[ Rules / FAQ ] [ meta / b / media / img / feels / hb / x ]

/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

*Text* => Text

**Text** => Text

***Text*** => Text

[spoiler]Text[/spoiler] => Text

Direct Link
Options NSFW image
Sage (thread won't be bumped)

Use REPORTS. Posting 'Mods pls' achieves nothing.
Check the Catalog before making a new thread.
Do not respond to maleposters. See Rule 8.
Please read the rules! Last update: 04/23/2020 - No new rules, only clarification added.


Porn and Envy Anonymous 20008

I was using my boyfriend's computer today and saw porn pop up from the search tab. I don't mind him looking at it but it makes me kinda sad that the girls he looks at look nothing like me at all. They're actually quite opposite of me. There's a bunch of results and I don't know if I shouldn't say anything or if i should tell him im uncomfortable.

Anonymous 20011

In what way different? Like obese but you're skelly? Or Amazon but you're petite? Or black but you're white? Or busty but you're flat?
That is slightly worrying. Dating someone you aren't attracted to is retarded and shitty. Your bf might be retarded and shitty.

Anonymous 20012

It was all pretty much asian women. I'm black. These women had huge knockers, I'm flat. It was asian women and hentai. I had no idea he liked any of this stuff.

Anonymous 20013

>I had no idea he liked any of this stuff.
If he is a heterosexual healthy male then he likes that stuff. Do you think the guys on 4chan and stuff are just weirdos? Because they represent average maleness to a T.

Anonymous 20015

That is weird. If none looked like you at all then I would definitely bring it up to him to clarify things.
Speaking personally I only watch porn with guys who are of the races and build I'd date irl.
But many people are retarded, like I said, and date people they find unattractive for some reason. Absolute madness.
>the average man is the same as your average channer
>tfw the average channer is a racist spergy NEET with pedo tendencies
Are you sure about that? I agree most men at least like big tiddy though.
As it seems in my experience most normfags like instagram baddie types atm, or edgy arthoe types.

Anonymous 20016

Spoken like someone who has never met a normal man.
Chantards are pornsick at worst and clueless at best. If you talk to average men, they'll know that porn is something to jerk off to but they're aware that it's completely fabricated and most are weirded out by hentai unless they're already weebs.

Men watch porn and are gross about it, but the average 4channer is a hundred times worse.

OP, a man's porn preference doesn't always correlate with his sexual preference in real life. I've dated men who had weird likes for porn but wouldn't do the same in real life. One of my exes was super into anal porn but found the irl equivalent icky and never wanted to try it, just the clean, sterile porn experience.

Maybe he likes the way asian porn stars look, but that doesn't mean he's not into you as well. Porn is a fantasy and he likely wouldn't date a porn star in real life.

Anonymous 20017

how come couples don't share porn preferences like they do with movie preferences or whatever?

Think about it even more than a movie you get to learn about the other person, and it's shorter than a movie so less time wasted if you're bored.

Anonymous 20018


I don't watch porn.

Anonymous 20019

>tfw no bf to show the porn I've drawn and to draw porn for
I'm not self-insert anon btw.

Anonymous 20020

I showed my (now ex) boyfriend my favorite porn category and he got into it and later told me when he used it.

Anonymous 20021

i'm super curious now, what was it?

Anonymous 20022

I'm really into stuff like /r/holdthemoan, even though most of the posts there don't really hit the spot for me because they're too fake or not exactly what I came for, which is the combination of the above with CFCM aka clothed female, clothed male

What really, really gets me off is very sneaky porn. For example, wearing a skirt and riding a guy who's only got his fly open. As soon as the guy takes off his shirt or drops his pants, it's not interesting to me anymore. I want it fully clothed because it has that sense of urgency. I also prefer no foreplay, especially not those awful long blowjob and cunnilingus scenes. My ideal porn is of a girl and a guy in a slightly risky situation like a car or a workplace, just unzip and go, trying to stay quiet. That's very hard to find and a lot of it is "taboo" porn of some sort like cheating, incest, etc

Anonymous 20032

Yeah that's the thing. I don't know how to feel about it. On one hand I don't wanna seem like a debby downer but on the other hand, I know he wouldn't like me doing the same thing. He's only okay with me watching porn with women in it.

Anonymous 20045

>Do you think the guys on 4chan and stuff are just weirdos? Because they represent average maleness to a T.

Goddamn I hope not.
My bf is a normal guy who has a healthy sex drive, and we both use 4chan sometimes, usually for the wallpaper board and he's a bit of /g/ dork but he hates a lot of things that are received as a positive on 4chan. Like the ahego face thing, I asked once what he thought of that and if he'd like me to try it a bit and he's like "Haha nah, it looks retarded, like they've been hit in the head with a hammer or something." He also hates how traps are basically mainstream, and that "OMG THICCCC" shit.
And he's not just answering in the way he'd think I'd want him to answer either, I've known him a long time and I can see it in his face lol he fucking hates it.

Anonymous 20047


you do realize men can have varied tastes? a guy liking short girls does not automatically mean he will not date tall ones.

does every guy you like look the same? probably not, right.

I've never been in a relationship before, but i think if this is a huge dealbreaker for you, and if youre losing sleep over it then yes, talk with him about. Just know you will probably look silly.

Anonymous 20065

I won't lie and say that I don't have a low self esteem. Its not a deal breaker, it just makes me self conscious.

Anonymous 20085

Mental paradigm shift for OP:

He doesn't look at girls that look like you, because he has you to look at, you dumbass.

Anonymous 20091

Thats… actually a good way to look at it. It makes me less anxious.

Anonymous 20101

Paranoid tbh. My husband is a total bear and he's hot after but sometimes I want to last after some Asian thinks during me time, ya dig? I don't really see it as him not being good enough… It's just something different

Anonymous 20104


Yikes lol. I don't get the human sexuality = ice-cream flavors thing.
>I'd just like something different for a little bit don't worry you're still my favorite open minded btw love not hate
Sounds almost psychopathic and would lead to an eventual murder-suicide.

