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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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ex bf broke up with me keeps contacting me Anonymous 36135

Ex bf broke up with me because I did something that hurt him.
So I accepted that he didn't want to get back with me and went no contact.
The bitch keeps breaking no contact and messaging me.
However, everytime the same situation happens: he tells me he misses talking to me/miss me or some variation of that, I want to get back with him, he tells me he doesn't want to get back with me. He keeps telling me he wants to stay friends and not lose contact with me because I am important to him. I get mad and tell him never contact me again. He keeps contacting me, however, the no contact time period has gotten longer and longer and it's pissing me off. First we went less than a week, then 2 weeks, then 4 weeks, now it's been about 7 weeks and he contacted me once again.
I haven't replied or left him on read because I got school shit to worry about. I haven't left him on read so he doesn't know if I read it or not.
What the fuck sick game is he playing. This shit is pissing me off. I am too weak to leave him on block forever because I still want to get back with him. What do.

Anonymous 36140

I have low will power to do that. I really want him back. I want to understand why he keeps messaging me.

Anonymous 36141


You went through 7 weeks of no contact. You can do it. It takes 10 minutes of decent inner strength. Whatever it is you did to hurt him, even if you did get back with him, you’ve fucked it up. What’s left of a relationship won’t be healthy. Phone number, snap, ig, email, takes 30 seconds to do each. Done and done.

Anonymous 36144

Why the fuck does he keep texting me he knows how much it hurts me everytime. Although he’s a fucking dumbass who doesn’t think so he probably doesn’t realize this.

Anonymous 36145

He knows what he's doing, he knows it hurts you. That's the point. He wants to hurt you, he wants to "stay friends" so he can shove any accomplishments he makes in your face, and call it sharing his life. Like others have said you need to cut contact

Anonymous 36146

why so cynical?
maybe he just genuinely likes her and wants to keep in touch and doesn't realise how op feels?

but op, don't play this game of indecisiveness. you want a relationship and he just wants friendship.
think whether you'd be fine with that. if not, cut him out. it's on use then. having further contact with him is just going to make unhappy

Anonymous 36149

He's actually too dumb to be cynical. He would never stoop that low and try to hurt me. He just keeps wanting to be friends but I cannot honestly believe that he genuinely wants to be friends.

Yeah he has told me many times that I am important to him and that he genuinely likes me as a person and misses talking to me. It seems like he just wants friendship but I can't fully believe that. If he just wanted to be friends he would have respected by wishes of never talking to him again. But I feel like there's definitely some leftover romantic feelings for me and he just wants to keep me around and not let me go cause it's too much to handle.

On my side, it's all or nothing, either relationship or don't talk to me. Logically, I know that this is bad way to deal with things. However, my emotional side struggles to understand my logical side and does as it pleases. In order to not get hurt again, I am not going to talk to him for the time being. Right now I just want to know why tf he keeps wanting to be friends. All my other friends never pushed to stay friends with me. They accepted that I left and that was that. So I cannot believe that he's contacting me just because he wants me as a friend I feel like there's more to it.

Anonymous 36181

You keep insulting your ex, you keep calling him dumb, you seem horribly mean and it’s no wonder he broke up with you. He should do himself a favor and stop trying to talk to you

It’s your fault, help him by permanently blocking him and move on

Anonymous 36182

it's wrong of him to do this since he should be aware that if you're ever only gonna be friends, you'll need time to move on. i'm in a similar situation to him as i broke up with my partner a while ago and would like to remain friends with him .. except i'm giving him the time he needs to move on by minimising contact with him. he really should be doing the same. i hope you'll find the strength to block and keep it that way for a long while anon! like >>36141 said, you already got through 7 weeks which is an insanely long time. it sounds like he needs to move on from his feelings too though, whether they're romantic or not

Anonymous 36183

Poor guy. It seems like he just wanted friendship from the very begining.

Anonymous 36185

yeah cause I am pissed he's doing this toxic shit to me when he knows I am so attached to him. But I also know he's a genuinely good guy and will always defend him and trust him. It's just this situation sucks right now.

