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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

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77A2A2BE-D334-4D54…

Dissatisfied with submissive sex Anonymous 46457

Why does it seem like most submissive men aren’t truly submissive, but instead are just channeling their lazy behavior into sex? I relish in being dominant from time to time but it’s exhausting when every time I feel like I’m centering the whole experience on his fetish, even when I’m not into it. It just seems like a manifestation of his depression or insecurity or repressed traumas into our sex life, which isn’t his fault. However, it’s annoying when I’m always taking the reigns because of one time where I was more dominant.
It doesn’t feel like truly submissive behavior. It just feels like him wanting me to tie him up and spend as much time as works for him pleasuring and indulging his very masochistic tendencies. I don’t even like being physically sadistic, and inflicting pain, but he loves it more than anything. There’s no real submission to me, and no real dominance over him. The dirty talk he wants is always forced and awkward for me, because it makes me feel awkward to verbally degrade him all the time. I’m fine with indulging this fantasy every so often, and I even like it from time to time, but it’s so exhausting when he always wants to submit to me on the bottom and be pleasured. And I love him, so I’m not letting something like sexual compatibility ruin our loving relationship. But I’m avoiding intimacy like the plague because I’ve been so exhausted by it for weeks. It doesn’t feel like my needs are met at all and it’s making sex feel like labor, or a chore.
Again, I am definitely a switch. I love taking the reigns. But I don’t even get off, even when I’m masturbating myself. It’s just so performative and strenuous and annoying for me. I’m even beginning to be resentful of submissive behavior from him in general.
And the worst part is that he has the rare dominant streak- and I don’t even want dominance sometimes. Sometimes I want loving missionary sex. But it feels like my options are blindfolding him and giving him blowjobs until he’s satisfied and goes to sleep, or being bent over a cabinet and fucked like I’m a whore. I don’t even want the latter. I’ll do it and sometimes it’s really good, and enjoyable for me, but I don’t want either extreme. I just want to enjoy sex without indulging a weird fetish. Sometimes, in his more vanilla moments, it’s really enjoyable. These are few and far between, but happen. But then he always goes back to “submitting” halfway through and I’m left slapping and abusing him when I hate it.
He would try to engage in happy or gently dominant sex with me, or even a softer, more subtle level of submission for himself where he’s actually a participant if I told him how dissatisfied I am. But it would make him very insecure. On top of that, he would be disinterested or dissatisfied in the sex too, and grow tired of it like I have. He won’t take the revelation well no matter how I break it to him. It’s pointless.
Am I just fucking doomed to hate sex and be completely unsatisfied and annoyed with it forever? What the fuck am I supposed to do? An open relationship is off the table for both of us and I just want to enjoy sex with him, as an active and engaging participant. I need a fucking cigarette. The one fucking time I was more forward and dominant, he loved it, and so I indulged it a little. But now it’s all he fucking wants. I just want a fucking cigarette and to break something.

Anonymous 46459

Idk sounds like you're just sexually incompatible. I don't care for the fetishistic submissive thing. I just like the lifestyle submission and gfd. They aren't really submissive if they aren't submissive outside of the bedroom, so I wouldn't even ever act dominant with someone that wasn't enthusiastically submissive outside of the bedroom first, it makes no sense and is just irl porn.

Don't know what to tell you but that your moid is into re-creating porn irl. Idk how long you can take your needs not being met and doing more work in order to avoid making him feel insecure, but that's your decision.

>>46458

I agree. Really sad.

Anonymous 46463

>>46458
Yes, I am aware it isn’t cute. My post is not about animal abuse or finding animal abuse cute for that reason.

Anonymous 46466

>>46465
I think maybe because she mentioned she just wanted to smoke a cigarette and relax

Anonymous 46467

Iseu.gif

>>46465
>>46458
Have a cigarette, anon.

Well OP, I don't know what to say because….ha, I'm like you, except I've purposely evaded talking about the fact I'd like to dominate my boyfriend. He's liked it when I've done little things like facesitting, and he's asked for more things like that, but I get repulsed (maybe this is fucked of me) because personally, if I'm dominant, I want to feel like it's good for me, and usually, it feels like dominance is a…it's like a thing for men, not women. At the same time, I'm a fucking baby when it comes to violent sex because muh trauma and muh rApe$ and shit, but I don't say anything unless it is absolutely imperative to because I don't want him to be disinterested in me. I am terrified of men acting violent and it turns me off sexually to see him echo that even though in reality he's not violent at all, at most, unaware of his own strength. I also feel like a man acting violent makes me feel pathetic for dominating them because it makes it seem so cheap. They could kill me in seconds, and faster than I could without weapons.

