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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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What should I do? Anonymous 22868

Went through my bfs phone and found an old conversation he had with a mutual friend, in which he talked about how he wanted to fuck some girls and then they rated them.
The conversation happened a month before we got together. (We've been dating for 13 months)
Also searching through his Facebook history I found out that he looked up a girl that only uploads bikini pictures.

Anonymous 22869

sounds completely normal honestly. but depending on how vulgar is he when talking to his friends about girls, I'd reevaluate my relationship. not interested in dudebros

Anonymous 22870

Men are lame, that's old news. They like to impress each other talking about girls in that way. Also, they do desire other girls and fantasize/entertain those thoughts.

Now, if that is all you have found while snooping in his phone, I think you've got one of the good ones. Really. Maybe you lose some respect for him, and specially, are more aware of another side of him, but in general, I would not think it's a big deal. Even if right now you feel like shit over it (I know the feel).

My advice is: don't confront him with it. I think he would probably be angry and lose his trust on you for snooping on his phone in first place. I personally think a bit of phone snooping from time to time is okay, so you should not confess doing it.

Anonymous 22873

I'm getting deja vu. I think this was posted here before.

Anonymous 22874

If you had any self-respect, you'd already know what to do.

Anonymous 22877

Break up with him because you can't trust him.

Anonymous 22878

What made you go through his phone in the first place?

Anonymous 22880

He claims he was trying to fit in and look cool.


Well this is the first time it has happened to me…

I really love this guy, there was nothing wrong with our relationship before this.

I wanted to know what he talks about

Anonymous 22881

it's completely normal.
just be wary if he keeps doing it, and it's about other women.
these posts are telling you to break up over something that isn't a big deal.
i suggest not following this advice.

Anonymous 22896

Men being attracted to multiple women at the same time is considerably normal, as is looking at pictures online of girls. Whether or not you are okay with that depends on you. It becomes an issue if A.) It occurs DURING the relationship, IF you have explicitly stated it is not okay OR B.) He pursues these women. It happened before your relationship; you were not there to set a boundary, but if it still makes you uncomfortable, it's possible he does not share your values.

I'm starting to dive harder into feminism, and I personally no longer want a relationship for mentioned reason. I want an equal partner who respects me as an individual, transcending my appearance. I only want to be in a relationship with a man who values all women in that way, as individuals. You're allowed to find women attractive, there are some pretty gorgeous girls out there, but when you give yourself a quick release (masturbation) to images of women online, not only are you devaluing sex between you in your partner by giving yourself cheap orgasms, you're ignoring the personhood of whoever's behind the silhouette that's arousing you. Men's talk of women they find attractive often reminds me of that of an addict (and I grew up around plenty of those), and I'm a recovering codependent who isn't going to bark up that tree anymore.

Also, don't go through someone's phone without permission. Jesus Christ anon.

Anonymous 22929

If he's doing it with a male friend i wouldn't be too suspicious. One of most shameful things to guys is to appear like he's under your heel in front of his friends.

Anonymous 22930

you don't think that's kind of shitty?

Anonymous 22931


As in, don't you think it's kind of shitty to randomly go through someone's phone without just cause? Curiosity isn't a good reason to break trust

Anonymous 22946

So the guy wasn't committed to anyone and he talked to other girls. And he jerks off. Pure science fiction anon, your bf is a statistical rarity.
(/s of course)
The only thing I've taken from this thread is this. You're the shitty person here OP. You let your insecurities intrude on a part of your bf's life that he either deemed irrelevant or too private to share, and now you're letting your insecurities judge him for you.

Anonymous 23176

>>these posts are telling you to break up over something that isn't a big deal.
i suggest not following this advice.

Exactly this. These sorts of posts are the female equivalent of incels saying "if she's kissed one guy before you marry her you're a cuck!" It's such nonsense and indicates a complete disconnect from reality.

Anonymous 23181

I'm giving advice as someone who grew up very sheltered and in my own fantasy world.

There is a difference in men and women's brains and thought patterns. Guys look at a picture girls and immediately start eating their attractiveness /fuckability. I only realized this late in college after becoming friends with some guys, and really only understood it after getting a boyfriend whom I speak frankly about celebrity crushes /types with.

I'm pretty sure this thread is bait. But, if it's not: you need to tell your boyfriend you looked through his phone. From there, you two can talk it out.

Anonymous 23182

Do other women not do this? Am I a failed woman?

Anonymous 23183

Maybe I'm the failed human because I don't. I've never had a friend I could talk to honestly about these things.

But guys (in my experience) rate everyone instantaneously.

Anonymous 23189

This is right if your dating pool is only middle school to uni age manchildren. And truth be told, some guys never grow out of that phase.

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