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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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First time dating Anonymous 41487

My bf doesn't wash his hair. It's so greasy and gross. His main physical appeal is that he looks cute, but he started balding. All he talks about are racing games. He isn't interested in anything I like, and he never took me out on a dinner date (I took him out to the zoo though, it was fun). All we do is hang out at his place (he lives with his mom and she does every chore for him, he doesn't know how wash his clothes or clean the bathroom, and he is 23) or sometimes at my flat. I just watch him play racing games for a couple of hours, we cuddle, and then I leave. He's my first boyfriend ever so I was so excited, but I just don't know… Is that how dating is supposed to be like?

Anonymous 41491

>>41487
At least you manage to squeeze a cuddle out of him, somehow.

Anonymous 41492

>>41487
Is that how dating is supposed to be like?
Nope, he's a manchildren, and that's his parents fault. He's probably too old to change, so don't try. I'd suggest you to talk to him about your worries and see how he reacts.

Anonymous 41493

>>41492
We've been "dating" for around 3-4 months, so I think I don't know him well enough to tell him to wash his hair more often (he washes it once a week with bodywash and it gets REALLY greasy after just one or two days). I don't want to scare him off. If normal dating isn't supposed to be like that, then what should it look like?

Anonymous 41495

>>41487
No. Like the other anon said he’s a man child. At 23 you shouldn’t be that underdeveloped and immature, you should have some aspirations of a career and an apartment. At the very least be able to clean for yourself. Find someone else, he sounds awful

Anonymous 41500

>>41493
Maybe you should help him not ruin his scalp? It's up to you.

Anonymous 41503

>>41500
How should I do that? Buy him a nice shampoo? He doesn't have typical male hair loss, it's more like he is losing hair all over because of his awful haircare. I brought up conditioner once and he just laughed at me.

>>41495
He might be a little childish, but he is a kind guy overall. He got me chocolate once and he drives me to work sometimes (we work in the same area). It's just that I had different expectations. I thought men do more stuff for women? That they invite us for dates, not just to hang out? Idk.

Anonymous 41504

>>41503
most men do, and should. he sounds like a deadbeat and you're doing most of the work for the relationship. i'd leave

Anonymous 41505

>>41487
"Dating" isn't supposed to be "like" anything. It's just a process to find a mate in a societally approved way. It's up to you what dating entails. It sounds like you have a loser, so you should do what you want. Do you want to stay with the loser? Stay with him. Want to dump the loser? Dump him.

Anonymous 41507

>>41503
Yeah. Buy shampoo and I guess treat him.

Are there any positive things you can think of about him, like how he cuddles with you?

Anonymous 41508

If you enjoy being with him and what not then stay with him. Convince him to literally take care of his hygiene more though, like ew. Don't be a maid to him too he will take you for granted. Be assertive in a friendly tone too, you sound pretty passive. AND express your thoughts/concerns but don't do it full blown. Every man doesn't like being nagged.

But if you don't really like how its going with him then leave because you shouldn't waste time on someone you don't enjoy time with.

Anonymous 41510

>>41487
sounds like my first bf. he eventually ignored me for the video games completely. i had to beg just to get sex. he was a slob and expected me to clean up after him, he dropped out of college, and he threatened to hit me.

i dumped him. i'm told he went bald shortly afterwards. lol.

a moid shouldn't be playing vidya while he is with you. dump that loser, respect yourself more.

Anonymous 41514

>>41487
How did you meet this guy?
I’m kind of curious as to why you started dating him in the first place.

Anonymous 41524

>>41487
Date someone else. Women are very valuable in the dating market. You could probably get someone much better unless you're both fat, ugly, and unemployed.

Anonymous 41525

Get him a yarmulke to help hide his baldness

Anonymous 41545

1593379886604.jpg

>>41504
That's kind of true, I think I give it my best in relationship. I bake for him regularly (every Sunday), I give him thoughtful gifts, I try to initiate physical contact and check up on him, I encourage him to talk about his interests, because he is clearly happy while doing so. I wish he would like me more I guess.

>>41505
Hmm, I guess I was just asking what "dating" and "relationships" are like for other miners, if they were also a bit disappointed with their first bf, etc.

>>41507
Okay, I'll buy it then. I'm kinda worried he won't like it, because he mentioned shampoo makes his hair coarse.
And sure, he has pretty eyes. He holds my hand while he is driving. He is really thin. He has the most lovely, wonderful kitty. He loves and respects his mom.

>>41508
But I honestly don't know how to bring it up without being mean. I don't want to make him feel bad. How should I do ut without "nagging" him? Also, I don't think I'm that passive, I initiated two of our only "proper" dates (outside of our homes). I try to give it my best in relationship. Do you think I should try more/do something better for him? How do I stop being "passive"?
I'm not even sure if I enjoy being with him tbh.

>>41510
I'm sorry anon, that sucks. I'm glad you broke up with him before he actually hit you. My bf isn't aggressive or mean at all though, and it's not like he "ignores me" for vidya. He expects me to watch him play and comment on his playthrough.

