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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Anonymous 28571

Anyone else have >the one that got away?

Gender doesn't matter of course.

Even after finding a boyfriend I could connect with and who loves me as much as I love him, I still can't stop thinking about >him from time to time. The lost potential and how we just drifted apart without any real closure.

Anonymous 28572

Two, one more involved.
I ended a friendship with a long distance girl since I can't handle having friends, only to later check that she sent me a confession message a year after I left. It might not be too late but…it probably is, and we'd be a messy match anyway. But I also loved her.

Second, more minor, I tried talking to a uni classmate but he got clearly anxious so I dropped it out of fear of harassing him. He has no social media presence so I constantly wonder what he's really like as a person. From what little I do know I've kind of built a hypothetical personality around him and based a character on it…cringe, I know. I often wish I'd tried again on exam day, upon reflection of his actions he was probably just very shy and wanted me to.

What's your story op?

Anonymous 28575

does your boyfriend know? what does he think of it?

Anonymous 28577


your second story is giving me ptsd flashbacks. I still have slight hope he failed the same class as me and he'll be at the summer resit next week, but probably not lol

Anonymous 28578


I'll send my wishes that you cross paths again, anon.
I'm personally hoping I see this guy sitting around on his own on campus again this fall. If I'm feeling the big clit energy I may give it another try.

Anonymous 28596

Yeah, I should have tried harder. Story of my life.

Anonymous 28746

Childhood friends since birth
Families stopped talking to each other around 15-16
Fallout with family, end up finding and getting in to contact with him again a few years later
Nicest person you'd ever meet by the way, heart of gold
At a party with friends, they start encouraging me to do lewd acts but I'm still waiting for the right person and all (22 then) so I ignore them and chat to him on messenger
planning to meet up
Turns out he's got a girlfriend and cuts me off out of nowhere when I would have just been happy meeting up with an old friend
Sink real low that night, lose virginity to a stupid fling and begin a 4 year alcohol fueled one night stand gig
Ends up re-adding me about a year after deleting (all evidence points to jealous gf deleting me), accepted request but refuse to make the first move again
Stopped drinking and one night stands, won't share a bed again unless I'm certain its for the long haul.
As perfect as he was and how much I loved him growing up together, it was all just a useless obsession in the end. We went our seperate ways a long time ago and I should have realised that instead of letting it sink me and act like a skank for the next 4 years.

Thank you for reading my blog

Anonymous 28764

yes, they just posted engagement photos and there’s no hope anymore :(

Anonymous 28769

>Sink real low that night, lose virginity to a stupid fling and begin a 4 year alcohol fueled one night stand gig
This just shows that he probably deserves better than you

Anonymous 28776

No arguements there

Anonymous 28780

Play nice.

Anonymous 28915


Met at our high school anime club our junior year, he was the president. Every time we had a conversation junior year after anime club (we would only have a one on one conversation once a month or so) I would dream about him. We start texting a little our spring semester and into summer. Senior year rolls around, we both don't have many friends and I see him sit alone in the library during lunch, we start sitting together every day and talking. Soon I became the co-president of anime club.

We started becoming closer, eventually lead to dating. We would drive to his house every Tuesday after anime club to talk, play vidya, eventually kiss and cuddle. It was so nice. As time went on we did more things together, went on little trips, started getting more friends, etc. I took him to his first anime convention, we spent holidays together, we would always talk. I didn't think I would meet someone so similar to me in school.

Once uni started, we went to different schools. He transferred to my uni after the first semester because he hated his uni's town and wanted to move in closer to his parents. After two years he decided to break up with me. To this day I still think it was a mistake. He doesn't admit it but I know it's because he is most likely gay. I had asked him throughout the relationship about his sexuality, and if he was gay it was okay, I just wanted to know so we wouldnt be wasting our time together. I should have known the red flags when he had trouble keeping it up, the way he talked about men, how he never wanted me to take my sports bra off, how he would rather be the bottom (which was completely fine), him admitting to only being able to get off to shotafur and loli, among plenty of other things.

