Red Flags Anonymous 1069
What are some red flags that you wish you or a friend had recognized at the time?
>complaining about having to wear condoms
>complaining about it when you turn down sex even if they say they're not trying to change your mind
>wanting to exchange email/social media/phone passwords
I wish I had broken up with one of my exes in the beginning instead of wanting to ~save his tortured soul~ from himself
He was abusive in every way, was a serial cheater and treated me like shit for the most part.
>yeah my ex GF was 16 when I was 25, but that's okay she was really mature
>it's totally normal for a guy to be attracted to teens
>why are you hanging out with your best friend you've known since 5 years? He's a guy after all
>you're so much better than my ex girlfriends, they were ALL crazy
>"you're not into REAL d/s, you're just into roleplay">doesn't like girls who wear makeup (but jerks off to porn stars and instahoes just the same)>tries to control where i go and who i talk to>thinks cheating is a gray area; will send and receive nudes to girls, talk sexually to other women, etc.>asks for my password but won't give his>works at dominos after age 23>>1089
lol seconding all these. particularly the last one.
Lmao did we end up with the same fuck up? I'm so sorry, cutie and glad that you got rid of that.
>"My ex-girlfriend was the love of my life but she couldn't handle my troubled childhood"
>"I don't trust anyone but you… don't tell anyone, ok?"
>"Your friend said something really terrible about you to me… I can't tell you what, it will break his confidence in me"
>"I can't go out with you because I'm afraid we'll end up hating each other…"
>is in 20s
>dates 15 year old
>sends me porn
I'm an idiot.
>I really loved my first girlfriend, I think she's the love of my life but she had to move, but I don't think I quite moved on
>I don't want to be seen holding hands with you, our relationship is a secret
>I'm gonna make our relationship official once you get a boobjob
>If you are wearing the "slut uniform", I'm gonna treat you like a slut
>You don't understand, I am sad because you are so much better than me at this thing
"Then why don't you do classes to get better at it? You have the time and money"
>No you don't understand, I want to be good at it with no effort whatsoever. You should stop doing it! and i did
>I have no money to visit you, anon, my mom's allowance of 400 dollars can only buy me so many games, really!
>I'm gonna travel abroad with my ex that I cheated on you with, no biggie! By the way, did I tell you how a lot of girls hit on me here?
>goes for a month without talking to me WAIT ANON WHY WERE YOU TALKING TO THIS GUY WHILE I IGNORED YOU?
Anyway. He was an abusive asshole, and I am much happier and in a healthy relationship now.
You're triggering me
>There was this chick who was perfect in every way but she was psycho and probably killed herself a while ago or is probably fine and blocked me>there is this chick who is perfect for me in every way but I fucked up with her and if she ever gives me another chance I'll definitely take it>I couldn't help cybering that other chick you were busy but I thought you were over me>one girl cheats on him and his trust in women is shattered in an instant>messages me a year(s) after our break up bc his fiance/babymama is not up for sex that night
Same guy btw, he's since calmed down on the (sexual) messages after baby #2
In general:>gets upset that you don't want to have sex >ignore personal responsibilities for video games/insert other nonproductive hobby>treats you some way but gets upset when you do the same >then gets more upset when you point out the hypocrisy >takes a blasé attitude towards contraception and being sexually safe>grown men who are still embarrassed to buy their own condoms
>posting on Craigslist looking to suck older dudes' dicks, then denying it
>hooking up with a 16-year-old girl at age 24; then denying it
>his friends are dicks even when he seems really nice
>self medicating with weed/alcohol (as in never seeking help at all but just smokes weed and says "it cures my anxiety")
>he says all of his exes are psycho/bitches/cunts
>thinks highschool girls are ok to hit on or date at 20+ years of age
Oh god you just described my last ex. Some more shit he did:
>Made out that he was a fucking hero for not asking for a girls number on a bus when he was in a relationship with me>Overinflated ego but tried to pass it off that he hated himself on the inside>Thought he was the bees knees because he's a musician and plays a few small gigs every few months or so>VAPED>Pretty much alcoholic, asked me if we had alcohol in the house the one time he came over to mine to meet my parents>BLAMED HIS MENTAL HEALTH FOR BEING AN ASSHOLE>Used his mental health and my mental health (which he was the primary cause of issue there) to break up with me and never even bothered to explain shit after putting me on a break in which during such time he used Tinder and openly claimed to be single on social media.
Why do some people not want to have safe sex?
Do they want to have illegitimate children and stds?
>be fembot with Indian bf
>go hour to visit him
>he gets mildly irritated by me all day because of small things(for example I took his book bag in the bathroom with me instead of staying at the table with it and watching it)
>his mom doesn't allow him to stay out at night(he's 25)so I ask him to make an excuse and say he's staying at his friends house
>he calls her and she spergs out and says he can't stay out
>I come near him to hear what he's talking about on the phone with his mom. He starts getting worried that his mom will hear my voice and know he's out with me.
