That's kind of what I was thinking…but he is really persistent about being together. He doesn't live far away but we're both poorfags so traveling isn't viable currently. I have severe social anxiety and depression so while I want a job it will be a long time before I think I could handle one. He has had jobs before but (and I can't get into this) he currently can't get a job but has told me he might get one soon. It's still hard, I have to rely on him to come to me and I just don't know when.
I am scared that if we ever did become a thing, if he self improved enough he would see how horrible I am and would be thinking about other women and I can't stress enough that I would no doubt kill myself if he cheated on me or broke up to be with someone else that's much better than me.
When I think of this stuff, I just think it's over for me unless I can find an ugly male who is more pathetic than me…