I feel my life is pointless and that ill never reach my goals even though they're simple
I feel like I've made a lot of mistakes in the past that are starting to bite me in the ass now. Especially physical wise that are reminders.
I can do the best I can with the resources I have now but I just feel like I'm stringing along. I'm not depressed but it's harder and harder to find pleasure and I can't feel emotions as strongly as I used to.
Positive ones would be appreciated because sadness and regret don't help at all. I just feel like there's this big wall between me and enjoying things or making meaningful relationships without me feeling self-conscious and I am locked out.
I don't want advice, I just want to be bitter in peace.
I was never socialized properly, and now all of my interactions with other people, however minor, lead to negative fuming. The doubt; the paranoia; the confusion. Are they symptomatic of something wrong with me or is everything supposed to be awful all the time? I'm not a heartless monster. I have concepts of friendship and loyalty and virtue and glory and adventure and trust, they all just turn to moot when I try to materialize them in any meaningful way. I've had no adventures; I've made no friends; there is no one I trust, and by extension, no one I love. I do not meet people, and I am afraid to look at them. I am resistant to change because it seems to me to be futile, and that each attempt at change only serves to further open myself up to ridicule. To people who do not feel this way, I must be ridiculous, and the immediate knee-jerk response, if there is any response at all, is that I am wrong. People are capable of all these things. Maybe then it is just me who is inept? I suppose that's better, isn't it?
And, of course, the lack of interaction makes me feel lonely. I've tried to reach out before in my own small ways. Every year I become more miserable. I wish I could see this world that I hate be destroyed in some kind of disaster. For now I will just do my part by deliberately disposing of recyclable items in the trash.
The winter really makes my depression worse
I just don't want to socialize with anyone anymore , or at least for now
It's been over a year and I still miss my baby
Gorgeous…they look exactly like my baby girl that died last summer. She was 18 and I had her my whole life. We will always miss our babies.
I feel you. But srly what the fuck, this post is 2 years old?
I miss my ex and I wan't to get back with him but we've been broken up for 4 months and out of the time's he's messaged me he just wanted to stay friends :(
my ex nicely told me that I need to focus on my independence but I am, and I just wanted to talk to him but now I'm embarrassed and sad
i dont want to keep living here but i still have another year of college. im also torn about moving closer to school bc thatll make me farther from city, but living with my parents now in my childhood bedroom is making me increasingly suicidal
i had plans to leave after high school and move to another state but i wussed out, 4 years later and im still here. i feel so trapped
My mom is a great person so idk why she has a complete garbage daughter like me. It’s not her fault tho, i’m just a really trashy person. I wish i was never born, never existed in this life. My mind keeps getting blank randomly and i’d do nasty random things that hurt other ppl, i feel like a useless robot and it’s getting worse recently
This is really tough to go through, and telling yourself you're a bad person is a negative feedback loop that is hard to break. I managed to break it somewhat last year by saying to myself "I am a bad person, because I am lazy. I do what is easiest for me, and palm it off as me just being a bad person. I can change, I can be good." I'm still a flawed individual (who isn't), but I am so grateful I had that realisation for all the self improvement I've managed to accomplish.
I hope everyone here sees brighter days soon, and whatever demons you're battling go away. Stay strong everyone.
Yesterday my grandpa had his first radiation treatment for his cancer that returned rapidly. He also was diagnosed with dementia less than a year ago.
I was raised by my wonderful grandparents and don’t have a father, so I feel like father figure is fading away. Due to covid and living on my own, I can’t even give him a hug or visit him inside our family home, only front yard visits are being allowed.
I’ve been abusing drugs to escape my reality and it’s affecting my schoolwork greatly, I just submitted a withdrawal request for the classes I have this semester so it doesn’t affect my gpa. Everything’s a mess.
>>36096>lets make the situation worse by taking drugs
nice logic you had
i hope you stay strong. the other two anons are kind of right but I can imagine how horrible you must feel.
My dad has dementia and it's getting to the point where when I email him about my mom, he thinks I'm talking about his mom. My grandparents on both sides also had dementia. I don't want my dad to forget who I am.
I'm just not having a good day in general. It woke up tired, got upset at my bf and started an argument, and then ran into a fucking bush on my bike ride to work and fell down. I then spent the rest of the commute crying and feeling sorry for myself. I've been sleep talking lately and not sleeping well, I don't do well in the heat and my home life is stressful. I want somewhere quiet to go home to and relax and do the things I like. But I don't even have any hobby or thing I enjoy any more.
I have no friends other than my boyfriend and when he hangs out with his online friends I get so jealous I want to die. I can't make new friends because of the pandemic and all the active online communities I find that cater to my interests are filled with troons and coomers. I can't take this loneliness anymore.
