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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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How to not be raped Anonymous 30305

We all know that it's dangerous to be outside alone at night as a girl. Let's collect here some tips and advice for making it safer.
1. Use umbrellas, not only do they make decent-ish weapons and look intimidating, but having them open over your head makes you appear bigger and therefor more threatening to the evolution based animalistic brain (i think the parts of the amygdala?).
2. Pepper spray
3. Have 911 dialed so you can just call it instantly if the situation is really scary
4. Make sure to let others know where you are and when you arrive at home etc. This way they'll be able to know that something might've happenee if you're not there at that time.
5. Park your car as close to the entrance as possible to minimalize walking.
6. If you notice someone following you in a mall, it should never be a problem to go to other girls and act like you know them while asking if they can check if the guy is actually following you or come to security with you (you can do the same too if you see that happening with another girl).
7. If someone actually grabs you, try to make yourself pee, poop, puke, etc. You might be able to have them let go of you.

Those are all i can currently think of, if you have more, post them!

Anonymous 30327

Get a gun, learn to use it.

Anonymous 30341

If someone grabs you by the hair near the scalp, you can loosen their grip by squeezing their knuckles/ the middle of their fingers together (the hand will naturally curve into a c shape no matter how strong the person is). You'll still probably loose a bit of hair, but not as much.

If someone grabs you by the clothing, you can (sometimes) make yourself harder to hold onto by pulling the fabric tight under the hold (think like trying to hold onto a loose cloth versus the side of a tent) and sweeping the hand off with your other hand.

There's an element of surprise when you know what you're doing, so try to read up on ways to get out of holds, and use the time that the 'stun' factor buys you to get away. Also scream like hell (even if you've got a lower voice like me).

Anonymous 30343

It's surprisingly hard to pull someone when they have their arms and legs wrapped around a pole or other such thing. Even a small child refusing to leave the playground is hard for an adult to move. If possible, hold on to something and start screaming.

Also, this >>30327

Anonymous 30349

don't scream. screams can sometimes be ignored, people can think 'is that for real or someone messing around' I live close to a school and the kids make such a noise some days, girls messing around and screaming. instead yell 'GET OFF ME!' or 'HELP!' then people will know you're in danger.

I don't know if this is true but I read sometimes even yelling 'help' won't work as people don't want to be involved, and that it's best to yell something like 'fire!'

Anonymous 30350

some tips that apply for avoiding being targeted for various crimes

1. walk with meaning. even if you're unsure of where you're going try to look as if you're confident and know where you are. don't dawdle or make yourself look like you're unsure of whatever you're doing

2. if you feel unsafe walk with your keys in your hand with one poking out from between your fingers. you can go for the face with them if need be

3. pretend to make a phone call if you're being followed. say you'll be there soon. you could actually just call someone, you don't have to mention why you called just do it to have someone on the line and talk about whatever until you're home safe.

4. stick to areas that are well lit where there are people about. avoid shortcuts through alleys and the like

also, there are lots of self defence vids for women on youtube if you'd like to learn that kind of thing

stay safe!

Anonymous 30355

This one feels heavily context dependent. I agree that yelling words relevant to the scenario will paint the clearest picture to those around as compared to straight screaming, but in a pinch it feels better than nothing. Also, the distressed scream of a grown woman should hit people slightly different than screaming kids, since we're still animals that register tone in our hind-brains to pick up danger. Kids scream loud, but the shriek of an adult in distress will probably set off different bells. I don't know how I feel about the fire advice, because it might work and I don't want to discount it completely, but it could create a different kind of response- people probably act differently in fire situations than physical intervention situations.

Anonymous 30441

The best advice I have is to always look like you're not one to be fucked with. I read somewhere that there was a study done where convicted rapists were made to decide which woman had and had not been sexually assaulted in her lifetime, based solely on the way she walked. They hit about 90% accuracy.

My take away is do not, for the love of God, look weak. Even if a man isn't planning to rape you, they could rob you, or hurt you very badly. Don't look like a victim, keep your head up high. Carry a weapon. Be aware of your surroundings.

Do not put yourself into bad situations, and do not rely on anyone to help you. People ignore crimes, even if they're nearby. Your screaming is only going to tire you. Fight, shit, at the very least make sure he walks away with less than he took from you if he succeeds.

Anonymous 30446

2019-10-09 10_39_3…


Damn OP, those are some crappy advises.

1. Umbrellas are useless as weapons. And an average male is so much stronger than an average woman so the merely illusion of added size and umbrella might give you won't matter at all.

2. That's the only useful advice in your post. Just make sure you can draw and use it quickly. Don't just throw it to the bottom of your purse, put it in some quickly accessible pocket that's gonna be dedicated to just pepper spray. When you feel like you are in a high-risk situation keep it extra close. Put your hand in the said pocket or just carry it in your hand discretely.

