/feels/ - Advice & Venting
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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Anonymous 2619

Dear crystal.cafe
I'm turning 22 in a few days and for some reason I feel incredibly old ( most people I work / interact with are 18-20)

What is something that you would like to have known when you where 22?
What is some advice you wish someone had given you ?

Anonymous 2620

If you intend to start a family now would be a good time to find a good man who is a few years older than you. It will take a while but it's worth it. I didn't do this because I wanted to "find myself" and "experience life" ( in quotes because I actually used to say that un ironically) and now I'm 34 with very few prospects. If you feel more mature than your peers you should take advantage of that fact and get into something serious. No amount of ephemeral fun can replace a lifetime of loving and being loved.

Try to find a man who has not had a huge amount of sexual experience, he's more likely to give of himself to the relationship than one who changes gfs like he changes underwear.

Do not follow my example.

Anonymous 2621

I was 22 three years ago and I only feel ancient when I read posts like yours kek. But in all seriousness, you're still really fucking young to care about your age. At all. That's my advice - forget about that number and just, y'know, relax and enjoy the ride til you turn 30 (then you worry. I know I will!).

I don't think this is very useful, but that's what I want you to know anyways.

PS. Focus on your education, so you will enjoy your 30's $$$

Anonymous 2624

male.jpg


Anonymous 2625

My advice is stop feeling sorry for yourself and get a grip, you know damn well you're not old and you're no different from the people around you. You also know that it's very annoying for people who are actually old to hear young people whine about their age.

My other advice is wear sunscreen.

Anonymous 2626

>>2620

>34 year old thinking "her" life is over


what male fanfic

Anonymous 2627

also op you're a baby 22 year olds are annoyingly young and have more common with those 18 year olds my advice is to lessen the being annoying aspect by stopping this "i am so old"-stuff

Anonymous 2630

>>2626
>wants a family
>34
>not already in a serious relationship
>recognizes she wasted time she can't get back
>"everything I don't like is a MAN POST"
Life isn't sex and the city. Here's your (You) now go back to shilling on reddit.

Anonymous 2631

>>2627

Seconding this, and the "wear sunscreen" post. If you don't know how to cook, start teaching yourself now. Don't eat junk food. Cooking is fun and relaxing and can be so much better for your body.

Anonymous 2632

I don't know if this is applicable to you at all but I wasted a lot of time thinking I wasn't good enough for things and letting that keep me down, as well as allowing my physical anxiety symptoms from ruling my life.
Go out and do all the things. Even if you feel like you'll throw up, bring a barf bag and do it anyway. If you have career aspirations, throw yourself into it in your free time with projects and network as much as you can.

I spent 22 and 23 passing up opportunity after opportunity because I was convinced I was bad at what I chose to do. Just in the last few months I've finally recognized these thoughts as wrong, and my quality of life has improved so much for it.

So, not sure if that applies to you but that's definitely what I would have told myself.

Anonymous 2634

>>2630

bitch get some reading comprehension what kind of woman goes "remember to date the nice guys with no sexual experience sweetie" like what male fanfic

Anonymous 2636

unnamed (5).gif

>>2634
not that anon but mfw I'll probably never fulfill my fantasy of getting a sweet cute guy with no sexual experience that doesn't want to murder all women.

Anonymous 2637

>>2634
>tfw i used to be a 'virgin hunter'
>banged 10 virgin dudes after highschool

it wasn't too bad, it was fun making young guys 'impure'.

Anonymous 2638

yesss.png

Your twenties are your time to try new things and make a shitload of mistakes. You'll get crippling depression in your mid 20's, if you're already depressed it will get the worst you've ever had. I'm unsure why, this is just something my friends and I found. You're like do I have the fun or do I wifey down?

The truth is neither of those things are important. People settle down to marry and have kids now at 35+. People start careers in their 30's too.

Try and aim your 20s towards having fun, and your late twenties especially should be focused on learning new things and getting into the habit of remembering you must always learn new things and keep your brain busy. Trust me. If you get a career in your twenties, focus on other things to learn around it to become the ultimate mecha miner warrior princess.

>What is some advice you wish someone had given you?

It's okay to want to die. It's okay to be depressed. It's natural to feel these things given whatever circumstance. But these feels cannot hinder you, and if you find them getting in the way of what you want to do, look into things like ACT/pic related.
I've accepted I'll always have the desire to fling myself under a bus, but I've made peace with it now. This may seem weird to people who are still scared of their own feelings but honestly I'm in the best place I've ever been so check out ACT if you're REEEing all the time thanks

Also yeah, wear sunscreen daily and drink loads of water!

