Dating general Anonymous 47739
Continuing from >>>29416
Holiday season coming up. Want to break up since my boyfriend's been sharing a lot of personal stuff about me (some family is in a domestic violence situation now) with people who I barely know.
Going to get him something for Christmas, debating on what but I might just do a cake and nothing else. Low effort, low cost, can't say I didn't do anything. End it in 2021.
I hope I'm not needy. I asked for communication from my boyfriend because I was with him in his house and he basically ignored me the whole day. I know he didn't feel good and was busy with school, but it kills me how even with school, I always manage to worry and care about him. All I needed was an "I need space" or something. I stopped trying to make him feel better or talk after a while of me trying to make him feel better in various ways and I left him alone. This morning, he jumped out of bed to do some quiz and didn't say anything to me (I didn't know about the quiz until later) so I decided to leave his house for that day. I'm just broken, it's like he doesn't care about me and his go-to reason is "school", but I feel like part of that is bullshit. I have school, too, and I would not, have not treated him the way same.
I texted him about how I'd appreciate more communication from him in terms of him telling me what he's feeling because I wouldn't have felt so abandoned this morning or yesterday if he simply voiced he needed space or had to do x thing. But I'm scared that's asking too much and I'm being needy. He said he doesn't want to talk about that, so I asked that he commit to a day because he often puts off our talks that have conflict in them. I feel bad I asked him for a specific day because maybe it's manipulative instead of me just letting us not ever talk about it if he doesn't want to. But I hate how scared he is of conflict and his communication. Maybe I'm making things worse by requesting a specific time since he doesn't want to talk about it now. He said the day after tomorrow which I still feel is super long considering I didn't think my problem with him was that terribly big of a deal; it's a bigger deal nothing has changed.
Anon are you clinically insane? Like is this just rhetoric, or are you actually worried that you're being too needy and asking for too much here?
I hope you know he's being a completely shitty partner and it's honestly not about communication. He doesn't care at all about you. Do you even get anything from this relationship apart from stress and worry?
I've been trying to figure that out for myself. He blames his shortcomings on school, usually, so it's like this dangling bait that promises things will improve. I am diagnosed with BPD, but have been in treatment for it for a while, hence why I question everything I do. I feel scared I come off as too clingy and that me leaving his house this morning is evidence that I'm acting out BPD or something because I didn't tell him since he was in the middle of said quiz he jumped out of bed for and didn't say anything to me, save for telling me to close windows because the heater was on.
I feel like all my actions are wrong and like I lean towards neediness because of my BPD diagnosis. I want to become more independent, but I often feel confused between what the divide of independence and dependence is. That's why his behavior is something I don't immediately think is awful even though I wish he were more communicative.
i posted a little about this in vent thread a few days ago, but im kind of struggling on what to do. to be as to the point as possible, i love my boyfriend. we met online 3 years ago and he was very, very cruel to me. he hurt me in many ways and i stopped speaking to him for almost 2 of those years. we began speaking again in january and things have been really great and he changed a lot as a person. i got a full time job, saved up, and moved with him this past september.
things have been great aside from me missing home. hes very kind and supportive and caring. he works 6 days a week and my only tasks include cleaning (which i dont mind) and trying to enroll in college again.
now heres where i struggle:
hes a lot more immature and less goal-oriented. i have a lot of goals and i get stuff done as needed, but he often wants to sit on his computer. and i get that…he works 6 days a week! but i just wish he would study for his permit (i have mine and plan to get my license when i can practice more) or maybe have some goals for the future. i feel really cruel, and i guess this is what i signed up for because i knew his personality beforehand. he likes to joke around or play games in his free time.
i feel like a bitch…i cant change him and im proud that he at least has a fulltime job, but i want him to grow and pursue more things. hes 20 and im 19. will this change? people said age has nothing to do with it and its what i signed up for. i dont know if i made a bad choice or something? i think longterm and i just worry. this is also my first real relationship so i dont know if these are just obstacles or things people accept with their partner.
You should swap things so that you work six days a week and he can only have the expectation that he cleans and enrols in college. Is he supporting you both right now? What does he do? Is it a stressful workplace or job?
Anyway, give the six day grind a few months to a year to really set in on you and then see what happens to your goals and ambitions, plus you’ll get to see him when he has his full energy available.
It sounds like you’re looking for validation of your doubts. Here’s the bottom line: If he isn’t enough of a striver to match your self-image then you should do him a favour and end the relationship. Chances are strong that as you go through college you’ll find him even less attractive, so better you break up with him earlier, get a clean start, and support yourself than hang around in the relationship as a mooch until you find a new guy to accidentally trade up to.
