/feels/ - Advice & Venting
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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Anonymous 12577

>be me
>never had irl bf before, no males interested in me
>random girl with her group of friends calls me over to ask if i think her friend is cute because he needs a gf
>i do
>i joke around/act really lighthearted about it because i'm too afraid of rejection but i try to show that i am interested in him
>send him two texts that are just joke flirting and he ignores them
>the next, call out something very purposefully silly (unsure of how to actually start a conversation while showing interest
>"hey babe do you still need a girlfriend" "are you friendzoning me?"
>he stays silent and just flips me off
>been in a huge crisis/anguish about this throughout all of this, think about him all day
>suddenly understand that he might just think i was messing with him instead of being cold and rejecting me
>im fucking dumb
d-does it sound like he thinks i was messing with him/im messing with him? how do i casually reverse this? i'll see him tomorrow again at lunch break
help help help

Anonymous 12578

oh god i feel like the biggest dummy in the world i just didnt know what else to do
but im going to probably kill myself if it turns out he was just really rejecting me

Anonymous 12579

I feel embarrassed reading this, haha.
Sorry, I have nothing constructive to say. I was never a spergy awkward teen, just a boring quiet one.

Anonymous 12580

Don’t kill yourself! I’m not sure what he meant, but unfortunately it could (but doesn’t need to!) be that they were goofing around and they didn’t expect you to say yes, so the phondnumber was just out of politeness.
If you want to practice basic (written) conversation exercises and text exercises, email me at [email protected]
I’ve already helped a few people here!

Anonymous 12581

You can get another boy if this one was really rejecting you. We will help you.

I hope you're a woman because I've seen you offer your email to other people here. Can anyone who have been in contact with this anon tell us if they're female?

Anonymous 12582

Try messaging him and say you weren't messing with him incase he took it that way
His response should imply whether he thought you were messing or whether he's just not interested

Anonymous 12585

I never thought I would be the spergy awkward teen, but here I am..

his friend who did it was an overenthusiastic female who had a boyfriend herself so maybe she was just doing it without considering what he'd really feel/think about it while assuming it was for the best, i don't know
i'll write that email down, thank you

i dunno honestly, i think it'll be a long time before another boy likes me, thank you though

AAAAAAAAH but now I'm AFRAID to because what if he ignores that message tooooooo

Anonymous 12586

>tfw go home and fantasize about hugging him and holding his hand and watching movies with him
>go back to school and just shout "hey babe do you still need a girlfriend" in a mocking tone i didn't mean to use

seriously how could i have let this happen..

Anonymous 12591

>just shout "hey babe do you still need a girlfriend"
That's alpha af, I don't understand why it's not working.

Anonymous 12592

Because he is a loser, bullet dodged

Anonymous 12593

this is the only thing you can do. either he's not into you or he's withdrawn/thinks you're teasing him. just have strong skin in case its the former, there will be other boys.

Anonymous 12594

iunno why its not working either, maybe my playful/sarcastic tone and irony ruined it

i am really not sure what it is, i talked to him again today and am just more confused than ever still, i genuinely can't tell if he hates me for no reason or if he thinks im messing with him and is just trying to avoid it idk

Anonymous 12595

Just tell him you want to go out with him already. If everyone just did that half the population would probably be happily married by 23. Instead everyone's too lonely and afraid to stop being lonely and afraid. I mean, Jesus flaming Christ all anyone really wants is to be held.

Or we can all just keep staring at people we really fancy and never do anything anyway and occasionally every other night stay up until five AM sobbing into a pillow about the person who probably would have made you happier than you've been before if only you'd said something half a decade ago.

Why are human beings so scared of our social and romantic emotions? Is this some evolutionary hang up from when Grug was just as likely to bash your skull in as share his berries with you?

Whatever, I don't know anything except I'm fucking lonely.

Anonymous 12596

I don't know, either I doubt he'll take me seriously or even if he does I ruined everything with my original approach. You put this really well, I am too lonely and afraid to stop being lonely and afraid. I didn't even just want to be held before, I hated the idea of physical affection or romantic connection but he just lit this stupid spark inside me that gave me the deepest sense of longing for that. I hate it

It sounds like you had an experience vaguely similar to this that you didn't take the chance on with how personal that got. I'm sorry

Anonymous 12597


tfw grug does not share his berries with u

>I didn't even just want to be held before, I hated the idea of physical affection or romantic connection but he just lit this stupid spark inside me that gave me the deepest sense of longing for that.
Something like that happened to me. A friend tried to set me up with someone a couple years ago and it didn't happen (because I was being a scaredy cat) and it actually really fucked me up. I didn't even want to be with this person, me and them not happening wasn't what upset me, it was that the whole thing like.. reset my mind and made me realize how lonely I was and how bad I wanted to be in a relationship with someone I like and how it's probably not going to happen, where as before that I somehow magically didn't care at all for many years. These days it's almost all I think about.

Anonymous 12598

i cant tell if its just a general feeling or if its just him i want to be with but im pretty sure its just him even though i dont even know him well. i'm sorry you had to go through that, how cruel of life to force that onto you

Anonymous 12599

Men don't like playing games and going around in pointless circles.

