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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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the "sub chad" Anonymous 14997

Does he exist? Is it worth hoping that i'll find it one day or is it just a myth. Not just sexually submissive obviously, but submissive in general. If he does exist, is he a decent person and not just a womanhater who has a secret femdom fetish? Is it possible to find a nice attractive boy like this?

Anonymous 14998

of course guys like that exist, but they're all "broken" inside.

Anonymous 15000

I kind of figure as much. I've played therapist to boys beforehand and I didn't like it then. I usually attract men who like 'strong women' but so far they've mostly been crazy

Anonymous 15009

What do you mean by "sub Chad," like a liberal guy with a high paying STEM job that wants monogamy and has a psychological need to be pussywhipped by his partner? Sure they exist, I see stories about their messy divorces all over the front page of Reddit lol.

Anonymous 15018

who'll be the breadwinner in this idylic relationship?

Anonymous 15020

Easier to convert a woman-hater into a woman-worshipper than to change people’s fetish preferences. Unfortunately as for your own prefences for attractiveness in individuals, woman-haters (who also tend to have closet femdom urges as you mentioned) tend to for the most part fall under the lower scale.

Also what do you mean by "submissive" as people tend to have their own definitions. You mean the simple stuff like your partner letting you pick what restaurant to eat at or what movie to watch; or the more advanced stuff like humiliation/busting stuff

Anonymous 15022

Honestly I don't think even "ugly" lifestyle sub men exist (who are both passive irl and during sex and respect women). Good luck finding a 8-10/10 who is.

Anonymous 15024

they definitely exist, I have had bfs that fit the bill but don't expect them to act submissive without you specifically asking them to, 99% of women would find this a complete turn-off so it would be stupid to take the risk.

Anonymous 15026

He doesn't have to be rich, just averagey income and hot and not crazy preferably

Anonymous 15027

(Sorry for the doubt post, my phone is being stupid and I can't delete my last reply.)

Well letting me make decisions, yes but also maybe like letting me put him in skirts for sex purposes/tie him up/scratch him up. I don't know; nothing TOO advanced like humiliation I don't really get that stuff

Good question, I think in a few years I could be able to breadwin, but it really depends on what happens with life

Anonymous 15032

"Uwu what do you mean by humiliation you mean the simple stuff like teasing/mocking him and calling him stupid or the more advanced stuff like forcing him to wear skirts or having him willingly pay you to slap him; or the wild-card stuff that actually poses health/mental dangers (laTeX)"

But still everyone has their own weird preferences over what's ok and what isn't. There are probably guys out there who spend $1k+ a month as a paypig yet would lose their shit if a woman corrected him or talked over him. Just as there are incels/robots who get off to giantess fetishism but would whine on a imageboard calling women "subhumans".

Never forget a man always has his ego/arrogance, so even if you somehow find someone who matches your own preferences you still need to mind his ego and his own preferences

Anonymous 15034

I don't want to call him stupid, I'm not sure what I said to elicit such an strong response. I'm not interested in putting someone in a fucking latex gimp suit or anything and I'm not putting him in a skirt to "humiliate" him or calling him names or taking his money. I don't get off on "humiliation"

Yeah, everyone has their own preferences of course but I'm just wondering if boys more likely to agree to submission are always fucking crazy or fucking awful

Anonymous 15035

> I'm just wondering if boys more likely to agree to submission are always fucking crazy or fucking awful

You're answer lies in the question it-self.

Anonymous 15036

bleh, well maybe I'll get lucky and find a nice normie boy who will agree to do these things with me sometimes

Anonymous 15044

Chad is never sub by definition

Anonymous 15045

good looking sub then

Anonymous 15046

it's too bad sexual preferences are not just something people discuss as easily with someone as they would their preferences in pop-media or whether they prefer coffee or tea. So you only get to know what they like if you know them well

Anonymous 15047

handsome, functional and not unstable is all i want
You're right, I wonder if there's any way to get a good idea of what a guy would be into early on. I'm really scared of dating a guy and then finding out he wants to choke me or something.

Anonymous 15055

>Never forget a man always has his ego/arrogance, so even if you somehow find someone who matches your own preferences you still need to mind his ego
This, people are strange. My boyfriend and I had a master/slave dynamic for a while and it went quite poorly with how stubborn he got over some things. In my opinion even submissive men have a weird stubbornness about things they will or will not do. Unfortunately with that dynamic, it has to be an all-or-nothing thing. You can't just selectively pick the things you'll go through with. Needless to say our relationship has soured lately because of how it failed. I've lost some respect for him because he went back on his word.