Alternatively you could tell us how your life plans of being college educated tie into having this bf. What’s he supposed to do in the plan? Keep working six days a week until you graduate? Sorry if I come off as grumpy.
says, just end it now. Why do you want to draw it out with the whole low-effort Christmas sham?
Recently I met a guy at uni who kind of struck me and did something no other man has done before - he actually respected me. We worked on studying for exams together and he treated me like a real peer, made me feel like an equal, asked for my input and listened to what I had to say. He didn't flirt or try to make me laugh, didn't glance down my top or stare at me when he thought I couldn't see him. My battery died while we were in the library, so he gave me a jump and waited around so I wouldn't be alone in a dark car park, but didn't try to take advantage of the situation. Since then we've seen each other around, and he always greets me with a warm smile and a wave.
I've never really had much luck dating, primarily due to the fact my taste in partner is pretty limited, but after a friend overheard he liked me, I've been considering asking him out. Am I just desperate? He's very much not my type, but I've never been on equal footing with any man and I'm not sure if it's very attractive or just a trick of the mind trying to get me to latch onto him because it was satisfying.
not anon but possible that anon already has a lot of stress with her family and their dv situation and doesn't feel like dealing with added stress of a breakup
its okay, i appreciate that you are blunt.
he mostly supports us both, yes. hes not always the best with his money so ive been having to pull from my savings for groceries and such which i dont mind. its definitely not stressful, he works night shift and its an easy factory job (he tells me hes smoked weed/slept during shift sometimes and nobody has noticed) but it is a lot because its still 48 hours a week.
i think im being really inconsiderate. i remember when i worked fulltime i was really sleepy and exhausted unless it was the weekend. ive offered to work as well but he wants me to focus on school. i feel bad because i think i am being quite a bitch. the thing is, he never really has had any goals.
i guess it is a little upsetting that as i grow and get my degree, he’ll still be working a dead-end job. it just frustrates me sometimes because hes so intelligent, and even with studying for his permit—of 30 minutes he spends online he can be using to study. i guess i just wish he would have some sort of goals further than what he is doing now. i ask him kindly and just give up (with studying his permit) but i think i should be taking a more aggressive approach and offering my help and setting it all up.
additionally, i feel bad because i dont know how he is even supposed to ever study for a career when he has to work 6 days a week. his younger sibling just dropped out of college due to mental health, all of which they paid for, yet they never even had a college fund for my boyfriend. things are nice now, but i just worry for the future when i have an actual career and have reached some of my goals and hes still working that factory job, shitting around online. i love him and its so unfair to leave him due to this, is there a way i can even help? i dont want leaving him to be the answer. he doesnt even have to go to college i just wish he could show some initiative or maybe get into a hobby. i just want him to have a drive for something because hes so intelligent.
You are being inconsiderate, yes, but you are also accurately identifying that your craving for him to be higher status than he is. You see him working a blue-collar “dead end” job and helping you raise your status by supporting you during a focused college education, and you worry that at the end of the process he will be an “underachiever” (low-status label) while you have “goals” and “plans” (labels that connote high-status potential via the striver mentality) that will mean you “achieved” something (status marker in this case being >lmaocollege). You foresee that if this does happen it will be a problem for you, because you see having a boyfriend who is lower status than you as a problem. If you saw him demonstrating striver characteristics than this would reassure you that he is likely to match or exceed your status later, right? But he doesn’t, so you are dissatisfied.
So there are only three outcomes. Either he changes into enough of a striver to satisfy your cravings for the time being (and into the future), you change to perceive what he does have as being high status in some other way, or the relationship withers on the vine. Also, if the third happens but you stay with him long enough to take advantage of his support, then you will forever feel like a parasite (probably accurately if we look at the facts).
One thing we haven’t heard is what you think his perspective is on this, which is a little bit strange. All your posts have been all about you and your feelings. What do you suppose are his feelings on the situation and on your future?
>>47776>He's very much not my type
What is your type, and how’s he different to it?
I guess to really simplify it, I like art hoes and he's more of a himbo. I've only had two actual boyfriends, and they were both artists, very expressive and sensitive, reserved and quiet, but very much extroverts. Physically they were about my height, quite thin, had little body hair, a little athletic and with sharp features which I love. The other guys I've dated are similar. However, this guy is a STEM student, very logical, but also jovial with a loud and slightly weird personality and a strong sense of humour, but clearly introverted. Physically he's like 6'2, hairy, a little overweight, but incredibly strong. I've seen him carry a 60-70kg box down two flights of stairs for a lecturer just to be polite.