Anonymous 20148

omg anon I literally feel the same way. I'm brown and my bf watches porn with busty blonde white women… I brought it up to him and he said "I only watch porn when I feel horny and you're not around and your the most beautiful to me etc etc"
Which is sweet but… can't help but feel sad about the idea of him jacking off to some random woman ..

Anonymous 20178

Ikr? I want to be around all the time and I know I can't but it's just kinda the weird fetish factor. It was only one type of thing over and over.

Anonymous 20742

My opinion, men don't want their wife/gf to have any part in their perfect porn fantasy land. When he's in this fantasy land, the last thing he wants to think of is his average looking partner. Some jerk off to the same porn stars for years and develop a kind of relationship to them. And it feels weird to show these porn stars off to your gf when you know you like them a little more than you should.

Anonymous 20743

When they watch porn, they look for what turns them on more than anything else. He has thousands of videos to choose from, yet always finds his way to busty blonde women? He wishes you looked like that.

Anonymous 20752

Men are retarded for only having one body type/face type that they're attracted to, while women have diverse taste. Speaking for myself, I'm genuinely into average and ugly-cute men.

I don't understand how they can all be carbon copies of each other, it's so weird. Imagine that boring existence.

>inb4 but men fuck average girls

But it's always while grumbling and whining about how their partners aren't up to par. When women fuck average men it's because the attraction and love are true. Men for some reason don't work like that, they really are robots.

Anonymous 20759

>Men for some reason don't work like that, they really are robots.
Rather than being robots, they suffer from group pressure. They're embarrassed or consider themselves less manly if their girlfriends aren't seen as attractive by their friends. Say, a guy likes chubby girls but he might not act on it out of fear that he'll be judged by other men for having "shit taste" in women. While women with diverse tastes that deviate from mainstream are more likely to say, "but I love him, I don't care if you think my boyfriend is ugly."

Anonymous 20765


>men are very picky about who they want to screw

Anonymous 20768

NTA but men aren't very picky about who they want to bang, but they'd bang a lot of girls they'd never consider dating while for girls it's the other way around, they'd date a lot of boys they wouldn't necessarily get horny for without the emotional connection.

I have a few male friends who browse lolcow with me sometimes (individually, not as a group) and they point out which cows they'd fuck. They're completely aware that they're trashy trainwrecks, but say "I don't want to date her, I just want to hit it and quit it". It's gross.

Anonymous 20769


Very few men like chubby girls, not enough to matter statistically lol. And most of the time, even if they claim that, what they mean is "slim thicc" women who still have 25 inch waists or so.
Majority of men only want pic related and while they'll settle for "less," they'll hate their partners and eventually cheat on or beat her.
Did you not read my post?
They'll fuck or even date average, but hate it. Read the last three sentences.
That's fine tbh. Not acting on it, but having those feelings. I see men daily I'm sexually attracted to but don't know anything about. Whatever.
But were they the conventionally attractive cows? I bet Mariah, Micky, June, and Jill weren't included. And even if it was unattractive cows, I bet it's more "a pussy's a pussy" mentality and not aesthetic appreciation.

That's what I'm saying. Men always (rare exceptions) prefer pic related, and it's more important to them to have that than anything else. They will never genuinely be attracted to average women. Ever.
Meanwhile many women have diverse taste in men.

It's like if all men collectively preferred steak. They'll eat other food, even other yummy things like roast chicken, delicious stir fry, pizza, and french fries, but will always want steak more and never truly appreciate the other food.
But many women like roast chicken and french fries and prefer those, or like them all equally.

Anonymous 20771

Your posts just made me realize something: Are men projecting when they say women only want to date model-looking men but settle for average guys…?

Anonymous 20773

Yes. Yes they are. Men are way more visually motivated when it comes to sex.

Anonymous 20774

Most likely yes.
Also the cheating and inability to be devoted.

Anonymous 20775

>I bet Mariah, Micky, June, and Jill weren't included.

Actually it was specifically June for one and Margo for the other.

Anonymous 20778

To add to this, look at how media run by men (movies, comedies, webcomics) portray couples. The doughiest neckbeards always have a classically hot girl at their side.

Anonymous 20786

>They will never genuinely be attracted to average women. Ever.

True. After the honeymoon stage of the relationship has passed, you're now just his fleshlight to masturbate in.

As for the thicc bullshit, rich and powerful men have access to the thiccest girls with the roundest asses and the tiniest waists, yet they always go for slim model types.

Anonymous 20793

based and redpilled. once you realize this about men, you can understand the core of the incel
that is exactly what they are doing. ever read their rants about how all women in a given environment will flock toward the same 'chad'? you only need to observe reality to understand it is the other way around. even the most uninteresting, tubby, pimple-faced nerd will have at least one girl interested in him. that same nerd will give the uggos a chance out of desperation but he'll try to score or at least fantasize about the prettiest girl around, you can bet.

Anonymous 20794

>Are men projecting when they say women only want to date model-looking men but settle for average guys…?

explain this

Anonymous 20795

it was already explained in this thread, yes, that is what they do. women can feel genuine attraction to average guys, the vast majority of guys can only settle.

Anonymous 20796

how women rate men…

my pic didn't came through

Anonymous 20797

choosing online dating platforms and apps like tinder is already cherry-picking your sample.
even if that was valid, it doesn't say anything about who you choose to pursue as a partner.

Anonymous 20798

Utena stabbd.jpg

>OP feels disturbed and insecure after finding bf's porn
>porn is not twisted and disturbing they are just a different ethnicity and weeb nonsense
>she is reassured that not only is he absolute trash, but that all men are absolute trash. Incapable of love and unable to ever see her as being anything more than the least repulsive hole to fuck he could tolerate.

This whole place is trash. There's venting and trash talk and then there's whatever happened here. People too broken to ever know hope, help each other or stand on their own again. It's just so sad.

Anonymous 20799

choosing online dating platforms and apps like tinder is already cherry-picking your sample
it's not cherry picking, it's the most accurate example we have.
If you think otherwise, post something better. that supports that.

Anonymous 20800

The advice given here is the result of not having any interaction with irl men. Men become a caricature if your only interaction with them is through the internet.

