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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021

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Anonymous 47538

Anon, why haven't you killed yourself yet? Genuine question, what's stopping you from ending it all?

I can't find any will to live anymore.

Anonymous 47540

>>47538
I enjoy life, I've tried self harm before but the kick isn't very substantial though I can see why you'd enjoy it. Ending it all though seems a step too far. Why don't you enjoy it? Have you no aspirations for the future?

Anonymous 47541

a9c9659b20886742a6…

>>47538
I love learning new things and I can't learn new things if I kill myself. Also, beauty.

Anonymous 47542

>>47541
pretty convinced the main reason i haven’t killed myself is because i have NPD

Anonymous 47543

>>47540
I'm a useless NEET with no will to live. I suffer everyday, I crave slitting my wrists open, I can't find pleasure nor joy in anything.

Anonymous 47545

>>47543
You're only useless cause you choose to be, how many CVs are you sending out a day cause it should be about 20 at a minimum. Work a low level internship or do volunteer work. The Great Courses Plus is fairly cheap and teaches a lot of things, duolingo is free and can help you learn a language. Aren't there any schools around you that you can pay or that are free?

If you base your life around pleasure or joy then you're in for a rough ride cause tragedy and loss is the human condition. I don't find joy in the things I do either, exercise I don't like and neither do I enjoy studying or work but so what? I do it cause it's good for me and I'm a student so I should be doing my best as a student.

Anonymous 47546

>>47545
No need to be an asshole about it. I'm a neet because I'm disabled. I also suffer from depression and anhedonia. It's not that I don't want to work because I'm a lazy piece of shit, it's that I can't find joy in my hobbies, hanging out with friends, sex, etc.

Anonymous 47549

>>47545
cringe lol wageslave when you can take it from a moid

Anonymous 47551

>>47546
Sorry, didn't mean to be a bitch about it. How does your disability get in the way of work? Most of the first world is working from home.

What treatments have you tried? Any medication you're on for your depression? Have you tried ECT?

In any case my point about happiness stands, it's rare and you shouldn't expect it. To search for joy is self destructive cause when it leaves you, which is inevitable, you'll think something is wrong when reality that's just how life is.

>>47549
I'm not a wageslave, I'm paid to study. I just think it's right to do your job to the best of your ability whether you're a farmer or an actual wageslave.

Anonymous 47552

>>47551

I have severe depression and social anxiety, which makes it impossible for me to keep a job where I have to interact with people. Or rather, get a job at all. There's no home office options available where I live.
I go to therapy once a week and I'm on various meds. They don't quite help.

Anonymous 47553

>>47552
Sorry to hear that your meds don't work as intended, so is your disability itself the depression and anxiety or is that a result of the disability?

Does your therapist do exposure training with you? How are they helping to alleviate the anxiety if at all?

Anonymous 47558

>>47538
I decided to commit suicide the only way I could: in rapid pursuit of my dreams until I achieve them or my body breaks down. If I feel like killing myself anyway, no reason to not recklessly pursue the only thing I care about.

Anonymous 47560

I have tried one too many times. It didn't work. Now I'm just waiting for death to come while I smoke cigarettes and make cancer get closer.

Anonymous 47562

>>47538
Fear. I'm too much of a pussy to even self harm, so how can I suicide?

Guilt. I have zero clue how either of my parents would handle it.

Life. There are a few things I enjoy, and I have faith that life will improve, so I don't want to miss out on enjoying them.

Anonymous 47563

Im a coward, plain and simple. Ive tried in the past but they're were a failure. I hated getting caught in the act.
Now I drive recklessly in hopes of dying in a accident. I also like the thought of alcohol poisoning. But I'm not a heavy drinker as I used to be.

Anonymous 47567

f1be80d118ee2afa4e…

I don't want to hurt people. As badly as I want to end things sometimes, imagining my mom or my best friend at my funeral tears a hole in my heart. The best thing would have been if I were never born at all, but I guess I'm stuck here now.

Anonymous 47568

Inertia and fear. I'm too used to living my current life. Stepping out of it, even to end the suffering, is too big a step to take.

Anonymous 47575

unnamed (1).jpg

Im pretty and a talented artist

Anonymous 47581

>>47538
I love eating delicious food, that's the main thing I look forward to. Sometimes I dress up and look cute. I have three family members that are always there for me. My husbando does fanservice and is always looking handsome. I live in a big city and I love discovering new neighborhoods and places to shop and eat. Life is just tiny things.

