me become an unfeeling socializing machine.

Anonymous 72357

Your friend is a fault here.

Anonymous 72358

>>72357
So? It would still serve her well to learn how to let things go.

Anonymous 72359

>>72357
Rereading my post I can see why you'd think that, but what she said was pretty mild I think, 'Hey everybody, this is anon. She's a bit of a crybaby, but she's sweet,' is what she said almost verbatim.

Anonymous 72360

>>72359
It's still bad manners.

Anonymous 72361

>>72360
I agree that it's pretty bad manners or a faux pas; new people will form assumptions based on how others speak about you or how you've been introduced. Once it's been said the damage is done.

Anonymous 72362

>>72360
>>72361
Do you think I should discuss this with my friend, then? Maybe she's trying to toughen me up a little? I've always been told I'm too sensitive about things and that I rely on her a little too much when it comes to meeting others.

Anonymous 72366

>>72362
She’s not trying to toughen you up, she was negging you. Start paying attention, I bet this isn’t the only times she does this.

Anonymous 72367

>>72366
What makes you think she's negging me? She's always been a good friend even if she can be a bit cutting sometimes. Do you think I should confront her about it?

Anonymous 72372

>>72362
I would confront her privately about it. Like the other anon said, it might not have been the first time she's negged you and just the first time you've noticed. If she thought you were sensitive to things and wanted to genuinely warn her friends about not hurting your feelings then she would've done so privately or used a word like sensitive instead of "crybaby". To read further into the language; you can't be crybaby (or sensitive) and sweet?

Anonymous 72373

>>72367
Don’t confront her, just pay attention to how often she makes you feel bad. If it’s often then fade her out of your life.

Btw, it’s a classic abuser thing to make you think you’re the problem, not them. In this case, making you think you are oversensitive.

Anonymous 72376

>>72372
>>72373
Isn't it normal for friends to be a little harsh with each other, though? She's always joked around like this with me before and I didn't mind, only the fact that she did it in front of people who I wanted to get to know is what I feel crossed the line a little. Even then if I were less thin-skinned and better with people I think I would've been able to just laugh it off like I normally do when it's just the two of us. I swear she's not abusive or anything like that. She's just a little punchy I guess?

Anonymous 72380

>>72376
As the other anons are saying, you should trash her there is no place in your life for an abuser

Anonymous 72386

dd2fc9704b152cba35…

>>72356
well, the first thing is to stop beating yourself over it, even if you're still not sure what your friend's intentions are.

imo, it's just friendly teasing..
this is normal while socializing and no one takes it seriously most of the time (judging from this alone ofc since i don't know the whole dynamic between you two).

take this as social training. don't give a shit about intentions, go with the flow and laugh around, try to tease back if you can- slow and easy

it won't be instant, it can get difficult to not beat yourself over NOT BEATING yourself about things, if that makes sense.. i struggled with this too.

go and try to distract yourself with something even if you don't feel like it, anon. good luck.

Anonymous 72400

>>72376
>She's just a little punchy I guess?
Personally I'm not a fan of people who try to play being subtly mean as a personality point.

Anonymous 72404

>>72386
>it can get difficult to not beat yourself over NOT BEATING yourself about things

I can relate to this, it's very difficult for me to act 'in the moment' when speaking to others, especially a group of relative strangers, because I'm always rehearsing the most appropriate thing to say in my head and trying not to stumble over my words.

Often it's easier to let someone who intuitively knows how to engage with others do the heavy lifting for me, since I feel I'll make a mess of it anyways, but I think it's a selfish act to always rely on others like this.

Maybe that's why I'm so defensive of my friend even though she can be a bit quick to insult me.

Anonymous 72417

>>72404
Maybe you're most comfortable in one on one situations then?

Anonymous 72419

>>72417
Yes, definitely. How do you get better at dealing with groups of people? I feel drained if I have to respond to a large enough number.

Anonymous 72422

>>72357
>friend raises point that you're a crybaby
>feel overly sensitive about the issue and place her at fault
Sorta feels like being exactly what she accused you of isn't it. Your circle of friends largely exist to stabilize you, and among the corrective mechanisms exist teasing. It's not weird or wrong in the least.

>>72356
OP you should talk to a therapist who will be able to suggest several ways in which you can manage your neuroticism. Though it should be said that there isn't a wrong level of neuroticism, or any dimension of personality for that matter, because we wouldn't have developed the range we did unless it proved valuable. Some people produce x level of anxiety for x level of obstacle, and yours just so happens to be sensitive, that doesn't make you wrong in any way. Your therapist will likely recommend exposure therapy, which has been shown to be very effective.

Anonymous 72427

>>72419
Maybe just focus on spending your time with people one on one? Don't try and be someone you're not.

Anonymous 72430

>>72356
Kys, life look like too hard for you

Anonymous 72437

>>72422
Yeah, I kind of figured the only way to get better at the socialization game is to just suck it up and do it more often. Funnily enough I actually have a therapist that I see for generalized anxiety and he recommends pretty much the exact same thing you're saying for making friends.

>>72427
I think I'm ok in one-on-one situations, but those aren't the only interactions life, right? Should I try and focus on one person when in group situations to make friends with? Maybe that way I won't have to try and interact with multiple people at once. Group dynamics make that hard sometimes though.

Anonymous 72441

>>72430
Oh fuck off. People are allowed to have feelings.

Anonymous 72516

>>72437
well it's a fairly standard and proven treatment for anxiety issues such as yours so it's no surprise you're getting that recommended to you. Sometimes you get given assertiveness training which helps if you're too agreeable, which seems likely from the way you describe things. In any case I'd bring it up to your therapist and discuss the possibility of getting it. Keep up your current work, doing well anonnette.



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