Anonymous 15056

>In my opinion even submissive men have a weird stubbornness about things they will or will not do. Unfortunately with that dynamic, it has to be an all-or-nothing thing.
no it doesn't? i'm very submissive in bed but there are clear lines i draw because i'm not comfortable with some stuff, am i a stubborn and bad sub? i think most subs do that, men or women. to me it just sounds like you're crazy controlling and can't make compromises at all, do you even see men as anything but playthings?

Anonymous 15057

Yeah, I'm a domme but this reads oddly. If I had a partner who just wasn't comfortable with me waterboarding, branding, or fisting him….fine. That doesn't make him less of a sub lmao. I'd prefer we do those things definitely, but I'm fine with anything gfd and up. I guess other anon isn't lol.

BDSM is fine but respecting your partner is uh, also nice.

Anonymous 15058

My bad, I meant with the master/slave dynamic, it's all or nothing. That being said I never did anything to him that caused harm or overwhelming physical pain. The things I wanted that he refused were pretty tame, like telling him to smile a little more or hitting him lightly in the face a couple times every once in a while. We had talked about M/s for a while before honestly, and he sounded like he really was going to deliver on it and did not. It shocked me especially since we have done more "extreme" things in the bedroom. It is pretty much my ideal relationship type, so I was disappointed but didn't force it. I did make a compromise. I do want him to be happy as well since I love him.

I know most people see D/s entirely sexual but I see it more of a relationship type and how you act towards your partner. The play stuff itself doesn't matter to me as much, but the attitude definitely does. That's why in my case it has to be more of a lifestyle thing instead of solely a bedroom thing. I know it's not for everyone, it's just how I see it and how I'd be the most fulfilled and happy in a relationship.

Anonymous 15060

i think it's VERY difficult to find someone who wants to be submissive towards you 100% of the time. i'm submissive outside bed too and would much rather "follow than lead" (if that makes sense…) but even then there are definitely matters i want my voice heard and make the decision. in fact i don't think you'll ever find someone who wants to be 100% slave without some deep issues within the person. to begin with a relationship will always always always have rough times and fights, do you expect him to worship you even at those times? if he feels you've wronged him, do you want him to just look away and not bring it up or stand his ground?

no matter what way i look at it, it just doesn't seem like a very healthy relationship. maybe i'm misunderstanding?

Anonymous 15061

I've always listened to any complains and opinions he's had, I'm not a dictator. But what you're describing is correct, that's what an M/s relationship is. Essentially, I don't want a life partner who fights with me on things; I want us to work together. I don't want a constant power struggle. If I wanted that, I could go out and find a number of people to disagree and argue with. I just want to come home to someone who will do their best to make me happy in every way possible and feels fulfillment in doing that. I know that sounds selfish in itself but I am a very giving and devoted person to people I love and I need someone to match that.

Perhaps it isn't healthy, but that's just how close I want to be in a relationship. There's always a certain amount of distance in a relationship, but I don't want that distance. That being said, I know it's an ideal and not really possible in real life, I am not forcing it on anyone.

Anonymous 15067

You will probably never find a man who isn't gay who would be happily dedicated to that kind of lifestyle. The role you're describing sounds like most straight men's vision of an ideal tradwife.

Anonymous 15068

Ah, I'm the other domme and I understand now since that's my ideal relationship too. Although my standards are realistic in that I know I'll have to just settle for leading but not completely controlling the relationship, I can imagine feeling disappointed if a guy promised to fulfil the role but couldn't.
That's exactly what it is lmao. There aren't many trad women without abuse so there's even less of a chance of finding a guy like that, I agree.

Anonymous 15082

Closest thing you'll get that's not crazy is a sweet gfd sub. The further you go down the rabbit hole the more mad hatters you'll find.

Anonymous 15208

if you dominate and force your bf into being a dom to you, who is really the dom one?

Anonymous 15209

Now we're asking the real questions.

Anonymous 15217

That's called being a power bottom.

Anonymous 15226

It's called boring.

Anonymous 15234

Love the OP pic. I want a sub chad too.

Anonymous 15267

chad by definition cannot be a sub.

Anonymous 15270

this was already covered in the thread

Anonymous 17143

I actually talked to a guy like this. He was sweet and gorgeous, and i sort of dated him for a while.

Turned out he wanted me to dominate him, tie him up bla bla, i dont even remember everything. I'm pretty vanilla, if not a little submissive myself, so i sorta just ghosted him.