Sounds like you’re kinda attracted to him. If you are attracted to him then go for it. If not then don’t. Get your body’s input.
its not just about college, im not trying to use that as a marker of success and i should have been more clear. its just the fact that i have goals and things i want to work toward while he is content with keeping things as they are forever. and i wouldn’t mind if he just had some sort of drive for something.
as for his thoughts/feelings regarding our future: he always talks about beginning a family one day and traveling and marrying me. he talks about wanting to make art and music (and he has made some music in the past and had some internet fame from it). he has told me before he never really had goals and is fine just sitting on his computer and staying at his job. and the more i type about this, the more i realize how silly im being. in the end i guess i just wish he acted more mature and had some goals for himself. i want him to study for his permit and go to the doctor (instead of always cancelling) like he should and things like that…and i just would like if he had some other goal or hobby aside from trolling online in his free time. even if he found a nice game or something. its not really his job or education that i fuss about (though his dad has offered him a really good job i wish he would take!) its just wishing he would do better for himself and work harder.
Considerate and respectful STEM himbos reign superior honestly, I can't stress this enough. I was in a similar situation, I always went for the skeletally thin artsy creative guys before my current partner who I knew for a while as friends and initially figured was not my type, until we hung out and developed feelings and fuck I have never been so happy.
Alright, I'm going to go out on a limb and see if there's some kind of real attraction there. I am slightly intimidated by him being twice my size.
Sorry but that just doesn't add up.
Yeah you're right about true himbos, I guess this term is overused nowadays when people including me just mean something like laid back, kinda wholesome, socially uncomplicated and straightforward guys.
>accidentally walk in on bf in the bathroom
>He's sitting on the toilet masturbating
>Awkward, immediately apologize and leave
>He says sorry and tells me to come back
>Tries to show me he was "using" pictures of me
Why do men think we're so stupid? Like damn I know you weren't jerking it to me… He was looking at porn and I just feel insulted that he thinks I'm so gullible.
‘Accidentally’ let him find you jilling off to some BBC porn
My boyfriend took a break because he thinks I'm too neurotic. I've improved a lot over the course of the relationship, but I think he was stressed when he made the decision because we were both going through finals.
I love him, and I want to be with him. But should I? Can I ever trust that he truly wants to be with me if he wants to get back with me? We still text, or rather, I still text, and he's occasionally asked about me (but he's not as engaged as I am with him). I wonder if he's stringing me along, but that reminds me of my paranoia mode and I'd like input on whether him stringing is a greater than average possibility.
breaks and getting back with someone you almost or kinda broke up with rarely works, because now it's established that there are some pretty normal life and personality things that are enough to break you up.
In a relationship where breaking up has never been on the table, of course you don't fully know how far the two of you could go (unless you've already lived through some really difficult events), but at least potentially you could stick together even through the hardest of times, family members dying, severe mental illness, job loss.
once the end of the relationship is brought up, however, the limits become clear, and they are close to what your life is currently like, and the people you are. There's very little slack, and little hope of security. Even if the factors that lead to the threat were to improve, you would always know that if something like a stressful life event causes you to revert, it would be too much for your partner.
Pathetic adult turbo virgin here. How do I tell if a frequent customer likes me?
>a couple of months ago talking to a coworker about people often mispronouncing or fucking up my name,
>He comes up to my register
>"huh? but your name is anon right? pretty simple."
>wasnt wearing a name tag
>recently, tends to come in on the Fridays I'm working and makes small talk about video games. waits a little longer to listen to me even if im rambling
>asks how my week or day is going
>remembered I play dnd and asked me about that once
I dont know what to do. I try to ask little things to talk to him more. I dont want to sound desperate. am i reading too much into it?
Im also kind of fat??? i would be surprised if he actually liked me. maybe hes just being nice. how should i flirt without being weird about it?
>>48381>Im also kind of fat
American kind of fat or just extra 10-15 kg?
Well, the thing is, I just graduated college, which is why I have hope. That's a major life change for me. We haven't officially broken up, I'm kind of fuzzy, honestly, on what this even is - a "break break" where it's like "ooh shit, I'm on thin ass ice"", or if it's "break" as in "I need a few weeks to cool off because you're smothering me and I'm stressed". I've asked for details on the parameters of our break and he provides none, he's not the best with conflict or difficult things to talk about. We're still talking, though not as often before the break, so I assume that's a good sign.
I don't know what's wrong with me I am and have always been horribly lonely, but I hate that I'm already not interested from the start when I know someone's interested in me.