Anonymous 47582

>>47538
>what's stopping you from ending it all?
I'm in a bad depressive episode right now but I still think I can improve my life, also there's stuff I want to experience.

Anonymous 47584

i dont mind living its just my fears making it a nightmare. honestly wouldnt mind being in a coma for the rest of my life tbh. still technically alive but free to dream up a different universe for myself, where im happy and healthy.

Anonymous 47585

>>47575
no one cares

Anonymous 47587

>>47538
Reading this shitty website

Anonymous 47622

>>47538
I almost lost someone to suicide before. I came home to an empty house but I knew that the person was in the hostpital. I didn't know though if they were alive or dead and the screams and wails that came out of me are something that I would never believe I'd be capable of. I wouldn't want anyone to feel that pain.

Anonymous 48139

aa41aec1d483be22e1…

manga-style art requests and commissions. If I kill myself I won't get what these people are (most of the time) paying me to make done, and I'd just be letting them down in a way. I don't feel like that should matter though, I've let people down in other ways before quite a few times and the guilt seems to always follow me for a long time. Maybe when I'm done with these art commissions I'll finally end it, I'm already used to the self destructive habits of eating too much and self harm but I don't know how much more I can take

Anonymous 48148

>>48139
i would buy your commissions forever if it kept you alive

Anonymous 48152

>>48139

If that is made by you, you should really continue drawing. I really like the style.

How much do you ask per a commission?

Anonymous 48160


Anonymous 48379

>>47538
I thought I'd have done it by now. The truth is I don't know. I've had suicidal thoughts since my early teens.
I never did anything with my life because I thought I'd die soon so what was the point?

I often wonder if I've a greater purpose and that's why I'm still here. All those years of isolation and idleness must've meant something, right? Served a purpose, to lead me where I am supposed to be?
That's what I tell myself to pretend it wasn't all wasted time, there's something better waiting for me but my hope dwindles with the passing of each year…

A part of me doesn't want to end it all. I feel like I could be doing so much more. I've always wanted to make a positive impact on people's lives; but I don't think I'm capable of doing so when I'm not even able to help myself.

Anonymous 48386

Because I don't have any reason to die RIGHT NOW. Like, death will come inevitably, unless you know you are gonna suffer a fate worse than death in the future just fuck around and try to have fun. Life isn't always easy but bad times are there so you can appreciate the good ones more.

Anonymous 48390

Because if I die right now, it would merely negate the problem and make it worse for everyone. I also don't feel like I've penetrated far enough into life and experience to justify leaving it all behind.

Anonymous 48399

I fear that consciousness doesn't end, it's all the same observer. When I die, life continues. If I kill myself, then I, this consciousness, may move onto a less fortunate life. I'm just prolonging the inevitable.

If I ever were to kill myself on purpose, I'd need to be really happy.

Anonymous 48474

>>47538
The apathy really hinders the motivation to suicide despite having the means SN for example and knowing I just need to wake up take my antiemetic and kms.
Can only hope I do it soon because life is shit and nothing will change that.
I was probably meant to get hit by a car and die that way but since I am a shut in I escaped my natural death so need to do it myself.

Anonymous 48496

I'm afraid of death. Very much so, and I have been ever since I was 6 years old. I guess that means that in the end I deeply love living. I'm doing exactly what my primal instincts tell me to.
There's no fate imaginable that's more horrible than my consciousness getting erased forever. Of course, I won't feel it, but that's just part of the terror. I'd take a million years of afwul solitude over nothingness. I'd rather feel bad than feel nothing, in the end. Most of all, I want to think and keep thinking. And hopefully feel the breeze of spring on my cheek once again. It's all very selfish in the end. I just love any kind of sensory input over feeling nothing at all. It's egotistical.
I'm afraid of being forgotten much in the same way as being afraid to die. Even though I never do jack shit to make sure people will remember me. It's all in my head after all.

Anonymous 48497

>>48399
Huh I've never had the words to express that, but it's something I've always felt. I don't believe in reincarnation or afterlife or anything of the sort, but it's something weird that I can't describe. Like if I wasn't me, I'd be someone else.

Anonymous 48498

klL7IN_aDRU.jpg

>>47538
i'm much more afraid of what comes if you fail to kys, you'll still be alive but suffering more and worse, you'll be a huge burden on everyone around you: the medical staff, your parents, etc
every method has a chance to fail, and even 0,1% or less percent of survival scares me

Anonymous 48499

TFW bpd and cannot be sure of myself I am like a baby how can I decide to kill myself when my mind constantly changes no wonder am still alive.

