>>13786>Do you have a fucked up relationship with your mom/dad or both?
Both of them, but primarily my dad because I was subject to him a lot longer and he was a more active abuser. I have no love for my mom, but she's easier for me to deal with. I've been no contact with both for years though.
Sexually/physically/emotionally mentally abused by my dad and brother for as long as I could remember and my mom enabled it for as long as she was around. My brother was the golden child and my dad would jump through hoops to protect/coddle him (even shady illegal things to cover for him), and by extension my mom would do the same while she was around because she just followed my dad's lead. When my mom finally left my dad, she flaked hard on being a mom and didn't try to talk to us or check in on us until she got lonely when all her relationships failed and suddenly she wanted to be apart of my life again, but also she wanted to use me as an emotional punching bag to distract from her own mistakes and flaked out on paying for my tuition after a single semester when she offered to pay for it all. My dad continued to be the a scumbag and raised his son to be the same, also let some other men abuse me later. It's harder for him to write about him because it's so upsetting, but I could go on for a looong time about awful shit he did himself, without even scratching the surface on what he allowed/encouraged my brother/others to do.
>How do you get over it?
The first step was getting out and cutting contact. After that, time, distance, and a lot of work on addressing my issues that are a result of the abuse (an ongoing and probably never ending process). At the time of breaking contact, I was mostly focused on getting away and was driven by a lizard brain response, I was very bottled up and hadn't processed a lot of stuff because I just needed to get by, but now after processing some stuff I'm raging mad about a lot of it, and I'm not sure how I'd react if I was forced to see them in person again, but I also never want to contact them again and I do what I can to keep my distance. My partner is also an indispensable source of support, and I'm putting them last in this post mainly because it feels so disgusting to even write about them in the same post as my nasty family, but honestly they're the best and it wouldn't be worth it without them. I want to be better for them more so than for me, I know it's not healthy but honestly the main thing stopping me from killing myself is them. After working on my stuff for a bit and having some time to experience a 'normal' life on my own, I'm more convinced than ever that quick, minimally painful suicide would be a fine way to go, I mean stuff is okay, sometimes it's even good, but not so amazing I think it's worth dealing with all the crap in my head for the rest of my life, but I don't want to hurt my partner. They're the one light in my life and the best thing to ever happen to me. Sometimes I wish we hadn't met so I wouldn't be burdening them now.