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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

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59618F7F-7EE2-4C18…

overcoming trauma to get ready for marriage Anonymous 45245

i am a christian, and i was sexually abused in the past. i have been trying to heal from this for awhile, but it’s difficult and still affects me a lot (but it has gotten a lot better.)
i have a really wonderful boyfriend and we love each other so much and want to get married within the next couple months, as soon as the priest will let us pretty much. i know i want to be with him forever and everything and think we are really meant to be together. and i have always wanted to be a wife and mother.
the main thing i am worried about is our wedding night, when you have to have the um marriage act. i get very anxious thinking about it. i don’t see how i can do that, and i don’t want to be looked at without my clothes on or touched. i’m scared that i’ll panic when the time comes and react really badly and make him feel bad. i have a lot of trouble being mature about sex. when he told me he was looking forward to doing that when we were married i just froze up and made a face and looked away, and couldn’t think of anything to say.

i really want to be able to be normal for him because i love him, i just don’t know how to prepare myself for it and what to do to fix my brain. (and don’t say anything immoral like sex before marriage or masturbation or anything) (also i’m unable to go to therapy)

Anonymous 45263

>masturbation
>immortal
Then you are fucked. You can only get through this with time and by becoming comfortable with sex. If you refuse to do the latter, then you'll never get over the abuse and will never have a normal life. The first time will most likely hurt as well and if you aren't mentally prepared it will just scare you more. You know what to do, now you choose your own destiny.

t. Abuse victim

Anonymous 45264

>>45245
I feel sorry for your future children. Christcucks raise daughters with no backbone.

Anonymous 45266

>>45264
Let's not pretend the issue here is her religion. I'm areligious and I deal with the same issues surrounding sexuality. Also this is a pretty rude comment considering you don't know anything about whether she even wants to have children. Clearly you care more about potential life than the one that already exists.

Anonymous 45268

>>45245
Putting aside the prematurity of a lot of aspects of your story, start with sexual fantasy. If you're not comfortable with anything physical, you could start slowly with thoughts that won't hurt you. If you can't find that in yourself its likely too soon.

You sound young and eager to be in a particular kind of love. While I don't blame you for that, the irony is that sometimes that urge can be the thing that interferes the most with that goal.

Anonymous 45272

>>45263
>>masturbation
>>immortal

Damn, I wish masturbation made you immortal.

>>45264
Yep, only Muslims really raise daughters with backbones these days.

Anonymous 45274

>>45245
It common that Christian girls struggle with rape. I mean all girls who experience it do. But I notice the ones who are Christian tend to struggle with it in a particular way. Often feeling too damaged or used goods. Doesn't help the religion tends to put a huge empathies on virginity and purity.

Just talk to you fiancé. I cant guarantee how he react. But let him know you've been hurt in the past before.

Anonymous 45275

>>45266
Yeah, patriarchal religion has nothing to do with it.
>you don't know anything about whether she even wants to have children
She literally said she "always" wanted to be a mother
>>45272
All patriarchal religions are shit.

Anonymous 45282

If her bf has the same backwards opinions about sexuality he will definitely dump her once he finds out.

Anonymous 45285

>>45282
finds out what? about the abuse? or that i’m nervous about having sex? he already knows both those things.i still want to try to work on my difficulties before we get married for myself and for his sake. he’s catholic too and has the same views and is probably the most supportive understanding guy you could find.

Anonymous 45413

9047a6c65738175757…

>>45245
I was never abused thankfully, but something I've found to help me through my darker times of life was to do more than just the standard worship and bible study.
Try studying some of the more obscure texts of Christianty, like Dead Sea scrolls, early accounts of the church, and even the probably heretical stuff like the Aprocryphan texts (Book of Enoch and other heterodox stuff, just be careful to take it with a mountain of salt). With some of this extra context that you have, try seeing if some of the things in the Bible that you struggled with make more sense.
Understanding the cosmology of our world even just a little more helped me a lot, just know that you'll only attain partial understanding, never complete understanding simply because it has just not been revealed (or will be until God returns).



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