When people have a crush on you, you know what they want and they let you get away with anything it's annoying, don't agree with everything I say you don't mean it.
Not that I'm a mega stacy with dms full of dudes, but the few times a man has tried talking to me it ended up like that, and the one time I had no idea he liked me was even worse initially I never had a friend confess to me out of no where, that also brought up feelings of "oh so this is what he wanted" and the fact that I was even upset with that made me even more upset because he had been there through so much for me and I was such a shit person that I couldn't fathom someone just being nice and not wanting something in return
So basically I want to be with someone but the process of getting there is annoying I'm probably autistic
I'm still trying though, if it's been a month should I even bother responding to a guy I was talking to?, it just feels rude at this point.
>>48395>if it's been a month should I even bother responding to a guy I was talking to?, it just feels rude at this point.
Go for it. He'll either happy about it or he'll be annoyed and you can just stop messaging him because you can end online relationships more easily.
Enjoy your (you) scrote
We all just need to squish some cute big boobies, it will make everyone happy!
How can you tell if you actually like someone?
My moid is a very sweet moid but I just kind of find him annoying. We aren't dating anymore but he still tries to help me with stuff and taking naps with him is nice on occasion.
Am I some sort of psychopath? I don't get feelings for people anymore.
It's just a temporal thing at least you have somebody mentally stable.
Do you mean temporary?
It's been like this for about a year. I don't want to end up marrying this guy.
where did you find this seal
It's actually a blobfish but it doesn't look like one because most blobfish are uglier. It's a beautiful blobfish. A stunning girl.
Here's a few more.
lol i was shitposting because its position was very seal like but it is a beautiful fish, no lie there. i hope whoever took the picture didn't hurt her.
Anon I don't think there's anything wrong with you for not liking it when you know someone has been interested in you from the start. I think it isn't too much to ask for that we want people to like us for who we are. Chances are if someone has been interested in you from the beginning, then how likely are they to have liked you for you and not for some projection they made up in their head? I don't have any advice to give you- just that I feel the same way as you and I think it is a reasonable way to be!
Anon it's a blobfish, it's dead. They only look like that after being depressurized.
Look at the photo of it coming up onto the boat. It very much looks like the left rather than the right. It does not look rapidly depressurized. Maybe for some reason it came up to the surface slowly by its own, who knows. It has very distinct form and doesn't look blobby at all.
Turns out it's a lumpfish, not a blobfish btw guys
Thank you I was wondering why it looked so different.
I love how stupid fish names are. Here's another lumpfish.
I need advice, gals. I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask since I'm not dating anyone (and never have before)
I've been thinking of just joining Tinder and lose it (everything, first kiss first time). I'd much prefer to meet someone in real life but since I have no friends I don't go out and I have online classes.
I've always wanted to lose it who someone who loved me and vice versa but real life isn't Twilight and I highly doubt I'll find anyone who'll put up with me in the long term.
I just want to start living a little. I'm 20 and I spent my teenage years alone in my room. But because of that I haven't had much chance to develop social skills so I don't know how to interact with people much less hold a conversation.
I'm also afraid of rejection. I think that would severely destroy the last remnants of my self-esteem. I'm very average looking and I'm just really shy and socially awkward so I guess many will get impatient with me and ghost me.
Well I really don't know what to do. Sorry if this got lengthy.
try something like okcupid or an actual dating site, not a hookup site
Thank you queen,, >>48400
I did he was nice about it so now it's only been three days since I've responded instead of a month, I'm slow
I'm kinda in the same boat anon. Furthest I've gone is like "second base" but besides that I've never gone on a date, been in a relationship, or really initiated anything with a guy. And I don't know where to start but I'm tired of my lack of experience, I'm 20 btw.
I'm really not into dating apps because of how unnatural and forced they feel, but it is really hard to meet people (especially right now) and I'm a pretty shy/anxious person.
Rejection would also kill me, and I'm terrible with initiating things.
Don't know where to start.
Should I try Hinge?
I was on Tinder twice but the men I met there never actually seemed interested in dating.
I have no interest in hookups so that might be why Tinder was so bad. I don't want to have sex again until marriage or engagement or whatever so it's hard to find a bf but I want to start dating again because I'm so damn lonely. Is it worth it?
