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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021

Anonymous 32023

Share your relationship problems here

Anonymous 32035

my boyfriend verbally and emotionally abuses me when he’s angry. it confuses me because he’s always so gentle and nice. but anytime he gets mad it’s blind rage. he kept screaming at me to shut the fuck up and he threw something. i have bad abandonment issues, he said if i didn’t stop trying to talk about it with him he’ll leave and started walking to the door. i blocked it and had a meltdown, screaming, begging him not to leave again and again. he always promises me he’ll never leaves and breaks it. he asked if he should call the police to have me removed. i feel crazy, this isn’t the first time this has happened to me. my last ex did the same things. at this point it has to be me. i just want to kill myself. i’ll never be anything. just a crazy degenerate too damaged to be loved. i just want someone to treat me with kindness

Anonymous 32036

please leave him. That's completely unacceptable behaviour and you are worth much more than that

Anonymous 32045

Hey anon, I've been in a very similar situation as you. Actually while I was reading it it almost felt like I had written what you wrote. Anyway, you really need to leave that kind of environment because it's only gonna get worse. I really wouldnt be surprised that he will start physically assaultinv you. That's how my relationship with my ex became near the end. He first started off with anger issues and being verball abusive then as time went on he started hitting me, pushing me, grabbing me, choking me, etc. If you're worried about being alone, I promise there is someone better out there for you. Please also let someone know how your bf is being, maybe they can hl you leave.

Anonymous 32046

Sounds like he already abandon you, not physically but mentally and in his heart. He probably doesn't see you the same way you see him. If he caused you to have a break down it's best to leave. Leave before it gets worst and I know that sounds like the hardest thing in the world to do. Do it before you resent him for it.
If your unhappy leave or else the pain will wear you down, more and more with each passing day.

Anonymous 32106

Am I picky for wanting to feel desired in the context of my relationship? I feel so undesirable because of comments by boyfriend has made and it makes me feel pathetic I care about how another feels and thinks about me. On the other hand, I think wanting to feel desired is a normal feeling that I shouldn't feel bad about wanting, and I put effort into trying to make my boyfriend feel that way, I mean, it comes naturally, but I especially try for him.

But maybe it is too much of me to ask out of a partner, to find me desirable, particularly in a sexual way. Maybe I am shallow for wanting to feel desired that way. I just wish I wasn't in pain because of this. I've never felt this in my other relationships.

Anonymous 32110

Did you tell him this? Of course it's normal to want to feel desired in a relationship. It's not platonic, he should enjoy you as a sexual being (unless you're both asexual or something). Maybe ask him what you could do to be more attractive?

Anonymous 32117

I told him to stop making comments about my physical appearance. I have told him how I feel like I am to him (unattractive) but he seems to act like it's not his problem. He hasn't really acknowledged that even though I've mentioned it through text, etc.


I'm not fat. I'm usually considered thin, my bmi is underweight. It appears I might be attractive to some other people based upon irl comments I get from strangers, but this relationship has warped how I view myself. I think everyone is lying to me to make me feel better.

Anonymous 32121

You're not wrong at all for wanting that. It's a big part of a relationship. If you're with someone who isn't attracted to you it's going to be a big problem.

What kind of things does he say about your appearance? What does he say exactly when you tell him you feel like you're unattractive to him?
Acting like it's not his problem and not acknowledging it? … Does he just do it to bring your confidence down, or is something about you really does bother him?

Different people are attracted to different things, so other people aren't really lying to you. And you shouldn't let what he says effect how you view yourself.

Anonymous 32126

We don’t know the full story in enough detail to be able to tell op is completely not in any way responsible or not.

Anonymous 32134


I just got out if an abusive relationship. He keeps contacting me, begging for another chance and threatening suicide. I feel so empty.

Anonymous 32135

Are you somewhere safe? Tell someone close to you (who isn’t related to your ex) about his messages, maybe a parent or guardian? A tutor or friend? Log what he has said, and then block his number and all other ways that he can contact you. My piece of shit abusive ex threatened suicide 7 years ago and he is still alive and well, unfortunately.

Anonymous 32137


Yes, I recently tightened up security around my house and I have a friend that lives up the street in case I need to hide out for a night (which I had to do once.) I've told his mom and one of his friends about it. I sent his mom a screenshot and she just said "he seems fine." which alone explains so much about how he turned out. His friend has helped to check in on him and make sure hes not being rash while I am removing myself from the situation. I feel bad about pawning the task off on him, but if I try to interfere it will just exacerbate my exes dependance on me. My attention is like a drug and hes currently going through detox.

Anonymous 32141

Congratulations anon, you did the right thing. Now it is his problem. Don't just tell his family and friends, let someone close to you know about the situation in case you need help.

Anonymous 32205

ill kill them.jpg

He won't commit to me. In my head we were basically already married. I know I want to spend forever with him. I'm staying with him because he's worth my entire life, but it hurts to know he doesn't see me the same way. I'm hoping he will eventually realize he can have everything with me, and that I want to give him the life he deserves…
Maybe I'm pathetic for staying with him when he won't commit. It hurts a lot but… Even if it ends bitterly, I need to know I saw it through. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I lost him while there was even the slimmest chance of things working out. He's the only one.
I fucking despise the fact that he's talking to another girl. Every time I think about her I'm filled with such rage I feel like I can't take it. This is the first time I've been truly tempted to act violently towards another person.

Anonymous 32218

This is going to sound insensitive but why are you angry at some random girl your boyfriend talks to? Does she know he's together with you? If it wasn't that specific girl, it'd be another girl. Even if she disappeared, he might talk to the next interesting girl.

Still, I hope it works out for you.

Anonymous 32219


No fucking kidding, of course it isn't this stupid bitch's fault. She's just the first girl other than me he's found worth talking to in a long time and I hate her for it. It's a normal reaction. And don't think I'm not furious at him too. No, she doesn't know what his deal is. I'm kind of hoping if/when she finds out she won't be willing to tolerate it like I am and will leave him. Of course, I do have some small measure of sympathy for her. I feel kind of bad for her because she doesn't know and could end up hurt by him.

Anonymous 32220

So is he cheating or just talking to her?

Anonymous 32221

is he even your boyfriend?

Anonymous 32225

Just talking I guess, but I know he actually likes her. I consider it cheating but it's not a physical or even officially romantic relationship.
I… think so. We love each other.

Anonymous 32228

>>32205 >>32225
I've been in your situation before.
I know that you have strong feelings for him, but if he refuses to commit to you and seeks other girls to flirt with, don't spend so much energy on him. It's hard and I know you really love him, but you have to shift a bit of attention away from him. Do anything else, keep busy, take care of yourself, and be a bit more passive with him.
Maybe even look for other guys to talk to as well, if it doesn't effect him, at least you might find someone who would be sure about wanting to be with you.

Anonymous 32229

Anon please. If he loves you he's not going to mess around with other girls, he would commit instead. You mention him being worth your entire life, but really, what has he done for you? How has he improved or added to your life? Did he tell you he loves you? That he wants to be with you? Ok cool, but words are cheap and he has to back them up with action. If you were actually someone important in his life, you would know 100%. When someone loves another person and wants to keep them in their life, they don't send mixed signals.

Really I think you're just afraid to be alone, or think you can't find someone better so you stick with this dumbass. You know you deserve better.

Anonymous 32230

Are you sure you are not just being overly paranoid?

Anonymous 32232

No, I know for a fact he's talking to her and likes her and won't commit to me. I've discussed all this with him. I tend to be paranoid, but this is all confirmed.
He's done a lot for me and having him has been amazing. I feel like he adds real value to my life. The person he is and everything about him, I love. This is a shitty thing to do though and maybe I'm not looking hard enough at the bad stuff. He says he's a bad person and will ruin my life but I just don't believe that, and don't care if it's true. But it's not just a matter of me ignoring the bad. He's depressed so of course he'll focus on only the bad. And I can tell I do matter to him. He doesn't trust easily.
>I think you're just afraid to be alone, or think you can't find someone better
This is true as well.
How would distancing myself help? Wouldn't that push him closer to this other bitch? I'm not going to hold myself back from giving him affection and attention because he won't commit. The way I feel hasn't changed because of this. Or do you mean that maybe it would be too much for him?

Anonymous 32233

What has he actually done for you?

Anonymous 32234


He probably pumped and dumped her and she caught feelings like she's 15. I've been in her position before, and the only way out is to realize that dick is plentiful and of low value.

Anonymous 32235

He gives me love and attention, he talks to me, he understands me and we connect to each other on issues I haven't related to with anyone else, he pays for stuff, he's honest. What is he supposed to do for me?
I haven't been pumped and dumped. He's still in my life.
>dick is plentiful and of low value
I need to really care about someone to have sex with him, so this doesn't hold for me.

