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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Anonymous 38659

I’ve spent my whole life being second choice. Family, friends, relationships… I cannot think of a single time someone picked me first unless there were literally no other choices.

Anyone relate?

Anonymous 38660

>>38659
Most people are mediocre. So what?

Anonymous 38663

>>38660
Even among mediocre people, they can be their parent’s favourite, have a best friend, date someone who is really into them. I’m none of that. I’m the consolation prize.

Anonymous 38668

>>38659
Boo hoo. Try never being anyone's choice at all and then complain.

Anonymous 38673

>>38668
You've never thought you were secure and then been immediately ditched when a first choice comes along then.

Just because you have your own issues doesn't mean other people can't hurt in different ways.

Anonymous 38676

>>38668
The "who has it worse" olympics have begun!

Anonymous 38679

>>38676
I think OP anon’s coming in at a close second place.

Anonymous 38680

>>38676
Op was the one who literally compared her situation to earning a medal like the Olympics, her situation being that she's sad she only got the second shiniest medal that's available. Did it ever occur to her that some people don't get given any prizes at all?

Anonymous 38682

>>38680
I picked the silver medal picture because it was about 3am when I made the thread and it was the first thing I thought of to represent second place. I didn't expect anyone to try and read into it too deeply.

I understand your situation is painful anon and I sympathise but I recommend that you make your own thread to discuss it as it it's off topic for this one.

Anonymous 38683

>>38682
>This is my anonymous pity party, please start your own pity party
Worried you'll be second in this too?

Anonymous 38684

>>38683
Anon, I wanted to say that it is not really a surprise that no one picks you ever if you are this bitter and are determined to stay where you're clearly not wanted, but I'm starting to think you're just a troll. No one can be this triggered by a picture of a silver medal and the idea that someone might have friends, no matter how badly they are treated by them. I'm not going to reply to you anymore.

For what it's worth, I didn't start the thread as pity party, it literally says "anyone relate?". I was looking for people that felt the same. Maybe they had found a way to accept it or remove themselves from things entirely.

Anonymous 38685

>>38659
Yes unfortunately. Not the worst thing in the world, but it deals a surprising blow to the ole self esteem machine.

My first boyfriend and former oneitis only chose me because he couldn’t get his dream girl (my roommate at the time). Now I have massive trust issues with my current bf regarding whether he’s only with me because of his work schedule and wants another girl or if that is just a coincidence.
The only leadership position I have ever gotten in sports/clubs at school were due to there being no other options for people to vote for. I have been selected for many things throughout the years. While I am grateful for it, I was never given these things due to any value of my own, but simply because I was there. Imposters syndrome vibes.
I have been told both to my face and behind my back in my old job that I’m not as good as the model employee of the hour (who usually would either quit or fuck up in a spectacular fashion a few days later). It was a toxic work environment for sure but it always sucked that someone who remained loyal for as long as I could (mostly because I wasn’t sure I could get another job) was constantly looked over for everything.
Probably the thing the hurts me the most is that I’m usually the second choice for people to hang out with or talk to, including my own mother. Over the years, all of my “best friends” viewed me as little more than a second-class friend and now I have no one because they’ve all left.

I think it’s just a symptom of being outwardly easygoing. No one is afraid of hurting your feelings by not choosing you for things because you won’t throw a fit. People may not like a petulant toddler but they’ll do whatever they can to keep them from screaming

Anonymous 38686

>>38685
>The only leadership position I have ever gotten in sports/clubs at school were due to there being no other options for people to vote for. I have been selected for many things throughout the years. While I am grateful for it, I was never given these things due to any value of my own, but simply because I was there. Imposters syndrome vibes.
>I have been told both to my face and behind my back in my old job that I’m not as good as the model employee of the hour (who usually would either quit or fuck up in a spectacular fashion a few days later). It was a toxic work environment for sure but it always sucked that someone who remained loyal for as long as I could (mostly because I wasn’t sure I could get another job) was constantly looked over for everything.

Same. I've never gotten any leadership position or job when there has been any remote competition. When I do have these things I put in a lot of work but I've also noticed that when a first choice is stuck in people's minds it's very hard to surpass that, even if the first choice is clearly worse than me.

>Probably the thing the hurts me the most is that I’m usually the second choice for people to hang out with or talk to, including my own mother. Over the years, all of my “best friends” viewed me as little more than a second-class friend and now I have no one because they’ve all left.


I'm the second child and second choice child too. It's part of the reason I cut contact with my parents. My mother would ignore me when my sister was there. I didn't have a best friend until I was 11. I had a few after that but they always ditched me for someone else or it was one sided. I haven't had a close friend in about a decade. I had a few not close friends that used me until recently but I grew a backbone and ditched them all. Now I've just resigned myself to being alone.

>I think it’s just a symptom of being outwardly easygoing. No one is afraid of hurting your feelings by not choosing you for things because you won’t throw a fit. People may not like a petulant toddler but they’ll do whatever they can to keep them from screaming


Very interesting, I had never thought of it this way before. I definitely had a problem with lacking boundaries when I was younger which let people walk all over me. I guess the lack of boundaries can make people think they can just pick you up and drop you as they see fit.

Anonymous 39906

>>38659
maybe you should stop worrying about that
les claypool tried out for metallica as a bass player, they didnt pick him, he went on to be the frontman of Primus and is regarded as one of the best bass players ever
stop trying to join metallica, Imagine being stuck being the bass player for metallica
Primus sucks, metallica is just shit

Anonymous 39907

kr8Qw58.gif

>>38659
Yeah, at some point you just realize that there is always someone better than you.

Anonymous 39919

>>39906
I understand what you're saying but I feel that it's hard to apply that to the situations I mentioned. Family for example, am I just supposed to forget about my parents and find new parents?

I've gone alone before and attracted a new bf or bbf to me yet I get ditched when they find someone new or the person they really want comes back.

I don't think the issue is trying to fit in but not being good enough for people to stay or attracting the type of people who will never stay.

Anonymous 39920

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>>38679
lmfao nice one



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