Anonymous 20801

i don't need to, my whole damned life is proof enough and there are no online dating statistics that can ever change my mind.

Anonymous 20802

I've been using OKCupid for almost 10 years and a ton of male profiles are completely empty aside from photos, and most of the time, the photos don't have any thought put into them (e.g. looking downwards into the camera)
Women generally have more detailed and informative profiles and more variety of photos. Also, men seem to have much more difficult opinions on women's attractiveness, for example, most women won't care about the man's nose size or figure as long as it's not extreme, while most men have a definitive type like preferring small noses or specific body types.

Anonymous 20803

do you find it normal that OP's bf decides to release his sexual tension exclusively with women from a certain ethnicity? he has a fetish, and OP doesn't fulfil it. he may love her and no one is telling her to break up over this. but you can bet that given the chance, he'd fuck an asian girl every day.
i'm sorry op, this was my experience too. shit sucks, do what you will with it.

Anonymous 20805


I've honestly learned to tune out anyone who says that people, regardless of gender, can't have internalized preferences because IDS IN R HOOMEN NATURE :~D and have basically just chalked this up to incelism.

>meanwhile women have diverse taste in men

The same has to be true for men. I do my best to empathize with men, but let's be honest, pornography wouldn't have such varied types of women portrayed if it weren't for men having different tastes, and it doesn't take empathy to see that, just a pulse and a set of eyes. Yes, the taste is almost completely visual, but come the hell on, girl. This also completely ignores Stacy's obsession with being 6 feet tall. Like, people can be as fluid or as rigid as they like with their preferences.

150% this. I can't tell you how many profiles I've cycled through on Tinder because he only has 3-4 frontal selfies in various natural lights. Like, show me more? I put an insane amount of effort into making my pictures for Tinder to show what I like, what my interests are, and what I do. It's almost like some men complain that we only care what they look like, and yet they only give us what they look like as a way of judging them. Like lol Still, this is super off topic!

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, OP. You should really consider telling him. The sooner he knows, the better. It's obviously made you feel insecure and it's really unfair to yourself to not act on this. Men can watch porn, sure, but having concern over something that appears to be an obsession is normal, and you should seriously bring it up to him. I'm lucky enough to not have these issues with my bf (time will tell if it stays that way), but I personally would tell him how offensive having a fetish like that is. since not only does it reflect poorly on the foundation of your relationship, but it casts doubt into whether he truly finds you attractive. Have a talk, a big one.

Anonymous 20806

I can only guess as to how normal it is, but I don't think it's surprising that he might have a particular taste or fetish. I don't blame OP for feeling insecure. My issue is that the hot takes from others are depressing and extremely unhelpful. Like >>20800 said there's way too much hyperbole and caricatures that can make insecure anons more fearful, angry and bitter if they buy into it.

Anonymous 20807

I'm >>20802 and posting again because I forgot something: Makeup and fashion.

Male beauty standards remain more or less the same over time, a man who was hot in the 1920s would still be considered hot today. But women? Our beauty trends change almost every couple of years. Just look at makeup trends and things like lips and how many people will call you ugly just for having thin lips or lips that are too plump. Same for noses. Pig nose! Hook nose! Meanwhile no1curr if a man has thin lips or not and noses are barely even noticed. Yeah, a lot of women have a preference, but there are not nearly as many opinions on male beauty as there are on female beauty. And then there's fashion choices that will cause men to consider us either too proper, too slutty, too high-maintenance, or too plain, and that's not even considering all the different ways to dress for your body type, while male bodies will look pretty much the same in a tracksuit or a dress suit. A man is rated hot if he's in shape, doesn't dress like a hobo, and takes a nice photo. Women have a million things to do right or wrong. It's simply not comparable.

Anonymous 20819

Most accurate example of what? Only losers with little real life experience use these okcupid studies to try to prove anything, most often their lack of success, and think it's representative of the general populace. And that goes for both genders. Normally adjusted people who find their partners through friends and hobbies don't need to sign up for online dating platforms.

Anonymous 20857

Unironically fuck off, Stacey. This is worse than the femcel shit already in this thread

Anonymous 20870

There are trendy body types, though. Using anon's 20's example, the trendy body of that time was soft and "boyish." Although still with a decent WHR, she would be seen as skinnyfat and flat-assed by today's standards. And men are quite vocal about that lol.

That aside, men do care about fashion in that they notice when things are weird. You think a woman who dresses in modest 40's fashion is going to be as successful with men as a woman who dresses in current normfag fashion? Doubt (unless by tradfags, which is still caring about fashion btw). It might not just be because of preference, but also because he doesn't want to stand out by being beside a weirdo. Men experience social pressure too.

Men also notice when makeup isn't on, even if they have no preference on how it's applied.

Anonymous 20871

>Rather than being robots, they suffer from group pressure. They're embarrassed or consider themselves less manly if their girlfriends aren't seen as attractive by their friends
This is what is generally known as mate choice copying. It has been observed in both males and females, with some small gender differences. Other people's perceptions of a person's attractiveness affect yours to a degree. If they think the person is better looking than you initially thought, you adjust your rating slightly upwards, and vice versa. Here's a single study about it


Most of the studies about it seem to focus exclusively on women, but I did find this single one mentions some gender differences.

>We found that proxy mating decisions made by people were strongly influenced by the attractiveness of partners depicted with potential mates. Specifically, men and women were more likely to express interest in a long-term relationship with a potential mate when that mate was paired with an attractive partner […] We found that men and women differed slightly in their mate-choice copying behavior. Women showed an overall greater reliance on the decisions of same-sex partners than did men, although both were influenced by partner attractiveness. This pattern was especially prominent when the attractiveness of the same-sex partner was low: women were less interested in engaging in a long-term relationship with the mate while men's interest in the mate was not different from their initial evaluations. Because females are generally more selective in their choice of mates compared to men (due to differential parental investment) they may be more skeptical of mates paired with unattractive partners while males may have a high baseline interest in all potential mates.

Anonymous 20882


This is an excellent post and the thread could have ended here.