His kik was [[REDACTED]]. Idk if he still uses it but it might be worth a try?

Anonymous 17146

Good effort on the larp pal. You deserve a gold star.

Anonymous 17152


Anonymous 17154

are guys really this dumb?

Anonymous 17450

why isn't there a single kink dating app worth a damn?

Anonymous 17574


No, hetero malesubs are just a desperate type.

Anonymous 17613

There is nothing hotter than a 10/10 chad that hates himself, and where you have all the power in the relationship. Someone kind of like Kurt Cobain to Courtney.

Anonymous 17615

Did anyone else ever have a naive view of submission? I always glorified it, thinking it would be great having someone who loves you to the point where doing things that make you happy also makes them feel happy and fulfilled. But irl the sub is more like "I do this thing because it turns me on, I just want to get off and don't really care about you in the slightest" I mean obviously femdom is sexual, but it seems like with most men and even women there's no emotional aspect to it at all. There's no deeper feeling or commitment or loyalty or even any love at all. You think it would be different with men since they aren't traditionally in the submissive role and would carefully choose who they are vulnerable with, but they're just as promiscuous and gross as most normalfag male doms.

Anonymous 17616

>tfw you're the domme and are the one who wants to commit your life to your sub (via financial support and being physically stronger (no, not into sub chad sorry to barge into this thread))
Feels bad!
I kind of never expected anyone to ever love me, though. One of the main reasons (although it was partially innate) I steered towards a sexuality that objectifies men is because I grew up ugly/hating myself. I didn't want to really exist in the scenario, you feel? And though I've changed now, that feeling lingers.
So, to answer: No, but also yes. I wish it was so but always knew it wasn't.

>just as promiscuous

All men are lmao. That's a hard pill to swallow.

Anonymous 17617

Weirdly enough, I got this way because I love myself and feel that the relationship should reflect that. I have a lot of love and passion, so my partner should compliment me in that way. I have always been squicked out at how submissive women are treated, it looks spiteful and hateful to me. On the contrary, in its ideal form, when I see a man submit, it feels almost elegant and noble to me. Obviously I still have to knock men off that pedestal since this view is quite the double standard. And obviously false, seeing how many of them see pro dommes.

Anonymous 17622

Ugh, the pill that this thread is making me take, how it burns on the way down. I just want a QT sub bf. All I can do is hope that I carry myself and believe in myself enough to law-of-attraction one out of the universe. I will stay strong…!

Anonymous 17653

If there's no emotional aspect to it for the person they're a bottom, not a sub. Bottoms just want things to be done to them while subs are by definition, emotionally and romantically invested in their submission. Porn has appropriated the term though, and most people learn about D/s through porn so there's a stupidly absurd amount of people who think they're subs when they're really just horny bottoms. Learn the distinction and recognize it carefully and you'll save yourself from being disappointed.

Anonymous 17667

Stay strong anon! Know what to look for, and you will find him!

Anonymous 17668

A neurological study of female submissives (meaning active participants in the BDSM scene, not just women with fantasies) found that they have less empathetic responses than control subjects, both in brain activity and in a standard written assessment. I have been completely unable to find any similar studies of male submissives. Not just no similar results, no similar studies at all.

Most male subs are probably similar. However I'm not 100% sure on that; empathy tends to go hand in hand with anxiety and neuroticism in men (because they're fundamentally broken people). Neuroticism and empathy correlate across a huge number of studies, such as this one:
And submission fantasies for males correlate with neuroticism:
>Neuroticism and submission preference (i.e., preference for the dominant male vignette for female participants and preference for the dominant female vignette for male participants) were not correlated for female participants (r1⁄4.03, p>.05), but they were for male participants (r1⁄4.17, p<.01)—that is, the higher the men scored on neuroticism, the higher the preference expressed for the aggressive female suitor. Neuroticism was not associated with dominance preference for either gender.

I'm kind of flummoxed by the relative lack of easily accessible psychiatric studies on male submissives. This can't just be a matter of psychiatry being unwilling to pathologize submissive sexuality, since there's a ton of papers, essays and studies on female rape fantasies and similar. Nor can it be a matter of it being just that uncommon or unconventional; I have found more psychiatric papers on necrophilia than on male submissive psychology in the past few hours of searching and occasionally following related links, and I am reasonably sure there are more submissive heterosexual males than there are necrophiles of all genders and sexualities put together. Unless vampire fangirls count as a category of necrophiles, which was argued in one of those previously mentioned papers.

Anonymous 17670

I'm unsure what any of this has to do with anon's question. The pure inconsistency of a coherent argument and all random assumptions you're making are frustrating though.

