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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021


Anonymous 49448

Sorry to bump but I need female opinions on this.

I have a crush on a guy whose in one of my university clubs(but he goes to a different school). Because of covid I rarely see him irl but we still have weekly virtual meetings… which I've missed recently but let's get to the point.

How do I make him notice me? My guy friend told me to slide in his DMs and just ask him out or make small talk but it seems too direct to me. Appearance-wise he's my looksmatch but everything else about him is out of my league. He's super involved in local activism and community service and on top of that is in grad school which I really admire. So he's super busy and I know he'd make time for me if he wanted to but I feel like I'd be disrespecting him if I talked to him since he has more important things to do than talk to that rando freshman chick from Sunrise. And we don't talk outside of club activities which isn't very often so I feel like it would be out of the blue.

What should I do? I can't tell if my hesitance comes from low self esteem or good reason. I'd have to make the first move because he wouldn't notice me otherwise. Not that I want to chase him but yeah… Should I try to become friends with him, which would probably lead to feelings on his part?

Anonymous 49450

There no real and effective way to ask someone out in a non direct way.
literally slide into his dms and make small talk for a while before asking if he wants to do something when covid is over
i doubt most guys would not want a new person to chat to during lockdown
getting to know each other and arranging something to do together is a lot more effective than just hoping senpai will notice you

Anonymous 49452

Anon if he likes you he likes you usually men are shallow and base this entirely on what you look like or rather always do and only go for girls that are not stacy hot because insecure with how they look but isn't
>active in activism
a red flag? what type of activism?

Anonymous 49461

>a red flag? what type of activism?
I would say being active in activism is better than being active in passivism.

Anonymous 49482

You're going to have to talk to him eventually, so just do it. There's no other way around it.


Anonymous 49492

>too direct
>with men
No such thing. They have no idea what subtlety is.

Anonymous 49720

Mostly housing rights. He's also a member of the Sunrise movement.
Don't worry it's not tranny shit.
Ur right anon. I just don't want to make things awkward if he turns me down because we'd still have to see each other.
You're right too.

Thanks for all the advice guys. I'll slide into his DMs this weekend.

Anonymous 49721


Best of luck anon!

Anonymous 59113

you are overthinking men too much. he will be

Anonymous 59116

How did it go OP?

Anonymous 59121


>My guy friend told me to slide in his DMs and just ask him out or make small talk but it seems too direct to me.
You are not going to get together with him any other way. Literally write him "haha it sure is hot today" and if he doesn't get the bait literally ask him out for coffee, you know because covid shut down everything for so long. Go for it! You cannot be too direct.

Anonymous 59126

Watching people responded to a 5 month old OP with advice is certainly a mood.

Anonymous 60381

Anonymous 60461

The idea of being forward with a guy who might not be interested in terrifying. I’m scared of rejection.

Anonymous 60464

>I’m scared of rejection.
it's worse if you let it fester. If you like someone, make it obvious and if it isn't reciprocated, you can move on without developing a crush.
There is no rational reason to obsess over anything if it isn't within the realm of the possible. And you can't accept this, you better learn unconditional love and fast. That way you'll never have to worry about rejection ever again.

Anonymous 60465

If the dudes can handle it so can you, it sounds far worse than it actually is

Anonymous 60466

When I was scared of rejection, what I used to do was writing a message to the guy, save it and start pasting that message in his chat without actually sending it. I did it a lot of times until I finally sent the message without thinking. You eventually learn to fight that fear, if you actually try.

Anonymous 60468

I can’t really do this. I can only speak for myself, but generally I never develop a crush on anyone just from appearance alone, I can see someone and recognise they are attractive yes, but I won’t actually develop any feeling or care or interest in them until I actually start to get to know them as a person. Which is why it’s hard for me to immediately write people off based on appearance or immediate connection alone and sometimes I also wonder if someone would like me more if they got to know me too. I’m more into slow burn type shit, so basically it takes me months to develop a crush on someone and also months to get over it too.

Anonymous 60473

That's a good thing, it means love isn't shallow for you and is the sort of attitude that's conducive to happy, healthy relationships

Anonymous 60477

>generally I never develop a crush on anyone just from appearance alone
generally most people don't but there's always those few who manage to somehow sink their proverbial claws into you. Of course, what makes it even trickier is that we often mistake love for a love dynamic we experienced during childhood. We tend to mistake learned behaviour as love. Some people are simply such an exact childhood replica that they trigger something irrational in yourself.
>I’m more into slow burn type shit, so basically it takes me months to develop a crush on someone
but are you necessarily intensely engaging with the person during that time?
>and also months to get over it too.
as if that's somehow an achievement. To some people it takes years, and many of them. 'Slow burner', kek.

Anonymous 60497

If it took me years to get over someone I would probably kms. I hate the idea of my time being wasted and thoughts being occupied by someone long term like that.

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