Also, honestly OP I’d be more worried if the girls in the porn DID look like you. Why go online when he can get the real thing from you? Guys like novelty a lot, so if porn is his way of getting novelty without seeing someone else, then I don’t see anything wrong with that.

Anonymous 20909

Men won't care if what we wear is on trend or anything like that, but the way we present ourselves in terms of fashion and makeup still translates into information they at least subconsciously process. Wallflower, slutty, high maintenance, outdated, nerdy, weeb, instabaddie, scene chick, alternative, those are definitely traits we signalize through our appearance and men pick up on it and infer our personalities from it.

Anonymous 20964


pretty much the same thing happened to me OP
>borrow bf's laptop to send an email and fuck around on tumblr, porn pops up as suggested link
>laugh but don't bring it up or say anything
>i don't watch porn but i realize it's a thing most other people do, so whatever
>lots of time passes
>ask bf how much he jerks off
>he deflects the question, looks uncomfortable, "o-only when i'm bored"
>go through his browser's history and this fucker watches porn almost every day
>it's all mostly JAV or costhots/stolen patreon lewd upload sites

why'd he lie to me…hurts my feelings…

Anonymous 20969

Come on! We're on an anonymous imageboard. What did you expect? Normal people or something? Lol.
So you're saying here that which chart is wrong? Male, female or both? Just because proportions are wrong doesn't mean the whole idea is wrong. Which sex have more narcissists on a high horses?
Also theoretically this chart is right. If majority of women is average, then they would rate men mostly as below average. If most of men are bottom feeders then they wouldn't rate majority of women as below average; they'd rate them as good looking because beggars can't be choosers.
I'd be more worried about him not saving all his cummies for me than about his preferences.

Anonymous 20971

I agree with that post

Anonymous 20975

>>this fucker watches porn almost every day
How close are you to him? I think this might be a cry for help.

Anonymous 20978


maybe he doesn't want his cool gf to know he's a loser that watches porn. (not trying to call him a loser, just that this may be how he thinks) i'm sure you have things about yourself that you'd rather he not know, so no shame in that.

also do you guys share a laptop or something? if not, you snooping through his pc's history is sort of. uncomfortable.

+ do you guys have sex often? do you guys enjoy having sex with one another?
maybe y'all just need to link up more, & he'll stop watching so much porn. like if it seriously bothers you

Anonymous 24116

That sounds like a deal-breaker but im a psycho so…

It's just weird how people will date someone they're not that attracted to when it's 50% essential for a relationship

Anonymous 24120

what porn guys watch doesnt correlate to what they want irl, a guy that watches gangbang rape fantasy bukkakes could be completely vanilla or even repulsed by anything even remotely "hardcore" irl. they like variety and are also very visual. when theyre having sex they dont imagine porn or you as someone else from their porn fantasy, and vice versa, they just think porn is visually appealing and interesting so they fap to it

also guys masturbate alot, even if theyre in a relationship. maybe even multiple times a day, mostly out of boredom. they dont view it as a "replacement" or "substitute" for theyre gf, they dont even consider masturbating and sex to be related really

so dont worry

Anonymous 24127

That's rarted, and men say we're the complicated ones.
If I'm getting off to anal prolapse or non-con territory shit (with man on bottom of course) it's because I want it/to rp it irl. Just straight up.
Although maybe it is different since I actually have to put effort into making my own porn and men can just find a bunch of vids of women of their taste getting sexually tortured with ease…but getting off to it and not wanting that in real life? Makes no sense.

Anonymous 24128

Some people separate lust from their love.

Anonymous 24129

That's the thing though, porn is reality. Even if the woman is only on the screen she is still a real person and he is jacking off to a real situation happening to a real person.
It is disgusting to find the suffering of someone else hot. If a guy has a fetish that involves someone else suffering I am disgusted. Even if he doesn't want to do it irl it doesn't change the fact that he finds the idea appealing in some way.

Anonymous 24131

fair enough, but my point was more about how there can be a huge difference between what porn they watch and what they want irl, so OPs bf watching asian women when shes black doesnt mean anything bad

Anonymous 24133

How else would you explain the popularity of lesbian porn?

Anonymous 24134

What do you mean? I'm not denying anon's claim, just saying it's dumb.
However, in reality I think that would translate to either cuckoldry (but the bull is also a hot lady) OR wanting to be a woman for a hot second. Self-insertion into one of the lesbians.

Personally used to be a fujoshit and I'd self-insert into the top. Now if I'm fantasizing about two guys it's kind of cuckshit that would evolve into a threesome.

Anonymous 24144

>This whole place is trash.
What did you expect from female 4chan? The bitterest, most lonely, least socialized come here to have a nice echo chamber, just like r9k.

Just be glad you don't look at the world in black and white.

Anonymous 24161

You say you don't deny anon's claim, then assume men are self-inserting when they watch lesbian porn (cuckoldry would still be a form of self-insertion). Seems to be like you're still denying it. Not everybody self-inserts when watching porn.

Anonymous 24165

It's possible that he doesn't like the asian (japanese?) porn because all the actresses are asian, but rather because of the content and production quality. Japanese porn usually features more weird kinks, and even the really normal stuff is quite rapey compared to western porn.

I enjoy japanese porn as well, even though I'm really not into most of the guys in those videos. Just ask him about it tbh

Also what >>24120 says

Anonymous 24192

I didn't, you asked "explain [how this would translate to something they want irl]?" and so I put my theory forward. I answered your question and now you're upset at me over it smh.
I'll grant you that it's true, but it's still dumb and weird compartmentalization to get aroused by something but not want it irl. I guess some women do this too (rape fetishists often say so), and I'm sure that's how they feel, but it's still dumb in my opinion.

Humans are fucking weird though so I shouldn't even be surprised.

Anonymous 24215

I think its much more complicated and weird to elaborately think about inserting yourself into porn than to just look it at a surface level and say "hurr durr it look hot touch my peepee"

Anonymous 24268

Op what race is your bf

Anonymous 24315

Then give us your insight on the situation.