I am beginning to accept that I have terrible, terrible taste in men. Every guy I've dated has fallen into a specific type and it never ends well but I'm a sucker for romance. How do I reprogram myself to prefer more stable guys? Is /r/femaledatingstrategy semi-legit or just a meme?>>48541>>48594
I hate to sound patronizing but imo you guys might end up regretting losing your virginities to random hookups. I agree with the other anon to try actual dating sites, ease into things with online dating first. If you play video games you can try and form a connection there. With COVID everything's kind of weird but once things are somewhat back to normal, try joining clubs or hanging out at places guys you would be interested in would hang out at (library, coffee shops, concerts, etc). Good luck, I understand not wanting to wait too much longer but don't just throw yourself at the first dude who gives you attention either because chances are he will be undeserving. >>48756
I have no advice here but just wanted to say I relate. Sometimes I think about just giving into hookup culture but I know it'd just make the loneliness worse.
Update: I haven't gotten any matches on Hinge I think I should just keep talking to my ex.
>>48758>Is /r/femaledatingstrategy semi-legit or just a meme?
FDS is literally just about not letting men treat you like shit. It's legit if you're not brainwashed into thinking men who put zero effort in can be good partners.
where do you work? it kinda sounds like he does, it doesn't seem like normal small talk to me. I don't know what I'd do in that situation but I'd be surprised if he DIDN'T like you honestly. fat girls with nerdy interests can be pretty attractive to a certain sort of dude who doesn't want to waste time dealing with normies and just wants someone he can be himself around and feel special with.
That's exactly it, I AM brainwashed. I want a dude who will put effort into me but the ones I go for seem to give up the ghost a year or so into the relationship. Reading the handbook right now, wish me luck in not being a dumb handmaiden next year, miners.
Is anyone else just really bad at showing you want to be romantic?
I've been talking to a guy I like and I think he's similar in that we're just being friendly with eachother until we can meet again.
What I'm worried about is going too slow and he moves onto someone else and also moving too fast. We've only met once because of lockdown so nothing sexual between us yet.
Am I thinking too much into this?
It's now happened twice where I've been attracted to a dude, but repulsed when they show interest back.
Do I hate myself or am I just gayer than I thought, thus horrified by the thought of actually being with a man irl?
Logically I have decided not to engage with men anyway, but the change into outright disgust is odd. And disconcerting. Ideally I'd feel neutral about this.
Does this happen to anyone else here? What's up?
I want a gf but hate dating apps and my friend told me to just go up to random girls and ask them out. I can't tell if that's a normal thing to do. Personally the idea fills me with anxiety, especially at the thought of making random girls uncomfortable. I've had men I'm super not into hit on me in public and it's always a bad experience, I don't want anyone to feel that way even though I myself am a woman.
Not to mention most girls are straight so I'd definitely feel lots of embarrassment with this approach
Both are less than ideal options so you should date me, perhaps not ideal, but not one of the other options either
give dating apps a try, I've met some decent girls on there. Be prepared to sift through a bunch of polyamorous girls with boyfriends and trannies though
I've been on dating apps for like 5 years and I've found a few toxic people, now I'm single again. I'm just sick of the endless cycle, swiping is depressing when I've been at it for so long.
>>48381>work midnight shift at supermarket>same cute guy comes in every other day>dressed for casual business at 2AM>always buys some variation of the same things>stops to talk to me about videogames and RPG's after he saw me with UNATCO and Brotherhood of Steel badges on my bag>talked about the philosophy of Cyberpunk for over 20 minutes last night>let someone buy some shopping and patiently waited to continue discussing corporate consolidation theory>always so smiles so sweetly with his handsome fucking grin asdfhfghjkl>not fat, just ugly
I have no idea. Maybe they just want to flirt with someone they have some measure of power over. Either way I think the next time I see him I'm going to give him my steam name and ask to play games together.
This doesn't sound like flirting to me, just chatting. Exchanging Steam names sounds nice but treat him like a friend and let him make the first move towards anything romantic in case you are reading him the wrong way.
thats just finding someone who has the same interest and wishing to chat to them
He wants to get back with me. Am I a dumbass if I say yes? I am cautious because this is the first guy I fell in love with.
I don't know, I guess people would disagree, but when a guy seeks out a girl to talk to one-on-one, there's usually some romantic (or sexual) intent there.>>48980
This is cute, pls update.
say no, it sounds like you have a bit too much dependency on this guy and i think you should be single and independent for a while
you can always fall in love again
>>49162>you can always fall in love again
You have never been in love and probably never will.
Nah i've been in love twice, both times i enjoyed a long term relationship with them and both times it felt different but it was still love
the world is full of men and women who i'd be compatible with and could learn to love or fall in love with compulsively
i'd never stay with someone who has more pros than cons just because i have an emotional attachment to them, hence why i ended it with my last boyfriend regardless of my feelings
don't get caught up in the idea that you have "one true love that can't be replaced" as that idea is used to trap women and keep them in abusive relationships
It's up to you and what feels right to you. You probably know deep down whether it's the right choice or not already.
