From one sis to another. There's light. I'm in the exact same situation. Dating my best friend… But he was a complete manchild. He'd been in a few toxic relationships And never tried professional succes, giving up on his talents to work shit jobs and play vidya.
I broke up a boring but more efficient relationship to cop this one. It was an awful reality to slowly wake up to.
But… I stuck with it. He is kind, funny, social and has hair that doesn't quit. It's been 5 years now and things are much much much better. Just had to learn 3 important ways to unlock more of his potential.
1. Be honest. Rid yourself of bs, no making up problems, no manipulation, no coverups. You tell him what you need and what your own flaws are like a strategist. This is key because it sets an example and you'll get what you need long-term.
2. Don't nag mindlessly. It might feel good to scold him, but it feels way way better getting him on your side using planning and logic. When issues pop up, don't let temper run it, instead step back and examine it with him like a curiosity. Allow him to see the problem, together find and own the solution, and then make sure to flatter his efforts.
3. Sincerere flattery. Men get flatterd a lot less than us, so it's super effective. You can, no joke, make them proud of just about anything, thereby making them "own it" when he does a good job, make sure it's paid attention to. Boys develop to men when they start trusting their own skills.
Bonus: On a chill evning I sat and read this with him. Because it was chill and we both discussed the notion of "mental load" he really had a breakthrough over this comic. He'd never considered the efforts of a household because his mom was a housewife and took care of everything, it felt invisible to him. Just like any craft seems easy from the point of a novice.
He's much better off now, he not only cleans and shops, but started working on his craft and even got the job he'd given up on. + he's still a sweetheart.
It CAN be done, it's rough though, make sure his personality is worth the effort.