Anonymous 24338

this site is 40% males min

Anonymous 24339

I think men just want variety. If they have a flat chested black gf, they watch JAV. If they have a big titty goth gf, they watch legal loli types (think belle delphine) getting brutalized by bbc.

While I prefer a girl who looks like me to self-insert, I watch porn with guys/girls that are not my typical taste just because they're new and exotic to me. Once you're as desensitized as my smutty ass is, it's all about the content, not the appearance/race of the people in it.

Anonymous 24353

That is so fucked up, why can't they be satisfied?

Anonymous 24355

Because their lizard brain tells them to reproduce with as many different women as possible

Anonymous 24357

Dubs of truth!

Anonymous 24361

Idk, I'd have a harem of cute guys like in ouran high school host club as well if it was possible. It's not just a guy thing, and it doesn't (have to) mean people love their partner less because of it. Not everyone feels the need to be monogamous

Anonymous 24363

But the guys in Ouran are all similar pretty boys except Shouta.

Anonymous 24364

nta, and I consider myself very monogamous, but I also have a wide range of types I find attractive.
I have one ultimate thing for tiny brown twinks yet find appeal in short chubby men, tall-ish skellies, short curvy women, petite women, and tall skinny women.

I've written some crazy shit criticizing men for similar things (and even opposite things because I'd channel my anxiety into misandry kek) but have recently come to realize it's hypocritical. If I can stay loyal to one person but maybe get off to the idea of a thick boy (or gal) some night, then perhaps men can too.

I think op is gone, but I agree with other anons here now that maybe he just likes visual variety. A lot of people do, and it's fine as long as it's not addiction/affecting your relationship and sex life. And it is possible to juggle these attractions while devoting yourself to one person.

Anonymous 24374

>>That's the thing though, porn is reality.

To 99% of the people viewing it, it's not. They're not getting off on the abuse of a real person because in their head it's not abuse, it's ecstatic pleasure as portrayed by the actress. There's plenty of sadists out there, but most men (most people) are not.

Anonymous 24379

>not dating a man who doesn't watch porn

Anonymous 24383

Yeah, and get a pet unicorn while you're at it.

Anonymous 24406

I thought it was realistic to have a guy who didn't like porn but even after ages of my boyfriend agreeing that porn is gross and degrading to women and harmful to healthy human sexuality/relationships he let slip a mention of a camgirl he likes thinking that I wouldn't realize he knew details about her due to watching her. He said it was just people on reddit talking about her but I stalked reddit and found the only discussion that fit what he described was in a sub dedicated to her. Of course it was some extremely underweight barely-legal with implants, too, which he always tells me is a stupid beauty standard that I shouldn't aspire to. Turns out that's secretly his preferred body type, big fucking surprise. No wonder he's become a starfish in bed.

Anonymous 24412

If you really want to get back at him. Let him casually catch you watching porn starring the kind of guy he'd hate.

Anonymous 24414

Or better yet, BBC porn. White guys dicks shrivel up when they see that shit lol.

Anonymous 24415

My bf watches hentai every day and I fucking hate it. I'd rather he jerk off to 3D girls tbh. Hentai cumbrains always try to argue that it's 'healthier' than 3D porn bc no real people are involved therefore no women are being harmed, but to me hentai is for guys who are so spoiled and brainwashed by beauty standards that even the most beautiful irl women won't do and they need an anatomically impossible proportioned woman with 32FFF tits but the face of an 8 year old to get hard. It's revolting desu. Not to mention how easily hentai addicts turn into lolicons or closet trap fags. In men at least, watching hentai is a major red flag.

Anonymous 24417

Nta but she has a point.

People talk about unrealistic beauty standards with models and porn stars and shit. These girls aren't even real. How can us 3DPD even compete?

Anonymous 24418

>How can us 3DPD even compete?
You're real

Anonymous 24420

I have such mixed feelings about this because I draw my own pr0n and one could argue the men I portray are in back breaking poses/are cartoonishly skinny/etc. Yet I'm still very attracted to irl men of many shapes and sizes, and touching a 3D boy would be preferable.

idk if men are also capable of compartmentalizing that way. Male sexuality is a mystery to me.

>would rather jack off than fuck you
>dates someone he isn't attracted to
>if things are typical, he approached you for this relationship
>he pursued someone he isn't attracted to
Anon…your boyfriend is a dumbass. At least break up with him for that, if not for the dishonesty. I hope you've confronted him.

Anonymous 24422

On this specific topic I meant juggling attraction to 2D and 3D. I know I get aroused in the presence of real boys 100% so this isn't an issue. But men seem to fall for absolute waifu shit (unironic 3DPD) more often than women so I'm wondering if their sexuality is more malleable and prone to obsession/fixation on one thing.

Not sure where I stand on the issue of getting rid of fetishes you don't want. Personally, I have grown out of a couple of fetishes (thank god, one was embarrassing), but I know there are many awful ones that I will never be rid of. I think once someone is an adult it's harder, or even impossible. I can avoid getting off to those things for years but I know if I even break my streak once I'm still into it.

Anonymous 24424


>men seem to fall for absolute waifu shit (unironic 3DPD)
I highly doubt this is actually happening, they're just coping with not being able to attract any woman. Fox and grapes.

Anonymous 24427

Perhaps. The most serious ones on boards like Tohno-chan are often shut-ins/NEETS/hikikomoris. But on the other hand, men who reject their girlfriends for porn (addiction) certainly exist so perhaps some just grew more fond of anime girls than 3D girls.

It's hard to be sure. Probably a bit of both.

Anonymous 24428

But they don't reject all 3D women. They reject the ones they're dating. Place a 10/10 asian cosplayer in front of them and they'll drop 2D in a heartbeat. But they can't attract those girls.

Anonymous 24429

Yeah this is a good analogy. Men become obsessed with 2d girls because they're sour grapes over not getting real girls.
Which also explains why women don't become obsessed with 2d guys nearly as often, because women get all the free grapes they want for free on a silver platter.

Anonymous 24430

I agree with the first part but not the second. Sounds like /r9k/ talk.

