Do straight guys ever act nice to girls when they’re NOT trying to get laid (or get something else from them, but usually it’s sex)? I even mean just being friendly, but especially when they’re being seriously helpful, kind, chatty, understanding etc. Can you have male friends who aren’t just looking for sex?
Conversely, have you ever been nice to someone (to whatever extent) just because you thought they were attractive? Is your personality different when dealing with attractive people?
I think your question should be better answered on a board full of males, not here.
I think they do. I don't think it is always about sex and some men show genuine interest in women as people, not as fuck toys. So yes you can have good male friends who won't want you just for sex, but you need to be lucky to find such men.
>Conversely, have you ever been nice to someone (to whatever extent) just because you thought they were attractive?
Nice to someone JUST because they were attractive, no.
>Is your personality different when dealing with attractive people?
If they look super good, yes. It just makes me more nervous. I'm straight and I feel the same way when I'm around super good looking m or f, so it isn't sex related I guess.
He can be polite, and as helpful as he's reasonably expected to be, but if he goes out of his way to help you you can bet he just wants to bang you.
Watch how he treats other men to learn what he's really like.
I feel like where I’m from it’s normal. In high school, I had male friends that were part of my group and they acted like genuine friends. They didn’t have an ulterior motive or anything. We talked about most things you would talk about with your female friends, even who we had a crush on. I remember I acted as a wingwoman for one of them since he had a crush on one of my female friends. In uni, I’ve also met guys that have actually been interested in being friends and talking about stuff related to our program and classes etc. Obvs I’ve also met guys who have been nice to me until they realize I don’t like them back. Maybe it’s a cultural thing but also depends on the guy.
Nah I only feel awkward when it’s a really attractive guy. I don’t care about how the girl looks kek. I hate it tho and wish I could just look past their looks and act normally.
It exists, but it’s extremely rare. Interestingly enough, in the few cases of it known to exist, the guys are usually ridiculously attractive. It’s as if a guy become less superficial and dishonest the hotter he gets.
Or it’s just that they consider me to be so fucking ugly that they don’t see me as a woman anymore.
I'm afraid it's generally the latter. A very hot guy is only concerned with pursuing equally hot women. He may as well just view you as another guy if you're not at his level.
It’s basically always >>11050
However, there are a handful of genuine guys. Sad part is, they’re probably extremely low confidence. Eventually they’ll wisen up and they’ll stop talking to you.
The guys that were the nicest to me were a few chads. They were the only ones that made me feel like an actual person and their kindness felt genuine. But that is probably because they knew being kind to me wouldn’t hurt their status or whatever
So, if the guy being nice is ugly, he's deceptive and manipulative asshole. But if the guy is attractive, he's automatically genuine.
How… interesting. Really makes me think.
Do you not see the problem here? Shame on you.
I don't see a problem here.
An ugly guy sees you as a target.
A hot guy is less likely to target you because he's busy targeting someone else.
If you can trust men not to be predators whenever possible, good on you I guess.
Thing is that “ugly” guys aren’t even nice to me, they either pretend I don’t exist or act coldly to distance themselves from me
Nobody is saying that. It’s just that for some reason very attractive men tend to be selfishly friendly while less attractive men are trying to get something. I’m pretty sure all of us wish the attractive guys were the ones who wanted to have sex.
All this fits perfectly with the well eatablished fact that, generally but of course not alway, attractive people tend to be less perverted, less promiscuous, and generally less sex obsessed than people who aren’t beautiful.
Why? Do you think you are really ugly?
Just leaving this here
I meant selflessly friendly, fugg.
Anyway, this is pure armchair psychology, but I think it might be becauase beautiful men both don’t care about sex as much and just don’t see me as a sexual creature. I’m just a different breed than let’s say Jordan Barrett so to him I’d be a guy or something. Not someone to consider sexually, so there’s zero tension. With less attractive men they’re super desperate to get laid so everything they do is only done for sex. Also we’re both in each other’s league so there’s sexual tension and sexual possibility.
