adults dating the underage Anonymous 75365
Natasha Ryan, or "the girl in the cupboard" was a 14 year old girl who went missing in 1998 and was found 5 years later hiding in her boyfriends house. at the time of her disappearence, her boyfriend Scott Black was 22. After she was found at age 19, and her boyfriend age 27, you would expect them to have broken up. instead, she married him and they had 4 children together.
in another case, a woman named Mary Kay Laturneau slept with her 6th grade student (who was 13) when she was age 35. she served jail time for having sex with him, and gave birth to his child. they later married and then got divorced in 2019.
can relationships like these exist?it seems so odd that they would marry, especially in the case of Natasha Ryan. was her boyfriend a groomer just looking for an underage girl to fuck or were they actually in love?
The Ryan case seems more like she ran away with him. Probably brain washed a bit, but its possible she didnt view it as a kidnapping or as a bad thing. Often in these cases they are running away from a family that is either abusive or they have been convinced is abusive. Still strange and all these things stem from failed parenting.
The question isn't whether they "can exist" (almost any form of relationship can exist– there are droves of incestuous and abusive households.) Love itself is not a reality, just biological imperative framed as something higher. Those who claim to have love frequently lose or abandon it soon after. However, our society has deemed adults having relationships with the underage illegal not on the basis of whether there is "love" (vague and unprovable) but because such relationships are characteristically abusive in nature.
Probably. But most such relationships aren't going to be like that. Also 'grooming' is memed way too much to the point that it's a meaningless word. In reality the younger party is usually perfectly willing and often the initiator, and there is nothing malicious or controlling in the older party. You will find a bigger number of controlling and predatory people in 'normal' relationships. Even more so today because you have hordes of kids online who think themselves adults openly approaching actual adults.
The problem is they are young and have not matured, even if they think they know what they want they may regret it with age or as people around them insist on it. So to reciprocate it as an adult is irresponsible not to mention questionable character-wise (in all criteria a kid is a really bad match). It's also a pointless and dangerous hassle for all involved even if you really like eachother.
basically: obviously it's possible, i would say it's not even uncommon, but for every other reason it's not good to make it acceptable behaviour.
I met my bf when I was 17 and he was 25. We are still together. Obviously we did not do anything sexual and he didn’t even say “I love you” until I was 18. I hate that people would probably call him a “groomer” if they knew. It’s nothing like these extreme cases though.
When the person is REALLY young, like under 16, I find that concerning. It’s hard to know how to feel about these specific stories..
i find it very alarming that a 25 year old would be emotionally stunted enough to connect with a 17 year old lest you be a mental reincarnate of a famous philosopher or something
He had only been in one other relationship before me that lasted less than 6mo, and he’s never moved out. So we were kind of in similar stages of life except I had been in a previous 2yr relationship.
is it really that difficult for a 17 year old and a 25 year old to connect?
I've never tried a relationship like that, but I don't think the distance is so great as to be impossible…
You should be in a vastly different point in your life at 25. I understand that a lot of us, and a lot of men that girls on this site would date, are stunted. That said… I was absolutely stupid at 17. I am still stupid now, but I've learned many things, and I can't picture having a conversation with my younger self because she'd be so unbelievably immature.
I find it very strange that a 25 year old person would find a 17 year old even remotely interesting. You can't control sexual urges… But loving one? Ah, to each their own but I look down my nose at such people.
i just dont think that people who are different ages are really that different
do you have problems holding conversations with people who are much younger or much older than you?
I can talk to a younger person. At the end of the day I will be more knowledgeable and far more mature however. This is rarelt not the case. Not to conflate experience with intellgience- some teens are very bright, but it's important to recognize the difference. If you cannot, you may be stunted.
I wouldn't call it pedophilic. I just find it weird.
You sound super naive. When I was 18 being hit on by older men, I spotted right away that even in the cases where it didn't appear they were trying to groom me (and believe me, there were cases where they were) that there was something off with the ones who genuinely saw me as equal and it embarrassed me. Why give myself to a 25 year old who seems to be at a same stage of life as me? I sure as hell didn't want to be where he was at his age. My sister is with a guy 5 years her senior and they are both more immature than most people their age, and he definitely isn't good for her. They might love each other, but he treats her like she's a child.
Now I'm with a guy 3 years my senior, but that's a very small age difference in general (21/24 when we met).
You're right, I am naive- I've o ly ever been in relationships with people near my age.