I just got told it was my fault :/
My idea is that he wants to stay friends and doesn't want to let me go but if he really wants to be friends he should be able to wait. I had suggested we talk again in 4 months to a year so I could get over him and he said he didn't want to wait a year. He said he'd try not to message me till then. But obvs later during the convo I got mad and changed my mind and said don't ever contact me again.

No, we were together for 2 years and he truly loved me but now he doesn't want to let go I think.

Anonymous 36186

If he wants to be friends so bad then has has to respect that I need a lot of time to get over him. But he is not respecting that at all.

Him wanting to be friends when I know he is not fully over me is just him not wanting to let go of me.

Anonymous 36201

>If he wants to be friends so bad then has has to respect that I need a lot of time to get over him
I just don't get where that rule comes from. Does he know it at all? Does it exists outside your head?

Anonymous 36202

Just block the retard and move on. You clearly still have feelings from him and he's stringing you along because it gives him a power trip. Don't give him the satisfaction.

Anonymous 36203

It's not a rule. I told him if he wanted to be friends I needed time to get over him so it doesn't hurt. I said 4months - a year might be enough and here he is texting me a simple "yo" to probably check up on me

I would block him but I feel like he still loves me and if he comes back then my only chance is now to convince him to comeback. My fear is that I'll try all I can and it still won't be enough. I am also not confident if he still has enough love for me that he would change his mind and date me again.
Also you right about the power trip probably.

Anonymous 36205

I know this is dumb but I want to know what he's thinking and feeling. Was wondering if anyone here had a good idea about it. I don't want to directly ask him cause that means breaking no contact and I have done so well so far.

Anonymous 36212

idk. i have no idea what person he is and what you've been through together.

Anonymous 36238

It seems like he doesn't want to end things. Everyone here is being so cynical, but I've been hurt before, and it's hard to forgive the person and trust them again. It's hard to, but you want to, especially if you love them. The best way to regrow that relationship to something strong is to start again from friends. In my experience, it didn't work the second time around, but you sound young, and you have plenty of time to make mistakes and learn. It's ultimately up to you, but you shouldn't worry too much about which path you take, because each path has its regrets.

Anonymous 36283

I'm 21 I don't know if you considered that young. The problem with continuing to be friends with him would mean that he would be fine with just staying friends and not want to get back into a relationship. He'd be comfortable having me around all the time.

Anonymous 36284

yeah you right, but I was curious if any of these signs would hopefully help people decide if he's just teetering on either side or he leans more towards one side or something.

Anonymous 36349

>What the fuck sick game is he playing.
Have you considered the possibility he legitimately just wants to be friends with you, and that it's your problem to decide if you only want him as a lover and not a friend? It's completely possible he's trying to fuck with you, but I think it's more likely that you can't let the relationship go.

Anonymous 36384

I have, but something in me tells me that he still has feelings and I feel like if I play my cards right I can get him back.

Anonymous 36389

That's exactly what I'm talking about. As stated here,
>but something in me tells me that he still has feelings
People confuse their mental image of someone for that person in actuality. People project their wants onto others and then get upset when their mental image doesn't line up with the actual person. It's up to you to take him at his word and accept that, and if his word is bad, he's lying, and you shouldn't talk to him anyway. The only person making you angry here is yourself, his messages are most likely just a catalyst with him being completely unaware of it's effect on you.

Anonymous 36761

What did you do?

If it wasn't that bad he probably wants you back deep down. If it was really bad he might be trying to hurt you.

Anonymous 36771

He's a beta who still wants you emtionally but rationally knows he doesn't want you because you hurt him. The ball is in your court, if you want to get back with him, throw him a bone. He'll break down soon.

Anonymous 36808

What about letting him play his game for a while? Like become friends with him, meet him talk to him irl etc.
If he really is dumb, he may truly believe that he wants you only as a friend. Another possibility is that he`s scared of hetting hurt once again, so he`s bitching about not wanting you as his gf.
Not sure if my advices would help you since the time gone, anyway im interested in how this whole situation turned out.

Anonymous 37162

I broke down and begged for him back as usual and tried to use logic and emotional appeal and it didn't work. He said he really wishes he could go back but he's too hurt by what I did to get back with me. He did say he still had some feelings and he's not fully over me. He said the days where he has dreams of me and wakes up, he struggles with those days.