Anonymous 2640

>>2638
>It's okay to want to die. It's okay to be depressed. It's natural to feel these things given whatever circumstance.

thank you based anon. I'm 25 and I really needed to read that today. Just reading your post in general I feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I think about dying so much, but knowing it's normal somehow makes it less intimidating.

Anonymous 2641

>>2634
The kind that's been there, done that with "experienced" men, newsflash they won't ever give a shit about you the way someone who doesn't have triple digit sexual partners will. Hopefully you never get to the point of wishing you hadn't spent your 20s in a blur of blackout drunkenness, but hey, you do you.

>>2638
>People settle down to marry and have kids now at 35+
Except they don't. My best friend decided to have a kid at 36 and it took close to $130K in fertility treatment and several failed attempts at in vitro to do it, and she thanks her lucky stars every day the kid wasn't born with some kind of defect. She's 38 and wants another now and the doctors told her it's a snowball's chance in hell and could cost as much if not more than the first go-round.

If OP (or anyone) wants a big family (more than 2 kids), especially without serious medical intervention, they need to start in their early 20s. I'm sorry this offends you but it's a fact of life, and I see lots of shattered dreams of this type in my line of work.

The cruelest irony is that it's happening to me even though I've been preaching this since year one of getting this job four years ago.

Anonymous 2643

>>2636
>mfw I'll probably never fulfill my fantasy of getting a sweet cute guy with no sexual experience that doesn't want to murder all women.

Be honest though, would you be attracted to one if you met one?

Related:
>>>/feels/2604

Anonymous 2644

>>2641
Sounds like the people around you have had an unfortunate series of events that you should interpret as a coincidence unless your community has widespread health issues.

In most of the world where health care/child birth is free, young women shouldn't let these fears dictate their youth. I've personally known women in my family and friends of family have multiple children in their early or mid 40's. I have questioned whether they should risk raising a child when they could possibly die in their 50s-60s but besides that the kids are perfectly healthy and happy. Children of older parents also benefit from more stable environments, which includes financial security and less risk of mental illness.

While certain women may have fertility issues or higher risks of complications (which is also true for young women), this simply isn't true for all women in their 30's or 40's. I've even known some women to have abortions in their mid-life due to unexpected pregnancies, so fertility is clearly a non-issue for some.

As for dating prospects, the same reason you didn't find a sustained relationship in your 20s is clearly the same reason you won't settle now. Again, I know many, many older people who date, even my single grandmother has recently moved on from one boyfriend to the next. Some may be divorced or with children but regardless dating is the same principle regardless of any age. It comes down to your ability to compromise, have patience and to persevere in your personal relationships. Same with sustained friendships or close family bonds.

Hell, my 94 year old great-grandfather passed away a few years ago with his 70-something girlfriend at his side. They were a very social couple and openly in love (read: sexually active). They met very late in life and never married. She never had kids of her own and she still works in government refusing to retire.

There are all kinds of options out there. Stop pushing the young family nonsense.

(Coming from someone who's currently in a 6+ years relationship in my 20's. It's not necessary. Do it only if it's fulfilling and makes you happy).

Anonymous 2648

>>2619
>i'm 22
>i feel old
you aren't 30 yet darling
When you reach 30 men stop looking at you

Anonymous 2649

I hate to be that asshole but you are 22. You are a baby. You're not old and nobody thinks you are old. Before you know it you will be 30, then 40, and then you can whine about being "old" (I don't even consider 40 old, lol). Enjoy your youth. You will never be young again.

Anonymous 2650

>>2648
All too true.

Anonymous 2652

>>2640 godspeed anon. We're in this together <3

>>2641
>Except they don't.
Well yeah they do. UK masterrace clearly, because;
- everyone in my family has had kids in their late 30s, 20s has been education, career and travelling.
- my mum had me at 35 and my younger sister at 37
- my partners mum had kids at 39-42???
- most people in my town were born to mothers in their late 30s
- all my friends born to late 30s women

Rule Britannia. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anonymous 2659

>22
Jfc anon. You are not old. You don't even LOOK older than 18 at that age. At most, you are slightly more mature and have more experience than them.

I guess it can be hard not to relate to people you used to relate to, maybe that's what you're upset about? Well my advice is, be happy you don't.

Anonymous 2678

Anon you aren't old. However it is possible your life experience or physical brain maturation has put you in a place where you don't relate to your coworkers as well.

I think part of the issue is that you simply may not have many friends or role models in the life stages ahead of you. You might feel better about turning 28 or whatever if you had 28 year old friends or colleagues that could successfully model their age group for you. If the only people you know in their 30s are fat and tired of life of course you will be scared, it means you should probably meet other 30-somethings who are happy and good role models.

