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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Anonymous 33007

What are your thoughts on cheating?

Anonymous 33012

it's a betrayal of trust. and probably a sign you don't even want to be in the relationship anyway. some people use cheating as an "out".

Anonymous 33013

Must be punished by the removal of a finger.

Anonymous 33016

I think of cheating when I'm horny and my boyfriend isn't there to take care of that.

I also think of cheating because my boyfriend has made rude comments about my body when I thought that was not going to be part of our relationship, and I'd like to have sex with someone who actually desires my body.

Sure, my boyfriend fucks me, but he doesn't pay attention to the rest of my body, just my vagina. I envy girls who talk about how their boyfriends act crazy about the rest of their bodies. My exes had less sex with me but at least acted like my body wasn't trash. I wonder all the time if I cheated how much better the sex would be.

I would never cheat, though. It appears to me that once a person cheats, it is easier for them to engage in that behavior again. I don't want to become that person, so I don't cheat. Simple.

Anonymous 33039

I can confidently say that I would never cheat. I would also never date a guy who has a history of cheating.

Anonymous 33042

One of my exes who I dated for two and half years cheated on me since the beginning of the relationship. Of course I didn't figure out the cheating until near the end but I felt like such an idiot for not realizing it sooner. He tried to gaslight me once I found out saying that his friends said it was okay and that it was just flirting or it was just with online girls, etc. Even till after the relationship he still wouldn't admit it was cheating and tried to beg for me back. That shit sucked a lot especially near the end when he acted like he was repulsed to have sex with me. It made me have really bad trust issues with people for a long time. I wish people who were chronic cheaters would just stick to casual relationships instead of roping in someone else in their games.

Anonymous 33060

1574305155172.png

Disgusting behaviour that should not be tolerated by polite society.

Anonymous 33070

>>33016
You said you'd never cheat but your thought process seems like that of a cheater's.
Why does it go from "my boyfriend does Bad Thing" to "if I cheated and found someone else, maybe Bad Thing won't happen"? Shouldn't the natural conclusion be "I should break up and then find someone else"?

Anonymous 33071

How did y’all find out?

Anonymous 33075

It happens. I forgave myself for it so I guess I'd forgive anyone cheating on me too.

Don't be too hard on cheaters, nobody wants to be one anyways. Like every bad thing it happens when you're drunk and something is pulling you. You will always feel bad after the act too.

Anonymous 33077

>>33075
Oh I forgot to say, nobody thinks outside few fringe psychos think that "I'll become a cheater and doubletime my bf!" There rarely is intent besides >>33012

Anonymous 33078

Only done by weak minded people who can't handle a committed relationship. Which, would be fine, but they drag innocent people into their mess.

To the cheaters: just fuck around without dating. It'll make your life easier. Unless you enjoy hurting people, in which case, fuck you.

Anonymous 33079

Means inmediate break up. If you got a problem with your partner that doesn't mean you can or should cheat. Relationship is a deal, once the deal is broken it remains broken, no matter your or his feels

Anonymous 33081

>>33078
>To the cheaters: just fuck around without dating. It'll make your life easier. Unless you enjoy hurting people, in which case, fuck you.
Wowie, that's pretty bleak. You might as well say "I don't think you should feel loved"

Anonymous 33082

>Wowie, that's pretty bleak. You might as well say "I don't think you should feel loved
You shouldn't. If you are willing to stab someone in the back that loves you you are a garbage human. Grow a spine and break up if you are not satisfied.

Anonymous 33085

>>33081

committed love requires some degree of compromise and sacrifice – monogamy is a form of this.

if you want to be loved, find someone who genuinely is into polyamory and won't mind you fucking other people.

Anonymous 33086

>>33081
They shouldn't.

Anonymous 33088

>>33085
Cheating is usually an accident and everyone of us can end up doing it. I mean you're not going to crash your car sober but that might happen under influence, same stuff applies to relationships. You can be the most loving, emphathetic person and end up cheating.

Anonymous 33089

>>33088
"Accidental" cheating usually happens after you've put yourself in a situation that someone in a relationship should not be in anyways.

Anonymous 33091

>>33088
You can't accidentally cheat what the fuck are you on about lmao
Even under influence I've got the agency and am conscious enough not to be a retard but then again I'm the type of person that would never drink and drive so what do I know

Anonymous 33092

>>33081
If you're a cheater you shouldn't.

Anonymous 33093

>>33088
Is this what guys call a "roasty"?

Anonymous 33094

>>33088
If you drive drunk, you can get arrested because you're responsible for putting yourself in that place in the first place.
If you cheat while drunk, you're still responsible for doing it.

Anonymous 33095

>>33081
You must be a troll.

Anonymous 33097

>>33088
sounds like you are just making excuses for yourself.
you shouldn't be drinking with some other guy without your bf present in the first place.

Anonymous 33098

>>33094
I never said anyone would not be responsible but that "everyone can cheat" so don't be so hard on people

Anonymous 33099

>>33098
If you were responsible you would not put yourself in that position in the first place. It's not purely accidental, just like driving drunk is not purely accidental. That's why they throw you in prison for driving drunk and not give you a free pass because "it could happen to anyone".

Anonymous 33100

>>33099
Around here they just revoke the license or give fines since punitive punishments don't help anyone.

Anonymous 33105


Anonymous 33106

076.png


Anonymous 33107

>>33098
Some people don't turn into brainless retards when they drink sorry b

Anonymous 33117

>>33098
>"everyone can cheat"
Keep telling yourself that. Doesn't make it true.

Anonymous 33118

>>33098
what if I killed your loved ones while I was drunk, would you be hard on me or not? where does this slippery slope of no agency and no responsibility end

Anonymous 33132

>>33081
Cheaters don't deserve love.

Anonymous 33134

>>33118
Anon… a functioning system wont work if its commanded someones thirst for retribution. Of course I would be hard on you but I wish couldn't be. People who mistakenly drive others over have families as well, locking someone behind bars for a thing they deeply atone is a tragedy all around. This punishment mentality is very american and does not help one bit.
>>33132
Everyone deserves to be loved, even cheaters. What would Jesus do?