Anonymous 17674

>submissive and emphatic men are fundamentally broken people
What does it say about men in general that a supposedly broken one is morally superior and overall better than a supposedly fully-functioning one?

Anonymous 17687

>more empathy = better morality
Come on, this is dumb. Lots of the time you have to be callous to do the right thing, and lots of times you can do the wrong thing out of empathy. They're not connected.

Anonymous 17689


Saw this buff man on a site and thought of you, op. Not sure about his face though.

Anonymous 17691

>fulfill some of my fantasies
>something i've always fantasized about
>me me me me
At the very least he is fit. 90% of men don't take of themselves so it's a start.

Anonymous 17711

Post physique.

Anonymous 17732

On collarspace, there was a cute blonde twink who was an airline pilot. I think he fucked everyone in the sf bay though.

Anonymous 17758

Then why are so many short NEET robots into femdom?
And why am I a domme if my future career is going to be stable, I'm socially forward, and physically strong?

I'm sure nurture always plays some role, but it's never 100% the case that one trait=sub and another=dom(me).

Anonymous 17803

a man, even a NEET, is probably stronger than you

Anonymous 17805

From what I've gathered, sexual and romantic desires (specifically D/s and S&M) seem to be both wired and environmentally gained. The people who are wired that way usually discover it at an extremely young age or their early teens or they're able to look back at all of the obvious signs that they missed as a child once they finally figure it out. Pretty similar to when gay or bi people learn about their sexuality and how they react to it. People who environmentally acquire it through observation of porn, obsession with exoticism, personal circumstances or traumatic events, or interest in the taboo don't have the same sentiment about their sexuality, they aren't usually emotionally invested in it, don't usually consider it a quality of who they are, and usually have unwanted baggage because that's how they acquired the fetish in the first place.

Anonymous 17812


You're really out here saying a small framed 5'2" 100 lbs man is stronger than a stocky 5'6" 170 lbs woman? My experience tells otherwise. Are you the same anon from the other thread who I argued with about this same matter? Like I said, I've worked with skinny men who I have more upper body strength than, it's not unheard of.
>inb4 but ur also an ugly fatty chan kys
Admittedly yes, overweight bmi Big Bitch, but I do work out regularly and most people are surprised by my weight when I tell them, even my doctor.

That's most likely true, that it's different causes for different people. It's similar to other traits, I guess, like some people being naturally shy despite a gentle upbringing while others are forced into their shells via abuse.
I'd definitely identify myself as "wired" this way, it's always been a dynamic I fixated on since I was young. And the fetish for weak men goes way back.

Anonymous 17937

also, you can always overpower a man with some wrestling technique if raw force isn't enough

Anonymous 17975

Based sub manon sacrificing himself to make dommes feel more secure in pursuing them.
You will not be forgotten.

Anonymous 22272

I've been listening to Nine Inch Nails and thinking about this thread because Trent Reznor was kind of into the concept of submission. do you think submissive men are more likely to be drawn to us in the first place if we were to try and act as intimidating as possible in your day to day life? Or would they just be too afraid to engage?

Anonymous 22278

>tfw no qt bf who I can tie up and control his orgasms in private while he acts like regular easygoing guy in public

Not to get too into my kinks, but I don't get off as much on the idea of physically overpowering a smol guy as much as having a not outright feminine guy let try dominating him after some coercion where I then hook him on the feeling and eventually fuck him with a strap on to make him cum and cuddle him after release

I'm a sick fuck, I know. Unfortunately all the dudes out here into sub shit are either closet trannies or feel the need to hide their tendencies with constant masculine posturing.

Anonymous 22282

What gets under my skin is that I can't even decide I want to read erotica or something and go to a bookstore and just get something alright because all women's media expects that we'll want to read about being borderline assaulted by some guy who looks like Fabio. Plus, Men don't like dominant women most of the time. Usually they just want someone they can tell what to do who will agree to punch them.

Anonymous 22286

It's sad, but honestly I'd take a bossy sub over a dom any day. It's not preferable in the grand scheme of things, but desperate times and all.

Anonymous 22287

Yeah I get what you mean. I just hate being told what to do.

Anonymous 22375

Wait………. you just said you want a submissive but he can't have a femdom fetish…….? What? I'm so confused…….

Anonymous 22376

Holy shit I'd give you so much reddit gold for this comment. This is what I agree with. Men can't know what submission is because they can't love.

