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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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How do I stop being a clingy schizo Anonymous 45318

Whenever I see my boyfriend talking to other girls I fucking lose my shit, and it’s starting to hurt our relationship.
If any other girl looks at him or talks to him too long/in too much of a friendly tone, it pissed me off so much. I’ve told him this for awhile. He’s humored my tendencies for the most part but it seems like he’s honestly getting worn out or tired of it and I don’t want that.
What brought me to post this something that happened earlier today. Whenever he talks to a girl waiter/server or something, I try to play off my frustration and so I joke and say “so is she your new gf?” Or something similar, then he refutes it then it eventually leads to him telling me he loves me and kissing me and all is well in the world. Well today, when we were driving thru Starbucks the Barista was a girl, so I said my line and waited for him to respond. What happened was he just sighed and muttered “my fucking god” (or something along those lines) and didnt say anything about it. He had this look of just being really done with my shit.
Anyways, what the fuck do I do? Did I fuck up our relationship permanently? Can I fix things with him? He’s the love of my life and I really don’t want to lose him. Has anyone else had similar experiences to this that they’ve had with partners?

Anonymous 45319

This sounds like BPD and fear of losing attachments. Take a look at some CBT resources.

Anonymous 45320

How about you keep it to yourself?

Anonymous 45323

>Sees him talking to other girls
>Approach him
>Hold his hand or hug him while he talks so everyone sees he is your property

Anonymous 45325

Nothing you described in your post even resembles schizophrenia, schizoid, or schizoaffective personaltiy disorders, so I'm going to start off with saying this isn't "schizo" behavior. This is borderline personality disorder if anything.

If you want to stop suffering from a personality disorder, I recommend talking to a shrink who specializes in CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). Your boyfriend is not tired of you, he's tired of your borderline behavior. There's a difference. Furthermore, seeking help because you're desperate to not lose your relationship is also a borderline thing to do, please, look at yourself, forget your boyfriend exists, and ask yourself, are you okay with how you act? If you, honestly, look at yourself and don't believe this is a healthy way to act, then you need to seek help. Not because your boyfriend might leave you, but because you want to be healthy.

Anonymous 45326

>Whenever he talks to a girl waiter/server or something, I try to play off my frustration and so I joke and say “so is she your new gf?”

Saying this every time he has to interact with the opposite sex would piss anyone off, your boyfriend included. It implies fault on his part, like he's trying to flirt with the cashier/waitress or whatever when that's not the case.

He's not tired of you being a bit possessive, he's tired of you contantly implying he's being unfaithful when he makes efforts to accomodate you in the first place, and is obliged to interact with other women in service/retail scenarios.

Anonymous 45329

>What brought me to post this something that happened earlier today. Whenever he talks to a girl waiter/server or something, I try to play off my frustration and so I joke and say “so is she your new gf?”
Try to imagine this the other way around. This is fucking lunacy OP. I make it a point to be polite to service workers and such everytime if I can. I know you're trying to ease your genuine insecurities and fears by playing them off as a joke, but that's not how it's going to come off to him. He knows you have those fears and those insecurities, so when you "joke" about them like that in situations where it's not unlikely you're actually feeling them (because you obviously are otherwise you wouldn't joke about them), it causes him to get stressed out because it makes him feel like he needs to walk on eggshells in basic day-to-day interactions just to appease you. Not only that but it probably feels to him like a passive aggressive way of getting your point across.

Anonymous 45330

Honestly just do this. It'll make you feel better and it'll probably be an ego boost for him as well.

Anonymous 45338

I didn't read all of it, but honestly if you're clingy you can only be compatible with someone just as clingy.

Anonymous 45341

Please carefully listen to >>45325.

Anonymous 45372

You sound moreso like you have BPD. Take it from a person with BPD, lol. The thing is, I'm ashamed of having BPD so I pretend I'm less jealous than I really am. I don't make comments about women in real life. I accept my boyfriend has shit taste in women appearance-wise (because I know I'll be pegged as insecure if I disagree with my boyfriend, even if I genuinely do think some chick is unattractive who he thinks is attractive). However, it still comes out in that I really wish my boyfriend didn't watch porn (though I stress I wouldn't believe him anyway even if he claimed he didn't, so whatever) or save girls' pics on instagram.

I accept I'll be unhappy forever and I'm just glad I get fucked. That's how I get over this. My boyfriend goes wah over how I may never be happy with him, but meh, it's his fault. He should dump me if it bothers him this much I can't be happy because of him.

Sorry for blogposting.

Point is, you sound like you really have BPD. Try to hide it better so you can figure out what your bf is really like.

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