Just send him a straightforward honest message saying what you want and apologizing if it seemed like you were doing something else.

Your intent will (hopefully) get across and you can finally either get together or not.

Anonymous 12653

He probably thinks you were making fun of him. Dating is like a Kabuki theatre where you have to imply things rather than outright say them. Especially if he's a guy who 'needs a girlfriend' he's probably a little shy and awkward and would percieve it badly. You've also made yourself seem either weird, desperate or easy; all things that will worry someone.
Salavageable if you maybe say you were drunk or if you want to be more risky just come out and say you were feeling awkward about it- maybe he'll respect the honesty

Anonymous 12655

Just suck if the fuck up, be blunt, and be honest. Don't lie and make an excuse for your behavior, apologize for possibly coming off as a bitch, and be fucking sincere when you ask him. Guys can be pretty dense when it comes to stuff like this especially if they're used to being the nerd/loner.

Anonymous 12665

I don't know.

I spoke to him again on Friday and yeah it went terribly but it was a bit better than before. I was walking down the stairs to get back into the school and passed him sitting with his friends

>HEEY, it's my government assigned boyfriend (second time I'd said that to him)

>group either makes 'oooh' noises or laughs
>I don't want to talk to you
>That's mean
>I know, right?
>So are you just playing hard to get?
>Yeah, right, that's totally it..
>Come on
>Whatever, go away and talk to your friends
>I don't have any friends

I don't know. I think he might just be a hard to crack person and things will get better if I keep trying. He seemed taken aback when I told him I didn't have friends. He probably just doesn't understand that I'm just a sperg instead of a popular slut/bitch.

Anonymous 12666

I dunno, I think instead of actually just bluntly asking him out after all of that I'm just going to actually just ask him why hes been so mean to me/if I've actually done anything wrong, but I don't think I can do that in front of his friends (don't males hate that?) and dunno when I can manage to catch him alone

Anonymous 12667

You say you don't have friends but you sound alpha as fuck

Anonymous 12694

Let me say that, out of context, it really just sounds like you're fucking with him and he's somewhat defensive because he thinks you keep teasing him
You should probably just talk to him alone and be more straightforward about genuinely being interested in him

Anonymous 12696

I think you should leave him alone, honestly

Anonymous 12701


I don’t understand why you keep teasing him when he’s not being receptive to it. If I were him I’d just think you were making fun of me. I’d be a little intimidated, honestly.

Idk, maybe send him an “are you doing ok?” text since he seems distressed and try to establish that you aren’t fucking around with him and that you actually care. Or just leave him alone.

Anonymous 12706

yeah I think at this point I don't have friends because everybody assumes I have them already

you guys are right, i think this is really just getting stupid of me and i don't think i'll talk to him again unless i can catch him alone to explain to him i didn't mean to act like i was teasing him and i just don't know how to handle things well

Anonymous 12708


It’s okay anon, we all make social fuck-ups. <3
I still don’t think it’s a terrible idea to try to resolve things with him if you really have feelings for him, who knows what the future could hold.

Anonymous 12709

>>HEEY, it's my government assigned boyfriend (second time I'd said that to him)

Serious question: are you actually on the spectrum?

Anonymous 12710

Jesus fucking Christ just be sincere and ask him out.
"Hey, I'm sorry if I ever came off like I was messing with you. I really do kinda like you and would like for us to maybe go on a date and get to know each other a little more." Just be fucking honest.

Anonymous 12737

no, i was joking

Anonymous 12766

Spoke to him again at lunch break, he was an asshole again but one of his friends told me he's just going through a hard time in life right now. I think he just needs someone to be there for him despite his exterior

Anonymous 12768

if he's such a jerk maybe you shouldn't try to get with him anyway

Anonymous 12769

Considering the OP was acting like a rude sperg, then I don't blame the guy for reacting in a negative manner.
Really think you should step away and let a close friend (not you) be there for him.

Anonymous 12889

i spoke to him again today, i'm still not able to approach him without getting nervous but i am more comfortable now, sorted things out and he's warming up to me
things rly are aight

Anonymous 12936

Everything you've said in this thread reminds me of myself a few years ago back when I had hope of finding love, but I never did anything about it. I expected from the beginning of this story that it would end badly for you, but I'm surprised at how you handled it in the end. Even if it doesn't work out with this guy, I'm sure you'll be able to find someone.

Anonymous 12957

Yeah its alpha AF but think about it. A lonely guy, needs his female friends to get him a girlfriend. He is just shy. Unfortunately, if you say stuff like, "hey babe" or "are you friend zoning me," it might sound like you are mocking him rather than actually showing interest.

>iunno why its not working either, maybe my playful/sarcastic tone and irony ruined it
I think that's the problem. He doesn't know if you are genuine or not. Obviously you are genuine but he doesn't know that.