>just starts running away from me and drops his phone and breaks it
>then he shouts and tells me to fuck off infront of everyone in the middle of downtown Toronto
>starts having a panic attack
>I haven't spoken to him since heading home
>I havent spoken to him in hours so he's probably committed suicide because he's worried his mom is going to be angry he broke his phone or his mom made him go to bed because it's late at night
>he finally gets home and is still blaming me for his phone being broken
Am I in the wrong?should I just apologize?
That same day he was mad because I got into a revolving door with another person. I guess it's kind of stupid to get into those tight places with another person, I guess I didn't think about it at the time and was just rushing in. Am I just ignoring red flags or am I just being selfish and not seeing his point of view?
Honestly, I feel like he's in the wrong. It seems like he overreacts over everything. Why should you going into a revolving door with another person bother him??? Why is a 25 year old man still on his mommy's curfew?? That's just a red flag alone.
agreed with this anon. wtf is wrong with your bf?
I-is he a robot as well? Because this irrational anger reads like typical robot.
I'd dump him right away tbh. He seems constantly angry at you and is blaming you for everything. If this relationship ever gets more serious this is readily heading towards emotional abuse, because he can constantly spin shit like
>I know I was mad but you know I have anxiety>I'm sorry I yelled at you and called you stupid but you did this thing I don't like and you know that I don't like it>You know I can't go out late so why are you making me do what you want.
This is classic abuser behaviour. The worst part is is that he's probably so up his own shit he doesn't realize it either.
>ignores your texts and ghosts on you for weeks at a time, then complains that you don't put any effort into talking to him
>asks you to be his girlfriend but still falls into the same pattern listed above
>when confronted about it makes up a lie (my ex said he was arrested and in jail,) even though it was pretty fucking obvious that he had been active on social media
>accuses you of talking to other guys even though he talks to multiple other girls, and sometimes doesn't even care to hide it
>nags you to send nude photos of yourself even though you've expressed multiple times that you're uncomfortable with the idea of showing certain parts of your body, absolutely no fucking respect for your personal boundaries whatsoever
I also picked this one up from the most recent guy I was involved with
>flirts with you unrestrictedly but claims that he can't do a serious romantic relationship, then when you try to keep the friendship platonic by not being responsive to his sexual advances he begins to resent you for it
I had a gf like this. I'm still recovering from the depression. Get out anon.
>"If you're going to marry me you will have to be my religion"
>"You're going to eat that? Disgusting, I won't kiss you unless you brush your teeth"
>"You need to get on the pill, I refuse to use condoms since they don't feel the same"
>"I only ever had sex with my last girlfriend, she was my first love"
>continues to talk about her and a list of other girls constantly as if to show how lucky you are to have them
>"You can meet my parents I just can't mention we're together"
>introduces you to female friends as a "friend" and not their girlfriend
Yeah I met him on r9k. One of the biggest problems is his mother. For example I'm black and she said black people look "ew" because of our skin, then my bf said Indians have dark skin too then she says "yeah but we aren't literally black". This would make sense if she was light skin but she's not, she's darker than me.
Even if we do one day get married I'd have to deal with his crazy mother. He's so scared of her he has panic attacks even thinking about her getting mad.
Then either tell him to get his shit together and move out or break up with him. It's clearly an extremely toxic situation, especially if he is taking out his frustration from his mother on you. You don't deserve that.
dafuq? is he mentally challenged too?
>I want to use you for sex as a punishment, Don't worry I'll love you again after a week.
>If you give me all your money I'll love you and come see you
>If I saw you in person right now I don't think I'd be able to control myself
>I promise I'll see you this date if you give me money
>Make facebook accounts where he constantly denies we're dating and that I'm his ex.
there sounds like something is wrong with him.
He sounds too retarded for love. BAIL!
ugh, my last bf did that shit
Always wanting to know where you are.
Making you feel guilty all the time
Constant sympathy/pity fishing
>He plays league
Hey! Vapings not so bad when people are using it to help quit cigarettes, I got one for that reason and it's helped a lot. I find men who vape and constantly brag about how much smoke they can make are really annoying tho.
As for red flags tho my last bf was full of them>constantly calls me goddess after only meeting for the first time>wants to control my behavior when hes not even around>"who are you texting? show me so I know you aren't cheating">uses the "but I paid for your dinner" excuse when I'm not feeling up for sex>ignores my texts and claims he was too busy playing video games>needing alone time whenever he wanted to play video games for hours but never letting me have time by myself when i needed it>constantly drinked from when he woke up to until he blacked out>bought coke but would never let me have any despite me sharing all of my weed, food, and beer with him
Ive had all these red flags. Feels bad anon.