Anonymous 48500

>>48498
take SN in a room with charcoal burning and do a partial suspension just as you shoot yourself in the head.

But anon please try one last time I do not want others to die if they could enjoy life…
Gone 100% dead

Anonymous 48508

Had suicidal tendencies when I was younger, probably from feeling trapped in my own life thinking that it would never change. But guess what? They changed and they always do. A new low is still new afterall, right?
So I kind of just kept going, and it got better eventually.
Also, I stopped fretting about things I had no control over.

Anonymous 48539

curiosity I guess
irrevocability of suicide
also what if
when your brain will be dying, your consciousness somehow will be suffering for a seemingly endless time in nowhere
I wouldn't know
I am afraid of abyss

Anonymous 48573

>>47538
snitches ruining my plans, actually planning as i want to go a certain way, getting to the place. getting rid of my stuff, acting happy so people won't be on my back.

however when i am in more positive mood i stay in hope i will adventure and have friends and live comfy life

Anonymous 48575

>>48500
that's just retarded, doing that many methods at the same time would increase your chances of fucking up.
pick one and make sure nobody will find you for 12+ hours, even if you fuck up if nobody can save you it'll eventually be over

Anonymous 48577

Spoiler

I hear so many horror stories, maybe others would class it as miracles that people survive botched suicide attempts but that in itself is tragic. The thought of suffering brain damage or some other debilitating problem ruining my life even more spooks me tf out.

I know of someone who jumped in front of a train and survived but lost their leg - how shit it would be to not only to be depressed but minus a leg so you’re unable to do things you may have enjoyed or be independent. Also saw a documentary of some woman who shot herself in the face, just barely survived but now she is extremely disfigured and blind, I mean what a way to make your life suck even more. I will prefer to be miserable than be miserable and disfigured/disabled/a vegetable from something self inflicted over a state of mind that could have passed

>(the woman in the photo was 18 when she shot herself, 21 after face transplant and happy to have survived)


Its best to just suck it up and suffer, death will come one day when it’s ready, welp.

Anonymous 48581

>>48577
>and happy to have survived
Is this supposed to be a bad thing?

If anything though, you just need to choose a proper way to commit suicide loser. She fucked up because she did not focus on the angle she needed to hit to actually die. You want the gun in your mouth pointed at the brainstem. There's a recent video of an antifa faggot doing this properly and peeling his head open like some hellish flower.

Anonymous 48582

>>48581
Better yet, just shoot through the side of your head. Most of the cases where an attempt at gunshot suicide fails is because the person tries to shoot upside their chin or near their mouth. Shoot through the side of the head to be sure.

Anonymous 48583

>why haven't you killed yourself yet?
care about my family too much and don't want them to deal with the pain of having me gone, especially after all they've done for me.

also i have a lot of goals and experiences i have yet to accomplish.

those are the main reasons, really. it does get hard sometimes tho, and my mind wavers to thinking about ending it. luckily ive been better at catching those thoughts and remembering why im still here, but i have my bad days.

Anonymous 48584

>>48581
Yeah it is a bad thing when you think in context had she of not shot herself in the face she would have most likely gotten over how she was feeling. Would have been just as bad had she of died over those feelings that in the end would have passed. The point I’m making is these are very permanent solutions for possibly temporary feelings.. and if it does go wrong would it have been worth it and I believe the answer to be - no. Nothing is worth possibly becoming a blind, disfigured, cripple for the rest of your life when you could have just been an able bodied, non disfigured person who can also see and then use these 3 qualifies to make life slightly more bearable.

>There's a recent video of an antifa faggot doing this properly and peeling his head open like some hellish flower.

>>48582
>Better yet, just shoot through the side of your head.
Woah, careful guys, you might cut somebody with all that edge.

I really hope op is alive >>47538 with the amount of edgy comments

Anonymous 48586

>>48577
I met a woman shopping at Wegmans who shot herself in the face and survived, it was because she was already depressed and had a horrific breakup. It was very sad. There are other ways to kill yourself. I'd never do it by gunshot. For the record, before someone assumes, my family member asked her because they thought she needed help, but mostly because they're very nosy - I would never ask someone about their deformity.

Suicide should be meticulously planned, imo. It's the most important decision you'll make and I would never do it on a whim for fear of fucking up and being in excruciating pain for who knows how long. That defeats the purpose entirely.