He's a sweet guy I know he's not trying to hurt me.
He said he cares about me and he said he forgives me as a person but not as a lover

yeah rationally he thinks he cant get back but I was hoping emotionally he wants me back. He loves the memories we made together I'm sure.

I live 2 hours away from him. I don't think he's scared of getting hurt again he just hates what I did so much and he's hurt by it enough that he said he'll never be able to get over it. I didn't cheat on him btw. It was during when we were broken up so technically not cheating but I can see how messed up it was that I did that.
I talked to him for like a week and broke it off once again cause it didn't seem like anything I did was working.

Anonymous 37179

Are you fucking kidding me. I’ve been leaving him alone and he keeps fucking begging me to be friends with him but DOESNT want a relationship. If he really wanted to be my friend he should leave me the fuck alone for like 5 months so I can get over him but he keeps messaging me out of the blue but after longer periods of time each time.

Anonymous 37325

He is a male. He definitely doesn't want to be "just friends". If he was hurt he just cant let go and still wants to fuck. Know about her life and fuck. But at the same time, cant trust her anymore enough. This will end when he found someone he can connect to a deeper level.

Anonymous 37337

I know he's a male but he isn't that horny that he wanted to keep me around. He said he forgives me as a friend but not as a lover. And we live far apart from each other currently so I know for sure he isn't keeping me around just for that.

Anonymous 37359


Having been on the other side of the coin, with him living 1 min next to me. I couldn't let go of him, but the trust was gone. Yet still having feelings for him. My behaviour changed after I found someone who wasn't a total fuckboy. Stopped contacting him. I think it may be oneitis on his part mixed with feelings. What he does is not reliable. Just let it go. If you really belong together you can start something again in 2 years.
Sometimes you have to take care in yourself. Which means take action and dont stay passive as you do now. As in block and decide yourself what you want and what is possible. This is also a mayor change to mature as a person.


I believe you should keep contact but just a bit, you said you did something to hurt him, though I bet you are hurting most. The best thing to do to get over someone or something is to allow yourselves back in and know your limits. It might hurt you, but you will be growing much more than hurting.

Anonymous 37477

>He's a sweet guy I know he's not trying to hurt me.
You'd be surprised to find what sweet guys can do if they get hurt or angry enough. Betrayal is the quickest way to turn love into hate and the more you loved someone who betrayed you the more you can hate them.

You don't want to say what you did to him so I'm guessing it's something pretty fucked up, if that's the case, if it's something that breaks the trust in a relationship then you should block him on everything because that relationship is never going to be the same as before, whether he's trying to hurt you or he just wants to stay friends or he still has feelings for you. Sadly some things cannot be repaired.

Anonymous 37491

Give him an ultimatum. Tell him that you like him and want to get back together. If he says that he doesn't want to tell him to cut contact and block him. Unless you do this he will keep torturing you with it even if it isn't his intention

Anonymous 37539

Anonymous 37685

been two weeks since we last talked and I still miss him and want him back this sucks. Feels like he keeps teasing and torturing me by contacting me with bigger time periods saying that he wants to be friends.

Anonymous 44218

UPDATE: We’re back together and happy haha

Anonymous 44229

Happy for you anon

Anonymous 44264

You are going to break up again in like 3 months.

Anonymous 44283

Oh honey no

Anonymous 44284

You never know whats true or false in an imageboard just saying. So personally I don't believe it. I think OP was wiser and cut the crap, the post is more than 4 months old ffs.

Pics or didn't happen.

Anonymous 48190

any updates anon?

Anonymous 48478

hell fucking yeah
he reached out to me and was like I kinda want to date but take it slow so now were dating again and have been for 4 months and everything is going great. We have much better communication this time around and I am a lot calmer with him.

Anonymous 48480

sorry to keep this thread alive. I hope it dies out now that things are going great between us. Thanks for reading my rants and post :)

Anonymous 48633


Okay I’m pretty pissed. I wrote a reply to this thread before but for some fucking reason my reply got deleted (and for no fucking reason)
So I’ll post it again:
Congratulations hurray for you, go screw your brains out because you got your ex back, not so many of us are lucky to have something like that happen, so congratulations

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