/Aspie/ Feels and Vent Anonymous 19645
Non-spergs are welcome to join in too, but, this is a thread about all the bad (and good I suppose) feels that are a part of a spergy life.
>tfw I've been obsessing for the past three months over a dumb joke I made in front of class
>tfw it takes me a few hours to work up the courage to open an innocuous email from my professor and a few more hours to recover from opening it
>tfw spend a week wondering if my professor hates me because she said something slightly rude
WHY AM I LIKE THIS
I also have trouble with constantly obsessing over embarassing things I’ve done/said in the past. They come up multiple times a day and it’s actually debilitating, it gives me a lot of anxiety and almost makes me want to hurt myself.
Now I constantly overanalyze myself so I don’t create anymore cringy situations but it hasn’t worked. I like to think I’m the self-aware type of autist but I’ll always be socially retarded.
The embarassing memories pop up multiple times a day in my head, I mean.
>>19751>I like to think I’m the self-aware type of autist but I’ll always be socially retarded.
Same boat, tbh I think it makes it worse. I wish I could just be blissfully ignorant of my autism. Some spergs act do really weird stuff every day and act like its nothing and I obsess over tiny faux pas.
I'm the first one, I have aspergers. I've never been tested for OCD.
I’m the second anon, I do have OCD but I’m not sure if it’s related to the flashbacks I have.
iktf anon>be me>mom gives me a nice arsenal shirt i've wanted for months>wear it to the grocery store>on my way to grocery store see a girl>think it's a friend of mine i haven't seen in a long time>run towards her and pat her back>say hi>"um, who are you?">feel embarrassed>apologise>never wear that shirt again because that girl might recognise me>cringe every time i remember it
Oh god, that feel. Last semester at university I said hi to some Asian guy in at school thinking it was a dude I sat next to but it happened to just be some random Asian dude. It was already a bad day and that made it a lot worse. I try not looking at people in the hallways at school so I don't need to say hello to anyone. Whenever I see someone I think I recognize I always agonize over if I should say hello or not and whether or not it is actually that person.
are you literally me? I do the same exact stuff>>19831
lmao, this is why I never approach anyone and also why I wait for my name to be yelled a few times to look and see if someone really is talking to me/knows me. reminds me of one time a person seemed to be looking right at me and said my name, I greeted them confused and trying to be loud enough for them to hear me at a distance and then person apparently with the same name appears from behind me and hugs them, queue sweating and blushing>>19833>I try not looking at people in the hallways at school so I don't need to say hello to anyone
yes… I know people's shoes very well now
How can I become a normal girl? I've been told I have "very male like qualities" [in terms of personality] and I've noticed that my personality/behaviour is so masculine and horribly awkward/autistic/mannish compared to other girls that I literally cannot get along or interact with other girls for the life of me. I have literally made friends with girls only to double text them constantly and act desperate and sort of needy and say cringy shit because I can't help it and wasn't socialised at all when I was a child. Sometimes other girls have even thought I was really cool, only for me to freak out and say something really weird and cringe and uncalled for, and then delete the message (which literally only amplifies the embarrassment) and then remove them from my friends list randomly.
I have constant cringe attacks throughout the day to the point where I want to kill myself. I've sabotaged and messed up every relationship I've ever had with another girl, just because I have a horrible personality and I am highly awkward. I've even acted this spergy with one or two guys. How can I fix this instead of being the masculine, borderline woman-hating fuck I am now?
Why can you deal with boys better than girls? Do you not act spergy around boys?
I mentioned in my post that my personality and way of thinking is very masculine/male-like and online I can easily pass for a guy most of the time. I naturally can only click with, form/bonds connections with and feel comfortable and at home around guys. I do sometimes act a little autistic around guys, but not significantly or frequently. When I'm around girls, I feel strongly like a guy pretending to be a girl or something. I am (or at least feel) way more masculine than any girl I've ever met, even the extremely rare girl I can vaguely ""relate"" with.