Anyway, I'm rambling about me. You can tell I'd be annoying regardless if I were sober or not, or at a party or not.

I'll offer you a virtual joint, though. I'm sorry you're going through this. Things would be easier if I, we didn't date men.

Anonymous 46468

>>46457
>Why does it seem like most submissive men aren’t truly submissive, but instead are just channeling their lazy behavior into sex?
>But it feels like my options are blindfolding him and giving him blowjobs until he’s satisfied and goes to sleep
This only sounds like half submission, have you ever tried actually being dominant, blindfolding him, and forcing him to eat you out until he's exhausted? Put some headphones on him with white noise and only spit and blow on him occasionally for an hour? No? Then it sounds like you're just a top rather than a dominant, and just doing all the work most of the time.

>Again, I am definitely a switch. I love taking the reigns. But I don’t even get off, even when I’m masturbating myself.

If being a bottom or top both don't get you off, you're not a switch, hell, you're not a bottom or top either. You're someone whose fine putting on the act of being one, but that doesn't make you any of these things. It sounds like you have an incredibly fetishy boyfriend while you yourself are just a vanilla who is comfortable with shaking thing sup every once in a while, which is fine, but don't try to be something you're not. Obviously it's making you miserable. A good move would be talking to your boyfriend about it.

>>46458

Of course it isn't cute, it's funny.

Anonymous 46469

>>46467
>I want to feel like it's good for me, and usually, it feels like dominance is a…it's like a thing for men, not women.
Sounds like you want a strap-on if you think dominance is a male only thing.
>I also feel like a man acting violent makes me feel pathetic for dominating them because it makes it seem so cheap. They could kill me in seconds, and faster than I could without weapons.
Then it sounds like what you need is some extreme bondage, doesn't matter how powerful a guy is if he's tied up with rope, he can't do shit. If you want the genuine feeling of him being at your mercy as opposed to just RPing along with you, restraint is the only realistic way to get that out of malesubs. It's that feeling of being able to lock them up and walk away and they can do nothing about it that can give you that feeling. Think chained elephant, yes, the elephant can kill you just by stepping on you, but you can control the elephant with a simple chain or two.

Anonymous 46477

>>46469
I meant that dominance, when a women is dominant, feels like the guy is so into it as a fetish kind of thing rather than them actually just enjoying being submissive. I hope that makes sense.

Anonymous 46479

>>46478
that's not true. men can just be submissive in general and prefer being submissive and laid back and defer to his partner in general, not focused on sex. when it's focused on sex then it's absolutely a fetish.

Anonymous 46487

>>46477
If I understand, you're trying to differentiate between a guy who actively likes getting flogged in the bedroom with someone who is just submissive, or should I say, passive in social contexts. Do I understand you right? You actually want a guy who is passive in general as far as letting you make decisions?

Anonymous 46491

>Why does it seem like most submissive men aren’t truly submissive, but instead are just channeling their lazy behavior into sex? I relish in being dominant from time to time but it’s exhausting when every time I feel like I’m centering the whole experience on his fetish, even when I’m not into it.

That's exactly it. Most submissive males aren't actually submissive, they're just dominant about a specific fetish, whether it's humiliation or masochism or whatever. But how that fetish is fulfilled is entirely dictated by them. They don't want to submit and serve, they want to be served. It's the same shit in a different color.

Anonymous 46494

>>46491
All malesubs aren't like that though, you're probably just not dominating them hard enough for it to be about you. Unless you purely get off on it being something that the sub doesn't actually enjoy, in which case, that sounds like some psychopathic levels of fetishizing on your part.

Anonymous 46499

Are there other positions that let you be in control of the pace that you could try? That might be a good way for him to still be submissive in bed while you both can acclimate back into having vanilla sex. There's a difference between submissiveness and masochism, and you'll have to talk to him about where you draw that line. You should be absolutely clear with him what your boundaries are in the bedroom, or sex will continue to feel like a chore. You're already compromising enough of your own comfort for his pleasure.
If you do think his fetishes stem from trauma, it may help to suggest some kind of counseling or therapy.

Anonymous 46505

>>46494
>Most submissive males aren't actually submissive
>All malesubs aren't like that though

I said most. And no I'm not into psycho-level shit, nor am I not dominant enough. Moids are just selfish.

Anonymous 46507

7fdf0195-9c40-428e…

This comes up in every discussion on this topic. Men can't be truly submissive. Real submission is about getting off on pleasing your partner, wanting to do what makes THEM happy.

That's how most femsubs are but malesubs don't work like that at all. When it comes to submissive guys, they just want their own fetish satisfied. Often they even kink on the IDEA of wanting to please their domme, but they don't really. They don't have any empathy for the woman and don't try to understand her desires, they just impose their fantasy of "ideal domme" onto her.