>>41514
I just don't know many men in my age group. Male to female gender ratio in my uni/major is 1 to 9. I met him when I started working part time when corona hit. He was the only single guy who was around my age (three years older than me) in that company. Plus I thought his eyes are super pretty. I'm not sure.

>>41524
I'm not fat, I'm not a NEET, and I guess I'm kinda average. But I'm tall (174cm) and actually autistic, which makes me completely worthless. I have no value in dating market.

>>41525
It's not that visible yet.

Anonymous 41546

>>41545
Sorry for samefagging, but there's one more thing that really annoys me. I pay so much for good makeup, good skincare, nice, fitting clothes, proper haircare, I make sure my nails are always pretty and polished, but he doesn't do any of that. I swear to god, he only wears the same two-three shirts.

Anonymous 41551

>>41545
You should experiment with hair products to see if he has any allergies.

Anonymous 41561

>>41546
This shouldn't annoy you. You do those things for yourself, because you like it. So you shouldn't expect other people do them as well just because you do. Relationships stat to fail when one starts trying to control the other constantly.
That said, your bf is way too lazy with self care and you should express that. But ultimately it's something he has to do because he wants to. What you need to do is help him realize that it's not good to neglect your appearance so much.

Anonymous 41564

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>>41563
Agreed, it makes it even more difficult if the guy's mom is a neglectful care free whore that has never implemented raising techniques. Or worse in an enmeshed relationship. Be VERY careful with the latter, things will turn really ugly on you.

Anonymous 41605

>>41487
If you aren't content with just being with him and require him to constantly take you out to remain engaged in the relationship, maybe you just aren't enjoying his company. I would be fine staying in all the time with a guy who I care about.

Anonymous 41609

MangamovieL.png

Update: so he literally shaved his head completely today. He told me he's done it because he is tired of washing his hair.
I don't think I'm even attracted to him anymore. He is very short, has small frame, big eyes, he just doesn't look good completely bald. Idk what to do. Breaking up with him over this would be shallow.

>>41563

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, anon. I'm not sure what to do honestly. I'm a little bitter that he shaved his head, I would always compliment his hair a lot. It was one of his best features (when clean).

>>41564
Yeah, you hit nail on the head anon, he is REALLY close to his mom. As in, she is his best friend and he always takes her side no matter what.

>>41605
Idk you have a point. But also, I don't require to be taken out constantly. I just wish he would initiate at least one date outside of our flats, even a simple walk, anything. And it would be great if we could do something related to my interests as well when we stay in (instead of only me watching him play racing games, because he doesn't want to do anything else).

Anonymous 41610

>>41609
Did you try any of the tips from anons here with him?

Anonymous 41613

>>41610
Yes, I bought him a nice shampoo and gifted it to him yesterday. He shaved his hair completely today. Other anon suggested that I should talk to him about my concerns, so I asked him to do something related to my interests as well (bake, go on a run together, watch anime). And he told me he isn't into any of those things, just like before. He seemed to be quite annoyed at me as well for even suggesting it. So I'm not sure if I want to bring up other issues.
I might ask him once again to watch Initial D with me. It has cars and all. Maybe he'd like it.

Anonymous 41616

>>41613
I was saying you should've told him what to do with it. Make a command. Either that or just offer to do his hair for him. Oh well. I guess you could buy him some dome shine now.

Anonymous 41619

>>41616
I've told him that he might have allergies, and that maybe he should try out shampoo for sensitive scalp (the one I bought him).

Anonymous 41622

>>41619
I meant you should have been more assertive, nagging.

Anonymous 41624

>>41613
>He seemed to be quite annoyed at me as well for even suggesting it

Okay he sounds like an immature manchild to me.

Anonymous 41625

>>41613
>And he told me he isn't into any of those things, just like before. He seemed to be quite annoyed at me as well for even suggesting it
Yeah he sounds like an immature child. You need to explain to him that watching him play video games isn't great for you either, but you still do it. If he can't understand basic give and take in a relationship there's no point in dating him any longer. Does he really expect to never indulge in anything that only you like? It's either something he likes too or nothing? This type of mentality has no future.

I get that you guys are still pretty new to each other, so you'll have to talk and figure out if he's willing to be less selfish. If he really isn't willing to do things you like just to spend time with you and have fun together, it just means you guys aren't compatible and it's time to move on.

Anonymous 41669

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So I broke up with him today. Thank you anons ITT for all the advice. It was an extremely underwhelming and disappointing experience. If you want cuddles or whatever, just get a daki or weighted blanket. If you want to hang out with and have fun with a person you genuinely like, meet up with your female friend. Boys are overrated.

Anonymous 41676

>>41669
I said break up, not break down. Just find another boy. One that has a nice scalp.

Anonymous 41680

>>41669
>one dude with bad hair has ruined all men for you
I know you're probably really emotional right now even if you're trying to deny it to yourself. I just hope you realize how stupid this post sounds in retrospect after you calm down.