Anonymous 24431

There's no such thing as women who just outright can't get a man. They don't have to resort to 2d delusions.

Anonymous 24432

Then why is the otome market so big?

Anonymous 24436

Would you be surprised to hear about the amount of married women who still play otome games? I'm in a Facebook group where quite a few women have husbands and even children and they still enjoy 2D guys.

Some of them even have whole shrines dedicated to their favourite 2D husbandos and splurge all their money on otome games. It seems like real life romance has little correlation with an obsession with fictional characters, at least when it comes to (some) women.

Anonymous 24441

They're hard to find, but they exist.
At least I hope so, because I'd rather be single for life than settle for a degenerate that gets himself off to strangers.

Anonymous 24450


That's the thing, even when women watch and get off to 2D, they tend to be more in touch with reality and still get aroused by 3D men. With men who fap to 2D, especially if they ONLY fap to 2D, it's a red flag because so many men fall for waifu meme hook line and sinker to the point 3D women end up not appealing to them as much anymore, or at all. I think the number of volcels and incels in Japan alludes to this. I have a few buddies who watch hentai and their standards for irl women have definitely become a lot higher. Like one started dating this girl with huge tits, but he told me he was disappointed because her 'areolas were too big'. If this dude had been watching normal porn he would have realized that most women with big ole naturals have big areolas too, that's just the way the skin stretches. But because he'd been so brainwashed by hentai, he was annoyed that she didn't have perfect small pink nips. They want something near impossible and that's why they're so insufferable. Even when women draw or fap to 2D, the proportions usually aren't THAT unrealistic, and it's not like most women are into childlike faces with adult bodies, the way men who watch hentai are.

Anonymous 24451

NTA but do you live in Japan?
Also, how does the topic of his GF's areolas come up in conversation? Especially with someone of the opposite sex.

Anonymous 24454


I have to admit that I have had kind o the opposite problem. My boyfriend is a bit of a chad really, very muscular, tall, a smooth talker etc. But he isn't very good in bed and that is a shame because he is great in every other way so sometimes I have to satisfy myself with pornography.

The thing is I have some fetishes I know he wouldn't approve of. for example I get really turned on by stories of mass rape of women during wars and uprisings, so I will often keep a notepad and fill it up with fake diary entries of women who have been raped during a real or invented war, then I watch porn of that similarity. ie last time I imagined that China had invaded England and Chinese men were raping the women here, so I wrote a few entries about it and then watched some chinese man/british woman porn.

My boyfriend did find this porn, sadly, and got mad at me for masturbating to twinky looking chinamen. I can't tell him the fetish because he'd be even madder. OP, some people have kinks, please talk to him about it. I am too ashamed myself to di it

Anonymous 24461

Do the mojoupgrade quiz together, it gets recommended a bunch on other websites reddit. Rape fantasies are rather common so there's a chance he's into it as well, and that way you can find out without risking anything.




Anonymous 24466

They like those things in spite of their real life options.
Or their boyfriends just don't get angry at them over looking at anime boys the way women get angry at their boyfriends over looking at anime girls.

Anonymous 24476

geez, I wonder what you think about movies with real actors, doing real acting.

200 IQ right there.

Anonymous 24478

The only men I've met that don't masturbate or watch porn at all have been really far right fascists.

There's always a catch.

Anonymous 24479

Masturbating is fine but I don't understand why people do it while in a relationship. Also I'm probably biased from how my ex acted.
Where did you meet them? 4chan? Imageboards?

Anonymous 24480

Or their boyfriends have never had another girlfriend before and are afraid of losing this one

Anonymous 24481


>forgetting the Liberator and the German girl

Anonymous 24482

>Masturbating is fine but I don't understand why people do it while in a relationship.

My bf asked me about if I would be ok with him masturbating because he didn't know whether he should bother me every time he is horny or do it himself and risk me thinking weird things about him. Some guys just feel like coming up do you and asking for quick hj when you're busy is kinda rude.

I dont mind him fapping as long as he isn't addicted to pornography.

Anonymous 24483

What do you mean by addicted?

Anonymous 24486


>Not Dirlewanger and the slavic partisan girl
If you gotta do disgusting acts atleast do it "right" and learn from the "best"

Anonymous 24495

That makes sense. I have a very high sex drive but my ex was too lazy to please me too so he would just masturbate half the time to not be selfish and that's what hurts, of course he was using porn too.
This is partly why I hate porn, it's easier to watch some perfect porn stars that make your pp hard than put effort into sex with your partner.

Anonymous 24525

Of the few that I've met, they've all been in Discord servers that friends invite me to. They're by no means a majority in those spaces though.

Anonymous 24566

if my bf reads shota doujins and wants me to rp as his older sister/aunt/neighbour who molests him should I march him off to the gas chambers. a-asking for a friend…

Anonymous 24567

my money is on "molested as a child"

Anonymous 24569

pretty sure he wasnt. Im worried its a bit pedo-y tho. he hates pedos, including just loli drawings, but semi justifies shotas because hes self inserting and not attracted to the actual shotas. Im not so sure… (theyre always over ~12 so its not like its young young shotas. idk if that makes it better tho)

Anonymous 24573

Its not like he wants to bang the "definitly not a child" person then ?

Anonymous 24575

no he wants to BE the shota. or something. I think hes attracted to women who are pedos?

Anonymous 24577

Might be something else though, like people with knife play dont actually enjoy the knife or small cuts but being able to to trust their partner so much that they allow them to wield something dangerous in bed (not that I would know). You know what I mean ?

Anonymous 24579

Regressing is somewhat common in people who experienced trauma as a child, or who had to be mature from a young age on. For some, this extends to their sex life.
If you aren't comfortable with that it's best to just be open about it.

Anonymous 24625

I think he wants you to be his gentle dom, and shota porn is usually how it will be displayed in hentai. I think the age difference is just a way artists try to make the power balance in the woman's favor, because the man is assumed to be the dominant one otherwise.

Anonymous 24633

>she fell for the men not watching porn meme

Maybe you should investigate if he didn't cheated on you yet.