Anonymous 32236

He will not commit and you won't be able to have a bf. Now what?

Anonymous 32237

Then it's over.

Anonymous 32239

>He gives me love and attention, he talks to me, he understands me
You are being duped. Just because he talks to you, pretends to understand you, and agrees with everything you say doesn't mean anything at all. So many men say what you want to hear so they can take what they want from you. To make you think "Oh, he's so nice! He complimented me and talked to me a few times!" Like that isn't the bare fucking minimum. That's why they have to show they are serious with their actions and not words. He doesn't commit to you because he doesn't really give a shit about you, but keeps you around for easy sex and validation.

>I haven't been pumped and dumped. He's still in my life.

Why would he cut you off when he knows he can get more NSA sex and ego boosts from this girl who practically worships him? All with him having to do the bare minimum of him talking to you and nodding every once in a while.

>I need to really care about someone to have sex with him, so this doesn't hold for me.

That doesn't mean anything. What she's saying is that most men are low effort trash. You have to weed through all the garbage to find someone who will treat you right, with love and respect. You're making a huge deal about him somehow changing your life, while he is being a low-effort deadbeat who can't even do the minimum to date you. It is really sad and I hope you wake up soon.

Anonymous 32240

What does he say when you talk to him about it? Why doesn't he want you two to be together? And what does he say when you mention (if you mention) the other chick?

I said that I think you should distance yourself, because from what you said, I assumed it's just way too comfy/easy for him right now with you so he doesn't feel the need to commit to you. But since you two are close, if you draw back a little he'll feel like he has to commit or you'll find someone else too.
I mean he's actually getting to like somebody else while already having something with you..

The way I see it, you can't really stop him going for her anyway (sorry if that came out a little cruel) so why put effort and try so hard just to get hurt.
You giving him so much attention and affection while he goes and flirts with another chick is just giving him confidence that he can keep it up without losing anything from you.
I don't want to say "hey just leave him and move on" because I know that's hard to do, but you have to put yourself first here. Especially if he doesn't.

Sorry if anything I said came out a little mean, I didn't mean to.

Anonymous 32247

You're being really uncharitable. You're making a lot of assumptions about what I said that aren't accurate.
>What does he say when you talk to him about it? Why doesn't he want you two to be together?
He says he thinks he'll ruin my life, and that based on his past experiences he doesn't have faith that it will work out.
>And what does he say when you mention (if you mention) the other chick?
He sort of avoided outright saying he would keep talking to her and didn't say much about what he expected to happen in the future. He said that he likes talking to her and he can't commit to me. That he tries to keep options in a relationship so he doesn't get fucked over and end up alone. I told him I don't want him talking to her but didn't want to push the issue when we both had said our part.
Maybe I should specify this is long-distance.
What you say makes sense. I'm sure any sane woman would have left him.

Anonymous 32252

>Maybe I should specify this is long-distance.
That would explain why he won't commit. Have you ever actually met? How realistic is it that this works out? He's not really doing anything wrong by talking to another girl, if you two haven't even established that you're in a relationship.

Anonymous 32253

Ruin your life how?

Anonymous 32254

Yes, more than once, and we will again.
At this point the issue I have isn't defining what our relationship is so much as that I find it hard to deal with the jealousy.
>How realistic is it that this works out?
I'm hopeful, probably due to my overly idealistic nature. Maybe that isn't really merited. Even if I try to, I can't really imagine this not working.

Anonymous 32265

Long distance makes it worse IMO. Long distance is hard enough already, and it can only work out if both of you put effort in. But instead of focusing on you, he's flirting with some other girl and that's not helping.
Technically he's not doing anything wrong sure, but he does show you that you can't count on him.
The things he says sound like excuses to me, the whole thing about how he'll ruin your life and his past experiences and not wanting to end up alone.
If he doesn't want to end up alone he should just stick with and focus on you. He doesn't makes no sense to me.
Him trying to keep options open doesn't sound good for you either, even in case you two end up together officially.
You should be looking for other and maybe better options as well. So YOU don't end up getting screwed over.

I'm not all that sane myself but I've been in your situation before like I said, so maybe I'm not fully neutral. In my case it didn't work out at all and dragged on a while, I tried putting more effort and I ended up really hurt at the end. So I don't want you to end up getting hurt as well.
Sorry for pestering you though. It just makes me sad.

Anonymous 32266

not sure but something tells me that he wants you to be quiet when he needs silence. why don't you try stop talking next time he starts yelling "shut the fuck up"?

Anonymous 32267

I don't get it either. How can some of you be so ungrateful? I'm always so happy when my bf starts screaming and throwing stuff. I just sit there and take it. Some of you are so odd. /s

Anonymous 32269

his behaviour is obviously unaccaptable, especially throwing stuff at her. I don't get your point. does your boyfriend start screaming and throwing stuff at you out of the blue? people usually indicate what are they angry about before taking physical action. so why not step down and give them silence if they're so obviously desperately in need of silence to gather their thoughts?

Anonymous 32273

That was clearly sarcasm

Anonymous 32277

If it's unacceptable it's unacceptable, no ifs and no buts.
If you enjoy having to "step down" every time your partner is "in desperate need of silence" so they can "gather their thoughts", that's great and I'm not judging, but she's putting up with more than just that and he's taking advantage of her issues. So that's clearly not the only problem, and "just shut up lol" is not a solution.

If you can't even TALK with your partner (Yeah I know that's such a horrible thing to do) without having them flip out, and if they can't handle being angry like a human-being and not like a gorilla, it's not healthy for you to stay with them.

I honestly don't get your point either. Replying to a 10 days old message, just to tell her to shut up whenever her boyfriend commands her to.

Anonymous 32279

I don't know if it's a repeating pattern and he flips out everytime she's trying to talk to him.

>If you enjoy having to "step down" every time your partner is "in desperate need of silence" so they can "gather their thoughts", that's great and I'm not judging

so what's your strategy at arguing with your boyfriend, keep pushing him and forcing him to have a conversation at times when he wants to be alone and quiet? I really don't understand why can't you get sometimes people need to be alone and need silence. it's one thing not being able to argue with your boyfriend in a civil way, it's another to keep pushing him at times when he wants to be alone to a furious point he throws stuff at you.

just so you know I'd immediately leave my bf if he were to do anything violent like that to me personally. all I'm saying is when I really want to be alone and not feel like talking, I'd appreciate if my bf left me alone and we talked about whatever it is that needs to be handled another time. I hope I make myself clear. it's not about taking it in silence or putting up with abuse.

Anonymous 32284

Read her whole post again then. It's not the only problem he's giving her.
There's no problem at all with needing some alone time or silence sometimes, BUT not when you have to react like this.
There's a huge difference between asking for a moment to think, to throwing stuff in blind rage and yelling at your partner to shut the fuck up.
If talking to your partner about issues is enough to get him furious and throw stuff at you HE HAS A BIG PROBLEM.
If you do get the difference then why are we even talking about this?
In case you want to be left alone and your bf will keep talking would you react this way?

You saying you'd leave him immediately is what you should have started with when you first replied to her. Not sure why that wasn't a better thing to go for, rather than the shut up bit.
But yeah, read all the problems he's giving her again. He's not just mad at her for not being quiet and he doesn't just need to think. He's exploiting her emotional issues.

Anonymous 32571

The other day my bf and his friends were drinking and talking about marriage and my bf made it sound like he'd be resentful if he had to sustain a wife that didn't do anything besides raise his children. It's confusing me because he has said the very opposite before, and made fun of women who wanted to work. It made me upset and I told a friend about talking about it with my bf but they told me I was making a big deal out of nothing since we're not engaged or anywhere close to that. It really bothers me because I'm afraid that he secretly resents buying me stuff and paying for me when we go out, despite saying the opposite all the time. Should I really ignore what he said or should I talk about it?
I really don't like to make others do something that they don't want to do, I could never be comfortable in a relationship where he secretly resents having to support me.

Anonymous 32572

That's very strange that he would flip-flop on an issue like that. I'd have a conversation with him to find out what exactly it is he believes and why, as that seems like a very important thing especially if you want to have children and marry within the next few years.

Anonymous 32576

Why didn't you confront him about the flip-flop on the spot? If I'm hanging around other people with my BF and he says shit I call him out, most often it's just him communicating his ideas poorly and I get what he meant once he clarifies

Anonymous 32581

honestly it kind of sounds like he wants to keep his options open… if he thought you were worth it then i think he'd make a large effort to commit to you. if you're ok with him settling for you as a back up then i'd say go ahead and keep at it but otherwise i'd suggest trying to let this go…

Anonymous 32587

Then don't be someone he has to support.

