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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Figuring yourself out Anonymous 5098

Do you all know truly know yourself?
Do you know your personality?

I've been feeling really lost lately, as if I have no personality anymore. Does anybody feel the same? If you don't feel the same, how do you figure yourself out?

Anonymous 5100


I'm a dirty girl, I read this as fingering yourself. Sorry OP.

Anonymous 5101

>I've been feeling really lost lately, as if I have no personality anymore. Does anybody feel the same?
Yes 100%, I've been feeling like this for years. I've asked around online and irl and nobody seems to get it. I think it's caused by missing out on your "teen phase" where you do a bunch of awkward things but you learn what you like. Also depression can make you feel really empty but there's no cure for that.

That's all I have so far, though. I feel like an empty shell and I don't know what to fill it with. I'd like to figure out how we can feel normal again with you, anon.

Anonymous 5105

If you think you don't really have a personality start to build one: go look for things that might interest you. Also it's really hard to "know yourself" when most people are constantly changing. Lots of things can happen to someone in a year or less and change many things regarding their personality and behavior. So don't overthink this imo.

Anonymous 5110

Adding onto >>5105, also look for things that you have no idea if you'll be interested in or not. Here are some ideas:

>watching movies out, alone

>joining clubs and orgs in and out of school/workplace. They can be good places to meet new people as well
>approaching strangers in various events, whether it's in a bar, concert, or in line for the train. Anywhere works. Gaining the courage sucks, but the worst that happens is rejection. Just small talk, be open, and listen.
>wandering around somewhere new–could be a place in the city you've never been to before, or the next nearby town or city
>reflecting on the past, by looking at an old journal or pictures, and then comparing and contrasting the person who were and are today. The next step is figuring out what you want to become.

You may not know "everything" about yourself, but you can be content with knowing enough. "Enough" = habits, inclinations, likes, dislikes, preferences, kinks, limits, goals, ideals, morals…the list goes on. Like a personal slam book (nostalgia)!

Maybe it'll help to list the above for you in paper, anon? Look at the list when a year or so has passed. I hear journals work with self-reflection, but I'm too scatterbrained to keep up with one and understand my handwriting. Whatever works!

Anonymous 5112

I feel as though I dont have a personality, that I just kind of morph into what is expected of me in situations. I have no real skills or hobbies, and i dont pursue my interests. I just desperately want to figure out who i am

Anonymous 5113

>I just kind of morph into what is expected of me in situations

This is too real. I've actually noticed that I act differently around different people to please them. It's like my life is just being what other people need me to be in that moment.

Anonymous 5115

I literally have no personality since I've been depressed for my entire life and therefore never knew what it meant to enjoy doing something. I force myself to have a few hobbies because I feel like I should, but they never really go anywhere.

Anonymous 5120


when i was a teenager i felt really empty too but then going to uni and meeting people with the same o at least alike interests help me realize i actually had a personality, a really strong one…but i had very few people to share it with before idk

rn i hate having a defined character, im really stubborn and i try to stay as true to myself as i can be but lately this has lead me to feel really alone and misunderstood… sometimes i feel like i have to fake a lot to fit in and i hate it and geneuly cant do it…

Anonymous 5125

For me it's the same, i had a shitty high school life and ever since when i'm on a constant search for a 'role model', somebody i would imitate and tell myself it would make me happy to look and act like, since that person seems happy as well.

I don't even really know what i like, actually i don't really like anything.
The older i get the lonelier i am; sometimes i witness other girls my age laughing and giggling about things and i'm just sitting there, with no idea what to do, how to react - like am i a person who finds this funny or not? It's like i don't react on instinct, according what i truely feel right at that moment, but i rather do what i'm supposed to depending for what 'image' i'm going for during that time…?

I'm sorry i can't really describe it well

Anonymous 5135

feeling dead insid…

I've been feeling that way for the past couple of years now, OP. Does anyone here listen to Jordan Peterson? He has a course available called "Understanding Myself" that I've been meaning to check out.