Anonymous 33135

>>33134
Probably have her stoned to death since pardoning the adulteress was a lesson to the pharisees and not meant to be policy from there on.

Anonymous 33136

>>33117
You know, we do know that each and everyone of us could kill or steal under right circumstances. Why would cheating be any different? You just haven't been there.
>>33135
>not meant to be policy from there on.
It was pretty clear on issue anon. Who are you to say that, Jesus?

Anonymous 33137

>>33134
>Everyone deserves to be loved
Why? You are not entitled to someone else's love. If you want to be loved you need to be worthy of being loved. Why should anyone invest their time and emotions into someone that believes cheating can be written off as a simple accident?

Anonymous 33138

>>33136
>we do know that each and everyone of us could kill or steal under right circumstances
What circumstances? Defending yourself from an attacker or stealing to avoid starving to death are not comparable to cheating. There are no life threatening negative consequences to you if you don't fuck some random guy, nothing is forcing you to do it. The only comparable scenario would be killing or stealing out of selfish desire, and no, not everyone is capable of that, only sociopaths.

Anonymous 33139

>>33137
>Why? You are not entitled to someone else's love. If you want to be loved you need to be worthy of being loved.
I'm talking about the ideal, not the reality. If I were to say "I wish everyone would have free education", would you pull that on me and yell "But you're not entitled to someones taxes! If you want to learn then you have to earn or take debt!". While you might be correct in reality, I'm talking about the ideal. Everyone should feel loved, happy and safe. Will that ever happen? No, but world would be a better place if it did.
>Why should anyone invest their time and emotions into someone that believes cheating can be written off as a simple accident?
I never said it was simple but it can be an accident, if there is no intent or malice in it.
>>33138
>Defending yourself from an attacker or stealing to avoid starving to death are not comparable to cheating.
Yes but those aren't the only situations people cheat or kill in. Do you think the completely ordinary people drafted as artillery men avoided killing? No, even thought they weren't defending themselves and were completely out of the harms way. What about you downloading music, games or shows? I mean everyone does that so why wouldn't you, right?

There are so many different circumstances you could find yourself in that enable these things.

Anonymous 33140

>>33139
>I'm talking about the ideal, not the reality. If I were to say "I wish everyone would have free education", would you pull that on me and yell "But you're not entitled to someones taxes! If you want to learn then you have to earn or take debt!". While you might be correct in reality, I'm talking about the ideal. Everyone should feel loved, happy and safe. Will that ever happen? No, but world would be a better place if it did.
Sadly we live in reality and not fantasyland. Any love a person would receive has to come from another living breathing person. Pondering a theoretical ideal is meaningless.
>I never said it was simple but it can be an accident, if there is no intent or malice in it.
No intent? So you just happen to fall vagina first onto his dick?

>Do you think the completely ordinary people drafted as artillery men avoided killing? No, even thought they weren't defending themselves and were completely out of the harms way.

In that scenario they were drafted, meaning they will go to prison for deserting. That's a negative consequence, a very serious one, something that fucking around your man's back does not have. Again no one is forcing you to do it.
>What about you downloading music, games or shows?
Downloading music is nowhere near comparable in scale to stabbing someone you love in the back, that's an absolutely idiotic argument. You might as well argue that someone who litters is capable of committing a brutal murder.

>There are so many different circumstances you could find yourself in that enable these things.

Maybe if you are trying to make excuses for your own shitty behavior.

Anonymous 33141

>>33140
>Sadly we live in reality and not fantasyland. Any love a person would receive has to come from another living breathing person. Pondering a theoretical ideal is meaningless.
I said "deserve". You should know that it directly implies the fantastical since you can "deserve" something and still not get it.
>No intent? So you just happen to fall vagina first onto his dick?
That's not what intent means anonon. Me falling on his dick without thinking it would be 1st degree cheating as it lacks intent. If I were to think about him beforehand, seek him out and then fall on his dick that would be 2nd degree cheating, as it has intent behind it. Just like you can murder someone without intent, you can cheat on someone without it.
>In that scenario they were drafted, meaning they will go to prison for deserting. That's a negative consequence, a very serious one, something that fucking around your man's back does not have. Again no one is forcing you to do it.
Dodging the draft wasn't that hard you know, Ali only went to jail because he was a public figure. And really, you would kill someone to avoid one year of jail? That's hardly a self defence situation so like I said, different circumstances exist.
>Downloading music is nowhere near comparable in scale to stabbing someone you love in the back, that's an absolutely idiotic argument. You might as well argue that someone who litters is capable of committing a brutal murder.
But that's not the point. You're ready to steal now too? Like I said, the circumstances shift. I can't name a hypothetical situation where you would cheat on your bf but based on your answers it certainly exists! I mean you went from "killing in self defence" to "avoiding a year in the slammer". If you're ready to kill over an speeding ticket then you certainly can cheat on someone lol.
>Maybe if you are trying to make excuses for your own shitty behavior.
Hey, I don't cheat even if I'm defending people who do

Anonymous 33142

>>33141
>You should know that it directly implies the fantastical since you can "deserve" something and still not get it.
How does that imply anything of the sort? It doesn't.
>That's not what intent means anonon.
That's exactly what it means, you CHOSE to do it. No one forced you to, and it was no pure accident. That is the definition of intent.
>Dodging the draft wasn't that hard you know, Ali only went to jail because he was a public figure. And really, you would kill someone to avoid one year of jail? That's hardly a self defence situation so like I said, different circumstances exist.
Being forced to flee your home or going to prison are both negative consequences. And even in your contrived scenario of artillerymen they are still defending themselves if not directly because without their action the enemy would overrun their position eventually. Once again I will say, there are NO negative consequences for not cheating.
It's perfectly clear you are only performing these insane mental gymnastics to absolve yourself of any responsibility.
>But that's not the point. You're ready to steal now too?
Retarded reply. Keep your accusations to yourself, cheater.
>Like I said, the circumstances shift. I can't name a hypothetical situation where you would cheat on your bf but based on your answers it certainly exists! I mean you went from "killing in self defence" to "avoiding a year in the slammer". If you're ready to kill over an speeding ticket then you certainly can cheat on someone lol.
The circumstances don't "shift". Just because someone commits a petty offence does not mean they are capable of serious crimes. That's just a gigantic cope on your part to again, absolve yourself of any responsibility.