Anonymous 32591

He's said himself that he feels like he needs to keep his options open. I want to say that if I was good enough or he really liked me, he'd commit, and maybe that's true, but I like him so much I'll give him the benefit of the doubt here and assume he wants it to work out but his trust issues just compel him to keep an eye out…
He says, "I can't commit," and I hear, "I want to commit but I'm not able to do so at this point."
Wishful thinking, probably.
As for him settling for me…
I've been thinking a lot about this and while I want us to be together long-term, maybe he isn't suited for it after all? I'll stick around and see if he sorts out whatever makes him so mistrustful, and if he does I'd trust him long-term, but as it is, I'm afraid it's unsustainable. Either way, until he explicitly tells me to fuck off I'll stick around.

Anonymous 32597

nta but he apparently also dislikes working women.
So just win the lottery lol?

Anonymous 32633

>tfw not even declaring your intention to tell a story and explicitly asking for an OK is enough to prevent me being cut off and the topic being completely derailed

I feel so worthless.

And of course for pointing that out later, I get to hear that I'm an egoistic tyrant who assumes to have the right to speak whenever I want, and also a boring pharisee who prefers strongly defined timesets for everyone to speak instead of letting the conversation "flow" to the happy, upbeat, interesting, important things.

>why are you always so quiet lol

Anonymous 32643

Are you one of those people who take forever to tell a story?

Anonymous 32647

fundamental question: are you talking with your friends about your relationship problems?
for me it was 100% bad experience.

Anonymous 32684

No, but apparently my words are always boring if I don't push them out with 110% theatrical vigor.


Yeh but it boils down to "men suck, eh?" "Yep"

Anonymous 32685

I don't have any friends, so I rely on anonymous imageboards and Discord servers for my relationship advice. I guess I could talk to my brother about it, but I'd rather not get my family involved or unload onto him too much, and then I always get follow-up questions when I'd rather just be left alone, like, "so how are things going with your bf? Get everything sorted out?" If I could talk to someone I know personally about it and then give them amnesia, that'd be great.

Anonymous 32898

My long term relationship is in trouble because I got into a complex situation and became disloyal to a certain extent. Mistakes were made and I am willing to deal with the consequences which means reflecting upon what happened and why (hard enough, I am super bad at arguing and making my feelings clear).
For me, I want to see it as a chance to improve myself and our relationship and to learn about my needs and feels. For him, it's a disaster and the breach of trust led to an extreme depression. I love him so much and it hurts me seeing him like that.
Please tell me everything will be fine.

Anonymous 32900

Did you cuck him? If so he will never trust you again, full stop.

Anonymous 32902

its over sister

Anonymous 32913

Girl randomly Came up to me in Lunch. I thought it was pretty obvious she liked me because she tried to feed things to me through her hands and shit. The next day, she clapped me up but for a moment, she clutched my hand to make it look like we're holding hands. The past for weeks I don't know why But she's been ignoring me. I don't if I got played and I don't know if she hates me because she tried to Clap me up then dabbed on me. This is Pure Shit! What should I do SMH..

Anonymous 32925


>I love him so much

Apparently not enough to not fuck someone else behind his back lol

Anonymous 32941

I didn't. In fact, that would be the least of a problem.

Luckily you were wrong.
We talked for hours and days and it was a really tough and emotional process. Now we have something new to work with (NO I'm not pregnant), although there will always be a bittersweet feeling.
But that's the way she goes.

Anonymous 32943


>I didn't. In fact, that would be the least of a problem
Explain yourself then and don't be cryptic. How were you disloyal and how was it worse than cheating on him?

Anonymous 32968

I want to break up with my boyfriend but I seriously have no idea how to go about this. He calls me shit like his 'soulmate' and 'best girl he's ever met' and I feel bad but this just isn't a relationship I can deal with anymore, my self esteem is at an all time low and he hasn't attempted to change any of the behaviors that I said were making me feel bad, my efforts to make him happy are not being returned. Breaking up also means I'll be left with no one to talk to on a regular basis, his friends will most likely resent and call me names even if I do it in the most respectful manner (which is a problem because we live pretty much in the same town), and I can't even begin to imagine how he himself would react. I'm at a loss.

Anonymous 32969

What behaviors are making you feel bad? Sounds like you are hinting at him berating you.

Anonymous 32975

Not consciously berating but he seems to be comparing me to the models he jacks off to at least every day. He regularly makes comments about my appearance and points out flaws I have no control over. He's found things that I didn't even realize were "unseemly" before which is very impressive considering how insecure I was to begin with. He keeps saying how much better I'd look if I lost weight and had a flat belly (I am 61kg at 174 cm, meanwhile he is obese), hints at me getting breast implants and other forms of plastic surgery in the future, regularly raves about how hot other women are in front of me, and if I didn't start wearing makeup he'd probably be joking about putting a paper bag over my head to this day.

Whenever I bring this up he is retarded enough to believe babbling about how much he loves my personality and how it's the reason he is with me is supposed to make me feel better, completely failing to understand that doesn't give him a free pass to constantly bring down my appearance, especially after I've explained numerous times how little confidence I have in it. This is sad because when I love someone they'll always be the most beautiful one in my eyes with their imperfections and all and I try so fucking hard to look good for him yet his friends always seem more impressed by me than he is. It's unbearable to know he wouldn't think twice about tossing me aside and fucking a random e-thot if given the opportunity.

Anonymous 32976

Jesus he sounds like total trash. There's no excuse for being so cruel to you.

Anonymous 33005

I think I hate my boyfriend. It's hard to tell, I don't understand what I'm feeling.

Anonymous 33015

Shit, me too, anon.

I'm in a relationship where I feel like we aren't in one. I miss the days where I felt in love with him and assured that he felt the same

Anonymous 33017

Isn't it just the worst?!
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel. It's just a lot of mixed signals.

Anonymous 33028

I can't decide if maybe I'm going through something and it's depression fucking with me, and I've somehow sucked my perception of him into that. There are flashes of moments where I remember why I love(d) him, and I still try to be kind to him despite these conflicting feelings. I often feel like I have to pretend I'm not in a relationship to treat him properly.

I wish I could talk to him and just reboot our relationship. I get how someone could tell me to just leave, but I don't want to.

On the other hand, I feel so much resentment and hate for things I've figured out about him through his actions and words.

Anonymous 33080

How often do you run into men that are actually good? I feel like I shouldn't leave my boyfriend even though we have problems, because I am unlikely to find a man as dedicated and honest.

Anonymous 33087

In my bf's group of friends I think there's only 1 genuinely good guy. I've seen or heard about the others being slightly unfaithful or full blown cheaters.

Anonymous 33090

>show me your friends and I'll show you your future

Anonymous 33096

That's depressing. I really want to be in a better relationship but maybe I should just be grateful he isn't a cheater.

Anonymous 33102

I’m in a long distance relationship and the distance is starting to get to me. Whenever he can’t talk at the normal times I get anxious and jealous. I end up acting out and crying so he pays more attention to me, which usually works, but he’s started to just sort of ignore it and I’m afraid this is a sign that he’s gonna leave me.

Anonymous 33103

you sound like you have bpd. maybe you should seek therapy because that's not normal what you're doing.

Anonymous 33104

He will leave you if you carry on like this. And no man, no matter how desperate, is going to put up with this shit for longer than a handful of years.

Anonymous 33108

This is coming from someone that's been in an ldr for 4 years now, you have to be a patient and strong minded person. You also have to trust each other. We bother each other mostly only when we come home and enter voice chat and chill till we go to sleep. Of course during the day we send each other pics sometimes, but I don't expect him to reply until he's done with uni/work because he doesn't check his phone too often.

What do you consider as normal times? Tell each other your day plans in advance so you can expect when you can voice call/cam. Usually if something happens during the day, for example I sleep over at my friend or I'm getting on a later train I'll message him so he knows etc. Same goes for him. Act as if you're living together because it will help to establish trust and get each other used to your routines.

Anonymous 33111

>I end up acting out and crying so he pays more attention to me,

Anonymous 33149

therapist cat.jpg


I just want to say that this trend of diagnosing people with BPD over absolutely any sign of conflict or insecurity in a relationship has gotten kind of ridiculous. In its extreme version it's one of the symptoms, sure, but I think it's pretty discouraging to just point people to a self-diagnosis of a (rightfully?) vilified disorder that's usually considered incurable. It'd be better to look at the root of the symptoms and deal with those instead, especially if they only surface in certain conditions.