3. What do you count as a scary situation? When it is already clear someone's about to rape you? Then he's just gonna knock the phone out of your hand anyway, the call won't do you any good.

4. Won't prevent you from getting raped though.

5. I thought that everyone is trying to do that anyway. And doing that you maybe minimize your walking distance by like 50 meters max, that's not going to decrease the chance of rape substantially.

6. Jesus, no one's gonna stalk you at the mall to rape you. That's just not how rape happens.

And to other posters saying how you can scream or what is the best way to escape from the attacker's grip, etc. Sure, screaming is useful, but if the attacker means business, trust me, you're gonna shut up and stop resisting after just a couple of good punches to the face. There is just no way that you can physically resist a man.
If it actually came to physical altercation your best bet is to use a weapon (gun or pepper spray) and run after the attacker is incapacitated.

If you don't have a weapon strike him in the eyes and escape while he's bend over in pain. It's an EXTREMELY effective tactic, but you rarely see it used for some reason.

Watch this video to learn how to strike the eyes correctly:


Anonymous 30447


just do wrestling or jiujitsu
the strenght advantage dissapear completly if the guy doesn't know how to grapple and even if he know someting the upper hand it's always in the one with the best technique
girls win wrestling tournaments all the time now that they can wrestle with guys

Anonymous 30448

You are delusional and you have never been in an actual physical altercation.
Please stop spreading harmful advice.

Anonymous 30453

I don't want anyone to think that fighting back or doing whatever in their power to escape is useless or bad. If your survival instinct is telling you to do something, do it, it's assessing the situation much faster than your forebrain can.

Remember, just because women aren't built like tanks doesn't mean that women can't incapacitate or escape from men- To have a body is to be vulnerable, and this goes for men as well. We may use different methods, but in a results-driven situation where the result of escape is key, it's worth it to try.

If this thread has left you feeling despairing or as though fighting back is hopeless, please google around for published and sourced articles on womens self-defense. Watching youtube videos that embrace the fact that women are built differently than men in their self-defense technique can be good too.

Fighting back in any way you can /does/ help.

Anonymous 30454

>avoid places known for being dangerous
If you know some districts have bad reputation, there are often crimes happening there, just avoid it if you can.
>walk in group if you have to go somewhere less safe
Ask your friends or boyfriend. You might mix it with some other activity like visiting restaurant later or something.
>watch your drinks
Don't leave your drinks out of your sight. Don't accept food/drinks from people you don't trust (no, friend of a friend is not trustworthy) or when you don't know where the drink came from and don't see others drinking from the same source.
>carry pepper spray or firearm if you can
It won't protect you from sudden hit to the back of the head, nothing will, but if you see the danger coming you can shut someone down or scare them away. For example:
>act confident
Many criminals aren't dumb and they know every action has risk so they prey on the weak and scared, most home invasions take place when home owners are away etc. Also if you look at the crime statistics, most of the time victim knows perpetrator, lot of violence actually has a reason so it's good to keep being on good terms with people around you.
>care about your privacy
This minimizes risk of stalking and other bad stuff.
>exercise fast and precise information passing to police
Ask friend to occasionally, out of blue task you to quickly tell what is happening like you called police. Police can't teleport so in lot of cases they are late and their job is not to protect, but to chase criminal after the crime. Sometimes police has no forces available to dispatch. Basically calling police is a dice roll and whether they'll be there in a minute or half hour depends on simple coincidence: how far are they from your place at the time.
The most important are:
Your name - even if your call gets interrupted, they have your name so they might be able to try to contact some relative who may know where you should be. If something happens to you and worried relatives will be calling police, it's more likely they'll connect these two calls.
Your place - even if you get interrupted or have to put the phone down, they know who you are and where to send patrol. They assume something must be wrong because most of the time people call police because something is wrong.
What is happening - if you provide more information on what is happening, dispatchers will know what exactly to send and what advice to give you.
Who is perpetrator - as mentioned earlier, police often doesn't stop the crime because they can't do miracles, but bring criminals to justice. If you know who it is, it'll be easier to find them. If you don't know, try to tell how they look. It's the least important information because CCTVs are everywhere these days and there is high chance perpetrator will be caught on some cam when fleeing the crime scene.
Let's say you are in the mall with your friend and they task you to quickly pass info to police. You try to quickly reply something like:
>My name is Stacy Thundercunt, I'm in a mall on Tfwnobf Street 13, Crystal Cafetown, please send help, there is angry incel coming close and threatening me, I think he wants to rape me, he has black hoodie with /r9k/ on it, bowlcut and jeans

As for fights >>30446 is sadly right girls are at big disadvantage, on top of that it's often chaotic. Best you can do is to scream for help, kick balls, scratch eyes and aim for other vulnerable places and try to get away.

