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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Bisexual feels Anonymous 3718

Dear miners, help me out?

I'm so confused by my sexuality. I admitted to myself that I'm attracted to girls when I was 14 and came out as lesbian to my family because I didn't know bisexuality was a real thing. Later I realized that and have been living as bi ever since (10+ years). I never dealt with anything but casual homophobia and have had a supportive environment.

I have been in love with several women and several men, but the majority of my dating experience has been with men. I'm a femme who likes other femmes, so it's hard to be recognized as a wlw without outright stating it, so that may have something to do with it. Dating men is easy. But I'm not attracted to male bodies; I can appreciate a handsome face and a good body, but when it comes to women, I can find something attractive or endearing in almost any of them. On the other hand, I don't have as much of a sex drive with women - though I wonder if my sex life with men is tainted by my need for validation, so I have more sex to be a sexy sex-having cool girl, not because I want it all the time? Man, I don't know. I do know that I prefer penises, but I haven't had an ongoing sexual relationship with a woman, only long-distance dating or flings, so there is a lot left to discover.

I wonder if I can ever be truly happy dating one or the other. When I'm with a man, I miss femininity, but I'm drawn to the easier social structures that come with heterosexual relationships and being pursued and submitting to the man, so to speak. I guess I have a lot of internalized sexism to deal with, but that's another story. When it comes down to it though, f/f relationships seem so right and true to me, and I fear that I may just be buying into the romantization of lesbian relationships. I feel like such a fraud and like I can't be happy either way. I currently have a boyfriend and he doesn't mind me being with girls casually, but he wouldn't like me being emotionally involved with someone else no matter their gender.

What am I? Do I keep dating men and missing being with a woman? Do I date women and feel like a fraud for being less sexual and missing dick?

Anonymous 3720

Anon, I'm pretty much the same as you to some extent. I don't have much sexual experience to know what I prefer or not even though I've already had sex with a female, and on the other hand feel very attracted to men and enjoy penetration. I fall in love with men and women. When I'm with a girl I don't miss men though. Same when I'm with a man, I don't really miss women. I focus solely on my partner. That's ok by me, especially because my current partner wouldn't want me with another person no matter what. Sorry if I don't have any advice to give, I'm just letting you know you're not alone.
By reading your post one can say you're just bi, and that's it. I mean, ask any lesbian and she's gonna say you're not lesbian since you like penises and men. Maybe you're just confused, or have a preference for women, and haven't realized that yet. Many bisexuals have a preference for one gender, which is what you're probably realizing now.
Anyway, good luck!

Anonymous 42307

I'm bisexual and I married a woman. BE. HETERO. I would give anything to be in a straight relationship with the chance to have a kid. Whatever I chose kind of sucks. I love my wife but I do regret my life somewhat.
>I know that I prefer penises
Don't waste your time with homosexuality, then. This is from a woman who cares and who would take it all back if she could. Don't waste your time with this delusional non-issue that is being fed to you from all possible outlets. Of course people find others of the same sex attractive, it's only natural.

Anonymous 42312

Wow. Are all the charts and statistics actually true?

Anonymous 42315

I don't know what you're referring to.

Anonymous 42318

The ones enforcing the stereotypes about abuse, cheating and divorces. It sounds like you're suffering.

Anonymous 42320

bisexual study.png



What they also don't tell you is lesbian couples quickly devolve into a dead bedroom situation because neither of them initiate. It's so bad there's a literal wiki article on it even https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lesbian_bed_death

Anonymous 42321

Just divorce her and go hetero then, like you're not happy in this relationship and most marriages end in divorce anyways.

Anonymous 42339

any chance you could talk to your wife and maybe ask to have an open relationship? or perhaps introduce a man into your relationship or get a sperm donor? If you aren't happy you should try and fix things

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