That's a pretty shitty situation and I relate tbh. It's hard to tell what's really going on second-hand. Sometimes there really are negative signs that you subconsciously catch, and sometimes it's just your mind overplaying the whole thing, and there's not much you can do about your own subconscious emotions. I think the fact that it's a LDR plays a big part in your insecurities, as it makes it much harder to asses the interactions and easier to catastrophize… Whatever you do though, becoming more and more needy is only going to push him away. >>33108 I agree with this anon's advice.

Anonymous 33241

My ex was kind of mean to me. Whenever we had a disagreement he would insult me, talk down to me, tell me I was crazy/garbage and scream at me. Eventually I stopped communicating with him about problems I was having with him (he drank too much for me and was irresponsible) and it got worse. I had low self-esteem before him but it's in the gutter now.
I finally have a new boyfriend but I keep feeling sad. I anticipate that he will think I am bad at some point and I can't stop obsessing over it and crying. New BF is so calm and stable and smart and responsible, and I worry that he will think I am as much of a loser as my ex did.
I'm in therapy and have been for a year. It isn't fixing my bottomed-out self esteem yet. I feel so crummy and undeserving of my boyfriend.
Has anyone been through a similar situation? How did you get out of it?

Anonymous 33280

How long where you with your ex and how long have you been with new BF? Time will begin to make you feel comfortable again and you'll realize that you're worth it. Even if you think your ex disliked you they must have saw something in you to want to be with you, right? You're worthy of love anon.

Anonymous 33440

How long have you two been together?

If you truly believe he is as great as you advertise you should talk to him about this, but first you need to come up with a plan for yourself because honestly as loving and caring as some guys are they see these kinds of problems in a different light than we do and it can be very frustrating to try to explain things to them without getting a laundry list of well-intended but useless advice.

I feel like it might be healthy for you to get a hobby that is completely separate from him. I know you said your head is wrapped around him and everything you do is hollow without him there, but what did you used to enjoy before this? Before him? I do not think it is good for you to associate all your happiness with him, that in my mind would breed a serious co-dependant mentality.

Anonymous 33714

He's never gonna be as into you as you are into him, because in the back of his mind he knows he was your second choice.

Anonymous 33877

I sorta broke up with my s.o. but we still like each other and don't really see ourselves dating other people so it's not clear what exactly we are at the moment. The reason for the break up was that I couldn't really take my s.o.'s bad personality traits anymore.
It feels terrible even though I was the one who initiated the break up. I want to get back together but at the same time I also feel like I don't, because even if we do get back together, the bad personality traits I disliked so much won't change. It's like going back to square one.

Anonymous 33883

Anon, give it a month or so and the feelings of wanting to get back together will fad. I broke up with my ex like four months ago due to personality qualities that annoyed me and I knew were never going to change. For a little bit after I kept wanting to get back together because what if i made a mistake or something. Now though I'm thankful I did because I feel a lot better not being in that relationship. You'll find someone else who's more suited for you eventually, don't worry.

Anonymous 33890

I'll be straight with you, in a relationship you should always try to be your honest self. You shouldn't have hide your needs in order to avoid offending the other person. If you want a certain amount of affection and attention and he's not giving it to you, then you aren't compatible. Some couples want to spend all their time together, and some don't. It's neither of your fault, but you shouldn't beat yourself up for wanting something more.

For example I'm the type who is perfectly fine on their own. I get lost in projects and hobbies I wanna do on my own. I am very introverted and never get lonely. But when I'm in a relationship with someone I really like and can connect with, I want to spend most of my time together and share all the things I love with them. If they find it a hassle or would rather be alone most of the time, I know they aren't compatible with me.

Oh please. Women always try to blame themselves for men's behavior but the matter of fact is some men just don't really value romantic relationships. They would be just as apathetic and low effort with anyone else.

Anonymous 33998

SO is too self conscious to initiate sex. We've spoken about it frequently, I am past feeling sympathetic and now just frustrated/angry

Anonymous 34005

If you give him just enougb time, and work to open him up, you could have yourself a strong relationship.

Anonymous 34010

provide a little more info? is he actually self-conscious or just pornsick?

Anonymous 34014

Have you told him clearly what you'd like him to do? And why don't you initiate it instead?

Anonymous 34025

Actually self conscious, not sure porn is even involved at all, though I'm sure everyone needs to jack it at some point

Anonymous 34026

I've given lots of examples and I have a long history of being the instigator (from a groping hand at bedtime to dirty messages), but I get knocked back for a myriad of reasons (tired, havent washed etc)

Anonymous 34028


I live with bf in his grandma's house, with her. His mom comes on for a 3-4 days per week with her daughter who's deaf. The problem is that our economic situation is not that good, bf and me buy the groceries and his mom comes just to eat here and ocasionally steal stuff for her man. She do not help with anything at home, or do any chores, or buy food, or pay attention to her problematic child (screams all day, stomp and run in the hall making annoying noises, scream in the window to the street, harrass the cat).
The grandma brings food to the house but she just feels pity for her daughter and let her do as her wish. She is on the phone all day because she has an internet addiction, basically is a parasite.
Did I mention that my mother in law is HIV positive? She leave her sanitary napkins dirty on the kitchen garbage can. Grandma doesn't care about the risk of infection.

I cannot leave, we barely can afford food and cannot afford renting for ourselves. I feel the need to smoke a lot to release pressure buf bf feel disgusted if I do it (can't do it at home too). I cannot cry, or complain because bf triggers and I don't want to have more chats about it. But I use to cry quietly on the nights, and sometimes I cannot hold my tears in the day.

I just try to pretend that I feel happy and nothing happens but I am so unhappy. I only can daydream about having a normal life, I don't have a perfect world but I made one for myself on my mind.

vent off, feel free to comment

Anonymous 34033

Offer to wash him? Maybe make him something to charge him up. Or give a protein bar.

Anonymous 34036

I think my boyfriend has a martyr complex. Wat do?

So I have voiced things that hurt me that he does, right. And nearly every time I do that, he mentions how things roll off his back easily, how there are things about me that bother him, but he doesn't say anything. He says he does this because he'd rather have us at peace.
In response, I'll tell him that I want to hear what he has to say, that I am fine with hearing his criticisms (and I am).

Also: whenever I criticize him, he immediately starts saying I don't care about his thoughts and feelings, and it usually becomes into a deal where I am convincing him I care about him and whatever issue he has, and we rarely even get to what I was originally talking about.

Anyway, how do I deal with the fact he acts like him not speaking up about his hurt is a reason for me not to communicate mine? I think it is true I am more sensitive than he is. But he makes it such a big deal whenever I bring up anything.

How do I deal with this? How do I convince him to talk about his grievances regarding me? I've never had a problem with my past boyfriend thinking I'm sensitive, it's only this one.

Anonymous 34037

Dump him, he's manipulating you

Anonymous 34042

Anon I'm in a similar situation. I live with my boyfriend a couple of months every year since we aren't super close and going to uni would be a drag from there. I have to save up money for once I'm with him. His mother is very mentally ill and he takes care of her, she's also super old and doesn't do anything around the house because she's sick. She has a good chunk of money saved up and she could afford a caretaker but she doesn't want one, maybe bf will be able to get her to do it once we can move in together for good though.
A couple years back she'd yell at me, spit on me and was generally really angry at my presence because she didn't trust me. Last time I visited she started using meds and was relatively normal towards me and even smiled a couple of times. However the groceries. The damn groceries. When I'm there bf and I have to buy them even though usually she buys them herself. We always buy and plan for a few days what we're gonna eat etc. But every time we buy stuff she eats a chunk of it when we're out. I did get really angry and told my bf and after a while he put his foot down and made a deal with her, told her it's my money and she can't just eat whatever she wants unless she brings in the same amount of money to the household and she actually did start eating less of our stuff and before buying groceries we would ask her 50 times if she wants to eat something so she can give us money and we would buy it, it ended up kind of okay but there's still other problems.

My bf is a saint for dealing with her the way he does, I understand she's his only parent and she's the only close family he has. That's why it frustrates me so much when I have negative thoughts about her, shit kills me inside man. He practically raised himself because she's been sick since his pre-teens.

It sucks your bf doesn't want to talk about it anymore, but honestly him setting up boundaries with his mom like you would with a child is the only option here. Or when she arrives get really minimal with groceries or something, force her to buy her own. Try having a reasonable chat with her honestly.

Anonymous 34045

This is what happened with my ex. Whenever I brought up an issue he always got passive-aggressive and implied I shouldn't feel that way because he accepts everything about me because he's such a "chill" person. And yep, no matter how deadpan I was, he called me emotional, over-sensitive, the works. It's a sure sign that he doesn't respect you and doesn't care about your comfort in the relationship because he "puts up" with everything you do (and I guarantee, he has more issues to fix than you do). A man who loves you would offer a sincere apology with no excuses and would promise to change, instead of fighting you over it. It's a matter of him having no empathy.

