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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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advice please? Anonymous 43884

so i finally did it. i made friends. im in a really sweet friend group of 5 other girls, but i’m super scared to fuck it up. it’s been 2 days and it’s going well, but that lingering thought of it all being temporary doesn't leave my mind. this is my path out of hikikomori-dom but i’m too scared to ruin it, so i stay quiet a lot even though that’s the opposite of what i should do if i want to make friends :/ i’ve been ignored for so long that it kinda all feels surreal now
i’ve been feeling so much better and now i walk home like a dumbass with a smile on my face
any advice to stop the autisms from fucking it up? thank u :)

Anonymous 43885

sorry for the shit formatting i’m on mobile :(

Anonymous 43886

>i made friends
>it's been 2 days
Gosh you are so adorable.

Did you just start uni?
If so, just so you know the people you are currently friends with might splinter or leave later on. Just make sure you have more than one option as you might end up part of none of the groups that form later.
Also try to make other friends not related to your current group.

Anonymous 43888


i did a year ago and spent all of last year without friends :(
it’s been two days since i’ve started talking to them, the year started a couple weeks ago

Yeah i’m trying, i have some people i talk to occasionally about academic stuff but it never clicked, with these girls i feel really accepted for who i am so that’s why i’m scared

Anonymous 43932

You know what literally always works? Just be nice. I have literally never met anyone who hated the one friend in each group whose defining feature was “she’s nice :)”. And every group has one, trust me. Of course being respected is another thing, but if you get known as the nice one you’ll always have friends

Anonymous 49245


this. be nice, mirror their energy. If they're excited, share the excitement. pick up some of their lingo, what shows they watch, etc (in a subtle way- ask for recommendations). Make eye contact, smile, laugh at their jokes, say their name when you speak to them.
See what you have in common and indulge in it (you both like coffee? bring her a cup one morning. You both watch some anime? get matching keychains with her for her birthday or something).
But ultimately, being nice is the best thing to do. Also don't say anything weird kek. How are you doing?

Anonymous 49302

It takes more than one mess up to lose a friend, so if you mess up just apologize and move on as soon as you can. That's what helped me the most, I used to turn small mistakes into big deals and that just makes things worse.

Anonymous 49619


Anonymous 50750


i think maybe i fucked up in some way because one of them isn't really talking to me. feels like she's just ignoring me whenever she sees me. one person just isn't talking to anybody at all, it's been like 2 months since anyone's talked to her. we barely spend any time together anymore, everyone's pretty fragmented. but it's whatever, i expected people to leave me anyways so i think that was fun while it lasted.

we all have exams right now though so maybe everyone's just stressed, who knows

Anonymous 50751

ken 2.PNG

exams will stress people out yea. have you tried directly reaching out? especially to the one no ones talked to.

My friend group just split in half and it sucks, because two of the girls have decided to never speak to each other ever again, and the one other girl has a new group of friends. it's all very sad, i guess all good things must end as you said.

My other friend group is also splitting because we're so busy, but once in a while we start up a voice call and it returns to normal for a bit. maybe try that? invite everyone to go for coffee or a snack or a study break? idk man. getting drunk together could be fun. godspeed.

Anonymous 50754

i haven't reached out to her myself, but everybody else has. i was thinking of texting her and saying i'm worried and stuff, but i'm a bit anxious to do that. thanks for reminding me to do that.

we usually plan to get drunk or smoke after every exam, so i hope to figure stuff out then

best of luck to you with your friend group, hang in there

Anonymous 56240


It’s all over and I want to die. They’ve abandoned me like everyone else does. One blocked me, two don’t talk to me, one I don’t have anything in common with.

Everything I touch turns to dust.

Anonymous 56242

i’m gonna die alone

Anonymous 56245

What happened?

Anonymous 56249

Hey, talk to us please, what's up ?

Anonymous 56254

Anonymous 56258


i don’t even know what happened. one of them is convinced her bf cheated on her with me even though there is nothing that happened that suggests that, apart from me going to his house once (which i admit sounds suspicious as fuck but she refuses to talk to us about it, i didn’t have anywhere to go that night and it was the safest option), two just stopped talking to me, and one just kinda was never close to me in the first place. i feel like i’m fucking everything up and i don’t know what to do. i got upset went to a party and got way too fucking drunk too in front of people i don’t know (i don’t fucking remember anything) so that’s more embarrassment for me this weekend. when i write about it it all seems like no big deal but it hurts so much, everybody always leaves and moves on without me.

Anonymous 56262

>(which i admit sounds suspicious as fuck but she refuses to talk to us about it, i didn’t have anywhere to go that night and it was the safest option)
OP, you didn't need advice on how to not fuck up social situations because of your autism, you need advice on what good fucking optics are, and this ain't it chef.

Anonymous 56263

yeah i know, but i genuinely didn’t see anything wrong with it and nothing happened, and she just outright refuses to talk to either of us about it. she knows i never had anything for him either, and that he’s really committed to her. i see where i fucked up it’s just i really didn’t have a safer choice that night considering i was the only female and in a room full of strangers that i didn’t really talk to. idk if this is even worth fixing

Anonymous 56275

What do you mean by “good optics”? Shouldn’t someone be able to trust their friend and their partner, especially when there wasn’t a better option? From my reading, it seems like it comes down to a lack of communication on the girl’s part who then ends up dwelling on baseless assumptions.

Anonymous 56276

Sorry, just realized I meant to reply to >>56262.

Anonymous 56291

i don’t know like i’d think that too, and the whole men and women can’t hang out without fucking thing is kinda archaic to me. she knows me and she should know not to freak out like this to the point of blocking me and not even letting me explain the situation. it’s all so stupid.

Anonymous 56302

don't let this situation be a basis for your social life, you can do it lad, don't worry

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