Do you have discord? I'm in a similar situation and we could help each other with this if you want
>>36096>I’ve been abusing drugs to escape my reality
how weak and pathetic do you have to be to do this. I've never even considered doing something as scummy as this, have some repect for yourself and your family, or maybe not. You're grandad is probably at fault for raising such a laughable failure anyway.
NTA, but weak and pathetic enough to feel bad about her father figure dying. Kudos to you for meeting the societal norm though.
go on, encourage her cowardly behaviour or tell her how brave she is. lol
Who said anything about her being brave? All I said was that she was weak enough to be effected.
>>38490> I've never even considered doing something as scummy as this
Nah, you take the high road of insulting random people online. Lmao square up bitch
can't take a bit of criticism on the internet? spend your time elsewhere, lol
i can barely speak/write english properly despite being native to the us and i feel retarded because of it
Why would you feel retarded?
because it's the only language i know & i barely know it
im NTA but you lolcow/kiwi/gc bitches ruin every thread you touch. this is the sadpost thread, not the be a giant cunt thread.
You could self-study online for free. Or find a kids grammar game you find amusing and play through it.
If you like fanfic, try writing some and having someone beta it for you. You’ll probably slowly improve.
why exactly do you feel like you can't speak/write? your posts seem fine enough
I know it's a awful idea to risk outing my identity but there has been an active thread on me in the farms for a couple of years now and I really cannot take it anymore.
I think about taking my life every day and have ended up forced into public hospital multiple times as a result from attempts and it was traumatizing.
Shockingly I have enough self-control to have only read one of the threads once and I didn't respond to anyone, and most of it was complete bullshit blatantly written by people I know personally who have a vendetta against me but it still consumes me. cowtippers have successfully scared a majority of my friends and even role-models into cutting me off.
I'm in no way an "influencer" or ethot cosplayer and do anything I can to avoid attention publicly online but nothing I do discourages them. I wish I didn't care what anons thought about me.
I've done some embarrassing shit on social media when I was going through a really unbearable time in my life but none of it was really noteworthy.
I'm so fucking scared of checking any social media or even discord due to the amount of unexpected death threats I've got, I'm such a pussy.
This is my first time posting here as for my own mental wellbeing I've forced myself to stop lurking lolcow and kiwifarms because even if the threads on me didn't exist they drilled such toxic thoughts and behavior into my brain and I can't stand it.
I feel like in a weird way I deserve this suffering, it's karma for all the years of my life as a teenager where my main source of entertainment was observing /cgl/ era lolcows.
relax, anon. you need to cool your jets.
have you considered deleting any and all of your social media? you might have to simply cut ties with your current online persona, just as a starter.
Yeah, you're right. Sorry for being so dramatic.
I've tried deleting my accounts multiple times and dropped using usernames or icons that could possibly identify me but a couple of specific people end up finding the new accounts every time. On private accounts I get really low effort troll accounts in my requests occasionally.
I've always been pretty paranoid so I never really disclose private info like my age or where I live.
I've also tried just outright quitting social media and having no accounts at all for sometimes up to 5 months at a time but there's always still the couple of people who won't give up.
there has to be SOME sort of identifying information for them to be able to find you, even if they're dedicated. what sites do you use where people stalk you? you may have to abandon those sites entirely, or really go out of your way to genuinely divorce yourself from your usual way (e.g. going out of your way to type differently, not talking about topics you might usually, using a completely new and isolated email acount, etc). if trolls keep finding you, then you must be leaving some sort of breadcrumb trail, you should try to figure out what it is and then eliminate it. this might even involve cutting ties with people you're friends with.
whatever the case, you might want to take a few days of minimal, or no, contact with any kind of social media whatsoever. like, perhaps for a week. give yourself time to see, really see, that outside of the internet, things are Just Fine (or relatively, anyway).
I’ve also gotten posted on there before. I deleted all the accounts that had any association to each other and haven’t had problems since.
turning 21 this year
thinking about getting back into art
i wanted to be some sort of digital artist when i was younger–doing concept stuff maybe–but now i think that's too lofty of a goal. if i could just bring my thoughts to the screen, and not have them look like shit, i'd be honestly happy.
hoping i can stick to a proper study regiment with it though
Whenever I wake up from dreams with my ex in them, I immediately feel suicidal. I feel suicidal that he doesn’t love me anymore and that one day he will find someone else. I put so much effort into the relationship and wanted it to work so desperately. I really want to hurt myself. I loved him so much.
The greatest lie I was ever told as a child that affects my adult life is that men will always desire sex more than a woman.