Anonymous 33143

>>33142
>How does that imply anything of the sort? It doesn't.
Of course it does. I can think you should have something that you will never have or that you shouldn't get something that you will. The words by definition have no basis in reality since they can be used in a way that will never materialize and still be considered true.
If I said you have millions dollars then that would be factually wrong because the word "have" implies a basis in reality. If I say "I think you deserve millions of dollars" then it would be true as it is my own opinion. However it would never materialize, therefore the wording is fantastical.
>That's exactly what it means, you CHOSE to do it. No one forced you to, and it was no pure accident. That is the definition of intent.
The law disagrees, therefore countless numbers of other people who drafted it and work with it disagree too. Intent is codified the across plethora of different cultures and almost always defined as something akin to pre-emptive planning. Of course you can say that it's only to prove intent but you cannot deny the fact that you can kill without it. If it was impossible to murder without intent then why should we go such great lengths to prove it in the court of law? If you can commit something so heinous as murder without intent, then surely cheating is possible too? No, it's not merely possible.
>Being forced to flee your home or going to prison are both negative consequences. And even in your contrived scenario of artillerymen they are still defending themselves if not directly because without their action the enemy would overrun their position eventually. Once again I will say, there are NO negative consequences for not cheating.
Viet cong were farmers in tunnels. The artillery men who bombarded them, the US pilots who bombed them and shipmates who bombarded them never had to fear for their lives. They killed purely out of peer pressure and if you can kill out of it then surely you can cheat with less.
>It's perfectly clear you are only performing these insane mental gymnastics to absolve yourself of any responsibility.
I'm not responsible for anything. I just see good and bad in people, nurture over nature.
>Retarded reply. Keep your accusations to yourself, cheater.
Hit a nerve? I mean I know you're stealing others works. How can you live with yourself knowing that peoples families depend on the content you consume for free? Don't you feel bad about it? The more I talk with you, the more I feel that you would be the kinda person that would cheat on someone under right circumstances. Like a psychopath would deny her psychopathy, you deny that it would be even possible. You know, the people who know what they're capable of usually don't break hearts or lie to others.
>The circumstances don't "shift". Just because someone commits a petty offence does not mean they are capable of serious crimes. That's just a gigantic cope on your part to again, absolve yourself of any responsibility.
Oh I finally see it. You're one of those people who think criminals were "born" that way? I guess people can't change or be changed by others around them or their environment.

Anonymous 33144

>The law disagrees
Where?
> If it was impossible to murder without intent then why should we go such great lengths to prove it in the court of law?
We don't, murder by definition is killing with intent, killing without intent is manslaughter.
You can commit manslaughter by accident by running a person over with a car for example. In that case it is a simple accident, but there is no comparable scenario for cheating. There is no circumstance where you can have sex with someone purely by accident, you must CHOOSE to do it. You trying to conflate those two things is just more mental gymnastics.
>The artillery men who bombarded them, the US pilots who bombed them and shipmates who bombarded them never had to fear for their lives
The death tolls for the war would disagree. Either way even if they did not have to fear for their own lives they were still protecting the lives of their fellow soldiers. Once again you drum up these contrived scenarios.
Soldiers risk prison, death, or death of their allies in war.
You risk ABSOLUTELY NOTHING by not cheating on your partner. That is the critical. distinction that you refuse to acknowledge in an attempt to deflect responsibility from yourself. Nothing is forcing you to fuck some random guy.
>Hit a nerve? I mean I know you're stealing others works. How can you live with yourself knowing that peoples families depend on the content you consume for free? Don't you feel bad about it? The more I talk with you, the more I feel that you would be the kinda person that would cheat on someone under right circumstances. Like a psychopath would deny her psychopathy, you deny that it would be even possible. You know, the people who know what they're capable of usually don't break hearts or lie to others.
Asinine
>Oh I finally see it. You're one of those people who think criminals were "born" that way? I guess people can't change or be changed by others around them or their environment.
You see whatever will allow you to ignore the bad things you have done. The one and only point of that statement was that just because someone commits a petty offence does not NECESSITATE that they are capable of serious offences. You twisting that interpretation and trying to insult me is simply more mental gymnastics.

Anonymous 33145

>>33144
>Where?
>We don't, murder by definition is killing with intent, killing without intent is manslaughter.
>You can commit manslaughter by accident by running a person over with a car for example. In that case it is a simple accident, but there is no comparable scenario for cheating. There is no circumstance where you can have sex with someone purely by accident, you must CHOOSE to do it. You trying to conflate those two things is just more mental gymnastics.
Yeah, you're right. I got tripped on the words. However that does not change my original point. You can literally shoot and kill people without intent, why would cheating be any different? Were you to grab a gun, shoot someone and go to trial then the prosecutor would still have to prove intent. Why? Because people do that without intent, since google is full of manslaughter cases involving firearms, something designed to kill. Why would cheating be any different?
>The death tolls for the war would disagree.
Explain.
>Either way even if they did not have to fear for their own lives they were still protecting the lives of their fellow soldiers. Once again you drum up these contrived scenarios.
Shelling some poor village isn't protecting soldiers and they know it lmao. Bombs are not shields, they're designed to kill and maim people close to them. What about war on terror? You have drone operators swatting people in places without americans within hundred miles. You act like cheating is some form of unholy sacrilege commmitted by literal devils when normal people do far worse things.
>Asinine
>You see whatever will allow you to ignore the bad things you have done.
Again, I have never ever cheated on anyone. Never even used a text message to break up with someone so you can stop projecting.
>The one and only point of that statement was that just because someone commits a petty offence does not NECESSITATE that they are capable of serious offences. You twisting that interpretation and trying to insult me is simply more mental gymnastics.
But they are. If what you were saying was true then criminality as we know it would stem from the individual and not the environment. Nobody is saying that a petty thief would go to become the next Bundy overnight but that he is capable of killing. Why do you think most prisons try to segrate the violent inmates from nonviolent ones? Because if you go in with an DUI you can stay for an assault or murder. Why? Because it's the environment that makes the petty thief to do serious crimes and everyone is capable of it. If it wasn't like that then 1st world penal systems wouldn't be shaped around it.

