[ Rules / FAQ ] [ meta / b / media / img / feels / hb / x ]

/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

*Text* => Text

**Text** => Text

***Text*** => Text

[spoiler]Text[/spoiler] => Text

Direct Link
Options NSFW image
Sage (thread won't be bumped)

Janitor applications are open

Check the Catalog before making a new thread.
Do not respond to maleposters. See Rule 7.
Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021


Xmas gifts help thread Anonymous 48373

I know this is the most basic bitch question this time of the year, but I wish I could find my bf something nice n thoughtful for Christmas. Anyone in a similar situation with partners or family members, feel free to ask for gift suggestions and advice ITT! I would love to try and help, and maybe there are anons around with that magical gift sense who can solve all our problems.

Like many guys, my bf is tricky to find the perfect gift for because 1) he just gets everything that improves his life right away, and 2) his hobbies don't require equipment he doesn't already have. I don't want to ask directly, at least yet, because it would be more fun to come up with a surprise and I guess the point of gifts is to give something the recipient didn't even think of that enriches their life in new ways.

As a person my partner is pragmatic and invests a lot in stuff that improves his health, productivity, sleep etc., but also appreciates cozy and warm cottage-y or woodsy vibes and gets kinda romantic. He doesn't really care for fancy food items or clothes though. Some things I thought of that don't quite feel right yet:

- We both work a lot, so while planning some kind of weekend getaway or hike would be amazing and we do sometimes find the time to have fun, it's hard to gift experiences when our schedules are really unpredictable, and we might only have fully free weekends on very short notice in the next few months. Maybe something special and cute but flexible would still be possible? We're in the UK if anyone has ideas haha.

- He has repetitive strain injury in his forearm, and I wish I could help because he often feels bad about not being productive enough, but he got all sorts of braces and stuff, ergonomic workstation improvements, etc. already. I thought about a bunch of gift cards for back massages because he's also generally tense, but that feels so intimate with some rando lmao, maybe I'm just overthinking this though and it would be really nice.

- Anything that improves sleep quality and reduces stress would be super sweet. I worry about his workload-induced tiredness and he always thinks of ways to help me relax, so I would love to reciprocate, but again he already got himself all the standard stuff (like sleep masks, blackout curtains, foam rollers and so on).

Anonymous 48375

just get him a sports jersey of his favorite team, he will love it no matter what

Anonymous 48377

lion mane hair.jpg

Gifts are gay. You have no right to extort someone into being indebted to you or extorting favors by forcing gifts onto them which they have to accept because "courtesy".

Anonymous 48378

Perhaps your love language is different. Some people enjoy giving and receiving gifts just for the act itself.

I love buying chocolate for my coworkers, and they always eat it. Half of them don't know it's from me but I gain satisfaction from theirs.

People are different from each other, anon. Your assumptions about their motivations are not always correct. It took me a while to accept this, too. After all we only truly have our own emotional lives for reference.

Anonymous 48380

Maybe a picnic set and a nice blanket?

Anonymous 48404

I think people who expect gifts, especially if it's in return for a gift they gave, are missing the point. That and people who give gifts, but want them back if things go south.

For me, giving a gift means that what I'm giving is the giftee's to do with. If they hate it and never touch it, fine, that just means I have to do better with my gift selection. They are not obligated to like anything I give just because I tried, and they certainly aren't obligated to give back. For me, the importance of gift giving is the tenderness I feel for someone in selecting or making them something, the time I have to wait to give it to them, and it's really about expression of my feelings for me. The other person is free to do what they want with that; the feelings are a representation of me at a given moment in time, and I don't have the right to take away the gift and expect anything in return as a result

Anonymous 48414

I prefer if someone tells me directly they don't like the gift. There's a nice way to do it without hurting feelings and still be graceful (such as not doing it right after opening in front of everyone). I'd much prefer that then realising that every gift I had given them was sitting unused.

Saying that, if it's just something small, or from someone you don't know well, I prefer that they just accept it gracefully then do what they want with it. It's not like I am going to know. I've had people passively aggressively gift me something bad on purpose back or make unnecessary comments later.

Regarding exchanging gifts, I agree about not expecting anything in return. However, if you have been exchanging gifts for a few years, it's pretty rude to suddenly intentionally stop without informing the other person. If you don't like my gifts, tell me or make an excuse why we shouldn't exchange anymore. If you can't afford to, tell me so I don't take it personally. I don't want to waste my mental load continuing to pick gifts for you until I get the hint a couple of years later and then thinking over everything I have given you.

I kind of hate gift giving and only do it with my bf now. He's easy to buy for and always accepts things gracefully.

Anonymous 48424

Sounds like a lot of people in your life abuse the "F" words.
"Friendship" and "family."

Anonymous 48936

I know this is a stupid question, but what's better to give myself on this New Year's, a band tee or some good fucking food/drink?
inb4 both: I only get the money to buy either

Anonymous 48938

A band tee will keep you happy every time you wear it. The food only makes you happy once. If it's really amazing, it'll be a good memory though. I'd go for the band tee. I have one from over a decade ago and it still makes me happy when I wear it.

Anonymous 48939

>food only makes you happy once
A good point to consider.
I don't think it'd make a memory because I won't share it with any friends or family. All my food-related memories include other people.

>have one from over a decade ago and it still makes me happy when I wear it

Do you still listen to that band anon? Because I worry that I won't like this one band that I like now sometime in the future, as it happened with my previously bought band tee, related music genre but not quite my taste anymore. I don't wear it because of that. The band is kinda cool tho and I don't want to sell it.
Though this one has specific tracks/albums that helped me get through some hard points in life so I guess it'd last longer.

[Return] [Catalog]
[ Rules / FAQ ] [ meta / b / media / img / feels / hb / x ]