Anonymous 22377

>if we were to try and act as intimidating as possible in your day to day life? Or would they just be too afraid to engage?

I think about this all the time.

Anonymous 22378

>fulfill some of my fantasies
>something i've always fantasized about
>me me me me
My thoughts EXACTLY. That guy isn't fucking submissive. I hate faggot assholes like him. They don't treat s&m the same as women. Like a sacred spiritual act. Their delusion is funny too. That they think they are submissive but treat women like objects. Just the fact he thinks he's gonna have any luck is fucking pathetic. Guys like this are so common it's sickening. Are there any real submissive males in the world? Doubtful.

Anonymous 22379

Holy shit you said PERFECTLY what I think about almost every male sub I've ever met. I would fucking love to Role reverse go for a virgin guy who actually values giving it away and will rebuttal my advances telling me we need to slow down until he's ready. But that level of role reversal doesn't happen because men are so desperate and degenerate.

Anonymous 22380

I know just what you fucking mean.

Anonymous 23054

never met one before, and I don't think they exist

Anonymous 23058

>men say sex is how they express affection and see hugs and shit as meaningless
>men also say emotions are never involved in sex
I'm done trying to make sense of this.
It's clear men really are just like glorified dogs in regards to how they relate, they can't match women at all in regards to love and emotional connection. But it's fine since they're so darn cute. I will continue to long for hugs and sex with men (well…just one man for life ideally) even if they see no value in it.

I think I've finally concluded this conflict within myself. Sorry for ot.

Anonymous 23063

>I'm done trying to make sense of this.

That's not the same man saying those contradictory things.

And the same man can want different things at different times. Emotions are fickle and can contradict each other.

And he could just be playing tough and pretending he doesn't have emotions because he's afraid of being rejected if he opens up.

And some people just demand maddeningly impossible and contradictory things from their partners without realizing it.

Anonymous 23115

i was thinking about it and i think i'm particularly drawn to this kind of man because they seem more non-threatening to me than other men…

Anonymous 23175


Men say this about us all the time, but the reverse is certainly true when trying to understand their behavior; "pay attention to what they do, not what they say."

I had a bf once who was very quick to tell me he loved me, but treated me like crap, and I got my heart broken because I wanted to believe what he said.

I had a different bf who who was never verbally affectionate, never said out loud that he loved me even when I asked him if he did, but was always kind, considerate, thoughtful, emotionally available, devoted to making me happy, but I couldn't get over the fact that he found saying "I love you" to be difficult so I left him. He's been with his current gf for years now and they look so happy in all the pictures I see him post on fb.

My point is, don't listen to what people say. Does the person act emotionally connected to you? That probably won't just come out in one domain but not the other. Is the person cold and distance except when they want something from you (sex)? That's probably what they really want then.

Anonymous 29244

you might get handsome, but functional and stable is a lot to ask from a sub

Anonymous 29301

>men say sex is how they express affection and hugs are meaningless
Definitely not my bf… he's so handsy. He wants his arm around my shoulder or back at all times. Huggy and cuddly all the time.

Not to say the sex drive isn't there, just that he doesn't seem to ever want to not be touching me in some way, even if it's just holding hands.

Anonymous 30811

>never verbally affectionate, never said out loud that he loved me even when I asked him if he did
In my experience, this is usually because they feel they haven't fully opened up to you.

Anonymous 30818

They put more weight on the word 'love' than you do and are too sincere to say it if they don't 110% mean it. The word is kinda overused in certain contexts but for many it's still very strong. It's actually a good thing. If he returns your 'I love you' so readily then he's just doing it out of social expectation/pressure. It's easier to go along with the flow to keep you happy / get what he wants. It's routine and not indicative of a relationship that's serious and likely to last. The ones who are serious and slow about it are the kind of purehearted (even somewhat innocent) men you want to net because they're taking you and your relationship very seriously.

Anonymous 30819

btw it could also be opposite. He isn't taking it seriously to the point that he can't even be bothered to keep up appearances. The type of person that has no business dating anyone. But you should be able to tell the difference.

Anonymous 31134

It's a shitty situation because both sides of the fetish are disincentivised by societal norms to express their interest in it, and the places that do exist for it are cesspools.

Anonymous 31158

What places are you referring to?

Anonymous 31160


What a beautiful thread
Please, never lose hope

Anonymous 32003

Sites like Fetlife.

Anonymous 32177


>tfw just want a cute boy that's dominant and in-charge in the daylight but has me breastfeed him and stroke his hair at home
Why is it so hard

Anonymous 32216

Mommyshit is ruining femdom.

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