If you don't want to read about it then watch the movie Shot caller.

Anonymous 33146

>>33145
>Yeah, you're right. I got tripped on the words. However that does not change my original point. You can literally shoot and kill people without intent, why would cheating be any different? Were you to grab a gun, shoot someone and go to trial then the prosecutor would still have to prove intent. Why? Because people do that without intent, since google is full of manslaughter cases involving firearms, something designed to kill. Why would cheating be any different?

If you are going to invoke these terms you should at least know what you are talking about. You are wrong about nearly everything you write here. Long term planning is not necessary for intent.
Someone who grabs a gun and shoots someone CHOSE to shoot them, there was no accident. It is impossible that this person would ever be considered for involuntary manslaughter. Once again your comparisons are idiotic.
>Explain.
Plenty of artillerymen and pilots died in that war.
>Shelling some poor village isn't protecting soldiers and they know it lmao. Bombs are not shields, they're designed to kill and maim people close to them.
It absolutely is, killing the enemy is preventing the enemy from being able to kill you or your comrades. You willfully ignore this obvious point.
>What about war on terror? You have drone operators swatting people in places without americans within hundred miles.
No one was drafted to fight in that war. In the event that they were military action by drone would still be reducing the enemy's ability to fight, therefore preventing danger for their allies.
> You act like cheating is some form of unholy sacrilege commmitted by literal devils when normal people do far worse things.
We have already established that people can kill with sufficient reason, defending themselves or their friends, but killing for no legitimate reason solely for personal gain is not something that a normal person could do. Once again, cheating is not comparable to any kind of defense, it is SOLELY an act of selfish desire. There are NO negative consequences for not cheating.
> If what you were saying was true then criminality as we know it would stem from the individual and not the environment.
It absolutely does stem from the individual, regardless of the environment surrounding them. A criminal action, aka not defending yourself or something similar, is something you must choose to do. Regardless of what made that person what they were in that moment when the crime was committed they are still absolutely responsible. No murderer ever got off of prison time by saying the reason he killed was because he was abused as a child, because he still CHOSE to do it. There are plenty of people who suffered similar childhoods as the hypothetical murderer and did not kill anyone. The same rule applies to cheating. No one is forcing you to cheat, there are no extenuating circumstances, and you are absolutely responsible for your choice to do it. You have free will, your environment does not 100% determine your actions.

Now that we have argued in circles for hours for the sake of you running from your mistakes, define in clear terms what exactly the circumstances are that would make a cheater completely free from responsibility. What scenario could there possibly be where the cheater had no choice in the matter or cheated somehow by accident? There are none.

Anonymous 33147

Capture.JPG

>>33146
here's the pic I meant to post

Anonymous 33150

>>33146
>Long term planning is not necessary for intent.
But it is used to prove it.
>Someone who grabs a gun and shoots someone CHOSE to shoot them, there was no accident. It is impossible that this person would ever be considered for involuntary manslaughter. Once again your comparisons are idiotic.
Google is your friend here. There are so many cases of people having manslaughter charges/convictions regarding firearms that I won't even bother linking them.

Also, the image you posted proves my point rather well. Voluntary manslaughter is killing of another person and typically does not require the intent to kill. You just keep saying cheating requires clear intent but if a manslaughter can happen without intent then surely cheating could too? You clearly avoid addressing this.
>Plenty of artillerymen and pilots died in that war.
Well that's not exactly true, I still fail to see your point here.
>It absolutely is, killing the enemy is preventing the enemy from being able to kill you or your comrades. You willfully ignore this obvious point.
So you think shelling those rice fields and villages in Vietnam was to protect the American soldiers? No matter how far they might have been?
>No one was drafted to fight in that war.
True, however drone operators are people too.
>In the event that they were military action by drone would still be reducing the enemy's ability to fight, therefore preventing danger for their allies.
Ability to fight what lmao. You are defending summarily bombing people, their homes and hospitals in their own country without a single american soldier in sight.

Like I said before, you're probably a psychopath. Do you really think killing innocent people for lulz is okay?
>We have already established that people can kill with sufficient reason, defending themselves or their friends, but killing for no legitimate reason solely for personal gain is not something that a normal person could do.
What do drone operators do then? What do USAF pilots do? They bomb people in countries that have no US or coalition troops in them. Why do they bomb them? To keep their jobs and pay, the very definition of personal gain. And those are normal people.
>Once again, cheating is not comparable to any kind of defense, it is SOLELY an act of selfish desire. There are NO negative consequences for not cheating.
Yes, and completely average people do worse things for even worse reasons.
>It absolutely does stem from the individual, regardless of the environment surrounding them. A criminal action, aka not defending yourself or something similar, is something you must choose to do.
Funny. You define morality based on penal code and then go off saying criminality is completely genetic. I guess you might even be able to upend few fields regarding psychology and sociology with those hot takes. Were you able to back them up it would be Nobel worthy.
>Regardless of what made that person what they were in that moment when the crime was committed they are still absolutely responsible.
Another hot take. I guess you are also against insanity defense. Also, you don't think minors should have lesser culpability? That's harsh. I have never ever met a person who could say that with a straight face.
>No murderer ever got off of prison time by saying the reason he killed was because he was abused as a child
They have. It's called a mitigating factor and can cut off years off the sentence. Even expressing remorse can do that.
>because he still CHOSE to do it. There are plenty of people who suffered similar childhoods as the hypothetical murderer and did not kill anyone.
Yes, but you are more likely to offend. You can't argue this.
>The same rule applies to cheating. No one is forcing you to cheat, there are no extenuating circumstances, and you are absolutely responsible for your choice to do it.
I don't think you know what the fuck you are talking about here. extenuating circumstances exist.
>You have free will, your environment does not 100% determine your actions.
If you really want to argue about this then go ahead but there studies that prove otherwise. There is a real, measurable latency between your "choices" and actions.