>Just send him a straightforward honest message saying what you want and apologizing if it seemed like you were doing something else.
This is overall the best option. Just apologize and say something along the lines of
>"Hello ANON, I think we started off on the wrong foot. I'm ANON-chan and I really think that you are cute"
Some guys are just dense or shy, sort of like what >>12653 said.

>Just finished reading

STOP, your just digging a bigger hole for yourself! At that point, your just flat out teasing him and at worst, putting his friends against him.

I really don't think he is an asshole. He literally sounds like a shy kid who is being bullied by a random girl he met a week ago.

I'm glad things are working out between you and him. Just remember to
I know that most guys usually like to take the lead, its just that it is not this guy. Just remember that out of the 2 of you, YOU are the more confident one. He is a shy kid who never had a gf, take advantage of that.

Anonymous 12994

This is where many people go wrong, you have to build a relationship. I can see that you've gone in too hard and fast as he's pushed you away for it.

What he needs is a friend. It's fairly obvious that he's either a) depressed and feels like the joke flirting texts are actually attacks on him or b) is genuinely not interested in you.

What you can do to help your situation is to pull back and talk to him like a friend, then ask him out for food/coffee/whatever it is normal people do but treat him as a friend. It's obvious he isn't interested in you (for the time being), so don't push it or he will be driven further away from you.

And I recommend keeping contact minimal but supportive. If you're genuinely interested you're going to have to play the long game and see how he responds, find out his likes and dislikes, what his hobbies are (if any) etc. You're going to have to put some effort into this if you even want a friendship, let alone a relationship.

Anonymous 13015

I disagree, it seems like their conversations and his responses up to this point were the result of a comedic misunderstanding. I don't think he genuinely understood what her intentions were, and if the air were clear, he would reciprocate a more romantic relationship than one that starts platonic and build up over several months. They sound pretty young, and at that age, no guy has time for that slow burn Hollywood movie crap

Anonymous 13032


What would you do if someone you're not interested in is constantly barraging you with flirty messages?

What would you do if you think someone is trying to mess you around?

He's either not interested or thinks that he's being messed around with. It's likely the latter but in any case she needs to take a step back and try to be friends before beginning a relationship. You don't try to run before you can walk, you have a friendship that becomes a relationship. It took me 2 years of friendship before I had a relationship out of it and before that it was relatively unfufilling one night stands.

Since neither of them have tried the dating game it's best that she takes this angle rather than the fast, instant gratification way. They are going to need time and take each other out on dates as time goes on. This is going to need work and may take a long while to develop as they don't know where the boundaries are. I'm afraid you have to work a bit for a decent relationship, and take it slowly without losing interest.

Anonymous 13054

This is giving me flashbacks to when I was 15 and thought this boy could be into me, so I started messaging him but he wasn't into me AT ALL and he ignored me. I haven't liked a boy ever since that day

Anonymous 13055

that should be an avril lavigne song

Anonymous 13063

I have started just treating him like a friend and things have started going better, I'm just taking it day by day at this point but we speak at least once a day and sometimes more though. He looks at me more too

Anonymous 13065

Also I stand with his friend group now, I don't have much to add into their conversations sometimes but its nice to just stand near him and be around him.

Aaaand I did clear things up, basically
>walk up to him and just ask him why he hates me so much
>he told me that I verbally assaulted him a joking tone
>"Oh my godd I'm sorry I didn't mean it I like you"
>we laugh together for a bit
>offered him a cig, talk a little bit more
>I also broke my lighter that day and he asked his friend to lend me his lighter which is a nice gesture
>We stood together for a while with his group of friends
>Stood with him again this morning, repeat, and later I stood kind of near him but not with him and he kept looking over at me/we made a bit of eye contact

I think it really will only evolve and get better from here

Anonymous 13068

Not to get gay but My GOD I'm so glad things are at least VAGUELY CLEARED UP I'm really VERY VERY happy, I couldn't stop smiling in class after speaking to him earlier, I would just get home and feel miserable every day when things were going bad but I really feel like I have something to look forward to now it's just the nicest thing ever to be able to stand by him and look at his face and the way he talks to his friends I am so excited for the future and how things will evolve if they do

Anonymous 13070

This is making me uwu I'm happy for you both anon

Anonymous 13073

>offered him a cig
>I also broke my lighter that day and he asked his friend to lend me his lighter
glad to see west virginia is getting some representation on here

Anonymous 13081

You’re friendless and a smoker? How and when did you pick it up?

Anonymous 13085

i smoked my aunts cigarettes starting out, shes a heavy smoker who bought cheap untaxed cigs in bulk online. around the start of this school year she noticed and didnt flip out but started keeping them fully out of reach so i just asked a few people smoking in front of the school where to buy them and one person sells me them but we don't speak outside of that

Anonymous 13206

Did he texted you first?

Anonymous 13211

Thanks for keeping us updated, anon. I hope everything will go well for you two!

Anonymous 13235

No Anon

Anonymous 13236

Thank you!

Spoke to him again on Friday and told him I'd miss him over the weekend. Nice to have something to look forward to again

Anonymous 13317

Please keep us posted on what happens, I want you two to be happy

Anonymous 13340



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