I'm almost 25, I feel bad about it sometimes. But every day that passes is another day closer to unlocking Cougar Mode and that is gonna be really cool.

Anonymous 2679

I would have told my 22 year old self to focus more on university, gaining job experiences, go out more, worry less about insignificant things and to not waste as much time looking at stupid stuff on the internet.

I would have also warned myself about how university can completely destroy any self esteem you have. Even though I graduated I still feel terrible.

Anonymous 2680

>>2678
>>I'm almost 25, I feel bad about it sometimes. But every day that passes is another day closer to unlocking Cougar Mode and that is gonna be really cool.

This. I'm 27, and it freaks me out at times because there is still so much I want to do, but there are benefits. I'm seriously excited for senior discounts, and to be able to join clubs/groups/take classes for senior citizens.

Anonymous 2692

>>2680
>>2678
I agree as well, but I'm more looking forward to the awesome black little old lady hats, getting away with being overly huggy and affectionate, even with people I don't know, and having an excuse for being witchy and eccentric.

Anonymous 2693

>>2692
That should say "little old lady hats."

Anonymous 2696

im 24 and i feel stuck in the middle. real adults consider me a little baby, teens make me feel like i'm an ancient elder. i'm old enough to live alone, raise a baby, drink all night with no one checking in, have my birthdays pass by without noticing, accidentally almost join a cult, but too young to be established in a career, make a decent wage, get a doctorate… its a weird wandering feeling. considering 24 is more than half my projected life expectancy makes it super weird. being a "middle aged" 90s kid.

Anonymous 2731

>>2641
Are you personally familiar with the inbred south? My mom had me and my 4 siblings throughout her 30s with no problems.

And lik

Anonymous 2748

Stop consuming media that's made for teenagers and find some older role models. It helps with the feeling that your life is over.

>>2641
>you can either get married and pop a baby at 24 or get to your 30s and beyond high and drunk having meaningless sex, no inbetweens
>women over the age of 26 are infertile
>find yourself A MAN

Yup, it's a robot.

Anonymous 2944

>>2641

this is late but i am an older lesbian so i really, really do not give a shit about male fanfics/dumbass sraight women problems thinking life is over at 30 if you haven't found a man and popped million babies out of your vagina. there is other options and being constantly drunk and meaningless sex doesn't have to be the only one :)

Anonymous 2981

I’m 32 and I wish someone had told me at 22 that I wasn’t anywhere near old. Don’t rush into anything. Enjoy being young and remember you’ll probably hate who you are now in 10 years as much as you hate who you were at 12 now.

(And to those worrying about NASOLABIAL FOLDS, I still get carded every time I go out and recently took up a community college class for fun and all the 18-year-olds freaked out when they learned I was older than “22, 23, 25 at most”. Stay out of the sun and don’t smoke and you’ll stay looking young, this isn’t the 80s.)

Anonymous 2986

>>2981
I'm 27 and have been mistaken for older than my age since 15 despite wearing sunscreen/avoiding the sun etc.

Even if you are like me and people think you are older than you are (people don't seem surprised to find out my age but I'm sure I could pretend to be 30 and people wouldn't be too surprised either), it's still not old. I'd advise not to worry so much about aging since it happens to us all.

My advice is that 22 is not old, so stop fretting. Also, take care of your body (on the inside) since you'll probably spend another 40-70 years in it.

Anonymous 2987

>>2981
>>2986
I guess sometimes I find all the "aging advice" people give out useless because it seems to me a lot of it has to do with genetics and height. Some people have amazing skin but older facial features and are tall, so they always look their age or older. There's this woman at my work that everyone says looks so young, but if you see pictures of her online, she actually looks older than her age imo and the reason people think she's "young" looking is because she's shorter than 5 ft and has an alternative haircut. My mom is in her mid-late fifties and she looks younger (like early forties) than that even though she tanned in the sun a lot in the 70s with nothing on her face.

Anonymous 3000

>>2986
>>2987
Yeah, I suppose I added that last bit more for humor than realistically - fwiw I was mistaken for being in my early 20s all through high school, so at some point I clearly turned a corner.

What I mean more to OP though is that 22 is nowhere near old mentally. If you live in a modern western society you’re nowhere near an adult by the time you attain legal majority, and adulthood is so deferred in this culture that even at 22 you’re still going to be doing things that make older people internally roll their eyes at “what it was like to be young and stupid” for a while yet. It sucks, because you’re told on the one hand that you’re an adult now because of your physical age, but you’re unlikely to have anything remotely approaching the mental and emotional maturity required for adulting.

