loner feels/mentally ill feels Anonymous 19914
Is anyone here a loner/hikki/neet or similar? I have severe anxiety problems and I get panic attacks easily when I leave my house that have just gotten worse over the years that I have been out of high school. I won't lie and say that this lifestyle is nice, a lot of the time when I get in my bed to sleep I start crying pretty hard about how this all ended up so terribly, but I couldn't imagine not being a friendless shut-in like I am now. I haven't heard from any of my high school friends in over a year (I'm 22), I think they finally gave up and forgot about me after I just ignored them so much in order to stay inside. I'm at the point where having a boyfriend is like an eternal noon-time fantasy fueled by anime romance tropes and I'll never have the guts to pursue a boy for real, I "dated" a few guys online but those all fell through because they wanted to meet me or just go further than text which is way too much pressure for me. I don't even care about sex, not like I really ever did much since I'm a virgin and it doesn't bother me at all. Anyway, you all seem to have your lives together and I guess it makes me a bit depressed, so I'm just looking for anons to relate to.
Schizophrenic hikki neet on disability here. Been this way for almost 8 years now. I'm just trying to maintain my sanity. Yesterday my mom's boyfriend closed a door and my mind ran to that he shot my mom and selfishly I was more worried that I was next. Luckily it was just a paranoid visualization in my head and not a delusion that felt as real as being there. Nothing so far today which means it's a good day. The only thing I look forward to anymore is looking at the scale and hoping to see the number drop. Fatty-chan but I've gone from obese to almost normal weight even on medication that will jump me up two pounds when I eat two meals a day. I'm not going to have a boyfriend again. I can barely live with the people I love because half the time I'm scared of them. I haven't had sex in over 8 years. I hope I'm not getting worse everyday. I'm definitely not getting better. It's just more of the same and that's the best I can hope for at this point. The only thing I have going for me is my life is pretty comfortable. I can't eat much now that I'm losing weight so food is not expensive. I have a lot of free time to read and study what interests me. I'm learning Japanese for example. I might turn that into a freelance translation job if I ever get good enough at it. Tea is my one physical comfort while I'm awake. Luckily I can buy that off of the internet and have it delivered to my door. My most major expense is all the supplements I take in addition to my medication which I can also get delivered to my door. I'd probably be dead without the internet wholeheartedly. What little social interaction I can get is from being anonymous. It hurts less to do. Thank you for letting me ramble.
I've been a NEET since high school except for 2 stints of having jobs for one summer, one winter, and then 3 years, which was the highlight of my life but I missed all my free time. I'm depressed, have severe anxiety, and chronic illness that makes me incapable of keeping up a steady job, I was on the brink of being fired for all these three years. I can't get up in the mornings no matter how early I go to sleep, I'm up until sunrise every night and the only thing that makes me feel connected to other human beings is the internet. I've had LDRs but they usually hate how much I sleep due to my illness and how I live in filth. I miss the brief time when I was 17 and had real life friends and sleepovers and felt like a normal person just for a little bit. Since then I've been desperately lonely and can't find a way to become normal even though I tried therapy and making friends in my area. I flake out on most meetups. I can't get anything done either in my household or related to my hobbies because I desperately crave company, the only time I was able to keep my home clean-ish was when I had a friend to call every night. Every waking minute I'm stuck to the internet. Even when I hang out with someone I just want to go home and get back into bed with my laptop. I wish I had friends like me who just want to lie in a big bed together being online and talking occasionally. I wish I could be a normie and get up in the morning, go to a part-time job, and meet friends or a loved one. My only friends are animals and wifi signals.
All I really do is study for my classes and sit in my room, on the internet. I know from past mistakes and experiences that I'm unable to mesh with people very well; hence my self isolation.
I also hate the feeling of people looking in my direction, or thinking and talking about me when I'm not there, it makes me sick.
>>19940>I wish I had friends like me who just want to lie in a big bed together being online and talking occasionally.
I have this same exact thought all the time lol, usually I take a 4ish hour nap every noontime and that is when I think about it
Anyone else have trouble with hygiene? Some days I'll get really motivated and shower and do face care and brush my teeth but I'm really lacking on that front. I'm worried about my teeth falling out by the time I'm 50 because that's not pretty but I have no one to look pretty for anyways and I'm not going to so what's the point?
I used to not brush my teeth for 2 or 3 days but now I can't stand the feeling of rough teeth when I wake up.
I've got an electric toothbrush and that cleans the plaque really well so I don't get rough teeth for at least 3 days but I just ignore it even when it does happen. I'm gross. I'm sorry.
I’m the opposite, I’m home 24/7 so I spend a few hours grooming myself every day, I take pride in being prettier than my sister
Why groom if nobody can see you? I live alone and would rather spare myself the bother, expense and skin damage of wearing makeup or damaging my hair by straightening it. I only do that on the rare occasion that I go out.
I live with my mom and her boyfriend. They're really nice people which is why I feel bad for being scared of them a good portion of the time. They mentioned my hygiene habits at first but realized it is part of the illness. I guess it comes from a place of hopelessness on my part. I'm backwards though because I take really good care of my health otherwise.
By groom I meant I shower and shave, do my skincare routine, keep my eyebrows and nails clean, and just mildly style my hair with a blow dryer, I don’t sit around in makeup lol
>>19925>Tea is my one physical comfort while I'm awake. Luckily I can buy that off of the internet and have it delivered to my door.
what brands of tea do you like?
I get all my tea delivered from Upton Tea Imports' website. They have a good selection and may be a little more expensive than a Starbucks tea but the quality is much better. Today I had a pot of Chai and a pot of Christmas Blend. I think I'll have some peppermint tea tomorrow.
I was in a pretty similar situation before I got my first job at 23 going on 24. I couldn't even imagine working before now I work 40 hrs a week and plan on getting a second job on top of it I'm still a friendless loser but I've met a few people who were cool and wanted to be my friend and even had opportunities to date. It didn't work out because of insecurities opening up and social retardation, but it gives me hope for the future.
I was kind of forced out by financial hardships, but I think you can overcome without that push. Get out of the house, at the very least br productive in the house. Cook, clean, improve yourself. I'm sure you just sleep all day and post online. Make a small step at a time. If all else fails just get meds.
You still have plenty of time to turn it around.
Any plans for today neets? I just poured the kettle into the teapot for some peppermint green tea.
Woke up at 6am, browsed the internet, had a can of soup, probably gonna go nap in a couple hours, tonight is potato for dinner and I have lots of sour cream and bacon which I am looking forward to, dinner is usually the highlight of my every day.
I woke up at a quarter to 5 and checked the internet for news and updates and took my medicine. Then went back to sleep until 8:30.
Dinner is nice. I think I'll have a couple of tacos tonight with sour cream and refried beans and all the cheese. I might get spicy and put some Carolina Reaper puree on it. I love all those things.
Woke up at 1 pm, went back to sleep until 3:15, then vacuumed my apartment, took a shower and that's all for today.