>creating fake and detailed accounts of his life in different internet communities constantly
>not letting me go on walks when I wanted to in order to feel better
>Key details of his breakup with his previous gf changed a few times, I knew but decided to not care, see first red flag
>gross apartment he blamed on his roommate
>didn't chew with his mouth closed, just an unmotivated slob who talked as if he wasn't
I was a retard, now I am just another piece of these fictional stories he tells. Oh well.
>saying I love you on the second date
>constantly pressuring for sex even though he said he would stop
>always talking about getting in fights
>Being a self-proclaimed asshole
>Constant negativity towards themselves (a few self deprecating jokes here and there are okay)
>Pressures me or other people to drink/smoke despite not wanting to it in excessive amounts or outright refusing
>Constantly asking for sex despite me saying no and wanting it to stop
>Anyone who treats restaurant & retail staff like shit
>ANYONE who does not say please or thank you
Sounds like a borderline to me.
Personally, I'd run for the hills.
>when you talk to someone for the first time and 5 mins later they're already talking shit about people
if they do it to others, they don't give a shit and will do it to you.
girl from uni had similar interests as me, we talked while we waited for a teacher. first thing she does is shit talk someone from our class. then she shit talks people who i thought were her friends. one year later, i overheard her talking shit about me to complete strangers and i ain't even had a fight with her ever (altough she claims we apperantly hate each other). some people like disliking people i guess. very strange. i know get why her circle of friends changes a lot.
This is a retrospective thread, meaning that it's likely that these people are (hopefully) not in these situations anymore.
That is the purpose of red flags, to warn you to stay away.
my ex wasn't abusive, but he was a shit boyfriend. When I met him I was 18 (like JUST TURNED 18), had JUST gotten to uni, moved out for the first time, etc.
>wasn't even attracted to him at first
>always wore sweatpants, said 'I do karate and my thighs are too big to fit in normal jeans' suuuure bud suuuuure
>lived at home at age 22, had never worked (he was 22 when I met him)
>had gone to school for a year, decided he didn't like what he was studying, then started and stopped three other programs on day 1 after getting in
>only taking 2 classes but not doing anything else
>"sometimes i cry and lie awake at night feeling guilty about how my mom has supported me and how i can't just get a job" how about you work for your dad then, he offered multiple times
>during sex he would complain about how much effort it was to make me cum
>after he came and I wanted to cuddle he would whine about how he wasn't tired and wanted to get up and do stuff
>always correcting me over stupid stuff, ie. "I'm so jealous of them" "no, you're envious" like shut UP asshole no one fucking cares
>very clearly was depressed, and i feel bad for him for that, but refused to use the AMPLE free time he had to get any sort of help
>"idk what to choose to study i have to love it 100%" almost got him to study music "no i have to take one 3-hour theory course in first year and I don't wanna do that" u think i wanted to take organic chemistry bud? tough titty sometimes you gotta do stuff you don't like
overall he never mistreated me, he was just annoying. i also find it weird now that he was so into me when I was very young and naive and inexperienced. I regret so much that I made my sexual debut with him.
2 months after our breakup when we didn't talk anymore bc i initiated 99% of our conversations, he sent me an angry email accusing me of being a "bad friend" and talked about the alanis morisette song that reminded him of this situation and said "fuck you" and then acted all passive like "cry, remember the good times, i don't really care" mhm that's why you sent the email right bud?
honestly tempted to release his name bc he turned out to be such a dick about the fact that I dated someone else so quickly after our relationship ended. I get hating me for that but rant to your friends, don't stab me in the back. Ugh.
sorry for off topic but what messaging app is this?
how'd you find someone so quickly after? idk, i think it's normal to be torn up about it for a while. I've been sad about every bf I've dumped even if they were kind of shitty
I just turned 22 and I can't even imagine dating an 18 year old, like their outlook on life is so different. i dont' get how people can date so far out of their age range
do we have the same ex?>>8067
sounds like my current bf, fuuuuuck>>1556>i met him on r9k
Does everyone on this site live near each other?
How did you two even get together? I don't know the whole story obviously but it blows my mind that a lazy, unemployed bum can get a girlfriend.
Don't release the name, but I'm pretty sure there are many others who would like to see this email.
>all these men bitching about condoms
God you guys are triggering my worst memories. Were your men also addicted to porn and had a death grip? And refused to eat pussy?
when did you date my ex, anon?
except replace porn with "drawings of dickgirls"
I wish. Gimme a qt bf pls.
No, I mean they probably exist, but there are none here.
2D is still a viable alternative, though.
Don't despair, anon. No matter how many bad people there are, you're bound to find someone that isn't a monster. Be hopeful.
Did you mean to reply to >>8229
Yes I quoted the wrong post, haha
Oops! You're welcome, anyways!
I'm sorry this happened, anon. Sounds so uncomfortable and embarrassing.