Thanks for the confirmation.
okay anon, make sure you call the domestic abuse hotline eventually
>>49182>taking a break = he's an abuser
I mean I'm not saying that looks good for their relationship but abuse is a pretty big jump
I agree with the first part. It's taken so much out of me emotionally to accept my relationship might not occur again that when he said he wanted to get back, I felt numb because of shock. The break was good in that it did give me some extra clarity on our relationship. I'm not sure I could just leave this person, though, in terms of deciding there's more fish in the sea I could fall in love with - I don't form attachments easily in the way I loved him. I felt very independent from my exes. >>49166
Well, I'm hesitant because I have been in long term relationships before that were 3+ years each. I did love the person I was with, but not in the way I love this guy. It felt like I loved my best friend who I also enjoyed sexual intimacy with for my exes. With this guy, it's completely different. I definitely fell for him and sometimes I wish I tried harder to restrain myself.
I understand the issues with the idea of "one true love". I don't believe there is necessarily only one true love available for me, but I don't think they're terribly common (at least for me). I am pretty sure he doesn't view me the same way, but I accept it because I could tell my exes were in love with me despite me explaining to them I didn't love them in the same way. >>49172
I want to be back with him but I feel ravaged by the month I haven't been with him. It sounds stupid, but it's been so traumatic (I quit smoking at the same time, my sister's baby daddy came into me, etc.) to not have anyone (I have no friends and I haven't been able to find new ones because of corona) that it's like, I have to settle into the idea of being with him again.
Plus, I am tired of shouldering all the problems of the relationship as a "me" problem. While I'm capable of admitting my mistakes and figuring out my own mistakes, he can't do that. It's like he can't introspect on his actions. But if that's how he is, it's not necessarily his fault. I'm thinking of having some dates or meetings with him to establish what is going to be different this time around.
>>49184>It felt like I loved my best friend who I also enjoyed sexual intimacy with for my exes
I'm kinda curious what's the difference between this and your current guy, since that all sounds pretty good to me. With the best friend comment, do you mean you felt less romantic passion for them, I guess?
>While I'm capable of admitting my mistakes and figuring out my own mistakes, he can't do that. It's like he can't introspect on his actions. But if that's how he is, it's not necessarily his fault.
It might not be his "fault" that he's like this, but it doesn't mean you have to put up with it. It's more likely that he could change but just doesn't care enough to, and if he's so legitimately retarded that he can't do that, why do you want to be with him exactly? It also never feels good to be in a position where you feel like you care more than the other person. I wouldn't know of course, but if your exes cared about you more than you cared about them (referencing you saying you didn't love them "in the same way") that might have been a factor in why they're now your exes, one way or another.
It's okay to meet with him again, but you should be firm on your boundaries and expectations, and if he shows no willingness to empathize with you or at least respect your feelings, it'd probably be for the best you give up on this guy.
Nah that was more a response to anon than the initial anon
the love you feel in the present will always feel more powerful than love in the past
*came onto, not into>>49185
I felt zero romantic passion. I would do things for them that were "romantic" to keep them happy and because I knew that stuff is expected out of you in a relationship. But I never felt in love with them. I was very honest I felt this way.
I suffer from zero friend syndrome so I know if I don't get in a relationship, I will have no friends. I did not feel any dependence on my exes in the way I feel that for my ex. As long as they would talk to me like a regular best friend or close friend would, I was fine.
With this guy, it feels like a joke to call it romantic. It feels like I actually love him, is the difference. It's not just that I don't want him to be harmed. I want him, actually, with every fiber of my being, and I want to feel like I'm one pure creature with him (though I know of course that we are individuals). I now see why my exes decided to stay with me despite knowing I didn't share their feelings for me. Although this guy says he's in love with me, I don't have much reason to believe he's experiencing that passionate love I feel, or even how my exes felt for me. By contrast, my exes were clearly genuine, for all their faults, about being in love with me.
I broke it off with my exes eventually. One for not much of a reason, I just realized how frustrating his personality was despite how sweet he was, the other because there was a lot of sexual problems that I waived away since I was used to that happening to me growing up.