>Now that we have argued in circles for hours for the sake of you running from your mistakes, define in clear terms what exactly the circumstances are that would make a cheater completely free from responsibility. What scenario could there possibly be where the cheater had no choice in the matter or cheated somehow by accident? There are none.

I honestly don't know if you are a troll or a legitimate psychopath. I never even said cheaters wouldn't be responsible for their actions, just that anyone can cheat.

Anonymous 33151

>>33150
>Voluntary manslaughter is killing of another person and typically does not require the intent to kill.
You ignore "the intent to do something else". Which means you did not intend to kill someone but did by accident. For example you get in a fight and knock the other person to the ground, he hits his head on concrete and dies. That would be manslaughter. Shooting someone with a gun would NEVER be manslaughter except in cases of accidental discharge. Walking up to someone and shooting them as you describe is as far from an accidental discharge as you can get.
>You clearly avoid addressing this.
No, you just don't understand what you are even arguing.
>Well that's not exactly true, I still fail to see your point here.

Yes, it is. The point is that pilots and artillerymen were in danger of death just like any other.
>So you think shelling those rice fields and villages in Vietnam was to protect the American soldiers? No matter how far they might have been?
It served the purpose of doing that. The artillerymen did not choose to be put in that position and the ground troops they were providing support for did not choose to be in their position either. Within the context of what the situation permitted them they were absolutely killing to prevent being killed themselves. If the president or generals commanding them had immoral purposes in their commands that blame cannot be placed on the lowly soldier. The vietnamese clearly had more justified reason to fight that war, but even they were being used for nefarious purposes by the USSR and communist china, that does not mean that they were wrong to fight it.

>Ability to fight what lmao. You are defending summarily bombing people, their homes and hospitals in their own country without a single american soldier in sight.

They are a hostile force, and present a threat. Even if they weren't it's ultimately irrelevant because we are not arguing about the morality of the overall strategic decisions by the leadership of that war but what responsibility the soldiers on the ground have for it.
>What do drone operators do then? What do USAF pilots do? They bomb people in countries that have no US or coalition troops in them. Why do they bomb them? To keep their jobs and pay, the very definition of personal gain. And those are normal people.
Asinine and willfully ignorant interpretation. If you are going to continue to elevate this extremely contrived example to large scale geopolitics you are clearly reaching. No military action is done "for the lulz".
>Funny. You define morality based on penal code and then go off saying criminality is completely genetic.
No one said anything about genetics. You're just pulling more things out of your ass. Criminals are responsible for their actions, if they weren't there would be no reason to prosecute them.
>Another hot take. I guess you are also against insanity defense. Also, you don't think minors should have lesser culpability?
>They have. It's called a mitigating factor and can cut off years off the sentence. Even expressing remorse can do that.
The point is that they never got off with no punishment, so clearly their choices are recognized as their responsibility.
>Yes, but you are more likely to offend. You can't argue this.
It doesn't matter, it is still your choice to do it. Like I said plenty of people choose not to.
>If you really want to argue about this then go ahead but there studies that prove otherwise.
You want me to prove that people have free will and are not slaves to their environment? Do you not recognize that people can make their own choices?

>I never even said cheaters wouldn't be responsible for their actions, just that anyone can cheat.

It sure sounds that way since the entire time you have been trying to frame cheating as something that can happen purely by accident. And also have been claiming that a person's environment entirely determines their actions.

Equating some forms of cheating to involuntary manslaughter directly implies you believe it possible to cheat purely by accident. I want you to describe a situation where that would be possible.

Anonymous 33152

>>33136
>You just haven't been there.
Bullshit. I have been there plenty of times. I had a really emotionally abusive bf in high school, I know he wasn't doing it out of malice but he was an insecure fucker. I remember getting really drunk and some dude trying to go in for a kiss. This guy was really nice, he was my friends brother. Really cute too, we shared a lot of interests also. I didn't love my bf at the time and soon broke up with him. Did I cheat on him that night? No.
Currently I'm in an ldr, this relationship completely relies on trust. I could do plenty of things behind my boyfriends back. Will I? No, I'm not a weakass bitch. Cheaters don't deserve a second chance in the same relationship, fuck them, end of story.

Anonymous 33153

>>33150
>You just keep saying cheating requires clear intent but if a manslaughter can happen without intent then surely cheating could too? You clearly avoid addressing this.
NTA but listen to me my dude. You can be driving a car and a person runs in front of it and dies. That's as far as my understanding of the law (it's not really good) involuntary manslaughter right? You had no intent to kill, you couldn't react in time. Cheating has no such concept. The only involuntary act of cheating would be if some dude pretended to be your boyfriend/husband very convincingly so, and you had sex with him. There, you just cheated without intending to.
That said, comparing cheating to crime just won't do in my opinion. The act of cheating isn't bad by itself, it's just sex. Technically nobody is getting hurt here (physically). It's pure self indulgence, everyone is making out of it alive and the cheater can stay safe knowing that. Let's put a pin on that.
When you cheat, you make the conscious decision to have sex with someone that's not you partner. You can't cheat unintentionally/involuntarily unless some wacky anime plot is going on. You partner doesn't even ever have to know that you cheated and everything would stay the same, technically speaking. HOWEVER. When you entered the relationship you signed a silent contract. That contract says "I'm a decent human being and will not cheat because that goes against the trust we build as we're together". When you cheat, you break that contract, you breach your partner's trust. You partner can forgive you if you choose to tell them but… let's go back to the pin. That pin will always linger in the back of your partner's mind. Cheating is oh so easy to do because there are no negative consequences, besides that invisible contract. Why wouldn't you do it again? This is why cheating is so hard to forgive, because it's so easy to do. People can change but how long does it take? Another moment of weakness and you could just do it again. This is why you can't compare cheating to a crime. Crimes have laws stopping you, cheating has none. It only has you, and your nature given self control.
Don't get me wrong, I believe people can change, but I also believe they should get out of the relationship they cheated in. They need to change their environment because clearly something was wrong in that relationship if they cheated. And the person that got cheated on doesn't deserve to suffer more but they'll probably be damaged for life. Knowing they weren't good enough. Knowing their partner did things behind their back. Some people never trust their future partners fully. That pin will stay with them forever most likely.