For what it’s worth, I’ve always thought 20-22ish and then again at 26-27ish are real turning points in western culture where you realize you’ve become someone you didn’t expect, and either dive in further or reject it. Almost everyone I know went through both of these evolutions at around these times, and at this distance from the first one I’m starting to believe it has to do with seeing who you are when you can make your own decisions (at least for those who have left home by 20 or so). I suspect the second has to do more with looking around and seeing what half a decade of making your own decisions has wrought.

Tldr, 22 only seems old when you’re 22, you’ll be fine op.

Anonymous 3001

>>3000
Ahh sorry, I wasn't really responding to your post, I was going OT because I see a lot of people throwing out "aging" advice and sometimes I feel like it doesn't matter that much.

Though I will say one thing that is about your post: I don't believe maturity is necessarily correlated with living or not living at home. Okay, yes, for many it is, but I know plenty of mature individuals who choose to live with their parents for various reasons even though they have well paying jobs, are in graduate school or beyond, etc.

Anonymous 5119

>>2748
Some studies suggest that the best age for female to birth a baby is 25 years old and after that point the likeliness hood of getting disabilities or mutations in general, increases.This affects males as well, even worse since even a one milliliter sperm can contain about 14 million spermcells or even more. Quite productive in terms of useless spermcells whom will end up dying for vain. The life that the mother has previously lived before the birthing and the possible effects it might have, I don't know perfectly know but I do know that during pregnancy everything is quite hectic thus it is very important to stay away from alcohol and cigaratte. Proper and variable meals, enough sleep and a bit of exercise but not too much of course, is always recommended. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that the possibility of getting disable and or some other anomalies appear in babies increases quite drastically after reaching 25 year mark. Sure, there might be cases where 45-50 year old woman successfully birth a healthy child, but the risks are high and it might be even be dangerous to the mother especially if it is her firstborn.

Our modern society makes it really hard to make an actual family and get offspring in the age of 25, no doubt about that. However it is possible, but it does have some compromises. Case in point would be Japans' type of way. Men goes to work while women stay in home looking after kids and the house. This is not optimal, especially in Japan where the work culture includes the work ethic that literally kills them. Too much pressure, stress and poor meals with very little nutritions causes "Karōshi". Women also might get frustrated since they can't get to have time to spend with their husbands since men have to provide all the expenses to the family and work overhours as well as the fact that women don't get to educate oneself or it would be too stressful while handling with kids. It's only a matter time when this kind of family falls apart.

So the anon was sort of right but not exactly, but not a single thing can be absolutely certain in this kind of subject and it is quite timely to even study. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

Anonymous 5121

4f36d6df6c81a145b2…

Don't drop out of college and buy a used car instead of leasing a new car. You need full insurance coverage on a lease and that is very expensive, at least $220/month in a place with high insurance rates like California. Find a four-door Honda Civic for less than $10k that's only a few years old, that's a really good and safe car.

The workplace is not a good place to make friends at this age because most people have an "I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to WIN" attitude so don't even expect that, your job is a way to make money and nothing else so don't have unrealistic expectations and brace your anus for the intense suffering of being part of the workforce. Corporate jobs are not the be-all-end-all of normiedom, it's fine to have a badly paying but chill job that you like in a position that's not respected by society like being a janitor if the stress levels are more tolerable for your fragile mental health. You can still own a house with a badly paying job so long as you have a partner who is a main breadwinner who makes decent money and doesn't mind you not contributing equally financially.

You need a household net income of at least $35k to be able to afford a mortgage on a modest home in the ballpark of $200k, which is very doable in many parts of America that are good and safe. You'll often hear that you need 20% down to buy a home but there is a thing called a FHA home loan which is insured through the US government that allows you to only put down 3.5%. Start saving up $10k for that now. You need a credit score of at least 580 to qualify for the 3.5% down offer so start building your credit now.

God is enough, if you come into this world and leave it knowing you're loved you can put up with any intense suffering and bullshit that happens in between.

Anonymous 5122

>>5121
I guess my post is kind of off topic because it isn't really aging advice but just general life advice I wish someone had told me at 22 cause I had to figure out all this really intimidating adult financial stuff about buying cars and homes and insurance on my own.

Anonymous 5143

>>2678
I could use some advice on how exactly to go about finding these older role models…

Anonymous 19468

>>5121

really like your advice. thank you anon

Anonymous 19800

33074606_191298651…

>>2648
I'm not OP but
>implying most men ever looked at my plain Jane face with any sense of interest/attraction

Don't need to worry about getting old and unattractive if you were never really attractive in the first place.



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