Anonymous 24683

More people should just communicate with their partners. If it makes you uncomfortable, bring it up. Any decent partner would stop doing something that hurts you if they care about you, and you should do the same for them. If they continue, consider what you want in a relationship and if they are actually right for you sexually.

In my opinion there's nothing wrong with wanting that sort of exclusiveness in a relationship. In my relationships too I want both of us to not look at porn but use that energy being intimate instead. It would be pretty shitty if he thought that being intimate was too much effort and would rather jerk off instead, and it would be awful of me to do that as well. That's not what I look for in a relationship.

The only problem is if it comes from insecurity. If you think he looks at porn it somehow makes you less attractive. Stop being yourself up like that. That's not how a relationship should make you feel

Anonymous 24749

>"hey bf, when i was using your computer i came across this porn youve been watching, and i dont have an issue with you watching porn, but the fact that its all asian females makes me feel insecure about our relationship"
would this rlly fuck things up?

Anonymous 24750

>Men are retarded for only having one body type/face type that they're attracted to
then why is there so much variety in porn?

Anonymous 24757

What caused such a radical change of opinion in just 3 months?

Anonymous 24761


Anonymous 24762

Why don't you just tell him to ask for sex when he's horny?

Anonymous 24766

I see.

Anonymous 24767

Progress is good anon!

Anonymous 25050

OP here, my boyfriend is white and a bit older than me. (Someone asked before but this post has a lot of submissions.)

Anonymous 25057

Well? Did you talk to him?

Anonymous 25070

>>25057 Yes, it was pretty awkward and he said it was just a one time thing. Kinda felt lied to but I let it go. Feels bad but he stays with me so he must love me enough to stay i guess

Anonymous 25074

I'm happy it was apparently all resolved anon.

Anonymous 34526

is it wrong that whenever I see the word "BBC" on this site I automatically assume a moid wrote it?

Anonymous 34537

It's British Broadcasting Corporation porn, with a Cockney accent

Anonymous 34549


>with a Cockney accent

Anonymous 34556

When i think Cockney accent in porn I think Faketaxi


lol i'll pass

Anonymous 34557

BWC Big West Country then

Anonymous 34559


I actually have the opposite problem. My bf is a total coomer who will jack off to anything that has huge boobs and nonexistent waistline, whether drawn or 3D. I don't mind the hentai as much because it's way easier for me to draw the "this is 100% fantasty that doesn't reflect on how he perceives me" line at 2d pictures, I've even drawn anime girl porn for him myself, but seeing him follow hundreds of insta models and egirls that all share the same body shape honestly makes me want to cry.

I always reassure him about his body and say how he's the sexiest to me but when I seek the same from him he's like "don't worry I love you even though you're not that hot, why do you care about something as shallow as appearance lol", kill me I don't know how I'm ever supposed to stop feeling insecure at this point

Anonymous 34560

>I tell him he's the sexiest
Why would you lie like that, honesty is the bedrock of any relationship

Anonymous 34561

There is nothing dishonest about that, he genuinely is to me. I'm the kind of person who loses attraction to other people when I'm in love with someone.

Anonymous 34562

Does he at least pay attention to you during sex and is enthusiastic/happy about it?

Anonymous 34566

>all these miners getting coomer bfs
Where do you find them?

Anonymous 34567

>don't worry I love you even though you're not that hot
Does he have autism? thats a pretty shitty thing to say to your significant other even if it may be the truth for him. id probably not bother with someone like that honestly, seems like it would hurt too much

Anonymous 34568

most men are coomers, they are pretty easy to find. itd probably be harder to find a noncoomer bf

Anonymous 34570

My guy only ever squirted off to girls masturbating but even then his taste was varied across multiple different body types and most of his "collection" was realistic women of different shapes and sizes taking care of themselves. He said he would delete his "archive" even though it consisted of videos he had been collecting since he was 15(now 29), and all he needed was videos of me rubbing myself off for when I'm not around.
He said he doesn't masturbate or look at porn when he's in a relationship and goes full no fap for the initial no sex part. I kinda believe him because the first time I jerked him off he came literally a 1/4 of a cup!!
I asked him what porn he liked and he showed me all embarrassed and shy and surprisingly enough it didn't bother me at all. I was like that's a fairly mild taste in porn if you ask me.

Anonymous 34571

Funny thing is we're both virgins, it's a bit of a vicious cycle - the longer we wait the more he'll fap to ethots, the longer I see him fap to ethots and imply I'm not anywhere as attractive the more insecure I get at the prospect of ever having sex, etc.

In my case I was kinda adopted by this guy, I started talking to him through a mutual friend while playing world of warcraft and a year later he started calling me his gf.

Don't think he does, he just says a lot of insensitive shit without meaning to which seems to be trademark guy behavior. It hurts to know that's how he feels but I'd be extremely lonely without him. He can be sweet in his own way, he's just really not helping with my body image issues kek.

Anonymous 34574

We're in the same situation.
A non-coomer friend told me that I should dump his ass but im afraid that i'll hurt him alot since he has plans of settling down but im starting to get depressed over our relationship. Help.

Anonymous 34575

It's a fucking ultimatum either quit cooming to anything but you or it's done. WTF kind of guy picks porn over pussy? If he's that kind of guy it's okay to hurt his feelings.

Anonymous 34577

this happened to me last week with my bf. im still kind of disturbed by it all because he knows i saw it and he was really embarrassed. i try to be this really supportive and loving gf, and so far i like to believe i've succeeded. but its REALLY hard to support him when i now know hes into futanari shit. knew he wasnt completely straight, i'm not either, and he had a high sex drive or whatever but. fuckin' C'MON. embarrassing for the both of us but made me seriously start distancing. already was having self esteem issues, now have to worry about the fact hes thinking about anime chicks when we're having sex. total turn-off.

Anonymous 34585

The reason why this graph has such noticeable differences is that dating apps are such a huge taboo with most girls it's not even funny, they use them as way to get a one night stand. Men just go to a strip club or hire an escort.

It makes sense then why women are more picky than men.

Anonymous 34591

Yeah absolutely same here, mine actually calls me the "love of his life" and how he wants to move in with me and shit, this is really hard to wrap my head around much less deal with.