Anonymous 48609

>>48498
Ah, fucking up my own suicide has always been one of my biggest fears. Not only would you have to deal with the mortification and confusion from your family but also the permanent suffering from ruining your body.

Anonymous 48619

>>48584
>Yeah it is a bad thing when you think in context had she of not shot herself in the face she would have most likely gotten over how she was feeling.
Maybe, maybe not. I imagine the sudden realization that no, she did in fact want to live, was a boon to her. We can hypothesize that she would have been fine without it, but have no proof. All that we know now is she self-reports being happy.
>The point I’m making is these are very permanent solutions for possibly temporary feelings..
Most of the time yes, there's a lot of stupid reasons to commit suicide, and few good ones. However, if you can't trust someone to accurately decide if their life is worth living, what exactly can you trust them with? It would seem to me to be the fundamental decision that all the other ones spring up from.
>Nothing is worth possibly becoming a blind, disfigured, cripple for the rest of your life when you could have just been an able bodied, non disfigured person who can also see and then use these 3 qualifies to make life slightly more bearable.
Nothing is worth it? Not even the conscious recognition of the desire to live? Note, I do not mean to say that this was the only way for her to get it, but it certainly sounds like she found it.

Anonymous 48722

>>48583
Same but also sheer spite motivates me. I have some shitty thieving family members who hate that I even exist. Every success I make makes them just a little more miserable. If I killed myself, they'd rejoice and treat my parents and siblings (who I love) like garbage, citing how they knew that I'd eventually fail.

Anger, spite, and love are great motivators.

Anonymous 48742

I keep making vague plans to kill myself if I'm still single in x years and then when it the years pass and I'm still single I like drugs too much to never take them again so i up the time limit of my death

Anonymous 48820

>>47538
Well if you read scientific papers women are more likely to try to commit suicide but men will actually do it.
It's because generally men use lethal force while women do not.

It's quite fascinating actually, and that is why I have not killed myself yet.

Anonymous 49277

>>47538

Life is more fun when you share your misery with others.

Anonymous 49283

>>48722
same. get so angry at your circumstances, you dedicate your energy toward getting back at life itself

Anonymous 49429

>>48722
>>49283
>grew up dirt poor POC
>horrible childhood, endured bigots/white trash, attempted suicide etc. etc.
>work hard
>dream job get
>earn in top percentile
>all debts paid
>i can retire
>parents can retire on my dime too, they deserve it
>regularly donate to LGBT, POC, and women-focused scholarships and charities
>uplift my sisters so they can pursue their dreams


>Watch racist assholes in my past fall into obscurity, poverty, self-hate, and self-destruction


Amen.

Anonymous 49430

>>49429
>things that never happened the post

Anonymous 49432

>>49430
I feel bad for laughing, but you are probably right.

Anonymous 49433

>>49432
nobody goes from poor to rich and autosuficient in this world, they are born rich or criminals.
if anon was rich af from her job n stuff prob wouldnt even have time to post, life would be pure work.

Anonymous 49434

>>49433
>implying people with money have no free time
>what is passive income
your brain on neetdom

Anonymous 49438

20201223_205104.jp…

>>48577
You have to put the gun on your mouth, not aim on your fucking face. Jesus Christ, is not that difficult.
If I had access to guns like these retards who shot their face and survive I'd be long gone.

Anonymous 49442

My mom would be sad. I love my mom. I can’t do that to her.

Anonymous 49454

I don't like pain, and I live out of spite. My luck is terrible and my body is shitty but I still hold onto the slim chance that someday I'll get the love and positive reinforcement that I never got growing up.

Anonymous 49508

I need to take care of my cats I love them so much

Anonymous 49524

My parents would be crushed if I died.

So it’s better or me to stay alive despite being a depressed failure for them. I’ve already memorized the freight train night schedules. If both mom and dad die of covid, I’m gone.

Anonymous 49527

1513013129976.jpg

>Why haven't you killed yourself yet?
Simple answer: because the ride never ends.

Anonymous 49536

>>47538
Hope in God, tbh.
And I am afraid of failing.

Anonymous 49635

>>47545
Okay, off-topic and all, but duolingo sucks at learning langauges

Anonymous 49979

>>47538
Because killing yourself is possibly one of the most selfish acts possible.

All you are doing is taking your pain and forcing it to others instead of dealing with it yourself. There will always be a brother, sister, friend, etc. who will take your pain when you commit suicide.
>but nobody cares about me
Even if that's true, which is statically and biologically improbable, there's the kid that discovers your corpse, the officer that has to read your note and tell your parents the news, and the cleaner that has to mop up your brains. All of which will have to suffer from your actions. This is also not taking into account the tax dollars spent on education and the many public services you use, as well as the very expensive lot space for your grave or the very expensive energy cost for your cremation. All wasted because you couldn't handle it.