I will do my best and keep you all updated. I didn't think he'd come back to me so soon, and now it's a question I can't just let him answer for me in terms of whether we get back together or not. >>49188
At the time I characterized my relationships this way to other people, though. I also told my partners at the time I wasn't in love with them. I don't think it's just an illusion I am more anxious about my future with this person than them.
finally got over my anxiety and started using a dating app despite being against them for so long. just recently found this guy i hooked up with on it lol
not sure if i should like him or not, we haven’t talked since the hookup
guys who are looking for hookups arent really dating material
i lowkey dooo wanna hookup with him again tho
then don't try and date him trust me
wait are you looking to just date him so you don't feel bad about having a hookup?
im down to date or hook up with him again whatever happens. i just felt awkward about liking his profile considering we havent spoken since we last hooked up lol
He won't fucking post me publicly.
I finally got up the nerve to tell him to post a pic of us to his snapchat story and he posted a fucking privated story. I was like wtf? His excuse is he doesn't want his ex to see it and try bothering us because apparently she ran something of a smear campaign on him and got another girl to break up with him before and stalks him blah blah.
I don't know what to believe anymore, I just feel fucking stupid.
why is his ex able to view his snapchats is she's that psycho
Anons I'm super nervous. I've been losing some weight and feeling much more confident in myself lately, and today I received gossip from an older coworker that some male coworkers are into me. She didn't specify but I have an idea/maybe delusional hope of who he/they might be. The problem is I'm an autist and don't know how to handle myself around guys. Tomorrow I'm going to try and get more details out of her but for now I'm freaking out. What should I do? Should I even go for it? How do I calm down? The men mostly work in a different section so the relationships wouldn't be frowned upon if something did happen. I'm just so nervous and just got out of an e-lationship that was going nowhere. Will update when I can I suppose.
Careful with workplace relationships. If you work in close quarters with them, things are bound to get messy quick.
Turns out I'm not over my ex so I'm not even gonna bother, just gonna bask in the temporary ego boost. Thank you anon, there are actually a lot of inter-company relationships here due to the nature of the job. So if I ever change my mind, bagging myself an engineer wouldn't be a big deal lol
Do you think men lie in a relationship to make you like them more? I’m dating this guy currently and we are in the beginning phases of our relationship. It’s like he’s too good to be true. It makes me feel suspicious. Is my perception of men so warped that I can’t fathom the fact there are good men who actually exist?
Yes, this is very common unfortunately. They go along with whatever you say you like so so they can get laid. When they realise this isn't happening (or not fast enough) they will drop you immediately.
Try asking some questions to catch him out. If he fails or gets angry, he's a fake.
Yeah a bunch of them do lol. Not only intentionally, they genuinely convince themselves they are or will be X after hearing you're looking for X in a partner (but will obviously revert back after the novelty and honeymoon wears off).
Only look at actions, and get a picture of who he is with friends and family. Basically ignore everything a guy says about himself unless it's credible in a broader context. Doubly so when it's one of the guys who insist you give them an exact checklist of what you want to prevent "guessing games". (This could also be the old 'tism though, and/or them not realizing how much women need to vet because esp nerdy men want female company so much more that they will say anything to get it, and employ as much motivated cognition as needed to fake things even to themselves.)
In my current relationship I took this to the extreme, just made sure we're both looking for a monogamous life partner, and then kept memeing about how retarded explicit communication is and how we should just vibe for a bit. We already knew each other and had lots of interesting stuff in common so we knew we would have lots of fun together, this was more about lifestyle, intimacy, and other relationship behaviour and expectations. Discovering all this stuff slowly and through actions and spontaneous conversations has been amazing for trust. I just get a stronger feeling that he cares, we know each other as people, and he's not just shooting for the bare minimum effort to get me to stick around (and now we actually do communicate well even explicitly lmao).
Would risk a lot of time doing this with random dates though, so there early communication is needed more. But dating apps and such are extremely cursed in general, better to make friends with male friends.
What type of questions should I ask to notice these things? Or the general actions I should keep a close eye on? I told him I liked musicians and now he's learning a new instrument. It's very sweet how he's changing himself to impress me, but I don't like how he's picking up a new hobby solely for me. He should do what he likes, not what I like.
>>49396>I told him I liked musicians and now he's learning a new instrument
That seems a bit fakey. He's either not sure of himself or just wants to get laid.
How do you get a friend to get over you?
Honestly I've found that guys never get over crushes and feelings.