Similarly, have any of you ever been treated differently because you were with a really good looking friend?
>>11062>All this fits perfectly with the well eatablished fact that, generally but of course not alway, attractive people tend to be less perverted, less promiscuous, and generally less sex obsessed than people who aren’t beautiful.
Can I get a source? I don't think it's as well established as you're making it out to be
>>11068>Beautiful women have the least number of sexual partners on average, and are the least likely to have sex outside of commited relationships. (Handsome Wants as Handsome Does: Physical Attractiveness and Gender Differences in Revealed Sexual Preferences. Biodemography and Social Biology, 57(2), pp.221-257. )
Just google around a bit.
I can't blame a guy for being overly nice to a girl he likes, since I've done it myself. And admittedly I would only be friends with a straight guy (that I haven't known since childhood) if I wanted to date him. Otherwise I have no need to grow my circle of friends so he would serve no purpose to me. I'm pretty asocial though.>>11067
I tend to agree with this, and it works both ways (at least for me). Whether it's just cope or whatever, I can't find conventionally attractive men sexy to save my life. They're like sexless entities if that makes sense.
Of course a 10/10 Chad wouldn't have anything to do with me either (even a 7/10 wouldn't) but just throwing my 2 cents in here.
And weren't we talking about men here?
What my dad taught me
>if you wonder about a guy who is ‘nice’ to you, see how he is with other men, especially weaker, poorer, or uglier men. If he is helpful, friendly, and polite to men, especially men he has advantages over, he is a confident, friendly guy. If he is cold, or distant, or rude, or fearful, and such to men then he is weak and trying to fool you.
In my experience handsome, rich, or really smart guys are more likely to be what dad called ‘confident’.
Hasn’t steered me wrong
Yeah of course. Looks = personality. Hot guys can do no wrong.
Get better at reading comprehension. Wouldn’t be surprised if you two were incels looking for a gf.
I have lots of male friends who are kind… I'm sorry you haven't experienced that. :( but there are many good men in the world.
>dumb posts from people who don’t actually read the posts they’re resoonding to and just blindly stick with their pre conceived nonsense
>there’s a boy raid going on
wow what a coincidemce
>>11058>An ugly guy sees you as a target.>A hot guy is less likely to target you because he's busy targeting someone else.
Do you have anything to back this up? Am I supposed to believe attractive men cannot be manipulators, abusers, rapists or other evil doers? I can easily turn this logic upside down by claiming that ugly guys have to be genuinely nice and caring to get anywhere in life, and attractive guys can catcall and do other douchy things for all you care as long as they have pretty face.>>11062
Real life is not saturday morning cartoons. Sometimes bad people look like dream princes, sometimes good guys look like goblins. Look up Tend Bundy, see if you recognize yourself from the women who sent her fan letters.>>11079
You're calling me incel while defending this retarded logic of looks=personality? You see a guy with unfortunate facial features and instantly brush him aside not only as unfit for your divine cavities, but also as a bad person. You are no different from the incels who cry about not getting girlfriends while ignoring the girls in their league as christmas cakes, roasties etc.
Yes let's sit down and discuss about how being born with average features makes you a bad person. What a wonderful fruitful topic. You could just admit that you don't like ugly nerds, but instead you jump through hoops to come up with the most mindnumbing crackpot theories to excuse being superficial. I really hope you're just trolling.
i can't imagine how it feels to be so insecure and bitter that a photo of a happy couple prompts this response
Anonymous Moderator 11099
Please stop fighting.
LOL, yet you still don't seem to understand the idea that is being communicated. Laughable.
No one is saying "handsome" men are incapable of using you, people are saying a handsome guy may be more likely to see a girl as an actual person, a friend, rather than a cumbucket or potential girlfriend because the "handsome" man has a far greater range of choice as to who he wants to stick it into. With ugly guys, they are more desperate and are more likely to objectify and treat a rando girl as a potential girlfriend and put her in the fuckzone when the girl might just value him a lot as a friend.
This is a thread about friends, not relationships, dum dum.