The real kicker was one of our last conversations IRL, in my car, in his driveway. I was crying my eyes out when we were trying to talk through the breakup again, he was hugging me, trying to comfort me, it made me feel so good again. Then he started kissing me. We kept kissing for a long time. After he told me that was a bad idea, and that he still cared for me and was attracted to me, but that he never wanted to be in a relationship with me again. I remember him leaving my car, and then i drove down the block, and had to stop and puke on the side of the road. He eventually deleted and blocked me on a lot of things. I know a big part of him getting fed up with everything is because I am a very sad person, I tried really hard for him, I started seeing a psychiatrist a few weeks before he broke up with me. I feel so bad, at one point he asked me to stop venting to him because I am a lot to handle maybe. I think I just have a lot of complications, I am still working through things but I am working on getting better. I think he just cant handle being so close with others as well. I still miss him, I have not spoken to him in a very long time. We still both mod a friends discord server, but thats the extent of our interaction. I loved him a lot. Maybe it's silly that I still think about it all.

Anonymous 28916


Anonymous 28917

just joking

Anonymous 28919

i hope you figure it out sister

Anonymous 28921


Yes, Josh
I was the one who ended it because at the time I thought he was boring. But he was honestly the sweetest guy I've ever met, though a little weird.
Ive been with my current boyfriend for more than a year now but I still have dreams about Josh.

Anonymous 28923


Can you tell more about how the bad boy guy feels so bland now that you’re talking to him? I’m trying to get over a guy like that and could use some help.

Anonymous 28925

Thank you, I feel as if at this point it was less of me and more on his end. He was very confused and was still figuring himself out, I shouldn't be too upset at him because of that. I don't know, im doing as well as I can regarding my own issues at the very least. I just need to keep going forward, stop overthinking because it was so many months ago.

Anonymous 29065

you still want dark triad guy you just want them to not obviously player and have a little empathy towards to you.


Anonymous 29098

>I should have known the red flags when he had trouble keeping it up, the way he talked about men, how he never wanted me to take my sports bra off, how he would rather be the bottom (which was completely fine), him admitting to only being able to get off to shotafur and loli, among plenty of other things.

Are those really red flags? Mine checks off half those boxes so now I’m worried.

Anonymous 29109

>him admitting to only being able to get off to shotafur and loli
If any human being displays these signs, they are broken goods.

Anonymous 29111

This happened to me pretty recently. I was so convinced he was The One.

I met a guy who I clicked really well with. We had the same humour, interests, never ran out of things to talk about. He was funny, witty, talented, tall, well off, had a big dick, was athletic and really good looking too, on paper he was pretty much my ideal man. He was kinky as fuck too and had a huge dick. He would offer to protect and spoil me, would compliment me often and tell me how beautiful I was, would call me his babygirl. He invited me to meet his entire family and promised to introduce me to them as his girl. We even talked about having kids and he would sometimes joke about what things would be like if we got married.

Then I told him I was going through some personal stuff and needed to get my shit together, and it was like a switch flipped. He stopped calling, stopped responding to my texts, pretty much ghosted me.

I thought maybe he was just sulking. I cried everyday, missed our wonderful time spent together, missed his handsome face, wondered what I’d done wrong, kept trying to message him to apologize went on for about two weeks until I finally got through to him with a friends phone. I asked him if there was any chance we could reconnect. He said no. I asked him to call me so I could hear his voice one last time. He said no. I asked him why he hated me now, why was he trying to get back at me? He said he didn’t hate me, he just felt apathy towards me now. He said he wasn’t trying to get back at me and to get that idea out of my head. He claims he simply had lost interest in our relationship.

I asked him if he was capable of love. He said he didn’t know. I asked him if he was a sociopath, he said maybe. I had been sobbing all the way up until this point, and as soon as he said this, my tears stopped. Somehow it helped me see things in perspective.

He had never cared about me. He was now disgusted by me. He couldn’t wait for me or even attempt to understand what I was going through. He had demonstrated a similar amount of callousness and cruelty to people before. I never thought he’d act that way towards me. If his needs were not being met he immediately dropped people. There had been so many red flags. I had ignored them since I was so enamoured by him. Somehow knowing that he will never truly love any woman helped me cope. It wasn’t me, it was him. He blocked me and I haven’t spoken to him since.

There are of course so many things I miss about him. His broad shoulders, his cute button nose, his blue eyes - the bluest I’ve ever seen, his dumb laugh, the way he’d look at me, and yes I miss his dick and body a lot.

