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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Anonymous 28571

Anyone else have >the one that got away?

Gender doesn't matter of course.

Even after finding a boyfriend I could connect with and who loves me as much as I love him, I still can't stop thinking about >him from time to time. The lost potential and how we just drifted apart without any real closure.

Anonymous 28572

Two, one more involved.
I ended a friendship with a long distance girl since I can't handle having friends, only to later check that she sent me a confession message a year after I left. It might not be too late but…it probably is, and we'd be a messy match anyway. But I also loved her.

Second, more minor, I tried talking to a uni classmate but he got clearly anxious so I dropped it out of fear of harassing him. He has no social media presence so I constantly wonder what he's really like as a person. From what little I do know I've kind of built a hypothetical personality around him and based a character on it…cringe, I know. I often wish I'd tried again on exam day, upon reflection of his actions he was probably just very shy and wanted me to.

What's your story op?

Anonymous 28575

does your boyfriend know? what does he think of it?

Anonymous 28577


your second story is giving me ptsd flashbacks. I still have slight hope he failed the same class as me and he'll be at the summer resit next week, but probably not lol

Anonymous 28578


I'll send my wishes that you cross paths again, anon.
I'm personally hoping I see this guy sitting around on his own on campus again this fall. If I'm feeling the big clit energy I may give it another try.

Anonymous 28596

Yeah, I should have tried harder. Story of my life.

Anonymous 28746

Childhood friends since birth
Families stopped talking to each other around 15-16
Fallout with family, end up finding and getting in to contact with him again a few years later
Nicest person you'd ever meet by the way, heart of gold
At a party with friends, they start encouraging me to do lewd acts but I'm still waiting for the right person and all (22 then) so I ignore them and chat to him on messenger
planning to meet up
Turns out he's got a girlfriend and cuts me off out of nowhere when I would have just been happy meeting up with an old friend
Sink real low that night, lose virginity to a stupid fling and begin a 4 year alcohol fueled one night stand gig
Ends up re-adding me about a year after deleting (all evidence points to jealous gf deleting me), accepted request but refuse to make the first move again
Stopped drinking and one night stands, won't share a bed again unless I'm certain its for the long haul.
As perfect as he was and how much I loved him growing up together, it was all just a useless obsession in the end. We went our seperate ways a long time ago and I should have realised that instead of letting it sink me and act like a skank for the next 4 years.

Thank you for reading my blog

Anonymous 28764

yes, they just posted engagement photos and there’s no hope anymore :(

Anonymous 28769

>Sink real low that night, lose virginity to a stupid fling and begin a 4 year alcohol fueled one night stand gig
This just shows that he probably deserves better than you

Anonymous 28776

No arguements there

Anonymous 28780

Play nice.

Anonymous 28915


Met at our high school anime club our junior year, he was the president. Every time we had a conversation junior year after anime club (we would only have a one on one conversation once a month or so) I would dream about him. We start texting a little our spring semester and into summer. Senior year rolls around, we both don't have many friends and I see him sit alone in the library during lunch, we start sitting together every day and talking. Soon I became the co-president of anime club.

We started becoming closer, eventually lead to dating. We would drive to his house every Tuesday after anime club to talk, play vidya, eventually kiss and cuddle. It was so nice. As time went on we did more things together, went on little trips, started getting more friends, etc. I took him to his first anime convention, we spent holidays together, we would always talk. I didn't think I would meet someone so similar to me in school.

Once uni started, we went to different schools. He transferred to my uni after the first semester because he hated his uni's town and wanted to move in closer to his parents. After two years he decided to break up with me. To this day I still think it was a mistake. He doesn't admit it but I know it's because he is most likely gay. I had asked him throughout the relationship about his sexuality, and if he was gay it was okay, I just wanted to know so we wouldnt be wasting our time together. I should have known the red flags when he had trouble keeping it up, the way he talked about men, how he never wanted me to take my sports bra off, how he would rather be the bottom (which was completely fine), him admitting to only being able to get off to shotafur and loli, among plenty of other things.