You don't have to deal with this, and it's not worth it. I tried to make a million excuses for my ex, I always communicated with him, but he would not bother to see eye-to-eye because he was already convinced the problem was me. So I just broke up with him, because I deserved better than that. You deserve better, too.


my boyfriend isn't really masculine enough for me it feels
he's a great guy, but i just wish he were a little stronger and more dominant
we've started going to the gym together though which is good
you should be open with him, tell him that you don't feel wanted
it's what i'm doing rn i guess

Anonymous 36348

In order to encourage you to never give up: I restored my bf's confidence after something like an emotional affair. I won't post more, because it is too personal. But I wanted to share a heartening feel.

Anonymous 36350

I have none. That is the problem.

Anonymous 36486

I think ours is over, on the one hand i think maybe it was my fault, i was always insecure and jealous (of one of her "friends") weeks before i saw him tagging her about romantic things using emojis of hearts both and calling each other " love "one day i went into my boyfriend's profile and i saw a post from her that said" Good morning handsome "he replied with a" good morning i love you ", i deleted it after seeing that but i added him again and he just sent me a message asking me why i had erased him and i told him the truth that i felt replaced and ignored, he simply didnt respond, so yesterday i decided to ventilate myself and tell him what i was feeling then there was no response from him, so i erased the message and then before sleeping i sent the following message "Okay, I think this is going to be your answer, sorry again for being anxious, intense and insecure with you, I hope you are well and that everything is fine :)" so I have not had a response from him, even he didnt add me again

Anonymous 36502

Why don't you talk to him?

Anonymous 36505

seems like that might not be possible, especially lately when the primary method of verbal communication is phone calls, as he can easily not pick up. which i assume he may do after op mentioned a lack of response from him.

i would've been more confrontational when he asked you why you deleted him. it's super suspicious imo that he'd tell any other woman that isn't his family "i love you", especially publicly. in my experience, not getting angry when your bf wrongs you and opening up your insecurities instead makes it easier for them to mistreat you.

i might wait a while longer for a potential response, or even send another follow up response after some time and demand an explanation behind what you saw on instagram. i think it's something you have the right to know about, even if you guys split up. i hope it works out in your favor anon>>36486

Anonymous 36518

after i delete him i thouhgt about being more confrontational with him about the other girl, but now i'm scary about trying to contact him (i dont know why do i feel like this way with him. Likes this kind of feeling never happen with anyone else)

What about if i'm already replaced by someone else, like i want to call him, i want to send him other request, i want to send him other message but i dont know what to say, i know maybe i lost him for the way i act, and maybe he doesnt want to be with more anymore but i still want to be with him, going to eat, grab his hands, hug him

Anonymous 36533

He gets distant a lot and stops being loving toward me for periods of time. but i know he just does it when hes depressed or overwhelmed though. I love him but it hurts me

Anonymous 36534

My SO keeps masturbating to disgusting bimbo porn stars. It's really hurting my self-esteem.

Anonymous 36542


>3 months ago find out my boyfriend is rich
>like, fuck you rich. Don't have to work kind of rich
>he worked in finance but I never realized how much he made because he never spent much more than me so he has an enormous amount invested
>I accidentally find out and he starts getting paranoid
>says I only love him because he's rich
>I keep reassuring him I love him regardless, keep pointing out I dated him before I knew
>starts getting into his head that I knew before hand and that's why I dated
>last week he came up with this crazy idea to give it all away to charity
>I freeze, have no idea how to stop him from committing this financial suicide
>manage to get in to postpone the decision

Before anyone accuses me of being a gold digger, I love him regardless. But how can I get him to understand this? I mean Jesus, he could be giving our future house away. He could be giving our whole future financial life away. It's a decade of his savings, we'll be starting from square one again if he does. How do I get him to calm the fuck down?

Anonymous 36543

you're a goldigger!

Anonymous 36546

cute rei-chan.jpg

>last week he came up with this crazy idea to give it all away to charity
He was testing you. The right response would be it wouldn't matter if he gave everything away because you'd still love him. The more you fixate on it the more suspicious you'll make him, just trust him to make the decisions. What he wants from you is your loyalty.

Anonymous 36547

You played it wrong. Should have gotten a angry, claim he didn't trust you, and maybe leave for a couple days, make it his fault. Now it's too late.
Is he's serious that's really retarded. What kind of logic is that? You don't even know if you'll be together forever, it's stupid to give it all away for 1 person. Doesn't he have family? He can entrust his money to a parent if he's genuinely that autistic.

Anonymous 36548

stfu retard

Anonymous 36569

I don’t know if this counts as a relationship “problem”. It has been a problem before and it could be again. I’m very very very insecure about my body. It’s probably not as bad as I think it is but I’ve been/I am bullied a lot by people for how I look, mostly about things that are unchangeable that I have literally no way of changing. I hate my body but my boyfriend is always telling me how much he likes it and how I’m really pretty and all that stuff. We broke up last year because I couldn’t get over these insecurities. I’d hold everything he said under a microscope trying to look for “proof” he hates my body as much as everyone else does and we’d argue all the time because I was always accusing him of being disingenuous. Looking back, I know it was stupid and he has absolutely nothing to gain from dating someone he’s not attracted to. We started dating again a few months ago and everything is good but all of these feelings that I’m not what he’s preferred is coming back. I know that it’s stupid but thinking back to all the horrible things people say about my body I just get these feelings like I could never be what he likes. I don’t want to ruin everything again. What do I do?

Anonymous 36572

There is literally nothing you can do about it. So why worry?

Anonymous 36583

The thing is that I 100% agree with what you’re saying, but I just love him so much, I can’t break up with him. He’s loving sometimes (and when he is it feels amazing) but I really wish he used words of affirmation with me more. I just really need that verbal reassurance. I’ve talked to him about it before but nothing really changed and it would feel bad if he was just “faking it” anyway.

Anonymous 36592

Tell him it's financial suicide, because it totally is.
I mean, I don't know exactly HOW rich he is, I guess he can give away SOME of it, hell maybe even half of it, but not ALL of it.
He's in a unique position where even if he loses his job and can't find another he can be secure, it's kind of retarded to just throw that away.

I wish I had better advice to offer, because now that he has the idea you're in it for the money it will be close to impossible to get it out.
You might convince him you're not in it for the money, and he'll believe you, but once in a while it'll pop up again, like weeds in a garden.
Maybe when you have a fight and he's subconsciously looking for things wrong with you (as everyone does, not implying he's a bad guy), maybe if you mention his wealth in passing, fuck, he might even realize you're walking on eggshells talking about finance with him so he thinks you're playing the slow game.
What I just said is not helpful in the least, but those kind of thoughts are relationship cancer.

Only thing that comes to mind is a prenup, if your relationship is serious enough to talk about "maybe someday when we're married" stuff.
Tell him that if he's worried about that and he'd want to get married to you, guarantee him that you'll sign a prenup, I'm not an expert on the subject but that sort of thing could alleviate some of the anxiety by guaranteeing you won't just fuck off with the money.
The only other way to demonstrate you not being a golddigger is enthusiastically supporting his idea to burn his money away, but that's going full retard, and you never go full retard.

Anonymous 36597

He was the one who said “I love you” first and I remember he’d say it over and over and it made me so happy. Now it’s almost always me saying “I love you” first and his response is always a really brief “love you too.” I know he’s depressed and overwhelmed right now, but he’ll probably start being affectionate toward me again when he feels better. It still sucks though.

Anonymous 36598


Just leave and file a restraining order to enforce it

Anonymous 36607

Just wondering how often do couples say loving things to each other (e.g. calling each other sweet nicknames, telling each other how much you mean to each other, etc)?

Anonymous 36613

I personally hate giving verbal displays of affection because it's too embarrassing, so I rarely do it. When I do, it's a reply to my bf's verbal affection. We pretty much only say I love you when we're saying goodbye. But in contrast we're very physically affectionate.

Anonymous 36644

Does your BF show you love in non-verbal ways? Gifts, physical affection, services or just spending time together are all ways people show love to each other.

Anonymous 36658

how do i ever cope the fact he wouldnt try to reach for me again and also knowing he already remplace me with other girl?

Anonymous 36704

My relationship problem is that I don't have one


Why is that a problem for you?

Anonymous 36712

I desire the touch of another human, Anon.

Anonymous 36731


my relationship problem is that i'm not in a relationship with him

Anonymous 36735


like i'd ever cheat on him, only he can review this pussy.

Anonymous 36744

I had a short friend in high school, it was both sad and very interesting to see how he was treated. He was relentlessly mocked by everyone, girls, boys and even teachers. No girl would approach him because of his height and no friend of his wouldn't make fun of him at least once. Needless to say, he was a really sour person and to be honest, I don't blame him. Imagine being judged and mocked for something outside of your control, how would you feel?