Yeah, but, like that is all really vague. Is it possible to be a bit more specific about what you struggle with?
What the fuck are you talking about? How is anything of what I said vague?
I "specifically struggle with" interacting with other girls or relating to them in any way, shape or form whatsoever at all. I've been told I come off as a male. I only feel at home with guys. What else is there to say?
Yes, but, isn't there something specific that you find difficult from girls. All you have said thus far is everything. I imagine there must be specific things that girls do that boys do not that you find difficult.
Are you in university? Most universities have free, one on one professional counselling that can help with these sorts of things.
>waiting for my Prozac prescription
>Not sure if its ready yet
>way too afraid to ask if it's ready
>bought two bags of cookies from the pharmacy
>want to eat them well I'm waiting for my prescription
Afraid it would look autistic
>Consider eating them on the bus but that would look weird too
Also I did work up the courage to ask if my Prozac was ready and they said no. I felt rude and want to fucking die
oh god, don't eat at the pharmacy, you'll catch a cold
That makes sense, I was to afraid to eat them anyways. I just eat the first one right now at home and I was quite underwhelmed. Its been a long time since I had chips ahoy cookies and I remember liking them much more before, but, this was a different flavour. They were really cheap so I'm okay if I just throw them all out.
anon it's okay. Please eat them, no one will give a shit, look at you weird, or even think anything of it. People pay way more attention to themselves than they do to you
>lmao, this is why I never approach anyone and also why I wait for my name to be yelled a few times to look and see if someone really is talking to me/knows me.
Wow, I do this all the time. My name is extremely common so I hear people randomly saying it all the time and I have no idea if they are talking to me or not. I'll be walking in the halls at uni and hear someone say my name and I have no clue if they are talking to me or someone else with the same name.
Looking back I think had autistic tendencies
>intensely obsessed with specific things. Had to have books read to me in a particular order and watched the same three movies over and over again
>used to rock back and forth for hours
>super sensitive to textures and sounds, would melt down if I felt or heard specific things
>only ate the same few foods served in a specific way
>flat affect, little to no eye contact, couldn't read other people
>hated being touched unless I was wrestling or had something heavy on me
Eventually I became desensitized to all of the things that triggered me and learned how to make appropriate expressions and conversation through trial and error. I still hate being touched but now it's less outwardly apparent.
>>19751>"Now I constantly overanalyze myself so I don’t create anymore cringy situations but it hasn’t worked. I like to think I’m the self-aware type of autist but I’ll always be socially retarded."
his is exactly my problem too. I honestly think I'd be happier and actually embarrass myself less if I was still an ignorant sperg.
The social ineptitude is one thing, I can manage it fairly well and it doesn't bother me too much. The thing that kills me inside every day is how my body fails me in the most subtle of ways. Flipping an egg, something I've had to do myself for a decade, is still the tedious battle I often lose at. Or trying to tie my shoes, it takes too much focus and struggle to do, and god forbid I am in public and need to do it quickly. Usually it's so bad I have my father tie my shoes for me, I'm in my twenties for fuck sake. My lack of fine motor skills is chipping away my soul and leaving me an exhausted clump that barely feels human. I'm practically a goddamn invalid.
>>21027>Flipping an egg
As in a fried egg? Why are you flipping it? Just spoon oil on the top. You crazy Americans, next you'll be telling me you keep uncooked eggs in the fridge or something…
>>21047>keep uncooked eggs in the fridge
Are you not supposed to?
I'm 21 and I just accepted I will never know how to tie my shoes at this point. I just wear laceless shoes now. I get comments sometimes "are you just coming from work."
American eggs should be kept refrigerated until they're cooked, because our eggs/hens are raised in deplorable conditions that give rise to a lot of nasty stuff in unrefrigerated uncooked eggs. The rest of the world doesn't have this problem on nearly such a scale, which is why you'll often see Japanese just eating raw egg like it's no big deal.
>>21027>>21041>> Usually it's so bad I have my father tie my shoes for me
That is super cute, I wish I had a dad :(