And yes, most malesubs also have loads of issues that they expect you to deal with, which makes it even worse. They refuse to take on the traditional male role of being the strong, dominant partner, but they still expect the woman to do all the emotional labor and nurturing. So you are stuck doing both roles and getting nothing of value back. It's the worst type of relationship dynamic for a woman, at least femsubs get to be lazy.

I've personally lost faith in submissive men, they are ALL like this. Some women are happy in these relationships, good for them. But if you want something like maledom/femsub relationship with genders reversed, you will never have that, it just isn't realistic. Get a vanilla bf and keep the kinky stuff in fantasy.

Anonymous 46508

>>46507
TL;DR
She's a femcel who has a lot of resentment to men. Point.
Grow up and realize your own insecurities or die.

Anonymous 46543

>>46468
> This only sounds like half submission, have you ever tried actually being dominant, blindfolding him, and forcing him to eat you out until he's exhausted? Put some headphones on him with white noise and only spit and blow on him occasionally for an hour? No? Then it sounds like you're just a top rather than a dominant, and just doing all the work most of the time.
he wouldn’t be satisfied by this. i think he would harbor the same resentment i am because his needs weren’t being met, and he would probably even talk about how he doesn’t like it.

Anonymous 46629

>>46457
You say you love him but you can foresee and resent his reaction to you voicing your needs before you even get to do it.
>And I love him, so I’m not letting something like sexual compatibility ruin our loving relationship.
Oh anon, the seed is already planted.

Anonymous 46638

>>46508
This isn't a femcel post, this is actually a really common occurrence. I would say though, finding a guy who's into pleasing you truly first is the ideal. That's my current partner now, and it's the best thing I've ever experienced in a loving relationship.

Anonymous 46675

The whole idea of someone who's bigger than you, stronger than you and can kill you in an instant being ""submissive"" to you is dumb anyway. It feels off to you because your mind is aware of how contradictive the entire situation you're trying to force is

Anonymous 46679

>>46675
Just find one that doesn't like eating and weighs less than you lol.

Anonymous 46680

>>46679
Even the skinniest moid (excluding kachexic ones) will have more muscle than the average girl.
Working out can help, but then it's pretty hard to gain muscle as a woman without T and you'll still gain just as much as an average moid already has (unless you plan to gain A LOT.)

Anonymous 46682

Spoiler

>>46680
I'm very sorry to shill for this, but I really think a semi athletic woman of decent musculature, like thicc fit, that isn't under like 5'4" could usually take an untrained skinny man with a small frame like pic related. There's very little muscle there already without being kachexic. It's too bad a near anorexic physique is so popular with women and not men. Men look terrible when not Auschwitz tier.

Anonymous 46706

>>46682
>Men look terrible when not Auschwitz tier
Based preference
But untrained skinny moids are usually hyper-aware of their looks and try to compensate for it with dumb machismo shit like manlets do, and that's pretty sad.

Anonymous 46707

>>46682
Based. You like boy butts don't you. Not a bad preference.

Anonymous 46710

Spoiler

>>46706
It's sad. They don't realize how stupid it looks to not look waifish as a male. Most very skinny moids I've known know it looks aesthetic though and weren't as wrapped up in masculinity, imo.

>>46707
Thank you, anon. Glad you guys share my taste. I don't like boy butts, I just like their skinny, breakable looking arms and torsos.

Anonymous 46714

>>46710
It's because they get peer pressured & bullied by other uglier moids just for being skinny. They fall for it.
They don't realize they get bullied because those other moids are jealous they were not born with the other beautiful features they lack. All moid's problems can literally be traced back to another moid fucking their self-confidence up, always they do this online, they do this offline, anywhere and idiots eat it.

Anonymous 46784

>>46458
>>46465
I thought the animal you were referring to was the boy OP is talking about

Anonymous 46793

>>46675
The sub is (ideally) always in control anyway, anon. They set the boundaries.
That said, I've heard of submissive women who get pressured into things/simply raped. Is that your ideal to do with men? Just push beyond their boundaries?

Anonymous 47080

>>46638
It's a common occurrence, sure. But the post said men CAN'T be truly submissive. Period. And that just isn't true.
It's like saying women can't be truly dominant.

Anonymous 47081

millipede.jpg

>>46458

Anonymous 47082

>>47081
Except that one. Kill that fucking thing.

Anonymous 47083

>>47082
it's cute still, don't disrespect. they are actually amazing and dutiful mothers, sometimes too dutiful depending on species iirc the children eat the mother after birth

Anonymous 48286

it's called topping from the bottom, and it's a fucking epidemic.



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