Anonymous 36745

I knew a short kid who got practically tortured until he dropped out. I can't help but feel bad for them all.

Anonymous 36746

I also want to add, that as he grow up, he stoped being teased as much but he was still seen as less by girls.

Anonymous 36748


…you're not wrong, people often compare him to lorde too. anyway let's not hijack this thread anon apparently someone already made a reviewbra love thread >>51061

Anonymous 36749


Anonymous 36750

He looks like he should be in a Japan trubute band

Anonymous 36755


serving Visual Kei: Light Florals™

Anonymous 36759

Stupid sexy anime boy hands.

Anonymous 36811

My boyfriend is a stoner. He’s always including weed in everything he does since he can’t really live without it. I’m trying to accept it because I love him and it’s his life. But it’s so annoying how I can’t really do things with him because he just wants to get high. I want him to come over to my place to meet my family since I’ve only met his and things feel one sided. He refuses to come over just because he can’t smoke here. Mostly because my mom absolutely hates the smell of weed and cigarettes and thinks stoners are crazy wife beaters(because of past experiences that changed her life). Whenever I go over to his place he just wants to get high and then fuck when I’m not really feeling it. I just want to do normal stuff with him without having drugs getting in the way of everything. I’ve tried speaking to him about it but he’s so stubborn about it always trying to outsmart me by stating facts how weed doesn’t harm anyone but I think it’s harming the way I’m starting to feel about this relationship.
I feel selfish for thinking like this but idk what’s right or wrong please tell me something anons

Anonymous 36812

"Bruh, weed is totally safe and doesn't hurt anyone at all"
his entire life revolves around getting high and fucking his living onahole

Dump him

Anonymous 36817

Weed might not be physically addictive, but it can make people emotionally addictive to is. Which is what happened to your bf.
Everything in excess is bad, and this includes weed. His life is now dependent on it and he can't do anything without being high. It's not that he doesn't want to, he can't. Don't let him manipulate you.

Anonymous 36818


>I personally hate giving verbal displays of affection because it's too embarrassing, so I rarely do it.
Wow, I’m the exact opposite. I love saying mushy things to my boyfriend. He barely reciprocates though even though he used to at the beginning.

>Does your BF show you love in non-verbal ways?
Basically just spending time together on video calls. We can’t do physical affection because I can’t visit him right now due to the border lockdowns. I’ve told him before that I need verbal reassurance but he still barely ever says affectionate things to me. I still love him but it just makes me depressed.

Anonymous 36821

re-evaluate your self-esteem

Anonymous 36823

>didnt know before
>no difference in lifestyle
its not like your quality of life is changing with you telling of him being a cheapskate, youre just ensuring the botox skank hes dumping you during his midlife crisis gets more money spent on her

Anonymous 36831

i'm sorry you're depressed about it. not receiving enough verbal affection is tough, but always remember you are worthy of it. I hope your situation gets better !

Anonymous 36842

I told my boyfriend I don’t want him to go to strip clubs because I feel uncomfortable with him looking at naked girls that aren’t me. He gave up porn for me already (and I know that’s for real because we live together and we’re pretty much always in the same room when he’s home) so I thought he’d be cool with this but he said he “needs social outings with the guys”. I keep telling him there’s other places they can hang out and that they don’t HAVE to go to a strip club but he just accuses me of telling him to give up his friends. I don’t know what to do.

Anonymous 36845

He just keeps telling me his friends would give him shit if he didn’t go and that I shouldn’t have a problem since he’s not jerking off to them and he’s not getting dances, he’s just watching.

Anonymous 36846

>dating a man who has ever been to a strip club

Anonymous 36857

Keep watching Magic Mike with him until he stops going

Anonymous 36859

Anon.. he sounds gross and emotionally stunted if he really thinks that’s okay.. He cares more about looking cool in front of his friends (if that’s even the real reason he wants to go) and looking at naked girls than your feelings. This situation would be a dealbreaker for me.


Anonymous 36860

Background: I live with my boyfriend, we've been together a long time, talked about getting married and starting a family but we've been fighting a lot lately.

He wakes me up this morning after I've only had 3-4 hours of sleep. Starts talking about how old girlfriends stoll try to contact him but he doesn't respond because he respects our relationship… Moves into him wanting kids (I do) and talking about having a family. Then starts saying he doesn't have a future with me and I'm already old (30) and any kids I have won't be the "best" they could be… I finally tell him if he doesn't think he has a future with me, he's free to leave for one of the many girls hitting him up. We both end up getting angry and I left to go out.

Wtf did he want me to say? What would even be a "proper" response to that line of thought??

Anonymous 36861

he just broke up with me and im crying

Anonymous 36862

It sounds like he wants to break up with you. I’m sorry anon.

Anonymous 36863

he didn't want to make the effort of verbal affection even though it's a fucking pandemic keeping you apart. good riddance and next time find someone who is generous with their attention.
I'm so sorry anon, be strong.

Anonymous 36864

He wants to break up with you but he's too much of a coward to do it, so he's hoping you break up with him. Part of the cowardice is probably coming from being afraid of changing the living situation you guys. He likely also wishes you'll make some sort of grand gesture to have kids by taking fertility drugs or letting him have sex with other women (of course he's not willing to make an effort on his part).

Anonymous 36887

>Starts talking about how old girlfriends stoll try to contact him but he doesn't respond because he respects our relationship
If he sincerely has no remaining interest or desire to interact with his exes, he wouldn't feel the need to mention this as if he should be rewarded for being loyal to you.

>I'm already old (30) and any kids I have won't be the "best" they could be

Thirty? "Old"? How old is he? That's a ridiculous claim (not to mention a ridiculous thing to simply say out of the blue) and it seems less like he actually cares about the health of your potential future children more than he is bothered by your age. If your age is a dealbreaker to him, then frankly he can pack his things and find a younger partner.

>I finally tell him if he doesn't think he has a future with me, he's free to leave for one of the many girls hitting him up

You didn't do anything wrong by saying this. I'm sorry that your boyfriend is so disagreeable, anon. Every couple has disagreements and sometimes arguments, but he doesn't seem to have his priorities in place and I wouldn't fault you if you ended up breaking up with him.

Anonymous 36893

>Then starts saying he doesn't have a future with me and I'm already old (30) and any kids I have won't be the "best" they could be
Why are you dating 4channers?

Anonymous 36898

Thats how i would feel sometimes but he seems genuinely depressed and overwhelmed. I still fucking loved him so much
Im in so much pain i feel like the only way to stop it is to kill myself because i feel so utterly alone. I keep thinking of all the stuff we watched together and all the loving things he used to say to me. And how he was even the first to say “i love you” and now he doesnt want to be with me anymore. I just messaged him to please work on the relationship with me but he hasnt responded. I love him so much i cant stop crying

Anonymous 36900

>I don't see a future with you because at 30 you're too old to have my children
Why give him the option to stay? dump him.
If you have no future don't waste another second on him.
by the way the "the younger the parents the better the children" meme is nonsense, I mean, it applies maybe in the late 40s, but come on, not at 30.

Anonymous 37887


My bf and me live together and our chronotypes are totally different, so there are troublesome conflicts here and there. Anyone has the same problem? What do you do?

Anonymous 37888

you don't even know her neither her relationship you stupid fuck.

geez there is a reason why only retards take advice from random bitter femcels.


Anonymous 37899

Incoming le r9k ebf dilemma. Ive been e-dating a guy from r9k(ldr) and we almost never talk, we have different religious beliefs, and we won't see each other in forever since both of us are broke. I feel like having a talk with him about where our relationship is going but I'm too nervous. I wish he would at least say hi or have a small chat but he never seems to want to talk.

Anonymous 37901


You’re not gonna like this, but he’s holding you back from being a better, happier version of yourself. Be honest: do you see this somehow becoming long-term? Like all r9k e-relationships you probably ended up in one out of desperation and loneliness. Someone who can’t see you or even talk to you will never be able to quell that. There is no reason to continue a relationship like that.

Anonymous 37905

You're right. I feel bad, I don't want too break his heart. Hopefully he'll understand. Thanks anon.

Anonymous 37912

Describe the conflicts. Just general grouchiness or what?

Anonymous 37913

These schedules make no sense. Who in the goddamn hell has a 2 hr workday? Who sits around planning their day BEFORE coffee?

Anonymous 37961

Person A tends to sleep much longer and stay up much longer than person B who is an early bird of the strong type. Person A feels a lack of togetherness and shared time and is often frustrated because Person B is rigid but feels unable to change sleeping habits.