I would like sex at least 4 times a day if not more. Ideally, with one man. I would understand if he couldn't meet my needs. But in that case, I'd need to be allowed to have sex with others. Sex is my interest. It is my hobby. Sex sustains me. I've written in thread after thread about my relationship. It's amazing. Except I always fear I will be denied sex.
I believe in this lie that if I like sex, the guy I'm with would have sex with me all day long. That's never going to happen. So the problem has to be me, that I'm not attractive enough. I'm undesirable. I'm not worth much. I'm replaceable by porn.
I just want a man to fuck me all day. Please. Forget about porn. I'll work so I can have exclusive sex with one man the rest of my life. That's all I want, God.
I've read some considerable arguments that male arousal begins significantly before erection, and that the neurological and chemical degree of arousal at which most women consider themselves fully aroused is often below what males consider their arousal threshold because their penis isn't in the upright and locked position.
Normally this line of reasoning would be filed under meaningless trivia, but if you can convince a man of it then you might get closer to your own aims. I have no idea how a man would take it if you asked him to stimulate your body with eventual penetration as a bonus but not a necessity, but I suspect he could be trained and acclimated to it. Would you be just as satisfied if you and your man performed non-penetrative sex acts, even simple fujo-with-a-husbando-pillow inspired humping, when he's "not in the mood?" Or would that feel humiliating to you?
Men have some weird things that nobody teaches you about. Like this:https://www.menshealth.com/health/a19543976/inside-post-orgasmic-illness-syndrome/
That's rare, but even the normal male brain turns sad and anxious after sex.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-coital_tristesse
I have no idea how common it is or is not for men to cry after sex, but it seems like it's a pretty common bedroom horror story repeated in casual hookups, and it seems just as likely that wives and long-term girlfriends also have to endure it but feel too humiliated about having a weepy, depressing after-sex experience to gossip about it.
Have you ever actually had sex multiple times a day for an extended (read: past the honeymoon phase) period of time?
>the extended unemployment ends in 2 weeks
>no more getting my regular paycheck for staying home and doing nothing
>i'll have to get a job again
how can they even do this when barely any jobs are hiring. compared to this time last year the market is completely dead.
Thank you for your response. I really appreciate it.
The fujo idea is not bad. I've researched sex machines, but I'm not sure if my boyfriend would feel comfortable with that because they do take up a fair amount of space. Funnily enough, I've experienced that sadness after sex, where I cry uncontrollably, before. My boyfriend appears happy and lovey-dovey after sex, I've never seen him act otherwise so far. It is possible he only acts that way, though, so I will ask him about it. Part of my anxiety is related to the fact I feel like he has sex with me to appease me, rather than because I am desirable. I know I need to work on not caring about his idea of me, but I like to feel desirable through sex. I've never gone out and hooked up with people, only been in committed, long-term relationships. >>38729
I've never been with a man who had sex with me enough. My only two other boyfriends were placated by porn, one of who was very, very pornsick and would abuse me and force disgusting fetishes on me. My current boyfriend is close to fulfilling me, but as it is, we don't live together. I am deathly terrified of things changing when we live together, as I am afraid of things now. We've been together over a year which isn't long compared to my other relationships.
I've always been obsessed with sex as a child. I was basically born masturbating and I masturbated around 4-6 times a day (not counting rounds) before Prozac fucked with my ability ability to orgasm from masturbation recently.
I'm dumb and paranoid of pornsickness with my current boyfriend as a way of him not wanting sex with me in the future, even though I see that he only uses porn if I am not there and not even every time I'm gone. I'm afraid he will change if we live together.
I want a sex-obsessed boyfriend pre-internet era, basically.
This made me laugh, anon. Thank you for a dose of humor in this situation.
>>38727>fuck me as much as I want or I should be allowed to cheat on you
Sec isnt your hobby its your addiction. Youre perfectly describing an addiction here.
I miss my mom terribly but can't go home right now.
How much do you love P in V?
Sometimes I'll just get random spouts of anxiety and depression and I just feel so hopeless and alone. In the back of my head I just feel like crying and I don't even know if the medication I'm taking is helping.
I want to do this prank with straws one day.
I've lost all curiosity and interest. I'm always bored, especially in summer. I have to study but I can't focus. I'm not achieving my future goals. I don't think I'm able to do anything I want. I waste my time doing nothing.
get exercise every day. The hormones related to motivation are activated by physical activity and the ones that kill motivation build up when you are sedentary.
I think a lot of peoples problems comes from chemical/hormonal imbalance in the brain but that the main stream way of trying to correct it with SSRIs is barbaric and stupid. Go watch what neurologists say about brain inflammation and how it can follow a person for life and fuck with everything in that persons life. most of the solutions arent even drugs or anything people can make money off of, its just changing diet and exercising. Exercise is especially important if you have low motivation.