Anyway, as a lesbian, I think I actually treat handsome men (which to me really is just…. groomed? I've always had trouble discerning difference between handsome men and uggo men) with more disdain than uggo men because I hate seeing their entitled asses and smug grins. I don't like being approached by men either way because I've been fuckzoned so much in my life and then have had to leave the friendship because I'm sick or people just wanting me for sex despite the fact I make it clear I only am interested in being friends from the beginning.
Why are incels so obsessed with Ted Bundy? He’s pretty nasty looking.
Also, that comment about the picture in your other post outed you as being from some nasty incel board/forum. A regular person would just see a silly picture.
How many female friends do you have?
How helpful are you towards strange women whom you’re not trying to sleep with?
>LOL, yet you still don't seem to understand the idea that is being communicated. Laughable.
But do you, or do you not have a single fact to back that up? I understand the claim, but do you understand that it can be also applied other way around?
>No one is saying "handsome" men are incapable of using you, people are saying a handsome guy may be more likely to see a girl as an actual person, a friend, rather than a cumbucket or potential girlfriend because the "handsome" man has a far greater range of choice as to who he wants to stick it into.
You're so close to getting it, but you still miss it. In your described situation where handsome man has a greater range of choice. That means he doesn't need to care about women and their feelings. Handsome guy can treat women like garbage, it doesn't matter, he has choice and he will always have choice.
>With ugly guys, they are more desperate and are more likely to objectify and treat a rando girl as a potential girlfriend and put her in the fuckzone when the girl might just value him a lot as a friend.
What planet are you from? Do you think a handsome guy who women throw themselves at is going to respect women? Do you think a handsome guy who doesn't even need to get to know the girls to get in bed with them is going to respect women? Do you think a handsome guy who has gotten his way with women all his life is going to respect women? Do you think a guy who knows he can get his dick wet at any given moment with any woman is going to respect women?
Ugly guys at least have to put their personalities first, they don't have choice. If they're not charming or funny, it's game over.
>This is a thread about friends, not relationships, dum dum.
Friendships are part of relationships.
There's a direct correlation between being attractive and people thinking you're a good person. All based on looks alone, without knowing anything about you personally.
Nobody wants to admit it but it's true. Shallowness is unavoidable.
>>11105>Do you think a handsome guy who women throw themselves at is going to respect women? Do you think a handsome guy who doesn't even need to get to know the girls to get in bed with them is going to respect women? Do you think a handsome guy who has gotten his way with women all his life is going to respect women? Do you think a guy who knows he can get his dick wet at any given moment with any woman is going to respect women?
you're in a thread full of women who are like 'yeah i've met cute guys before and they've actually been decent people'
so the anecdotal evidence suggests that no, not every 10/10 dude is a sociopathic jock and the fact that you expect them to be says a lot about your own prejudices.
I think it has more to do with looking well groomed and presentable tbh.
Or maybe because of their good looks, they get more easy chances to hang out with women and learn what they like and get better at lying and pretending to act how women like.
>>11101>Why are incels so obsessed with Ted Bundy?
I don't know what incels are obsessed with, but I think it's a perfect object lesson in how looks can be deceptive, and that both men and women can be terrible people. Are you intentionally ignoring my point, or do you not just understand what I'm saying? This man raped and murdered people, yet he got a massive fan club of women solely because of his looks. Do you honestly think the women who sent him love letters liked him for his fantastic personality and not for his looks and charm? His fantastic murderous rapist personality?
>He’s pretty nasty looking.
Here you go again. If I knew someone was a murderous rapist, I wouldn't give a shit if he was ugly or pretty. It's irrelevant. I'm not going to look this through my fingers. If I met a guy who happens to be particularly dashing in looks but then turns out to be a real douchebag, he's out. It scares me that there are people who are willing to look pass terrible people as long as they're pleasing to the eye.
>Also, that comment about the picture in your other post outed you as being from some nasty incel board/forum. A regular person would just see a silly picture.
I have not outed any pictures, you must be talking about someone else's post. But for the record, no I'm not an incel, and no I'm not a male.