Anonymous 34592

Just dumped him and he's not happy about it.
Though joking about falling inlove with someone they've never interacted to (porn actress) and saying i'd fuck xyz is a bit of a stretch.

I just want a replacement with someone who has an actual brain at this point.

Anonymous 34593

The thing is you have to go by actions and not words. He may say he's doing something but if you don't actually feel it's genuine it doesn't mean shit.

Good on you for taking the trash out.

Anonymous 34601

Are you the anon from >>34559 or a new one?

Anonymous 34603

New. shit was cash
I cried alot and got told to kill myself.

Anonymous 34614

He is being honest at least. Try to teach him how to be more self aware of what he says. Tell him about your insecurity ishues, I bet he won't just harm you intentionally. Men like him learn really late how to not hurt people unintentionally.

Also you can allways try to look a little better day by day so you don't feel that bad, hope you the best luck

Anonymous 34619

I have tried communicating my issues to him multiple times but he just doesn't seem to understand at all, to the point where I feel like I'm either literally incapable of explaining things in a manner other humans can comprehend or talking to a brick wall.

What's weird to me is that the first time I brought up his actions made me sad he was actually apologetic and said he wouldn't do it again. If that was the end of it, I'd be over it. However the same things kept happening over and over again and whenever I mention it he just gets extremely defensive and upset now. He said he doesn't like how we have a "taboo topic" and that he's hurt by me "making him out to be a bad guy", even though I do my best to be as non-confrontational as possible. I tell him EVERY TIME, and I couldn't be any clearer, that I'm NOT trying to accuse him of anything bad such as wanting to cheat/leave me for a more attractive girl, it's just that these kinds of comments and overt thot-loving habits have a negative impact my already very fragile self-esteem - yet his arguing back always boils down to "how can you think I'd leave you even though I love you so much, appearance doesn't matter".

For example after 4 months of me bringing the insta models up every once in a while (due to him literally browsing them while sitting next to me) he begrudgingly unfollowed them so I could no longer see them on his public profile and drop the subject, but admitted that he was "very disappointed in my way of thinking" and how I'm "not as rational as he thought I was". I mean I'm grateful he did it, not shoving girls he wants to fuck in my face every time we're together is a step in the right direction but the way he handled it only solidifies that he doesn't really get where I'm coming from at all. His way of consoling me is always "I don't care what you look like" and it appears that the power of "not caring" makes him feel free to bring up my physical flaws. I'm a bit tired of trying to get him to stop at this point because obviously whatever I'm saying isn't working. I tried hard and had to learn a lot of things to make myself prettier but without extensive rib-removing breast-enlarging face-reshaping surgeries I physically can't be truly "hot" to him and it just feels horrible.

Anonymous 34620

That's absolutely vile, I'm sorry anon. I applaud your courage for going through with this though. Hopefully you're able to move on and find someone worthier.

Anonymous 34622

Imagine losing your virginity to this guy. Someone whose brain and d*ck has been trained to cum to women who don't look like you. The combination of that and your insecurities, how do you think that will play out in bed?

It's pretty normal to want to be seen as attractive by your partner and that usually applies to guys too, except not to your boyfriend. According to him anyway. It just sounds like you two are incompatible due to this aspect. Either you accept his mindset differs from yours and look for validation within yourself (which I personally find hard to do without receiving any external validation on my looks) or, you know, break up and look for someone who's actually into your body type and appearance.

Guys absolutely hate being nagged into changing themselves. It'll only make them resentful and annoyed.

Anonymous 34623

Ok he may love you but he definetly don't understand how love is suposed to be.
You got 3 options:
Leave him, god may help You getting a better one quik
Accept his way of seeing things and adopt it, give up on your apearence and let him get off with watever on internet
Leave everything as it is and live a toxic live.

Protip, chose the first one. Don't like hope

Anonymous 34625

This is a fucking stupid answer as evidenced by >>34619
You can't teach a trash can to be a decent person. I hate how everyone parrots "bUT juST cOmMuNiCaTe" when that rarely works in situations like this, because the other party has little to no empathy. You can try to explain until you're blue in the face but they won't try to see things from your point, either because they can't or they simply don't want to.

Yeah, I would just leave. This isn't just a matter of insecurity, but full-on disrespect especially since he looks at and discusses e-thots in front of you. Even in private I still don't think it's ok though.

Like fuck, I don't look at scantily clad bishounen in front of my bf, and I don't want to in the first place. It's called having respect

Anonymous 34656

Wew lad what a manipulator. I don't believe any of the things he's telling you. I would just leave his manipulating ass but if you want to try to salvage it, start looking and talking about hot e-guys. Maybe if he experiences it he'll understand. I would also flat out tell him why you don't want to have sex with him yet.
But honestly it sounds like he's just trying to manipulate you and doesn't genuinely care about your feelings, so that's why he keeps doing it. Telling you you're not as rational as he thought you were is 100% manipulation. Literally trying to make you feel bad to get you to stop instead of caring about your feelings.

Anonymous 34837

She never said she was fat. What I gleaned is that she's banana shaped (no tiddies, butt, or hips), thus the WHR and massive boobs thing is an issue.

Are you from lolcow or something? Idk if it's more ana-chan or radfem there now since it's been a while for me.

Anonymous 35087

>now have to worry about the fact hes thinking about anime chicks when we're having sex
he isn't though
unless he's a total cumbrain, porn and real life sex are 2 different things
the one is purely visual for short-term relief, while the other is emotional and much more senusal with a partner whom he loves(hopefully)

Anonymous 35090

Listen to >>35087. I have plenty of kinks that my boyfriend can't (and shouldn't) fulfill. My masturbation material is one thing while having sex with the man I love is another. If anything, the difference between 2D and you makes it more like a fantasy than him fapping to "obtainable" 3D girls. At the end of the day, I'm not going to leave mine for a goth lesbian and he's definitely not going to leave you for a futa.

[Return] [Catalog]
[ Rules / FAQ ] [ meta / b / media / img / feels / hb / x ]