Anonymous 33154

>>33153
>The only involuntary act of cheating would be if some dude pretended to be your boyfriend/husband very convincingly so, and you had sex with him. There, you just cheated without intending to.
I am 95% sure that is rape, in most western countries at least.

Anonymous 33155

>>33154
Kek exactly, which is why I just can't imagine how that anon sees involuntary cheating as possible, it's just ridiculous.

Anonymous 33156

>>33155
Actual sluts will always try to justify their behavior I guess, which is a ridiculously think to do in a female site. You're not fooling anybody sweetie.

Anonymous 33157

>>33155
I never said cheating was ever involuntary. Why y'all have to twist my words?

Anonymous 33158

>>33157
>Cheating is usually an accident and everyone of us can end up doing it.
Well somebody said this. How can cheating be an accident? Nobody ever cheats without intending to cheat, unwillingly, accidentally, involuntarily, whichever other synonym you want to apply to it. You can't just come to your senses to find another mans dick inside your body and think "OOPS! I didn't mean to find myself in this situation" without it being classified as rape. That's not cheating. Cheating is always intended and purposeful with the cheater knowing what they're doing.
And if I'm wrong, do give me an example of a person "accidentally" cheating on somebody that doesn't coincide with rape

Anonymous 33162

>>33139
>What about you downloading music, games or shows?
That's like cheating on a sex doll.

Anonymous 33163

>>33158
What if you're changing in the bathroom and reach over for a towel. While you do this a friend is in your house and he trips over his shoes. He then goes tumbling around trying not to fall. In the chaos his pants falls off and he opens the bathroom door and lands on top of you.

I think I solved the case of an accidental cheating.

Anonymous 33164

>>33163
Hey I totally took care of that here
>You can't cheat unintentionally/involuntarily unless some wacky anime plot is going on.
But good point ok you win

Anonymous 33165

>>33164
Well shit my bad. I'll take 2nd place then.

Anonymous 33166

>>33163
>He then goes tumbling around trying not to fall. In the chaos his pants falls off and he opens the bathroom door and lands on top of you.
How do I make this happen? I'm single if that helps.

Anonymous 33167

>>33166
In most anime I think this exclusively happens to single women. Now you just have to figure out how to get into an anime.

Anonymous 33168

>>33167
Isn't the most common way to enter an anime is to be hit by truck-kun? Doesn't sound fun in all honesty.

Anonymous 33169

>>33168
Neither does living outside of anime.

Anonymous 33176

>>33158
>You can't just come to your senses to find another mans dick inside your body and think "OOPS! I didn't mean to find myself in this situation" without it being classified as rape.
But you can. I forget a lot of things while drunk, I don't think it's that far fetched to assume that you could forget being in a relationship

Anonymous 33178

>>33176
Either you're a troll or you cheated and you're trying to justify it over an anonymous message board.

Anonymous 33180

EERxdfoW4AAS9T2.jp…

Martinez couldn't have said it any better
>Step 7, and this goes through 11:
If you cheat you will die
>die
:)

Anonymous 33194

>>33176
>I don't think it's that far fetched to assume that you could forget being in a relationship
Yup, it's b8

Anonymous 33273

dear diary.png

>>33088
>hehe I'm talking to this person more and more over messages, you know, as friends
>hehe our conversation is getting more intimate, I start complaining about [partner], we start saying we like each other every sentence, but, you know, just friend!
>hehe we're meeting up alone in their house, as friends!
>cuddling while watching netflix, as friends!
>they have their hand on my waist,you know, as a friend!
>our eyes lock as we're cuddling and our faces are inches apart, friends!
>oh my god oh my god we're kissing now how did this happen I can't believe this it's like an accident or something
>uh oh I'm too lusty to not take my cloths off
>oh wow I can't believe we fucked on accident
bonus points for
>in retrospect, it was [partner]'s fault, phew, good thing too, otherwise I'd be at fault.

I used 'they' because this mentality is surprisingly common among both sexes of any orientation.
Seriously, it's one thing to be a cheater, but it's far worse to try and excuse it as an 'accident' like you're not a functional adult with more than 3 neurons rattling around in your brain.

Anonymous 33276

>>33273
How is what you described anything other than an accident? You make it sound like their modus moderandi was to cheat all along.

Anonymous 33288

>>33276
Look, the first line is debatable, but from the second line onward it's perfectly obvious to both parties there's an attraction happening, I'd even go as far as say it borders on emotional cheating.
A human being with both a basic cognitive ability and morals will recognize this and will either stop engaging the other person in such a way or will break up with their partner to pursue this new relationship.
Only so much can be attributed to getting lost in the moment and thinking with your vagina (as if that would be an excuse), meeting up with a person, going on definitely-not-dates and going to their house to cuddle aren't things you can do purely in the heat of the moment, they take rational planning and agreeing.
Granted, when I was an early teen I thought you can cuddle with people just as friends, but I was a retard back then, and any adult should know better than that.