>The halo effect is a type of immediate judgement discrepancy, or cognitive bias, where a person making an initial assessment of another person, place, or thing will assume ambiguous information based upon concrete information. A simplified example of the halo effect is when an individual noticing that the person in the photograph is attractive, well groomed, and properly attired, assumes, using a mental heuristic, that the person in the photograph is a good person based upon the rules of that individual's social concept. This constant error in judgment is reflective of the individual's preferences, prejudices, ideology, aspirations, and social perception. The halo effect is an evaluation by an individual and can affect the perception of a decision, action, idea, business, person, group, entity, or other whenever concrete data is generalized or influences ambiguous information.
Sounds like this thread alright.
>>11107>You're in a thread full of women who are like 'yeah i've met cute guys before and they've actually been decent people'
I'm in a thread full of people claiming looks=personality.
>so the anecdotal evidence suggests that no, not every 10/10 dude is a sociopathic jock and the fact that you expect them to be says a lot about your own prejudices.
I never said that, I simply used the same logic in reverse to demonstrate how foolish it is.
>>11109>they can't possibly be good people! they're just TRICKING you into thinking they're good people!!
you sound both paranoid and delusional.
Please have this starfish, cc.>>11114
That's true, though. Have you ever looked into the concept of face and face negotiation theory?
Your post, for instance, has the purpose of challenging another anon's view. Why would you want to achieve that? I honestly doubt it is only for the purpose of being kind nor feeling good about yourself.
>>11105 > No one is saying "handsome" men are incapable of using you
Did you even read this part of my reply?
>In your described situation where handsome man has a greater range of choice. That means he doesn't need to care about women and their feelings. Handsome guy can treat women like garbage, it doesn't matter, he has choice and he will always have choice.
Yes. They do have choice. Good job on figuring that part out. That's part of the point. People are trying to say that "ugly" men are more desperate, they have less choice, so they're more likely to sexualize/put a ladyfriend in the fuckzone instead of seeing her as a friend only.
>Do you think a handsome guy who women throw themselves at is going to respect women? etc.
Yeah, good thing we're not talking about romantic relationships. Just friendships between men and women. romantically, I'm inclined to think both levels of physical attractiveness are as bad.
>Friendships are part of relationships
My bad for not clarifying that I meant romantic relationships and not friendships.
i'm not doing this for me. i legitimately think that this anon needs to re-evaluate their perception of socializing. it's not healthy or normal to immediately jump to the worst possible conclusion like>they must have an ulterior motive! they're lying to me!
upon encountering an attractive person who treats them well. their prejudice based on attractiveness has already influenced their perception of another person's character. that attitude is neither logical nor beneficial.
As long as these questions remain unanswered we can assume all men only talk to women for sex.
>>No one is saying "handsome" men are incapable of using you>Did you even read this part of my reply?
Yes, but I also read the thread and the posts in it which made it very clear that the claim is handsome looks=good personality.
>Yes. They do have choice. Good job on figuring that part out. That's part of the point. People are trying to say that "ugly" men are more desperate, they have less choice, so they're more likely to sexualize/put a ladyfriend in the fuckzone instead of seeing her as a friend only.
Now how does that work? If a ulgy guy is in desperate need for love and closeness, going all guns blazing is a social suicide.
>Yeah, good thing we're not talking about romantic relationships. Just friendships between men and women. romantically, I'm inclined to think both levels of physical attractiveness are as bad.
My point remainds. If a guy knows he can pick and choose any woman anywhere without establishing any deeper emotional connection, why would a guy like that see a woman as his equal? He would also get agitated if someone didin't happen to find him attractive because he's not getting his way.
>>11121>He would also get agitated if someone didin't happen to find him attractive because he's not getting his way.
that's untrue, and this is the entire point. a confident man wouldn't get agitated because he knows there's plenty more fish in the sea, so he can afford to shrug it off if he's rejected and keep looking. insecure guys (ugly or not) are more likely to lose their shit because their self-worth is being based on how they're perceived by the opposite sex, so rejection to them is like having their ego bashed apart with a rock. the only way to protect their ego is to attack the person who threatens it, which is why you get the 'reeeee shallow roastie whore gtfo' reaction from those guys.