But in a way, it accounts for nothing if you know you will never make any kind of meaningful impression on a person like that. The only thing that separates you from a stranger to a sociopath is the fact that you have something they want in that moment. And as soon as you cannot provide it to them, you are a stranger again. Or perhaps even an enemy.

All I can say is I never thought I would ever meet anyone like that before, but I did. And if I met someone who I thought was that great (then turned out to be not so great), then maybe I can meet another person who is just as good, if not better.

Anonymous 29112

>I thought I wanted one of those dark triad, somewhat mischievous and emotionally stunted bad boys who like to bully and tease me

I had one and trust me, you don’t. Yes they are intoxicatingly attractive, charming, masculine and fun at the time, but the amount of emotional and psychological fallout you have when they inevitably fuck you over and leave you in their dust will not even hurt you as much as knowing the fact they will never miss you, never look back on your time spent together, never even cross their mind. And that’s not even counting the amount of physical danger they pose to you seeing how selfish, reckless and irresponsible they are. Sociopaths and dark triad guys live in the moment and they do not look back. You will never mean anything to him, now or 20 years down the line. It’s not worth it. Not. Fucking. Worth it.

Anonymous 29113


Could try with some swallows.

Anonymous 29114


Wrong thread
Wasted my eyebrows too.

Anonymous 29116


>He had demonstrated a similar amount of callousness and cruelty to people before. I never thought he’d act that way towards me
You should have definitely seen those red flags though.

Anonymous 29130

To be fair, the only people he went out of his way to trash were his exes. He was an opportunist and apathetic towards most people’s suffering, but not in a particularly edgy way. More in a funny, lighthearted, carefree way. It was hard to tell when he was joking and when he wasn’t. He treated me like gold right up until he stopped getting what he wanted from me.

But with his exes, he dumped them extremely suddenly and cruelly. While telling me this however, he tried to justify it by saying they deserved it by their previous bad behaviour. When dumping me however I had been perfectly loving and kind towards him, and I think he found it hard to justify it to himself.

Looking back there were other red flags. I remember taking an online test and showing him the results. When he noticed it said I had high empathy, he scoffed and said ‘Guess you’re the opposite of me then.’ There was also another time where we were talking about MDMA, and he was describing how it makes people more empathetic, to which he added ‘Unfortunately I’ve never experienced that.’ The way he said these things was so offhand and casual that I barely even took notice. I was just always too excited just by talking to him.

What was most concerning to me looking back was the way he treated his family cat. He seemed like a normie but really he was a sociopathic gymbro creep.

Anonymous 29132


Meant to reply to

Also, I have no one else to vent to about this so I’ll just post here. It might help another girl who is stuck in the idealization phase with a master manipulator.

Another creepy thing I remember was the fact that he was completely fascinated by my emotions. He loved when I got emotional, he couldn’t grasp the concept of it, and was intrigued by it. I felt like I was an experiment.

For instance, if I mentioned I was feeling sad or anxious, he would press and press further, asking me to tell me every detail about what was wrong and why I was feeling that way. ‘What’s wrong? Tell me every detail of exactly what you’re feeling in this moment, and why you feel this way? Oh really? That’s interesting.’ I mistook this for him genuinely caring about how I felt. In reality, he was studying me, working out how to better manipulate other girls in the future. Like an actor studying the subtle nuances of his craft. It turned out he was acting the entire time.

Before he blocked me, I mentioned I had an inkling he had sociopathic tendencies. His immediate question was ‘What were the signs? I’m curious.’ Of course, straight away I told him to fuck off, that he wasn’t slick. I wasn’t about to help a psycho learn to mirror or exploit people better next time in the future.

No wonder he was fascinated by my feelings, seeing as he never had any himself.

Anonymous 29136

Jesus this thread is making me wonder if the incels don't have a point. Literally wistfully pining for guys who treated you like a soggy cumrag as 'the one that got away'.
>But he had a big dick though!
Female version of a cumbrain.

You guys know that 'dark triad' types by definition will never give a single fuck about you right?

Anonymous 29137

Those are only the most recent posts, one of them even had a bf who couldn’t get it up so I don’t think that’s true at all. If you’re not sexually compatible that’s going to be a problem don’t you think?

