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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Obsessed with Sex Anonymous 46390

Anyone else here think they are over-focused on/obsessed with sex? I really feel like I'm more horny than the average person, and I have tried in many ways to lower my libido. It's also this weird balancing act - on the one hand I don't want to pathologize my sexuality just because I'm a woman and female horniness isn't talked about/centered as much, but I also want to take my own issue seriously if it is one.

It is the topic I think about most prominently, when I meet someone the first assessment I make is whether or not I would smash (in a vaccuum, I'm pretty inexperienced in sex lmao). Every night before I sleep I think of the same three sexual scenarios of fucking someone I am sexually interested in at the moment (these sexual crushes change every few years).

Blogpost - I was in therapy for two years bc of my opinions I have on sex among other stuff. Because of my focus on sexual daydreaming about other people I was thinking BPD, but I apparently don't fully fit the bill, especially the abandonment issue stuff (I got more the opposite problem lol). I got diagnosed with PTSD and social anxiety but I'm not sure about the former though I did have unwanted sexual experiences in my childhood.

Anonymous 46391

Great, a thread for me. What opinions did you have regarding sex that made you go to therapy?

I'm more obsessed with sex with whoever it is I'm with. I have gone through phases of not caring about anyone, but then when a certain person came along…yeah, I got hit with that BPD diagnosis and it hit every feature of me though previously it didn't in regards to the abandonment issues. For all I know, I could just have a kind of PTSD, though.

The worst part of being a horny woman, imo, is that for me, it's been terrible in terms of me always thinking from my upbringing that moids always want sex. The truth is, they don't, not in reality, but they are encouraged to want sex because it represents a lot for men culturally. It killed my self-esteem because none of my boyfriends would want sex as much as me and so given all the messages I've been given, I always want to conclude it's because I'm not attractive enough. I have realized it's unlikely that's the case, plenty of men compliment me in public and such, but it's also weird because I harbor a kind of bitterness for that because I realize that even if they're horny for me then, they'd probably never be horny enough for me in a relationship. They fuck me a lot for a few months and then drop off in libido.

Just my two cents. I'm not sure if you've been in a sexual relationship or not, OP.

Anonymous 46392

tl;dr I think it's useful to reflect on why you do certain things especially if it's brought to your attention how it has been. Just try to broaden how you judge and determine if people would be good relationship material.

I can't say I directly relate to your issue. A long time ago I was extremely monogamous and jealous and thought it would be a good idea to research some claims that I would hear people make regularly, things along the lines of "you aren't meant to have sex with one person for the rest of your life" and things along that line. I thought it would help me abandon my innate monogamous tendencies and discovered actually humans are pretty heavily monogamous/suppose to be monogamous for a lot of reasons. I didn't go in with confirmation bias, I actively wanted to get rid of these tendencies because I fully acknowledged I could enjoy things more and get more attention and nice things. I would go into details about why we're monogamous if necessary and the only real claims against it also support really terrible things people aren't willing to back up and defend.

That being said I'd really recommend reflecting on why you're approaching and handling relationships this way(not just what's wrong with you but how and why you might be picking the people you do), and try to make how you judge people and relationships on more important things, not only could it help your intimate relationships be more fulfilling but friendships too. Plus it helps you be more socially aware, being able to effectively pick friends and good people to be around really helps with happiness and productivity. Idk, I feel like I just ranted on what my perspective is on this issue rather than saying something important to you.

Anonymous 46399

Anonymous 46401


I'm a fellow overly horny bitch, and tbh as long as it's not distracting you from your responsibilities or putting you at risk (through sex addiction with randoms who may be diseased) then it's best to accept it.

It has caused me mild distress in various ways, but from what I've read and heard it's about the same as the average man (pornsickness, bizarre fetishes, letting my libido cloud my judgement of others, general coomerism) so if they can deal with it then so can I.
Adolescent years were probably the worst because I had no idea how to control it and was just a lecherous perv who masturbated constantly.
I also used to have some inner conflict about being horny all the time for so many people yet being repulsed by promiscuity. Discussions of casual sex would make me fly off the handle since I think I saw it as a threat to me finding a partner ("DOES EVERYONE IS SLOOT?"), but now I even have promiscuous normfag friends. Rage aside, it also made me feel guilty for having sexual thoughts even if I never acted on them.

The only issue I have now is fear of objectifying women since I love other women so much. (I don't care about respecting men as much)

Curious as to what your opinions were that required therapy? If you suspected BPD, was it extreme black-and-white thinking?

Mods already moved it here from /b/. It's more about the mental issues rather than the fantasies.

Anonymous 46402

>thinking from my upbringing that moids always want sex. The truth is, they don't, not in reality, but they are encouraged to want sex because it represents a lot for men culturally
truth. current partner has lower libido than me but it's not that point yet where it's an issue. I also think it's that for them sex mostly represents power rather than stand as an act for itself, so maybe its more about the dynamics of sex than the act of sex

Regarding the views, just kind a vague feeling that it's bad/dangerous/a generally "bad" thing to do - I grew up half conservative, half progressive, was a virgin for just slightly longer than average but also already sexually damaged at that point

I thought about putting this there but in and of itself there is nothing explicit about this discussion, and its moreso about the feeling surrounding sexuality than sex itself. Do move if mod

Dissociation, the one main overlap between PTSD and BPD imo, I have stable relationships but I'm inwardly troubled bc of the experiences I had rather than a nature that makes me act outwardly, as I understand is the case for most ppl with BPD

Anonymous 46403

No, you are just normal. In a normal society / civilization you would be married and fugging several times per week. Then your mind wouldn't be on sex.

Anonymous 46409

I would day dream abt sex and intimacy so much ai began to casually browse porn more and more throughout the day. (I still had sex the avg amount w my ha sweetheart) I do odten find myself wanting to get it on more than my bf but, he is more than happy to join in and eat me out. He loves me regardless of my high sex drive- it doesnt really impact anything at all lmao.
Maybe I’m only over focused because I desire the physical pleasure + emotional bonuses

Anonymous 46410

Anon, you okay?

Anonymous 46418

Clearly she was masturbating while typing that.

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