Still unanswered. Men are afraid to snswer because it proves they’re scum.
More than I have male friends. Us GIRLS tend to grow up playing with GIRLS and bonding with GIRLS which means most of my friends are FEMALE just like ME. I can promise you that I have no sexual interest towards any of them. Why is is that every time someone steps out of the line and breaks the """"""""rules of womynhood"""""""" she is automatically accused of being a man?>>11123>Still unanswered. Men are afraid to snswer because it proves they’re scum.
I ignored because it's so retarded. I refuse to believe someone is so delusional that they cannot fathom the idea of a girl disagreeing with their twisted world view. Disagree with something? Wowzers you possibly cannot be a girl!
Sometimes I think these posts are from misogynists who try to make women look bad by behaving irrationally and hysterically, exactly how they portray women in their forums. Well, maybe not, but I still think it's extremely misogynist to think all women should think and be alike.
I'm not getting banned for disagreeing, but I know I'm going to get fellow "sisters" to jump on me for the wrongthink. It happens every time when I refuse to participate in any kind of hysterical fearmongering.
Kek this. Like who cares who has whichever opinion.
isn't the actual fearmongering coming from the anon who's like 'all attractive guys are douchebags just pretending to be nice in order to get sex'? that's way scarier than the idea that some attractive people are actually just…nice people.
You completely missed the point. I simply turned the logic upside down to demonstrate how stupid it was to judge people solely based on their looks, and then people went crazy. I don't think all attractive guys are bad, I don't think all ugly guys are good, that's not what I'm saying at all. That's exactly the mindset I'm speaking against of. Treat people as people, not as faces.(You were asked to stop)
I'm not sure which posts are yours but >>11057
is the most responded to post itt so I assume that's the one that you're referring to people going crazy over? but i think that the problem is that post made this unsubstantiated claim > if the guy being nice is ugly, he's deceptive and manipulative asshole
up until that post, nobody had even brought up ugliness in the context of how it affected a man's perceived personality/social status, only in how they felt it affected their own treatment at the hands of the opposite sex. that poster essentially started a shitstorm over nothing. that's probably the reason (if you were that poster) then people might have drawn the conclusion that you were a guy who was feeling defensive.
Nobody is saying looks=personality you retard. We're saying that when attractive people actually want to get laid they wouldn't really need to bother pretending to be nice in order to do so. I can't tell if this is a deliberate strawman or genuine bad reading comprehension.
>>11106>There's a direct correlation between being attractive and people thinking you're a good person.
Guys who have kind of goofy looking features and are preferably short and thin. I have a real thing for big noses and ears that stick out for example.
I suppose it's fitting since I have a bit of a goofy look going on myself. Not hideous, just kind of silly.
How did they measure physical attractiveness? Did I miss it?
>Do straight guys ever act nice to girls when they’re NOT trying to get laid
Yes, if they're your family members.
Post cock or abs or gtfo
If you would allow me to sit at your table for a moment, I'd really love to discuss this subject a bit in length.
I'm a male
and one of my best friends is female.
I will admit that at some point I did have feelings for her, but as our relationship matured that sort of passed.
I'm inclined to say that I believe we grew past something like a heterosexual relationship and simply moved on to something much more meaningful.
I consider this person one of the most dear people to me, and whether they're male or female is not a factor at all.
A connection between people can be formed regardless of gender and intent, and at the end of the day that is all we want. A connection with someone.
Someone to share with, someone to help us in times we need help, and someone we can help as well.
The fact is, a normal heterosexual relationship is just the easiest way to form one of these bonds when it comes to the opposite sex.
The reason why we don't see these non sexual relationships between men and women more is due to culture and the way religion, especially Christianity, and (((them))) created a stigma for these types of relationships, but I won't get into that too much.