The real kicker was one of our last conversations IRL, in my car, in his driveway. I was crying my eyes out when we were trying to talk through the breakup again, he was hugging me, trying to comfort me, it made me feel so good again. Then he started kissing me. We kept kissing for a long time. After he told me that was a bad idea, and that he still cared for me and was attracted to me, but that he never wanted to be in a relationship with me again. I remember him leaving my car, and then i drove down the block, and had to stop and puke on the side of the road. He eventually deleted and blocked me on a lot of things. I know a big part of him getting fed up with everything is because I am a very sad person, I tried really hard for him, I started seeing a psychiatrist a few weeks before he broke up with me. I feel so bad, at one point he asked me to stop venting to him because I am a lot to handle maybe. I think I just have a lot of complications, I am still working through things but I am working on getting better. I think he just cant handle being so close with others as well. I still miss him, I have not spoken to him in a very long time. We still both mod a friends discord server, but thats the extent of our interaction. I loved him a lot. Maybe it's silly that I still think about it all.

Anonymous 28916


Anonymous 28917

just joking

Anonymous 28919

i hope you figure it out sister

Anonymous 28920


I think I made a huge mistake by ghosting him. I thought I wanted one of those dark triad, somewhat mischievous and emotionally stunted bad boys who like to bully and tease me, but now that I'm talking to one it feels so bland. Kind of wish I had him in my life again, everything felt really wholesome and I could really just relax and speak around him with no filter. Even though he was super emotional, got attached very early on, I think I'm digging this nice guy "beta" vibes more so than "alpha badboy" vibes (sorry for the cringey terms but I really have no other way to clarify these traits). Anyways, mean guys are fun for a bit but my heart is always just aching for him, the person who actually cared to talk about my past traumas even though at the time I was such a spiteful and angry bitch towards him for making me open up, I miss it.

On an unrelated note, I think I'm really going to try and be a good person again. Being edgy and non-feeling towards others was maybe cool in high school but living your life without empathy or trying to connect deeply with others is so bland & stale. I want to care! I want to empathise!! I WANT TO FEEL AGAIN and I'm glad to have met him for making me see this even though I pushed him away. Thank you for being a decent human being and allowing me to believe vulnerability is kind of endearing too :) Maybe we will have the chance to meet again in the future, maybe when I am in a better place mentally, I'll have the courage to hit you up again.

Anonymous 28921


Yes, Josh
I was the one who ended it because at the time I thought he was boring. But he was honestly the sweetest guy I've ever met, though a little weird.
Ive been with my current boyfriend for more than a year now but I still have dreams about Josh.

Anonymous 28923


Can you tell more about how the bad boy guy feels so bland now that you’re talking to him? I’m trying to get over a guy like that and could use some help.

Anonymous 28925

Thank you, I feel as if at this point it was less of me and more on his end. He was very confused and was still figuring himself out, I shouldn't be too upset at him because of that. I don't know, im doing as well as I can regarding my own issues at the very least. I just need to keep going forward, stop overthinking because it was so many months ago.

Anonymous 28954

Tbh anon maybe it's this particular guy who feels bland and that his antics and manipulations are particularly obvious or maybe I have just outgrown the phase of wanting to be emotionally controlled. I used to associate aloofness and not being a nice guy as high status traits in men but after meeting someone who was both high status but also kind, made me do a 180 on my male perceptions. After some time of playing the game you sort of just realise how much of a loser they are for treating women with indifference and the coolest people are the ones who care and are willing to be honest and put themselves out there even if there's a chance of getting hurt.

I don't know what steps I took to come to this conclusion and I don't know the details/context of your particular situation so I don't know how I could potentially help you. But I think a necessary component needs to come from within. A lot of my issues stemmed from an absence of a father figure in my earlier years so maybe I actively sought out men who were emotionally closed off because that was all I knew but upon meeting him, it made me realise strong men are not those without emotions but ones who selectively chooses to show them when appropriate and to the right people.

All I can say to you is that I hope you can figure out your own answers and escape from that kind of mentality!

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