Anonymous 37977

But person A gets to wake up to Person B making breakfast. Also, doesn't the fact that B has alone time in the morning mean they are more likely to want to spend time with A when they are both awake?

Anonymous 37980

I don't have actual fights with my boyfriend very often, but right now I am. I want to be held but also don't want to make it seem like I'm not mad anymore. AHHHHH

Anonymous 37981

How would staying mad help?

Anonymous 37995

How are you in a relationship if you dont talk? What's the point? Aren't you just friends then? Ditch him and find someone new.

Anonymous 38000

I met this guy on a dating app, he's a rich beverly hills D-list actor/model, way out of my league and I can't imagine why he's talking to me other than to bang (even then I'm not sure why because he can definitely pull much better looking girls) I don't really care about that because I wasn't looking for anything serious but I can feel myself catching feels. He's incredibly cute, charming and funny. (And he obviously knows it) He wants to meet but I'm scared to have him over because he doesn't know I'm poor and live in a shitty house, drive a shitty car and use welfare. I'm embarrassed. I'm not sure what kind of advice I'm looking for but I just needed to get my thoughts out.

Anonymous 38002

If he did judge you for these things you can’t control, then would you really want to be with him anyway? I know it would be painful, but it would help you dodge a bullet. Maybe share your concerns with him and he’ll be sympathetic?

Anonymous 38581

my depression makes me unable to talk some days. he says he understands but i still feel like it is a matter of time until he loses interest :(

Anonymous 38593

The only problem in my relationship is that my husband is adamant about having children and he says it's very important to him to have a family, but I am unsure if I ever want kids. I want to have a career and gate gender roles, but he's offered to stay at home and raise kids then which seems ridiculously unfair to me if I'm the sole income for a while. He's 5 years older than me and says stuff like he loves me but will divorce me if children are not in our future to try and find someone else, and it makes me feel disposable and that he doesn't really love me. He's currently paying for my tuition but has given me an ultimatum without directly saying it that once I'm done my masters we need to have children so as to not interrupt my career once I get a job. I feel rushed and I don't like being told what to do and I feel it makes me want kids less.

I can't seem to make up my mind if I want kids or not, but I get upset when he explains why it has to be before he's 35, he says that past that he's not willing to date someone much younger than him to start a family if we don't work out. I feel like he's planning for failure and that he doesn't really love me.

Anonymous 38595

Why do you think it's unfair to be the sole provider? You would be working towards a common goal (raising children), so you would help each other out to achieve it. If you wanted to stay at home he would be willing to be the sole provider. You said he's paying for your tuition, so do you think that's unfair too?

Kids are probably a goal in life he has, just like you have a goal of having a career. Imagine if you were in a relationship where that wouldn't have been possible. Would you have been able to stay in that relationship and sacrifice your life goal out love for your partner?
If you really don't want them you should just tell him now. It might end, or he might just be exaggerating to persuade you into having kids.

Anonymous 38606

Just tell him. It doesn't seem like he loves you, it seems like he loves your ability to have children if he is willing to threaten to trade you for a younger girl.
You should only have kids if you 100% want them, your body will change a lot and you will be expected to look after them even if he is offering now to take care of them at home. You will still need to nurse and give them attention everyday after work.
And if he decides he doesn't want to be a stay at home dad anymore? What would your plan be? Give the kids up for adoption? Work and take care of them on your own with no financial support from him because HE doesn't work? Pay child support and alimony for 18 years?
Think carefully anon. I wish you the best, and remember that there are still plenty of men out there who share your goals.

Anonymous 38608

You're right that she should definitely only have children if she is certain.

But I'd also end a relationship if my partner didn't feel the same way about having children. That's not because I only love my partner as someone who can produce children, that's crazy. I'd break up with him if he began seriously practicing a fundamentalist religion too - that doesn't mean that I would see him as only a secular humanism machine. There are considerations beyond love: there are things that are hard deal-breakers because they aren't what you want for your life. That's just part of finding a life partner.

Anonymous 38610

Yeah having deal breakers is normal and fine, but pressuring your partner to make life changing decisions concerning her body and future like this is not.
I wouldn't be saying this if he learned she didn't want kids and broke things off, but it's scummy to keep the relationship going when he knew from the beggining she wasn't sure and then hold it over her head that she has a time limit and he WILL seek out a younger woman to have kids with if she doesn't comply. The fact that she feels disposable and feels that he's planning for failure is very telling i think.

Anonymous 38614

It's ugly of him, but he is making it clear what he wants and what he will do without it. She needs to take a stand and make clear decisions herself. If you are vacillating then you seem open to being influenced/convinced, which is what he's trying. Otherwise, all he could do is just leave the relationship straight up.

Anonymous 38675

To be fair I think there is no winning for him,if he feels he needs kids he can only be expected to pursue that even if it meant leaving a woman he loved.
what should he do otherwise? silently seethe? just stop wanting kids?

Anonymous 48195


There are these rare rare days when I'm rolling my eyes, sighing and thinking that being single right now wouldn't be that bad right? I know it would.

Anonymous 48196

during covid it's honestly the worst time to be single but some can tolerate it. If you have that inner strength sure go ahead.

Anonymous 63859

i think i'm a total retard because i flirted with another boy who gave me a lot of attention in the past -and my bf was with us. we have an open relationship, but the boy is a close friend of both of us and that is a strict no go. ok there was a lot of alcohol involved.
now my bf feels humiliated and is disappointed and i can't stop thinking about what happened. i am super sorry and i feel shame and disloyalty. meh, why is it happening to me?

Anonymous 63860


>meh, why is it happening to me?
Literally nothing is happening to you? You brought this on yourself sis…

Anonymous 63862


Recently my mother has been bugging me about getting a boyfriend, more and more often. I can't help but feel like a disappointment to her because of not having one.

One reason I haven't made an effort is because I find the dating process very annoying and tedious. In an ideal world I would have liked to jump into marriage without even going through it. I want a husband, not a boyfriend, but of course if you told any decent man that they wouldn't want to get near you with a 50 ft pole. I don't like taking it that slow, but I guess it is a necessary evil..unless you want to end up with a domestic abuser or old creep.

Anonymous 63865


Cute game

Anonymous 63885


Cute? I'd hardly call a game involving kidnapping and bioterrorism "cute", but there are some cute characters I suppose.

Anonymous 63910

The main plot is serious but a very large chunk of the game is pure silliness.

Anonymous 67238

my bf needs a lot of attention, we live together and he is expecting quality time over me time.
how did you tell your partner in a friendly way that you need more time for yourself alone?

Anonymous 67250

why do you want immediately a marriage? whats the difference between that and having an exclusive, serious relationship?

Anonymous 67521

i talk too much and its been getting on his nerves a lot lately until today he snapped at me and said sometimes i talk so much it makes him want to blow his brains out

i dont talk to anyone at work or my family and i get really excited to come home and spend time with him so it took a bit of a blow on me

Anonymous 67527

Honestly just cut him off. If a person threatens you with suicide over you wanting to talk a lot he just sounds like an asshole.

…though I just read that you live with him…good luck with that.

Anonymous 67528

just, I guarantee you that things are literally only going to get worse over time. there is no fixing a guy that hates hearing what you say bc he just doesn't like you that much.

Anonymous 67529


We’ve been apart because of covid, but in the past year he’s just been very angry with me on very medial things. Wether it be boundary setting, criticism of his actions, or just my general dissatisfaction with how things are, he always takes it as attacks on his person and gets defensive, which then turns to anger. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t really confide in him or be vulnerable with him out of fear he’s going to get mad. I earnestly feel like he just hates me and takes that out on me. I have an abusive dad, so moid anger is generally difficult to handle for me, I get scared that I’m gonna get hit (even if he’s never raised finger at me), either way his anger, cruel words and coldness literally make me feel subhuman.

It wasn’t always like this, I don’t want to leave him. He always seems to come around in the end and then I give him a chance. I love him beyond repair and he’s the only man who’s ever expressed love back. I’m unsure as to wether this is a result of separation or wether it’s something more. I deeply yearn for his affection, as it was something I once knew, and it breaks me that I no longer have someone to confide in.

Anonymous 67530

your brain is literally wired to get dopamine from him. it has almost nothing to do with him but you spending time with him. there's nothing magical, special, or really anything about this or him. it's just an insectoid taking advantage of you getting validation from him when he's very briefly ok.

it's only a downward spiral from here, anon, and I hope you take actions to separate yourself from this abusive asshole.

Anonymous 67531

I understand the feeling, I won't say it would justify it, but for some people listening and talking is an exhaustive activity. If he's had a shit day too, it can be quite hard to focus, I only know what you put in literally one post, but after you've mentally recovered maybe you should talk about it with him.

