>>30436>I do believe we need different levels of engagement. But in the end, most relationships are like that and I always attract people who want to put in less than me. So if that is almost always the case, what's the point?
Not that anon, but you're right that most relationships have partners who have different levels of engagement. However not all of them are as mismatched as yours and your bf's, and it's possible to do better.
It's also possible to change who you attract by changing how you relate to people. This will take time and might necessitate digging deep into your own emotional baggage (which we all have and all need to sort through occasionally). This is just a cold read but I'm gonna guess you're hyper responsible in other areas of your life. That can happen if you have an alcoholic parent or other childhood circumstances where you had to learn very early how to do for other people. So I don't know where to tell you to start because I don't know you, but a good question to ask is "do I put as much effort into taking care of myself as I do into my relationships with others, and if not how can I do that?"
There's always the possibility he can save the relationship. People get lazy and it's possible he loves you but is just taking you for granted and doesn't know how much work you're putting into it. Or maybe he's not that invested and is just enjoying the gravy train, in which case he def has to go. If you haven't yet, talk to him about how you feel. If he goes "oh shit I had no idea" and makes visible efforts to put in more effort, great; if he's like "sorry this is all the effort I think this relationship is worth" or if he makes big promises and doesn't deliver, you're better off without him.