To stop digressing and go back to OP's original question; yes.
When I meet someone, I try to first see them as a person, and not what gender or sex they are, and I live by the notion of treat others like you wish to be treated, so yes I try to be nice and respectful to everyone. That doesn't change whether I think the girl is really cute and just my type, or is some cave monster from the plains of Rath'Gul in the Outer Rim.Most men, outside of trashy tv dramas, aren't the sexual predators you're led to believe we are by poisonous media.Just as I trust that not all women are vapid whores, as the media wants me and my fellow men to believe.
Please, remember that we're all people, and that we all just want some respect and company.
Don't turn away or distrust men just because they're being nice to you and you think they have some evil motive to pump and dump you.
And to the anon that's talking about "ugly people see everyone as a target because they're desperate and beautiful people don't", please stop.
I understand why you would think that, it does sound like it makes a lot of sense, but you're removing a person's humanity from your equation.
I've had the luxury of meeting all types of people, and the thing that I've noticed is that, people who are, let's say not attractive, tend to be more realistic and pragmatic when it comes to human relations. They learn the hard way to not remove the factor of humanity from people.
Sure, there will always be /r9k/ type, the ugly degenerate creep, but those aren't really people and they are a minority.(YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US)
>>11158>Most men, outside of trashy tv dramas, aren't the sexual predators you're led to believe we are by poisonous media.>Just as I trust that not all women are vapid whores, as the media wants me and my fellow men to believe.
This is true. I don't want to think all
men are like that because I know of us aren't nice to men just because we want their money or have an ulterior motive. I hope I'm not just naive.
You seem very fair, but it should be said that your confession that you at least used to have feelings for her kind of undermines everything.
C-can I answer? I thought outing yourself as a male was formally forbidden but since you asked… I'm reasonably kind with both men and women without having some ulterior reason, though I admit if the girl is cute I'll probably get more anxious than normal. Unless, like other anon posted, the girl is a literal 10/10, in this case I just can't see her as a possible girlfriend. I have some girl friends as well and don't really want to date any of them, though I'd probably have sex with the ones I think are hot if they wanted as well lmao.
As for the anons discussing about hot guys treating a woman well, I'm inclined to agree with the anon saying they are so used to women flocking to them that they simply stop seeing girls as humans. They also tend to be really good at socializing due to a lot of "training" since childhood, so they simply get really good at making people think they are good, kind hearted people, when in reality a lifetime of getting their way tends to make them used to it, and they don't react well when someone doesn't do what they want. Of course it can't be generalized, I know some attractive dudes who are great people. As for the ugly guys, they simply get so used at being ignored that they can't help but become bitter. Because of that, I think average men are the most likely to be reasonably good people.(YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US)
Wow you actually made a solid point
It's the latterConfirmed by my own straight male friends
>>11161>As for the ugly guys, they simply get so used at being ignored that they can't help but become bitter.
Maybe it's more common for men because the (unspoken) expectation is for them to initiate. But a lot of ugly, bitter, resentful people don't even try
to lift themselves out of their own misery. It's easy to get ignored when you don't do anything special and brood that nobody pays attention to you. You become jaded and cynical and project your insecurities on others.
when i was a teenager i had horrible self-esteem and a tendency to angst. i thought i was so smart and insightful, but i wasn't socially proficient and couldn't understand why other people who were 'dumber' than i was were popular and i wasn't, so i figured it had to do with me being ugly or a nerd or something and those people were just shallow, mean jocks.
turns out that no, people just don't like making friends with the one kid who's constantly self-deprecating and depressed and wasn't interested in learning about your hobbies/interests if they didn't already match up with my own. as an adult, i've realized that even if i'm not feeling it, walking around with a smile and an interested/positive attitude will attract people to you. they want to know what your secret is. everybody is unhappy in some way or another, so if you project happiness and contentment in your own life (even though you can be cynical and/or bitter af on the inside as much as you like), people will be drawn to you like moths to a flame. that's my trick, anyways.
The feelings came later, they weren't the driving force of the relationship.