The only people who try and tell people cheating can be done accidentally are cheaters trying to get away from being considered worthless human beings and partners who were gaslighted by said cheater, and only one of those genuinely believes it, can you guess which one?

Anonymous 33296

>>33288
There is nothing wrong with being attracted to someone else though. Some people just are more susceptible to something like that and it's no reason to cut off a good friendship.

Limiting the people you meet and talk to just to make sure you don't accidentally fuck them sounds so tiring. Nobody should have to go through that.
>meeting up with a person, going on definitely-not-dates and going to their house to cuddle aren't things you can do purely in the heat of the moment, they take rational planning and agreeing.
Yes, but those are not the only settings where people cheat.

Does your Bf forbid you partying as well?

Anonymous 33297

>>33296
The point is none of that is accidental.

Anonymous 33309

>>33296
There's nothing wrong with meeting people (even if they're of the opposite sex) and you'd have to be completely delusional to think people can't be attracted to other people while in another relationship.
But there are situations where things will clearly lead to fucking between two adults.
I have guy friends and I sometimes even hang out with some 1 on 1, but I would never go to their house alone for us to cuddle and If the conversation goes into "aww you're so sweet why can't my bf be like you?" than I know I need to stop ASAP, because that shit is not cool.

The point I was trying to make isn't "cut off every male friend you have" you idiot, it's that cheating can't be done on accident, both parties know exactly what they're getting into and if you have the tiniest bit of self control and respect for your bf you'll know not to enter situations like these.
If you're attracted to a guy but you're "just friends" but you're also sending each other kissing emojis and cuddling while alone in his house, than you know exactly what you're doing.

Purely out of curiosity, did you ever cheat on someone? you know, "on accident"?

Anonymous 33342

gustave_dore_infer…

>>33007
only pussies and retards or just straight up evil cheat, just break up with your partner mongoloid

Anonymous 33353

>>33309
>but I would never go to their house alone for us to cuddle
Well yeah, me neither. Not to cuddle at lesst.
>and If the conversation goes into "aww you're so sweet why can't my bf be like you?" than I know I need to stop ASAP, because that shit is not cool.
Nothing wrong with just talking but then again I don't believe in "emotional" cheating.
>that cheating can't be done on accident, both parties know exactly what they're getting into and if you have the tiniest bit of self control and respect for your bf you'll know not to enter situations like these.
Not everyone has your life experience to know better.
>If you're attracted to a guy but you're "just friends" but you're also sending each other kissing emojis and cuddling while alone in his house, than you know exactly what you're doing.
Or it can be emotional support when one goes through a rough patch. I have done that and it didn't lead into sex. Good friend can sometimes be better for it than a new bf.
>Purely out of curiosity, did you ever cheat on someone? you know, "on accident"?
I wouldn't cheat, even accidentally.

Anonymous 33367

>>33070
Naturally she should break up with her boyfriend, feeling undesired or being insulted is not a healthy way to live.
But people often fantasize about doing "bad things" as a form of escapism. I've thought about slapping my boss, cussing out a loved one, etc. but I take a deep breath and let a cooler head prevail. Thinking about it is just escapism.

Anonymous 33392

I get cheated on in every single relationship I get into by my boyfriend lusting over a Stacy that won't reciprocate my boyfriend's affections.

An unrequited love scenario where the Stacy doesn't reciprocate, and they always get obsessive with trying to get them to return their affection via long romantic letters, songs, spending more time with her than me (I mean for literal months, I'm second best to my own boyfriend), trying to have sex with her all the time and being denied (karma), etc.

My most recent boyfriend when I caught him just said that he just felt an overwhelming desire to earn her approval, whatever that means.

They're always brunette with brown eyes, wear glasses, are "thick", are lewd/ sexually open, loud, extroverted, and fun… Basically the antithesis of me.

It is kind of weird how this describes literally every girl I've been cheated on for. It makes me fucking insecure because of the types of girls they are. They're always super popular, loud, and sexually open and adventurous. It isn't really about looks… more so that they're just eh, more exciting than me, I guess.

I've given up on relationships. It's weird how the same thing keeps happening, in 4 relationships so far. It's uncanny.

Anonymous 33413

>>33392
Have you considered cheating them back?

Anonymous 33593

>>33013
Sorry, you're wrong. Punishment is by stoning.

>>33012
Based. Adultery is made out of two sins, fornication and betrayal (the worst one).
To betray a relationship based on love (purest feeling) is almost blasphemous to my eyes and I wouldn't mind having all adulterers die a painful death.

>>33016
Just leave your goy friend if he doesn't like you and literally only use you for sex.

Anonymous 33804

>>33392
>antithesis of me
What are you like exactly?

Anonymous 33805

I don't know how people can cheat. What I mean is, I can't even find one person that wants me, let alone two.

If I had to say, I don't see a difference between cheating and having sex before the relationship. In a way, you've had sex with someone else, you could just as easily be thinking of them during sex with a different person.

Anonymous 33806

>>33805
>you could just as easily be thinking of them during sex with a different person.
You could be thinking of this even if you've never had sex with anyone before your partner though.

Anonymous 33817

I'm in an LDR and worry about this a lot. He always seems distant, but I know he's just busy with real life and I'm being insecure.

I think cheating completely violates trust. Even if you have the thoughts or the urges, that's one thing – but to follow through and actually do it, is another. As someone who's been hurt by it before, it's a terrible feeling and the anxiety of it happening again doesn't always go away. Like someone else said, in LDRs especially, the opportunities are there and it's easy to get away with, so trust is everything. It's the same in face to face relationships, but harder to get away with…

Just don't do it. Break up with someone if you want to be with someone else.

Anonymous 33824

>>33805
Are you downplaying cheating or condemning ever having multiple sexual partners?

Anonymous 33829

>>33824
Both, and also neither.

My own personal bias is that I don't want to share, it's because I fucked my brain up with the concept of ~true love~. I do like the idea of being someone's one and only, and vice versa, but I'm too old for this to be a reality, and it seems like no one really thinks like this anymore except for religious zealots, but I'm not religious.