Anonymous 29138

>For instance, if I mentioned I was feeling sad or anxious, he would press and press further, asking me to tell me every detail about what was wrong and why I was feeling that way. ‘What’s wrong? Tell me every detail of exactly what you’re feeling in this moment, and why you feel this way? Oh really? That’s interesting.’

Maybe he was just assburgers and didn't understand emotions too well. And that was his way of sympathizing with you.

>Before he blocked me, I mentioned I had an inkling he had sociopathic tendencies. His immediate question was ‘What were the signs? I’m curious.’

What's wrong with that? If someone told they thought I was a sociopath I'd also ask what made them think that.

Anonymous 29140

Lol he was definitely not autistic or a sperg, he was incredibly socially adept and popular, could sweet talk his way out of anything, he was actually the one who first suggested he might be a sociopath. I just told him that I had suspected it down the line. I genuinely think when he asked that, he was looking for ways to avoid slipping up in the future. He had a lot of other factors like impulsive behavior, hard drug use, casual sex, easily bored, sadistic tendencies in bed, generally very domineering and aggressive, only looked out for himself etc. He was so nice to me I barely even noticed I was dating a bad boy. I was stupid. I’d never date someone who treated me like shit during the relationship. Next time I guess I’ll just try to make sure the guy doesn’t treat others like shit too. The whole thing is pretty amusing to look back on now.

Anonymous 29141

Chasing intimacy, sex and relationships in order to procreate is pretty much ingrained in everyone. Nothing abnormal about it. Being incel/volcel or having a porn addiction is abnormal, though understandable if you literally cannot get intimacy.

Also, going out there, dating people and risking getting hurt is a lot braver than withdrawing from the race completely. It’s easy to judge others relationship decisions if you have little to no relationship experience yourself. They are complex, delicate, nuanced matters.

Anonymous 29145

like >>29109 said, major red flag.

though with in my situation, there were more red flags, that was just what stood out to me as I was writing my original post. my ex bf had to think about shotafur or loli whenever we had sex, he said he would always try to finish to the thought of me, but he always seemed a bit detached in that way. A man being a bottom isn't a huge red flag, but if he talks about his attraction to men, how he doesnt like female bodies, etc, then yeah, huge red flag there.

again, mine were red flags in the context of our entire relationship dynamic, I dont want to make you paranoid for no reason. What boxes does yours check off, and why are you just now getting worried? personally I was always a bit worried my ex was gay, if you havent been worried up until now then I think it may be alright. but again, I don't know your whole situation

Anonymous 29146

If he likes anime and itty bitty titties he is like one step away from being a full on fag.

Never date a guy who watches fucking hentai. I don’t care if you watch hentai, just don’t date guys who do.

Anonymous 29148

whats even worse is a guy who's secretly a furfag (or open about it). they will ruin your life

Anonymous 29149


It’s funny, the first guy I dated was a huge weeb, shut-in, ugly, manlet NEET loser who I later found out had a secret loli fetish. I was so disgusted I vowed never to date nerds again. Then I went for the complete opposite, a tall good looking jock type who thought hentai was lame and gay. In the end both turned out to be assholes. I would still pick the jock though since he was better looking and if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s nasty ugly beta losers LARPing as alpha males.

Anonymous 29150

If a guy I was seeing even showed mere traces of being a furfag I would take out a restraining order on him. Watching anime is a dealbreaker for me at this point.

Please do better, ladies.

Anonymous 29151


my standards are so low, my only requirements are someone who was previously a brony, someone who is kinda a weeb, and someone who understands retarded internet culture. I am just setting myself up for failure at this point but I just want someone who understands since this is what my life is, I've tried to get to know normies/semi-failed normies, but it never works out because it is so hard for me to connect with them and I feel so out of place.

Anonymous 29152

>hard drug use
no offense or anything but you are seriously retarded if you didn't start running at this part alone.

Anonymous 29155

Likes anime/masturbates to loli, doesn’t mind being a bottom, has trouble keeping it up, though I think the last one is an actual health problem. He’s a sweet guy other than those things.

Anonymous 29156

I don't mind dating someone who likes anime (I do too) as long as he doesn't have creepy fetishes.

Anonymous 29158

To be fair when I was younger I was really disgusted by drugs too. Then as I started socializing and talking to normies more I realized it’s incredibly common to use them frequently.

