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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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living with STD Anonymous 50719

Around 3 months ago I caught genital herpes, and my mental health has just deteriorated. I'm legitimately terrified of dying alone.

Anyone else in the same boat? Coping tips? Whatever??

Anonymous 50720

thats really scary
any time that I get some itchiness on my bits I freak out
I have a perpetual itchy rash for the past several months but I don't think it's an std

Anonymous 50722

no stds for me, but honestly, with modern medications you'll be alright. It's the stigma that hurts worst of all, and you really don't have to tell anyone unless you plan to have sex with them.

Maybe you could try finding a partner who also has the same disease?

Anonymous 50727

Yeah… Was hoping it just was something curable like yeast infection or something, but when the sores popped up I knew. But what you're describing doesn't sound like herpes atleast

I mean, it's pretty much an annoying skin disease, but yeah it's the stigma that hurts the most.
The ideal would be to find a partner with the same disease, but I guess it's a bit hard with the whole stigma thing. Also, 20-30% of the population has it, but 80% of these havve NO symptoms. (pretty much how I got it, partner had no idea he had it)
Besides, I don't really want my STD to be a big part of me, like a personality trait or whatsoever… But then again, I can understand why people aren't interested in dating people with herpes

Anonymous 50737


The graphic novel "Monsters" by Ken Dahl might be a good read for you.

I don't have genital herpes but I do get cold sores on my lips when they're extra dry and I'm extra stressed.

As long as you use protection and are open about it with your partners there's not much to be ashamed of.

There's a lot of social stigma with herpes in particular, so much so that doctors will often not have the test for herpes run when doing and std screening because it does so much damage to the patient mentally if positive.

It's not the end of the world and it's not the end of your life. You aren't defined by it.

Anonymous 50741

>so much so that doctors will often not have the test for herpes run when doing and std screening because it does so much damage to the patient mentally if positive.

Please tell me this isn't true; the point of doing STD tests is to stop them spreading further.

Anonymous 50743

yeah, what it does to the patient "mentally" is a lot less important than making sure they don't unknowingly spread it to other people

you can sue the person who gave you herpes (and you should)

Anonymous 50752


Thank you </3
I'm trying to keep postive, but when I'm down, I'm down BAD

Whaaaat, suing must be an american thing, cause here in my country you are not even legally obligated to tell your partner that you have herpes

Anonymous 50770

>doctors dont even test for herpes
seriously? then they risk spreading it to someone else if they dont know? they are risking harming another person to save the infected persons feelings. what horseshit

Anonymous 50772

Anonymous 50785

They have their reasoning.
It feels gross but for the most part the stigma revolving herpes is so aggressive and damaging for a disease that largely has negligible effects on the body.

If you're concerned make sure you and your partner always indicate that you want herpes to be included on your STD screening panel.

The decision by medical professionals was not made lightly, and a judgement call was made for this to be a standard practice.

Anonymous 50800

they omit it from testing because more often than not, no one will ever know they have it and in some cases it can literally be riskier to test for it than to just have it

Anonymous 50801

Sexually knowledgeable adults will not care if you have herpes. You deserve someone who knows about that sort of thing, and knows that all it is is a cold sore. nothing to cry over unless you're like, immune compromised or something

Anonymous 50814

It’s non life-threatening and it’s difficult to accurately test for unless you’re having an outbreak, so clinics and doctors will usually discourage you from doing it unless you really insist on it

1 in 5 yall

Anonymous 50855


welp, I'm just worried about most guys not being sexually knowledgeable,, that they're be afraid and won't give me a chance


damn I don't think Im thot enough for this. all I really want is cuddles, but I feel that guys nowadays are just after sex… but that might just be me

Anonymous 50875

You'd be surprised by how many men are out there that are looking for actual relationships. You just need to be upfront about what you're looking for and be looking in the right places, like Tinder is not really the place to find commitment, but there's other ways to meet people.

But also maybe don't listen to me bc I met my current partner in uni and my last few at fuckin anime cons.

The way you approach the std topic and discuss with them should be delicate though, the stigma fucking sucks but once they learn the actual stats most people don't really care about herpes.

Anonymous 51160


the thing is that ive never been in a relationship before.. like dam it seems so unreachable, but at the same time i feel like i crave love and intimacy!!! aaa

Anonymous 51162

Eh, hard to give off that "I'm looking for a serious relationship" and "I'll fuck anyone" vibe at the same time

Anonymous 51179

moids generally dont go to girls with STD's so the chances are you will most likely die alone

Anonymous 51181

Anonymous 51215

well I'll be damned

Anonymous 51219


looks like ops only option is to lie about it.

Anonymous 51265

it wont benefit you in the longrun, you might get beaten up or something if he finds out, better not risk it

Anonymous 51275


80% of ppl with genital herpes dont get any symptoms what so ever, so not the baddest odds lmao

Anonymous 51309


I've had a few coldsores in my life and never thought it was a big deal until talking to anglos online.

What's the verdict, will I be able to kiss again?

>at anime cons
howww? I tried socializing at one in 2019 and only made one (qt) female friend. How do I get in on that weeb action?

Anonymous 51349

It helps if you already know a few people but you can also meet some through panels and stuff. My method is to find the hotel room parties through those fb groups and get drunk. I've met a number of good friends and decent partners this way.
The drinking helps with the autism. If you're not 21+ then cosplay photoshoots/fan meetups are good options.

It'll happen for you eventually, it's especially hard rn to meet people because of the rona but the std isn't a death sentence or the plague.
Just hold out until it's easier to go outside and meet people!

Anonymous 51350

as someone else her has pointed out, the worst part really is the stigma. if it was a recurrent thing that happened on, say, your elbow - fun fact, you could get it there, or anywhere, in theory, if you had an open wound - then you nor anyone else would really care. it's sexual, so we immediately perceive it as a bigger deal

i have it, too. just be upfront about it. the key is to treat it as if it's not a big deal, which it won't be if you don't make it out to be. joke about it. say you've actually got type three and that anyone who fucks you is guaranteed to birth an alien by age 50, but your reviews say that the sex is worth it. then, after the laughs are over, say that it is what it is, and it's up to them to decide>>50719

i used to be like you, i felt like i wanted to kill myself because my partner didn't even tell me they had it before giving it to me. but, i switched up my mentality, and i have never had anyone refuse to have sex with me (or enter into a relationship with me) because of it

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