I guess all in all it doesn't matter though. I don't see much difference between the two; just that one is having sex with someone else before the relationship, the other is doing it during.

The only way cheating really could "affect" the relationship is if the cheater has enough sex on the side to not want any sex with the partner. Otherwise, suppose your partner is still quite virile, and it still bothers you, even if you're still getting sex, then it bothers you because of jealousy. Why feel more jealousy for something in the now, but not for something in the past? "People change" seems like a weird answer, because if that's the case, then you could reason that their sudden cheating frenzy is "just a phase" and they'll eventually change and settle down too.

I'm not at all condoning cheating, I find it disgusting, I find any kind of lecherous behaviour despicable. But when I look at it from a removed state like this (which is the only way I can really look at relationships), I don't see it as any different from having past sexual partners, since it's primarily jealousy that upsets the other. The problem is that this really irks me, and I think I'll always feel betrayed by someone if they ever have sex with someone other than me, even if it was long before we meet, which is a feeling I really wish I could shake and grow out of.

Anonymous 33830

>>33829
Really happy to see I'm not the only crazy one.

Anonymous 33845

>>33830
This is actually really validating, thank you.

Anonymous 33847

>>33845
I've honestly just been a part of these communities to find somebody else that thinks like this. I read your post and thought "Wow. There they are". Kinda surreal.

Anonymous 33848

>>33847
I find it flattering you read the whole post, and it's nice that I articulated myself well enough that you seemed to resonate with what I said.

I like cc, not necessarily because I might find someone like you who shares my thoughts (though it's nice to feel less alone/crazy), but because people here are genuine. That's what I like about anonymity, even if it's something like 4chan. Yeah some people will abuse anonymity to be jerks, but there's no "punishment" for not holding a common opinion, other than maybe being told you're wrong/stupid.

There isn't a karma system, like Reddit, where people will ostracise you if you don't follow the hivemind. To elaborate, it's far too easy for someone to just offhandedly upvote or downvote something based on whether they agree/disagree with it. It takes 2 seconds and little thought or constructive criticism. This creates a hivemind wherein people will lean towards popular opinion, but that opinion is founded on instinctive feelings, rather than facts and reason (I know this is a memey Ben Shapiro-esque point to make but pls bare with me). With image boards, if you want to tell someone they're wrong, and have your view be respected, you need to enunciate what it is that's wrong, otherwise you may as well be memeing.

I went to a climate rally a month or so ago to see what it was like. Everyone there was pro climate action (as am I), but I soon realised they were only doing it because it was "cool". They didn't know the climate science at even a basic level, they couldn't refute basic talking points. This terrifies me. It terrifies me because, yes they're on the correct side (imo), but they argue as though they're on the wrong side. They resort to stuff like "ok boomer" when they don't know how to refute basic stupid neocon talking points. People just follow trends without questioning them. I always thought "people are sheep", and I know it's edgy and all, but there's a point where you realise how easily manipulated we all are and it makes me feel so hopeless.

Anyway, to tie it back with the topic at hand, I have tried expressing my views on cheating elsewhere, I'm almost always flooded with negative reactions and people telling me I'm just wrong and that if I had sex I'd realise it didn't matter. They never give explanations. It's nice that I've found someone that feels the same way I do. I also wouldn't mind if someone disagreed with me, as long as they could reason why I'm wrong, and could point out the flaw I made in my train of thought. It's part why I write such longass damn replies, because I want to explain myself as best I can so that someone can tell me where I'm wrong. I do wish I could be more concise with my writing instead of just vomiting my thoughts everywhere.

Anonymous 33849

>>33848
I really like challenging my own viewpoints. I was going to go off-topic ranting about "fake atheism" but I feel like we're going too far off. Maybe we can talk elsewhere?

On topic: I don't think normal people can afford to believe in the "sex before a relationship is similar to cheating" viewpoint. Most people in the dating scene have had sex already (whether casually or in a long-term relationship). They still understand that sex with people you are not currently dating = bad. They can't change the past, so they try to minimize the amount of "cheating" by working with the present. It's as close as a non-virgin can get, and everybody is expected to do the best they can.
Maybe calling people out on it is cruel? Or does their lack of foresight warrant criticism?

Anonymous 33850

>>33849
We are definitely getting off topic, if you want to be digital penpals I made a throwaway discord, GreenCandle#9293, I think we might have an interesting conversation.

You're right, they probably can't afford it. The thing is, if no one expresses this idea, then everyone will just make the same mistake. I think some people don't see a problem with it, and I envy them, because it would probably be nice not to care about something that should be this trivial.

I don't think anyone really deserves criticism. I'm still prone to judge people, I try judge as little as I can. I know that mistakes are unavoidable, and that everything that happens happens out of necessity. In the heat of the moment, things seem like free will, but you can always look back in hindsight and reason that there was no other way things could have happened. This is true for cheating, it's true for horrible acts just as it's true for all those good and noble acts. If you don't want to talk that's also fine. I just sent the throwaway because I didn't want to risk being spammed by trolls on any of my main accounts lol.

Anonymous 33860

>>33829
Ever heard of loyalty?

Anonymous 33884

>>33850
I went to sleep after I posted, so I added you a quite bit later.

While I believe determinism is true, I think it's it's kind of a pointless viewpoint. The illusion of free will is good enough for physical beings like us. We should conduct ourselves in a way that others and ourselves won't be ashamed of.

Anonymous 33885

From personal experience it's better to end the relationship.
I've emotionally cheated and I feel scummy from it. I couldn't commit to the act of psychical cheating because I was too scared. Goes to show you I'm a coward. I wish I had the guts to just leave the relationship at the time then looking for a excuses.

Anonymous 33906

>>33071
He was dumb enough to tell me he doesnt meet her anymore, later on he was texting her when i was dozing next to him

Anonymous 33907

Dont make me come …

>>33075
Fuck off



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