Honestly OP, did they not teach you this in school? We had things like not trusting strangers and things listed here drilled to our heads since elementary school.

Anonymous 30455

I have been stalked at the mall once. It was scary as fuck.

Anonymous 30456

but I wanna be raped

Anonymous 30458

Then it's not called rape, you silly girl.

Anonymous 30463

how i'm delusional when i'm talking about verifiable facts?

Anonymous 30470

Well, go ahead and verify them then. You are the one making the claim.
Thinking that an even well-trained female can fight off an average-sized male based on skill alone is nothing but a delusion.

Anonymous 30474

She probably can't. But what can she do? Are you suggesting she should just give in and accept whatever destiny the criminal has in mind for her? Obviously the most important thing is to run for safety, but there are things that can be done to create that opportunity. Self defence for women is not about struggling with the man's bare power, it's about reacting quickly in ways that he isn't expecting and incapacitating him, nullifying the strength difference even for a few seconds so you can run. Many women saved their lives in this way.

Anonymous 30475

I know nothing on the subject, so I did the reasonable thing and looked up what experts say:

>According to Denver Police Sgt. John Burbach, most rapes occur in the evening hours and into early morning, ending before dawn, not “between 5 and 8:30 a.m.” as claimed in the e-mail. Statistics from the U.S. Department of Justice fully support him in this claim: The DOJ says “Approximately two-thirds of rapes/sexual assaults occurred at night — 6 p.m. to 6 a.m.”

>Location is important in a violent sexual assault, but there’s nothing inherently dangerous about parking lots or public restrooms; what matters is their isolation. Areas heavily frequented by foot traffic are far less likely to be chosen by a rapist. Likewise, badly-lit, less-frequented places will be favored for this type of attack.

>1995 U.S. Department of Justice statistics show that weapons were used in 30% of all rapes, meaning the chances that your rapist will be armed is just a little less than one in three.

>Around 1980, Nicholas Groth, director of Forensic Mental Health Associates, established a typology of rapists. Groth arrived at his conclusions by distilling his observations of more than 3,000 sex offenders over the course of 25 years of practice. (Most of his patients, Groth points out, were not sexually deprived at the time they committed rape, thereby exploding that most common of rape myths: that men rape because they’re unable to get sex any other way.)

>In a general sense, rapists fall into three motivational types: anger, power, and sadism. In anger assaults, the rapist is getting even for “some wrong he feels has been done to him, by life, by his victim at the time. He’s in a frame of rage and attacks someone sexually.” The anger rape is usually unpremeditated and impulsive, but the impulse drives the rapist into excessive force: the victim is punched, choked, and kicked into submission. Most such offenders derive little pleasure from the act, says Groth, but “they want to degrade their victims, and sex is something bad, dirty, the worst thing you could do to someone. That reflects a lot of our values in society.”

>An anger rapist could be discouraged by a potential victim who yells at him or puts up a physical struggle, thanks to the unpremeditated nature of the attack. Because the aggressor may not yet have fully decided to pursue this course of action, resistance may well change his mind. Here, even a half-hearted attempt might prove to be all it takes to end the assault. On the other hand, the rage the attacker is feeling might well be further fed by active resistance — this could be taken as yet another instance of one more person trying to deny him something he wants.

>Power rape, according to Groth, is a form of compensation, committed usually by men who feel unsure of their competence. Rape gives them a sense of mastery and control. Power rapists usually hunt for victims or seize opportunities that present themselves unbidden. A power rapist is unlikely to be discouraged by resistance because his whole self image is wrapped up in his attempt to prove mastery. A woman who chooses to fight one of these had better do a darned good job of it, because she could well end up fighting for her life.

>Groth defines his third type, sadistic rape, as eroticized aggression perpetrated by those whom the very act of forcible sex excites in ways that consensual sex can’t. “If the anger components of aggression are eroticized,” he explains, “then you see sadistic acts, such as deliberate sexual torture, using an instrument to rape the victim.” A sadistic rapist is interested in inflicting pain and lasting harm. Any countering aggression on the part of the victim could well add to the attacker’s enjoyment of the experience, prompting him to further acts of depravity in an effort to provoke further resistance.

>The question of to fight back or not is an age-old one, and there’s no one right answer. Granted, one particular rapist might be sent running bloody-nosed by a swift right hook, but try that on another one and a horrific experience could be transformed into a fatal one. Resistance advice of the type being circulated in the e-mail in question creates the false impression that escaping unscathed from the clutches of a rapist is only a matter of knowing which self-defense tricks to employ. Reality, however, is far different. Not all rapists can be overcome.