Anonymous 5149

It feels like I died 3 years ago after finishing highschool.

Anonymous 5183

I feel like I lost my personality. But I know it's because at some point I couldn't be bothered to share it with people and now it's an automatic response to be as bland as possible. I spend most of my time alone in my room or outside, and it's not like you need to have a personality with yourself, if that makes sense?

But I feel like I don't even have opinions anymore. I honestly don't really have interests anymore.

Anonymous 5201


Fuck, I feel the exact same way, anon.

When i went to middle-school i was often told that my interests were weird or nerdy "for a girl", which in turn made me stop sharing them at all and becoming very introverted and shy, thus not developing a personality other than listening to people and adapting to them, so i became an hyper-bland yes-woman and that became my "personality" for years, i was basically a personality-chameleon.
Then came high school, got bullied a lot, so my personality disappeared completely because i tried to be as bland as possible so people didn't have more things to add to pick on me.

Now i feel more comfortable in myself and my interests, but i got so used to adapting to everything just to not feel completely left out/get even more bullied, that i don't know what my actual personality is anymore.

Anonymous 5206

I'm sorry to hear you got bullied, anon. I was lucky enough to just be ignored, but I understand that feeling of holding back and not relating to people just because you don't have mainstream interests.

That one anon in the uggo thread put it well, it feels like being a background character.

Anonymous 5207


> Lots of things can happen to someone in a year or less and change many things regarding their personality and behavior.
Exactly, like when you were a year old you probably were really into pooping yourself and drinking boob milk but chances are you're not as into that now (not judging if you are though.) So don't worry about it, personality is fluid. Just think about the kind of person you want to be and take steps to become that person.

Anonymous 6872


>tfw you have to be yourself in order for someone to love you genuinely

I can't stand watching people get married when it's all so fake and they don't really even know who the other person TRULY is. It's like people can "fall in love" over things like looks or money or careers, things that fade and change all the time. That's why so many people get divorced I think. They don't take the time to really understand the other person, who they are, flaws and all.

It's scary to be who I am because who I am has so many flaws that I'm ashamed of. When I'm alone I'm very gross and vulgar and I like to eat a lot. When I go out, I have to pretend to be someone I'm not. No one will ever see the real me and even if they do, they won't like her, much less fall in love with her. I want someone who will sing with me in the car and who's fun to go grocery shopping with, not any guy who will force me to change who I am. I feel like I would be miserable if I give into that just for the sake of marrying before I'm 30.

I guess in the end I won't settle. I'll wait to find someone who makes me feel comfortable, as a start. If I never do then I never do.

Anonymous 6916

my moment of enlightenment was realizing that I do not, in fact, have any personality because I've been depressed since I became sentient and consequently don't know what it's like to enjoy something that isn't drugs or alcohol

but it's good because i can act as a mirror for other people, and thanks to this I've been told I'm very charming, likeable, approachable, etc. very useful for networking.

Anonymous 6931

I used to be very fixated on my identity, subconsciously picking traits/interests and basing my personality off of them. I'd be the X friend, or the friend who likes X thing, and that would be super important to me. Sharing traits too much with others would shake the sense of self that I built and I'd immediately try to change myself or cut them out of my life.

After graduating and being able to spend a lot of time being introspective, I came to terms with this aspect of myself. The only part of me that exists are my desires, raw emotions, and fears. Nothing else has ever been real. Given this new power I can now engineer a personality based on traits I personally find interesting and that can help me achieve my goals. I've never been so in control, it's great.

Anonymous 78097

i think u might have autism
see "masking"

Anonymous 78229

Why you bumping a 4 year old thread, moid??????

Anonymous 78253

Nta, why not
Are you a zoomer with trendbrain who can’t grasp a concept of something older than 15 min?..

Anonymous 78254

I’m glad she bumped the thread, i like the discussions in it and i relate. Also, how does bumping a thread make you a moid. Serious question

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