He usually took ketamine, cocaine or MDMA. Not the worst drugs. Never would date a meth or heroin addict obviously.

Anonymous 29159

It’s not the anime itself that is the problem, it’s more the rabbitholes guys go down when they are into anime. I haven’t met a guy who was a major anime fan who could still retain a decent level of psychological normalcy. Girls anime fans are a bit different.

Anonymous 29160

Can you give some examples? There’s plenty of men that, even without anime, are pretty mentally messed.

Anonymous 29162

Majority of people, men or women, into anime just watch your standard stuff like One Punch Man and My Hero Acadamia. If he’s weird he’ll have other quirks that point to it, not just watching anime

Anonymous 29163

i'm a big stinky jew and the love of my life is a literal 1929 nazi. i'll never be able to forget him as long as I live, which really is some wandering jew shit

Anonymous 29169

Anonymous 29174


Nah, I’m a woman who’s a big anime fan, and honestly, I’m a fucking sperg. I think that regardless of gender, once you go down certain rabbit holes, you’ll never quite be “normal” again (or never were to begin with, psychologically - not sure if the anime is the cause or effect here).

I don’t think I can really be a normalfag again after watching through 700+ episodes of Precure.

Anonymous 29181


>Not the worst drugs.
Well that makes it so much better.

Anonymous 29182


It depends what they watch.
If a guy watches slice of life ecchi shit, that is a hard drop.
If he watches tasteful pre-2000's anime or even some studio ghibli from his childhood, thats ok.
Also depends on volume. Binge watching anything is a bad sign, regardless if its anime, netflix or movies.

Anonymous 29183

There's a lot of good new anime out there, even from 2018-2019.

Anonymous 29184

>Never would date a meth or heroin addict obviously.

Wow, you have such high standards XD

Anonymous 29185

Serves you right Stacy ;_;

Anonymous 29186

Like what?
Don't say attack on titan, cringiest try hard dark'n'edgy shite out there.
Evangelion made people retch with a catchy J-Pop song.

Anonymous 29187

>There’s plenty of men that, even without anime, are pretty mentally messed.

How is that relevant to her post? She didn't claim that anime was the only source of mental problems.

Anonymous 29188

It wasn't bad, imo.

Anonymous 29189

>If a guy watches slice of life ecchi shit, that is a hard drop.

Why? I googled it and it seems a pretty harmless genre.

Anonymous 29191

Put it into perspective.
An adult man is watching a show about high school girl drama that makes specific focus on them in erotic positions.


But I don't do that shit anymore and haven't for a long while, people improve. I don't just as harshly on their past as mine isn't prestine either, but I will look at who they are now. I don't want a man child that sits at home and watches cartoons all day. The standard of what a man should be has hit rock bottom in modern days and it's only getting lower.

Anonymous 29194

Well what makes you such a wonderful catch then?

Anonymous 29195

I'm sorry, but Naruto is less cringey

Anonymous 29196

I don't watch pedo tv shows all day for starters.

Anonymous 29197

Then what do you do?

Anonymous 29198

You should try MDMA sometime anonette. Might loosen you up a bit.

Anonymous 29199


Normal things
Garden, play instruments, cook, woodwork, gym, work on my cars, dabble in tailoring and currently learning Russian. I don't play video games, drink, smoke, take drugs or do one night stands. Shitposting here occasionally is the worst of it.

Anonymous 29217

I find it hard to believe someone who does none of those things would end up here.

Anonymous 29221


You'd be surprised. A lot of people might have found places like this when they were down, but people improve. I used to be a procrastinating bag of shit not too long ago with no direction in life.
It stops when you choose to stop.

Anonymous 29229


I too like to lie on the internet

Anonymous 29230


>pre-2000's anime or even some studio ghibli

A woman of culture i see.

Anonymous 29242


>Why isn't everyone a piece of trash like me???

Anonymous 29243

What leads you to continue browsing this site? I’d expect maladjusted people who are too stubborn to improve to stick around, not the opposite.

Anonymous 29249

Why not? It's fun, gets you exposed to lots of different people, discuss things ordinary people won't and it's a much slower pace than 4chan so I only have to check in every now and then to continue a conversation.

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