Killing yourself is just passing your pain to others, and there will always be a other even if you can't comprehend it.

Pic-related is a suicide call that's pretty depressing.

Anonymous 49989

self preservation kicks in really hard.


it is all meaningless, yet I continue to eat, study, think and so on.

self preservation instinct passed down for 3 billion years is hard to act against.

Anonymous 49998

lain1.jpg

i have a little brother who looks up to me a lot
he'd be devastated if i died

Anonymous 50000

>>49998
What about you does he look up to?

Anonymous 50002

>>49998
Is he cute anon? How old is he?
I always wanted to have a little brother, unfortunatelly I'm an only child.

Anonymous 50033

pmmmbench.png

I really hate little things that are "annoying", or uncomfortable/painful. Even if I don't like living, I think trying to kill myself again would be too annoying, especially if I failed.

Anonymous 50084

>>50002
My brother is super cute. He's 16 now, and he's 9 years younger than me. He's very sweet, intelligent, caring and loving and sensitive. When he was a kid, about 5-6 years old, my parents used to get offers to have him be a child model, but my parents refused for obvious reasons. However, one day, when we were on a trip to a place in our country which had a natural disaster a few months back, a photographer decided to take a photo of him because he looked really cute in our ethnic dress and the photo ended up on the front page of our local newspaper with the headline, "Tourists are finally returning to X". We have it framed in our house. I feel really lucky to have a good relationship with my brother.

Anonymous 50121

Why would you even want to kill yourself?

Anonymous 50122

>>50121
In the general sense? Some people see it as a means to escape their current suffering, with a level of neuroticism that doesn't allow them to consider such pain as a lesson or challenge, but as a curse in and of itself. The view being the only way to escape said curse to be stopping existing entirely. Personally? I have felt the urge to kill myself only a couple times when I thought there was no way forward to where I wanted to go, it tooks years to realize that instead of killing myself I should just throw myself at my problems until I die, since in that case, I am committing suicide in quite possibly the most painful and prolonged manner possible.

Anonymous 50123

I think about it almost every day, whether or not I'm experiencing a depressive episode.
I guess being in a relationship is stopping me. He wouldn't understand at all why I would kill myself.

separatism with super best friend 50287

0CB3E665-7FDB-4842…

Hey anons

sorry if this is schizo or dumb it’s 4 am when i usually sleep at 12am and i just was thinking about having a relatable significant other that’s a retarded robot and getting through life together with her, losing our magical autism powers and growing old and living for each other

separatism with super best friend 50288

>>50287
oh my god i posted this in a thread one sec

Anonymous 50307

>>48139
I’ll pay 25$ if you show me some more of your work

Anonymous 50318

i dunno..i guess it doesn't really make any difference if i kill myself right now or if i die of natural causes in 50 years. and i know my family will be relieved if i do it. one less mouth to feed

Anonymous 50349

>>50318
>i know my family will be relieved if i do it. one less mouth to feed
):
you are certainly worth more than your resource eating, now

Anonymous 50386

death is inevitably going to happen, why go early. just waiting to see how things turn out

Anonymous 50407

i still have delusions that i'm going to make and produce great things one day. please believe in me!

Anonymous 50430

>>50407
We believe in you anon. You still have plenty of time left. Don’t mistake fame as having produced something great. Some geniuses go unrecognised their whole lives. Do what feels right.

Anonymous 50434

>>50430
i really appreciate this, thanks

Anonymous 50458

I still somehow think things are going to end up okay.

And death terrifies me.

Anonymous 50470

At one point I really thought I might have, my abusive ex was stalking me and threatening me with revenge porn and I thought it was my only choice.
I am really lucky I had the support of my university's title 9 office because they provided me with a safety plan and put my ass into therapy when I mentioned I was feeling that way.

Shortly after that I met my current partner who stood by my side in court while I filed for a restraining order and stuck by me through it all.
We graduated college and got decent jobs and built a small little family, the two of us and our dog.

I'm so happy I didn't end it, and that those people were there for me. My life is full of love and purpose and I love my job.

Before the pandemic I was the happiest I'd ever been, and I know things will get back to that sometime in the future.

Anyway stay alive bitches, it actually does get better they're not fucking lying about that.



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