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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Anyone here doesn't talk to their parents? Anonymous 13786

>Do you have a fucked up relationship with your mom/dad or both? Why?
>How do you get over it?

It sucks knowing most people have a normal relationship with their parents but I don't

Anonymous 13789

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>Do you have a fucked up relationship with your mom/dad or both?

Yeah with my mom.

>Why?


She was objectively abusive while I still lived with her. She threw things at me while drunk and laughed as I ran away crying. She came into my room and smashed my belongings into the wall for something I didn't do. I described the ways she treated me and my sister once in a BPD thread a while back.

She left when I was young and almost never called.

She sent me a present for Christmas except it was an empty box, I rubbed my hands in this empty box with nothing but bubble wrap for 10 minutes not understanding why it was empty. I called her that day and she asked if I got the package, then explained that her boyfriend helped her get me a present that year but she needed the money so she returned the gift but mailed a box so that he didn't find out. That was the only year she bothered trying.

On my 19th birthday she sent me an email telling me how sorry she was, how awful of a mother she was and how she should have never left me. I called her 3 to 5 times a week after than and she convinced me to move down to live with her. It made me really happy for a bit but then once she realized I interfered with her sex life(this is just my assumption, I don't know her psychotic reasoning) she kicked me out.

She had the nerve to ask me for money for years after that. I was so used to the way she has always been towards me that I never even felt the appropriate anger until years later, which is when I decided to never speak to her ever again.

If I ever see her again I want to punch her in the face and scream at her.

She is estranged from 3 out of 4 of her daughters because she isn't a mother at all. She was just a party skank that was impregnated by 4 different men, I won the lottery in being the youngest and from the "beta provider".

>How do you get over it?


Time. Being in a relationship helps a lot too. Now a long time can pass without remembering she even exists and this hatred of her is a private world outside such threads. She made her mark on my psyche and I live with carrying that around. Each year that passes I yearn for a mom less and less.

—-

What happened with yours OP and why don't you talk to them?

Anonymous 13814

>>13789
Fuck, Anon. That's really awful, I'm so sorry. My heart really goes out to you.

>Do you have a fucked up relationship with your mom/dad or both?


Both, but my dad especially.

>Why?


My father molested me when I was very young. I didn't remember it at all until a few years ago, but I've always been weird about sexual things, so I had some sort of suspicion (especially after my mother told me she'd caught him molesting my older brother).

Prior to realizing this, when our relationship was okay but strained from the distance, he kept having a new wife, and child from me. When I finally managed to get over it enough to try and repair our relationship, he didn't tell me she got pregnant yet again despite telling me he would.

>How do you get over it?


Like the other anon said, time. I'm lucky in that I didn't grow up around him since I was 4, or have much of a relationship with him due to him living on the other side of the world and only seeing him once every 2 or 3 years. So I guess I never really cared for or felt the need for a father.

Anonymous 13816

>>13814
I know who you are and when you told me this you painted it as you not being sure if that happened to your brother and that it happening to you was something you only vaguely considered just because if it had happened to your brother, well he was around you as well. I gave you really stupid advice because of how you put it to me and your post made me feel dumb as fuck. Idk why you can't just be honest to people.

Anonymous 13830

>>13816

Sorry, but you have the wrong person. For a time, I wasn't sure about it having happened to me, but memories resurfaced about 3 years ago. It having happened to my brother was something I was always quite sure of, it's why my mother left my father. I also never asked anyone for any advice on it.

Anonymous 13831

>>13830
There's no question, it is you St—. I just got upset in the moment because my memory of what you told me was a good bit different, and I was feeling really self-conscious about the bad advice I gave you because of it. You don't even remember talking about it and it's not very kind of me to act upset over something directly related to a huge personal, familial, issue. Sorry for being dramatic.

Anonymous 13832

>>13831
I see. Sorry for being mistaken, then, I'm generally pretty open about it so apologies for not remembering the conversation. Don't feel bad about bad advice; it's something that I've been figuring out a lot more over the last year or so about my father, and also talking about it more brings it back more because I'm repressing it less (finally mentioned it to psychologist for the first time, and my mother) which has given me a lot of clarity on what happened. I'm sure the advice was fine, but I'd like if you contacted me on discord so I can apologize more directly, though I understand if you don't want to.

Anonymous 13834

>>13832
It's for the best that I don't add you. You don't owe me any apologies. If you're trying to feel out who I am I assure you that you're better off not knowing.

Anonymous 14270

I wish I had a close loving family.

Anonymous 14278

>>13786
>Do you have a fucked up relationship with your mom/dad or both?
Both of them, but primarily my dad because I was subject to him a lot longer and he was a more active abuser. I have no love for my mom, but she's easier for me to deal with. I've been no contact with both for years though.

> Why?

Sexually/physically/emotionally mentally abused by my dad and brother for as long as I could remember and my mom enabled it for as long as she was around. My brother was the golden child and my dad would jump through hoops to protect/coddle him (even shady illegal things to cover for him), and by extension my mom would do the same while she was around because she just followed my dad's lead. When my mom finally left my dad, she flaked hard on being a mom and didn't try to talk to us or check in on us until she got lonely when all her relationships failed and suddenly she wanted to be apart of my life again, but also she wanted to use me as an emotional punching bag to distract from her own mistakes and flaked out on paying for my tuition after a single semester when she offered to pay for it all. My dad continued to be the a scumbag and raised his son to be the same, also let some other men abuse me later. It's harder for him to write about him because it's so upsetting, but I could go on for a looong time about awful shit he did himself, without even scratching the surface on what he allowed/encouraged my brother/others to do.

>How do you get over it?

The first step was getting out and cutting contact. After that, time, distance, and a lot of work on addressing my issues that are a result of the abuse (an ongoing and probably never ending process). At the time of breaking contact, I was mostly focused on getting away and was driven by a lizard brain response, I was very bottled up and hadn't processed a lot of stuff because I just needed to get by, but now after processing some stuff I'm raging mad about a lot of it, and I'm not sure how I'd react if I was forced to see them in person again, but I also never want to contact them again and I do what I can to keep my distance. My partner is also an indispensable source of support, and I'm putting them last in this post mainly because it feels so disgusting to even write about them in the same post as my nasty family, but honestly they're the best and it wouldn't be worth it without them. I want to be better for them more so than for me, I know it's not healthy but honestly the main thing stopping me from killing myself is them. After working on my stuff for a bit and having some time to experience a 'normal' life on my own, I'm more convinced than ever that quick, minimally painful suicide would be a fine way to go, I mean stuff is okay, sometimes it's even good, but not so amazing I think it's worth dealing with all the crap in my head for the rest of my life, but I don't want to hurt my partner. They're the one light in my life and the best thing to ever happen to me. Sometimes I wish we hadn't met so I wouldn't be burdening them now.

Anonymous 15673

>>14278
I wanted to reply to you back when you wrote this but it's so much I don't even know how to touch it.

I'm sorry life has been this way for you. It's not fair. I don't know if you care but meeting people like you helps me accept my own physical/sexual abuse much better. I hope you continue to find a way to be okay anon.



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