>Does this then mean self-defense classes are a waste of time? Hardly. But they’re also not the surefire protection they’re too often touted to be, any more than a can of mace confers upon its wielder guaranteed safe passage through whatever mean streets and dark alleys lie in her path. Also, physical skills are only as good as recent training — someone who hasn’t practiced a move in the three months since she took a course is only a tad better prepared to fend off an attacker than someone who never had any training at all. Worst of all, such training can lead those who have aced their courses to develop a dangerous complacency about their own safety, inducing them into a state of overconfidence wherein awareness of their surroundings becomes a lost art, buried under the certainty that now bad things can’t happen to them.

>Complacency kills.

>As always, the best defense to an attempted rape is not to be there when it happens — either avoid potentially dangerous situations (none of this “Oh, it’s only a few blocks; I’ll just walk” at 3 a.m.) or run like hell if you find yourself in one. Escaping your attacker is a far wiser course of action to strive for than attempting to do battle with him. Forget about his needing a good beating followed by a lengthy jail term; your first priority has to be your own safety. Leave the Wonder Woman stuff for Linda Carter and make like a track star vying for a gold medal in the 100m.

>The e-mail did contain one bit of valuable advice: Stay aware of your surroundings. Not only is it important to see trouble coming before it gets to you and avoid it, but an alert stance can help discourage a would-be attacker. Those looking to prey upon others — whether their aim is robbery, rape, or mayhem — generally choose as victims those who appear preoccupied or tentative in preference to those who exude a sense of purpose. Or, as I was told long ago, “Always look like you know exactly where you’re going and move like you’re expected to be there at exactly a certain time.” Mooning about aimlessly can make you a statistic.

Taken from Snopes, the fact checking website. https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/assaulted-tale-aka-this-bird-wont-fly/

Anonymous 30476

> Are you suggesting she should just give in and accept whatever destiny the criminal has in mind for her?

No, I am not suggesting that.

>Self defence for women is not about struggling with the man's bare power, it's about…

I agree with you. But that directly contradicts what she was talking about (being able to overcome a man by grappling).

>incapacitating him, nullifying the strength difference even for a few seconds so you can run

That's exactly what I was saying when I told that using gun/pepper spray or knowing how to strike the eyes is the best self-protection you can realistically have.

Anonymous 30506


Anonymous 30509


The best tactic, according to experts, is to avoid being in a situation where you have to defend yourself.

Don't forget that 1/3 of the time the attacker is armed as well, and they might kill you if you resist. Only anger-motivated rapists will give up if you struggle; power- and sadistic-motivated rapists will kill you. It's a gamble to resist and there's no right or wrong answer to it.

The surest way to win a fight is to not be in it. Prevention is proactive. Avoid being outside from 6PM to 6AM, avoid isolated and badly-lit areas, know where you're going and show it, and run before you're in danger.

This is what police experts advise.

Anonymous 30511

But I like going outside at night….

Anonymous 30518

Police experts advise people to avoid being outside after 6PM? Where do you live? That's ridiculous. If being outside at a time where people are still coming back from work, etc can get you in trouble then it sounds like a warzone.

Anonymous 30519

>it sounds like a warzone

It is like a warzone for women.

Statistically, staying inside after 6PM reduces risk, but women have to take a risk to live their lives.

Anonymous 30520

Try living in a 3rd world country. There's places where women can't go 24/7.
But I think you'd be fine in most 1st world cities as long as they have low crime rates.

Anonymous 30521

Haven't you ever thought your fear of getting raped is irrational?

Anonymous 31367

Why would it be irrational?

I think that strong women have very little chance of it. The ones who know how to say no and look like they would fight. As for the rest of us, we're doomed.

Anonymous 31368

Counter question: Why wouldn't you be afraid of getting raped?

Anonymous 31400

I agree anon, I have the fear of being raped to the point of it becoming an obsessive compulsion. I can't leave my home by myself, my breath stops every time I go in to a store, even back when I was doing therapy I could hardly breath on my way over there. Only because ever since I can remember my mom told me I should be careful, that there are people out there who want to hurt and rape me. I try my hardest to persevere through the anxiety, but right now I became a NEET because it's so fucking hard.

TLDR; It's good to teach your daughters the warning signs but if it's a constant everyday "don't do anything because you'll end up getting raped." that really fucks with the brain.

Anonymous 33048

Don't listen to this unless you're really in shape and the attacker is very out of shape. I took a wrestling class once. I learned a move there that focused on getting out of a headlock. I was excited to learn it and wanted to show it off so I asked a male roommate to put me in a head lock. I told him to try and keep me in the head lock. I couldn't even budge him. I don't work out but I'm not weak and that male friend never exercised a day in his lief.

Anonymous 33319

Anonymous 33326

Also if you ever have children teach them not to fucking rape people.

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