Best way to dull those feeling I've found is to just cut them out of your life for months, years, or maybe even forever
i've done that anon, he's really creepy hope he gets over himself
help i found a really good guy but i am ruining it with my borderline and i feel like shit and cant stop dissociating.
i dont know why i am like this i just fucking hate myself and i am considering ending it if i fuck up another relationship especially with the given sociopolitical climate and how old i am.
i cant even enjoy being around him anymore because i cant stop thinking about how i ruin it and then i ruin it more and then i fixate on when it will end.
i mean the second it feels off or it seems like someone is getting over me even a little i just fucking freak. i just cant even relax and accept things or accept that someone could like me.
i mean i dont get it maybe i should go back on stupid medications but they make me less sexual or give me health scares. i just cant catch a break and therapists help very little.
i'm sorry, i have no advice to offer you but i can relate. borderline is suffering i'm so lonely
i just want to meet a qt nonconformist individualistic, critical thinker, misanthropic bf to isolate from society with that isn't like… a complete pornsick 4chan browsing incel
same here. I feel like I can only work out with internet dudes because my entire life has been so steeped in internet culture and normies don't understand my experiences (no I wasn't groomed by pedos but still), but god are internet dudes tiring. Even the virgins. Dating virgins is a meme, don't fall for it. I've dated 3 and by now I believe that if you haven't had any romantic interactions in your 20s then there is
something wrong with you. Fuck that idea of "you can train your guy to be the way you want", they'll be completely autistic about relationships and not used to the female mindset or anything of the sort. All they know is how to treat other moids and it's so hard for them to learn how to be a bf even if you take them by the hand and give them fucking to-do lists. I used to be so insecure about dating anyone who has had gfs and sex before because I felt like I would be compared to them but in the end that never happened. Moids with experience have an easier time navigating gfs and you don't have to be tutorial mode gf. Fuck this gay earth
Ok, so we have similar tastes in videogames, we have amazing conversations about dumb nerd shit, he studied the same field I'm studying, we get along really well, he's fucking cute as hell and he said I was cute. My shift starts in 20 minutes, so I'm going to wait for him to come in and I'm going to ask if we can hang out as a date.
He just came in. I asked and he agreed. He's coming back in 50 mins when my shift is over so we can hang out. Very excite.
My bf took his shirt off for me today for the first time…
His chest was really flabby…
He isn't overweight at all so it surprised me
Like… all of his fat is… located on his pecs?
It really bothered me and he probably noticed and got insecure
…what do? Leave him?
Are you sure your boyfriend is a "he"?
Yeah he's a guy
His pecs are just kinda big and not because of muscle…
Could be gynecomastia if he really isn't overweight.
It's up to you but as someone who used to have ugly boobs, it would hurt a lot if someone left you because of an imperfection you can't change without surgery.
Oh yeah, that could be gyno… whenever I hear about it, it makes me think of Colt from 90day fiance and I feel even more grossed out lol. Picrel.
It sounds like the relationship is young if you’ve only just seen him shirtless. It’s really up to you. If it turns you off so much that it is genuinely affecting your feelings for him, then I’d understand leaving him for it. Don’t tell him the real reason why, obvs. If the relationship was longer lasting I’d probably suggest something else, but yeah.
help. my close (male) friend says he wants to announce something important to me in a few years, and from his hints he’s either gonna confess his feelings for me or try and marry me. but the thing is i have no feelings for him whatsoever. he’s a good friend and i don’t want to lose him but he keeps on insisting that i guess what this big announcement is and i am embarrassed of telling him i figured it out. what do i do
>>49681>in a few years
That’s so weird, who announces things like this several years in advance? Things like this is why I try to avoid having straight men as friends. They ALWAYS develop feelings. I would just be straight up about it. Message him something like,
“Hey, maybe I’m wrong about guessing what this big announcement will be, but I wanted to let you know I’m not interested in a relationship with you. You’re a great guy but I want to remain friends.”
I know it’s an awkward message, but you have to get it over with fast so this situation with your friend doesn’t get even more uncomforfable for you.
Just flat out say "it better not be a marriage proposal lmao" rip the band-aid off
I feel like he could see this as sarcasm and her actually wanting
it to be true, so if you use this line make sure to double down on it if he sees it as sarcasm lol
Is he getting close to 30? If so then he probably wants to do the "if we're both single by the time we're 30 let's just marry hehe" thing.>>49687
Don't do this. If he's a weirdo then he'll get really defensive and gaslight you into thinking you're conceited as fuck, and if he's a nice guy and/or didn't mean it that way then he'll be taken aback and hurt that you'd have to put out a disclaimer before he even asks or that your first thought was "oh please not me". I'd play it straightforward- tell him "I'm really not good with anticipation, please just tell me now. If you didn't want me to know until a few years from now then you really shouldn't have told me because that's cruel. I'm happy to listen to what you have to say so just let me know"
In a few years? Tell him to stop being autistic and tell you now. Who the fuck does that lol "Im gonna tell you something important in a few years"