Anonymous 41681

>>41676
Lol ily anon

>>41680
I've talked to my friends about this and they all went through similar thing with boys. I'm not just talking about hair, men don't care and girls have to put in so much effort. All of my girl friends have to nag their partners to hang out or change their clothes. Dating doesn't sound that pleasant to me. It's like taking care of a stubborn child that's not even cute.

Anonymous 41684

>>41681
>I've talked to my friends about this and they all went through similar thing with boys. I'm not just talking about hair, men don't care and girls have to put in so much effort. All of my girl friends have to nag their partners to hang out or change their clothes. Dating doesn't sound that pleasant to me. It's like taking care of a stubborn child that's not even cute.
Then it sounds like you hang out with losers that date losers, and if you don't like infantile behavior, that probably means you would like dating older men more. Granted society enables men and women to act like regressed children, but that puts the option on you to just accept the idea of never finding anyone or putting some effort into it on your part.

Anonymous 41685

>>41681
Anon, never let your friends influence your dates. I hope they weren't involved in you meeting him, or that's twice as bad. Seek out boys on your own accord.

Anonymous 41686

>>41684
I'm not attracted to older men. At 23, you should be at least a bit considerate and know how to do your laundry. And idk, most of the guys my friends date are at least good-looking. He stopped being cute the moment he shaved his head, cuz apparently washing it once a week is too much work.

>>41685
No he asked me out on his own. But why? I trust my friends a lot, they know me well and they would never intentionally harm me.

Anonymous 41697

>>41686
I'm not saying to lose your friends. I'm saying to just not let them influence your outlook on life. It's bad company that will hold you back in life.

Anonymous 41702

>>41686
It doesn't have to be much older, 2-3 years are unnoticeable and can make a difference. That said, my bf and his friends are 22 and they sound a lot more mature than your bf, so maybe you're just surrounding yourself with bad people.

DONT DATE GAMERS 41703

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FUCK NO. LEAVE HIM. IF HE TALKS ABOUT GAMES JUST LEAVE HIM. HE MIGHT BE NICE TO YOU NOW BUT HE WILL START PROJECTING HIS UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS ON YOU AFTER A FEW MONTHS. ESPECIALLY IF HE IS THE UNHYGIENIC TYPE OF GAMER. I DON'T EVEN NEED TO LOOK AT HIM I KNOW YOU ARE OUT OF HIS LEAGUE. L.E.A.V.E SIS PLEASE DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND LLLEEEAAAVEEEEE

Anonymous 41705

>>41703
Have any bad experiences you would like to share?

Anonymous 41707

>>41705
If you'd like to hear, sure. I dated this one guy back in 2017. He was a heavy gamer, used to sell pc parts etc. The first 4 months were good, GREAT, actually. For some reason he also used to buy me random stuff like chocolates etc that I never asked for but I didn't think much of it and just thought of it as a gesture. His kindness was what made me become his gf. But slowly he started to change. He wanted me to behave a certain way, have a certain haircut, never wear makeup, wear certain clothes etc. And when I said no he used to guilt trip me by saying he bought me chocolates. He always wanted to stay indoors, we went out to eat like 4 times in that 1 year relationship. He used to get really aggressive towards me when I didn't understand his PC stuff and treated me like I'm a stupid bitch. Used to rage like crazy during games and got violent. When I said I'll leave him he told me he'll kill himself. Gosh he was the entire fucking manchild package. And all his gamer friends are the same. Gamer guys are not functioning humans.

Anonymous 41724

>>41707
It’s a shame because I know a gaymer dude and he is actually a pretty decent guy in most respects, but the fact he spends all his time playing vidya is such a turn off for me…I just can’t respect a man who regularly plays vidya. It’s something you should have grown out of by 10.

Anonymous 41725

I dated a guy who played OSRS like 14 hours a day. He would play it while we were videocalling even. Jesus Christ. He claimed his mom abused him and hated her yet she did literally EVERYTHING for him. I remember him yelling at her over the phone because they were out of a certain pizza topping he wanted. Lmao. He was the most pathetic manchild I have ever met, we had one argument about something that was his fault (I think I found his loli hentai collection…shudder) and he attacked me, called me a normie, and broke up with me because he said he couldn’t handle such ‘drama’. LMAO.

Anonymous 41758

Are there even any guys left that don't play video games?

Anonymous 41759

>>41758
Yes, although most guys in their 20s play some videogames. But theres a big difference between someone who plays a game once in a while, like a couple hours in a week and a capital g Gamer who does nothing but play videogames in his free time and considers it a big part of his personality.

Anonymous 41845

>>41669
lmao

Another baldy bites the dust.

Anonymous 41851

>>41845
I don't think men who shave their heads so they don't have to clean their hair and baldies are the same type of people.

Anonymous 41852

>>41725
why would you date a guy like that?
surely you would have peaced out when you learned he played OSRS all day?



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