I think I figured out what has been bugging me about it. I don't see that much difference between guys in their late teens, 20s, or 30s. If you say 'oh I could date a guy who is 25, but not a guy who is 18 because he isn't emotionally mature enough', that seems incomprehensible to me. There is far more variation from guy to guy than there is across ages.
The way that guys change in their late teens-30s, in my experience, are that they look older and maybe learn more facts. But they aren't different people, it's almost always the exact same teenager, just dressed different and socially conditioned to act a little bit different. The person themself hasnt undergone some deep transformation
Literally do not give a single shit if it's an underaged boy an an adult woman. Because no matter how old the female is, if the male is pubescent then any woman is going to be perceived as a conquest, like with any other man.
Yes women usually don't go around hooking up with underaged boys. It's almost always male predators going after underaged females with 0 life experience.
That's still abusive, girls can also be coerced into a relationship and enjoy it so the same argument doesn't work just cause its applied to boys.
lmfao yea the day you reach 18 you are suddenly mature enough to have sex and hear "I love you". americans really probably think this.
age is a social construct and it's not necessarily tied to maturity. maturity as in "life experience" yes but you don't need to experience things to know they are wrong. anyone can be manipulated even older people but somehow it's worse when the person is young. and no you can't be manipulated into loving someone, it's not a rational logical thing and sometimes you don't even know why you love someone. most 'abuse' victims are fucked in the head because people and society keep brainwashing them into believing what happened was wrong, that they were manipulated, that it was a bad thing, that they are a abuse victim etc. but it's not what they believe so you create an unnecessary conflict in their heads where they don't know how to deal with it because their feelings tell them something and people tell them the opposite. literally just follow your guts.
obviously i don't mean it for children but for teens. adults always think they know what's best for you and that young people are stupid, in fact young people are a lot smarter than you'd think and not everyone needs to be told what to do. I think this is pretty obvious but i have to mention it regardless. Everyone probably knows that one person that cant do anything by themself and constantly need others. that has nothing to do with age, its just a trait. my mother is like this.
it seems like there's a trend to try to shift the guilt so people don't take consequences for their own self destructive stupid impulsive actions, like women getting shitfaced drunk and then claiming rape. yes rape can happen and it's not entirely their fault but maybe they shouldnt get black out drunk in an unfamiliar place with people they dont know and trust. instead of trying to change how men act which is virtually impossible just deal with it since it is what it is and dont put yourself in vulnerable positions. the world is not like your cartoons.
Search for Debra Lafave and Jennifer Fichter.
lol fichters case is ridiculous.
>>76585>lmfao yea the day you reach 18 you are suddenly mature enough to have sex and hear "I love you". americans really probably think this.
AYRT. I mentioned that I was 18 when he said “I love you” because I honestly just don’t want people to see him as a predator. I don’t think anything about our relationship was predatory, but people will say that anyway, without knowing anything about us. There were still romantic undertones when he knew me at 17.
the issue isn't that younger people are the only people who can be manipulated. but it's more likely to happen to them, there are countless predators seeking out vulnerable young people, and emotional trauma at that age fucks with your head a lot more than if you just have a bad relationship as an adult.
Think about how little your average 17 (or 15 or whatever underage is where you are) has compared to someone just a few years older than them. A teenager can’t buy “adult” things, legally cannot hold a full-time job, still live with their parents and are financially reliant on them, may not even have ID or steady access to transportation. Any older person who is in this position is considered a fucking loser but this is typical for a teen. So obviously an older man (because it’s almost always a man) could leverage their independence and access to manipulate a high schooler much easier than doing so to an independent adult.
It’s less of a matter of biological age and more of a matter of examining why a fully grown adult would want an underage/barely legal kid who would have to rely on them for everything. Smells like manipulative pedo shit to me.
Your case is not the norm and is the extreme here.
I will admit that I've seen this kind of relationship and it didn't end badly in the sense of someone getting taken advantage of. It was more than the older person (25ish) was so emotionally immature that they got along better with children than adults. They also had some kind of Peter Pan syndrome going on. Consistently dated way too young, and consistently got dumped as their partners, well, grew up and realized how lame and/or fucked it is that they're shacking up with a permachild. I don't believe this person was capable of grooming anyone.
No, I was instead one of the many statistics who got taken advantage of by a separate shitty older guy :^)
Why do you type like an old man then? No one under 35 uses noses in smilies.
Has no one ever done an ironic :^) at you?