I don't think he was literally threatening suicide as much as using incredibly violent hyperbole. If he did actually threaten suicide over this then yes I suppose she should get out ASAP, mostly because she would be dating a caricature of a human being or possibly an alien disguised as one.

Anonymous 67533


Yall, if you don't get away from these men, you're gonna learn the lesson the hard way. And sometimes you're not gonna be alive to tell the story.

These men are abusive manipulators and their actions tell you what you should already know.

Stop being so dense and GET OUT. Choose yourselves first.

Anonymous 67534

I’ve tried, but I always go back like an idiot.

Anonymous 67535

maybe think of it like a process? like write down what you do that makes you go back, etc.
it seems overwhelming and abstract but overtime you can peel yourself away.

like for example if you physically get away so much and literally destroy any method you have of contacting him that can help.
you also aren't an idiot. you're a human being basically doing what, ironically, feels most natural to you. the best you can do is stand back, watch it, and understand it for what it is.

Anonymous 67558

I set some distance today, I’m going to see a councillor for some guidance soon. I’m surprised he took this pretty well, but that’s not something to rely on. Hopefully things will work out.

Anonymous 67575

I always feel like no one wants to hear me bitch and complain about my relationship problems anonymously and I feel bad when I do it to my family members (I have no friends). Wouldn't you want to uphold the visage that nothing is wrong in your life? Save face and all that with the people that you know? That's how I feel. My family is brutal and will mock any flaws or cracks in my relationship. They've always rooted for my failures. That's why I vent to strangers online but sometimes they don't have the full picture because they don't know me and give blindsided advice or troll responses.
I feel awful. I just dumped a giant wall text venting about a situation I was in, pouring my heart out and feels to this girl I know online, and she hasn't replied back to me in a couple of months. I feel like I scared her off. I feel so lonely. I have no friends. All I have is my boyfriend but I don't want to talk to him about my problems. They're usually petty and in the moment and no cause for concern to bring them up to him. I guess it's not good to use others as therapists but I thought it was a give and take relationship between me and my online friend. I supported her emotionally and she supported me emotionally, and now she is gone. Maybe she got a new friend to vent to or maybe she got tired of me, idk. I just feel so awful and replaceable and unhappy with life…

Anonymous 67577

Yeah, no one wants to.

It sounds like it isn't you being petty but some glaring issue or incompatibility in the relationship. That you can't even talk to your bf about basic things like this and have to vent and "bitch" about them says a lot. This isn't me being mean but actually trusting that your negative feelings aren't that irrational.

It isn't really that you're replaceable but when you ask for people to be endless wells of support over massive issues that probably can't be fixed (aside by breaking up) that will never be healthily reciprocated.

I've dealt with this in the past with friends in bad relationships that they continuously get anxious and stressed over and then they need to subject others to the toxic energy.
Few months down the line there was usually the inevitable "you were right!" which…I wish I was pettier to actually enjoy but I can't. There was always the classic witch's brew of them beforehand acting like I just didn't "know" the relationship or him, etc…and I accepted it…only to feel absolutely guilty and shitty when it turned out I was right because I keep on asking myself "was there something I could have said?"
It's torture when you really do care about someone and want the best for them.

For all we know you're a fantastic person but with relationship issues that apparently will never be fixed but yeah, a girl that needs people to complain to isn't very desirable as a friend.

Anonymous 67578

note: I'm also projecting a lil. I'm used to girls having relationship issues and it turns out things are worse behind the scenes rather than the opposite.
wow this infuriates me. =_=

Anonymous 67644


my relationship problem is that i dont have a relationship

Anonymous 67646

Me too, queen.
We'll make it some day.

Anonymous 67653

>My dad
Paranoid personality and narcissistic, violent, aggressive, cold, extremely critical and paranoid, but weirdly enough only towards people who are not messing with him at all, and other people use him as a puppet because they know me and my siblings are terrified of him. He doesn't seem to notice he's constantly being manipulated, and he only perceives it from people who aren't bothering him at all.

>My mom

Narcissistic borderline who doesn't seek any help except from a church-appointed therapist that just enables her. Violent, unhinged, unpredictable, seedy and manipulative. Goes through cycles where she's extremely sweet to me and then after she thinks she's got me trapped again she starts acting like a fucking demon again until I have to distance myself.

>My brother

Narcissistic but probably the mildest case of it in my family fortunately, we get along okay but it bothers me knowing that he really doesn't give a shit what I go through. Couldn't even give a shit after my son died or when I was experiencing extreme suicidal ideations.

>My sister

Borderline and not getting treatment, we're so much alike which is great and terrible, because we fight constantly and she's a very weird mixture of extremely sensitive and extremely callous. Wants me to constantly coddle her feelings, but can't even respect my only two major boundaries.

>My fiance

Sweet, loving guy, except for he's drunk 24/7. I attempted suicide partly because of his drinking and he still drinks. He's shitfaced right now. He goes to work drunk. He's been arrested over alcohol twice. He lost his license for almost ten years. I can't count on him to do anything at home because he's too fucked up to know what's going on. I spend almost all of my time alone because I have no friends and my three sources of social interaction (my fiance and siblings) are flaky as fuck. I don't really mind being alone usually, but sometimes it really irks me that I could have time with people if the people in my life weren't such shit shows. Not to say I'm perfect, but I can't help but get annoyed by it all.

Anonymous 67715

When my boyfriend and I have a disagreement he’ll disappear for like 1-3 days and then when he’s back we’ll talk it over and work it out. I love him and I understand stepping away to try and look at the situation but he doesn’t text or call or tell me where he is going. I doubt he’d cheat on me since I’m the only one he’s ever had sex with as far as I know. He has minor aspergers I think and doesn’t hang out with his friends very often, prefers to play video games with them. His parents abused him so he doesn’t stay with them. Where does he go? Just sleep in his car? Camp in the woods? I get so worried about him when he’s away because he relies on me for most stuff besides working, cooking, and some easier house stuff. He doesn’t buy anything with his card during these times either, but that could be intentional since I take care of our finances and taxes. We’ve been together since he was in college and it’s always been like this but I thought once we settled down and got more comfortable it’d stop or at least he’d open up about it more.

Anonymous 67716

Look up "stonewalling"

Anonymous 67961

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My boyfriend is very insecure about his appearance and after putting on a bit of weight this summer he has begun obsessively attempting to lose it. On Sunday he worked out for four hours straight. This scared the absolute shit out of me because my dad used to be a bodybuilder and this was the sort of stuff he used to warn me to not do when I work out. Originally he was telling me it was gonna be a one-time/once-a-week thing, but yesterday he worked out again for another four hours. He told me that he plans to work out everyday for four hours, even on days when he has classes. I'm not sure if I'm being overdramatic or if it's right for me to be scared asf, but I'm terrified he's going to (permanently) injure himself and send himself into a spiral or simply decide to stop once he's content with his appearance and yoyo all the weight back and send himself into a spiral that way. I'm also incredibly nervous that he's going to only keep increasing the amount of time he works out to the point it drains all his free time (maybe it's selfish of me) and the likeliness of him crashing and burning further increases. When I tried to sort of voice my concerns he basically brushed it off and told me how he used to walk 20 miles straight (he has had previous issues with his weight), which I honestly don't think is any better. I really want to talk him out of this, because I literally think there is no way it will end well, but the relationship itself is only a month in and I'm scared that if I don't seem supportive enough or try to make him be more reasonable about it he'll just dump me and say I was trying to stop him from getting "fit".

Anonymous 67965

He's going to crash. 4 hours is already pretty ridiculous in itself but attempting to do it every day is just going to overwork himself. Optimal work outs are not working as hard as you can for as long as you can, at some point you're going to reach a point where you hurt yourself more than you make gains.

You're not overreacting, he's being a fucking idiot, especially if he's purely doing this to lose weight. If you want him to stop and better use his time the best thing you can do is try your best to educate yourself more deeply on the subject. If you can give him reasons grounded in fact why he shouldn't be working out as much he'll either realize you're right and stop or he'll brush you off, and the latter would just show he's not a suitable partner if he doesn't want to take you seriously

Anonymous 67966


Is he an alcoholic? Genuine question btw. My mom tried to have a relationship with someone and he was really nice – emotional – but nice. But when he was drunk he was a completely different person.

Anonymous 69062


My girlfriend only wants to interact with me when Im focused on something else or busy in my own life but if I seem eager for conversation or intimacy she blanks me or kicks me over to the other side of the bed. She never initiates cuddling or spontaneously shows me affection unless I’m not interacting with her. She rarely responds to my texts and only texts me after I haven’t texted her for a while.

I’m too auts to read the nuance in language or social cues, so I don’t know what to do. I want to be the best girlfriend I can possibly be for her but I also want to be myself.

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