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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Anonymous 51515

how do i stop being a pussy and live the life i wish for?
>just turned 20
>cant drive (only permit)
>moved in with bf across country in summer
>neet (but waiting to hear back about interview)
>chubby (gained some weight)

i feel so pathetic. all i do lately is spend my days cuddling with my bf (he works nights) and even my hobbies have been hard to indulge in. while im hoping the job i should get pulls me out of the rut, i worry it would make me worse since its fulltime factory stuff (and with past experience i know it can be soulsucking…) i plan to attend college in the fall but fuck i dont know.

all i have right now are my goals. i used to envision myself with an online shop and small internet following…posting art, doing so many things every day.

im not suicidal and i want to do these things but i hold myself back. i feel like im not good enough and i just repeat the cycle of being overwhelmed and making no progress. i want to make my dreams come true, i dont want to be stuck at some pathetic job. ive considered onlyfans or something. i just keep seeing so much social media of happy unique girls, seeing people put out more than i do in the world.

all because im too overwhelmed and insecure to do it. i dont know where to start or how to plan it. i just dont want to be a failure.

Anonymous 51520

have you tried asking your boyfriend for advice???

Anonymous 51526

>fulltime factory stuff
Oh god anon that does sound soul-sucking.. there must be other job options for you(?).
Also, if your bf works nights, do you think it would be a better idea to also work nights to make sure you guys could see each other outside of work?

Anonymous 51528

You don't have to work a job nor do you have to go to college. I don't know how your bf feels about any of this or how much he makes which is why you should talk to him first, but presumably as long as you live with him you can try things out and have nothing to lose.
Just don't do onlyfans no matter what

Anonymous 51535


there was another job offer i had but i needed to decline because the commute would eat up 2/3 of my paycheck, and it was only part time. im trying not to do the onlyfans stuff and fall into that trap…my boyfriend doesnt mind if i work or not but sometimes money can be tight and i just wanted to work or something to have a decent cushion of money until i start classes in fall.

i just keep crying and feeling anxious due to the uncertainty of my future. i know i would like to finish my associates degree at the very least, but i have dreams of making money from selling things i make and i just feel like that isnt attainable. im too scared to do any of it. im so drained from seeing other girls make money online without having to work.

i want to work, but not something so soul sucking. i just want to enjoy what i do. im sorry this is a bit all over the place, my anxiety is heightened like crazy and im so, so lost. i dont know what to pursue when the options feel so overwhelming. i know its my life and i should decide, but i dont even know if my judgement is correct.

Anonymous 51536

my boyfriend wants me to stay home and begin my shops, but i dont know what im waiting for im just..scared. maybe i need to crack down and learn some tips about starting.

however, money is tight lately and his mother is always coming over and telling me i need a job….he tells me not to listen to her but the nagging is tiring.

Anonymous 51563

Maybe try getting your bf to stop coddling you so much? Have him start asking you to make concrete progress and eventually ask you for some rent maybe. Some people just can't get motivated unless life forces them to.
Looking at girls online is just the product of too much free time in my opinion. You'll stop doing it if you have more responsibilities.

Anonymous 51673

anon i’m in the same situation as you, i’m very familiar with feeling useless and pathetic and doing nothing but rolling around the bed with my bf. the feeling comes and goes and trust me, it won’t last forever. even though it’s overwhelming now, try to take it one step at a time (i know that sounds generic and gay). i find that it helps if you can push yourself to work on one small thing related to your goal, like working on your art or something for your shop. you don’t have to finish it or publish it anywhere, and you don’t even have to continue tomorrow if you don’t want to. be easy on yourself and take time to appreciate the step you took towards your goal instead of focusing on your expectations. progress isn’t linear and it looks different for everyone. i’m still getting the hang of it, but doing this has helped my anxiety even though i still haven’t achieved success and i’m still very uncertain about my future. your situation hit a little too close to home for me and i believe in you and i’m wishing you the best. as for your job, you can give it a try while keeping in mind that you always have other options. it might be helpful to be forced into a routine, making time for the things you actually want to do outside of work. if it sucks then you can always quit, and you’ll have a better idea of what you want in your life by eliminating that option. stalling only makes matters worse, you should make a decision to take the job/work on your shop/make art or anything, you can decide where to go from there after you make a move.

Anonymous 51682

hi anon! im sorry to hear you are in a similar situation and i appreciate the advice. i have formed a plan to follow for myself
>work at the factory job for 4-5 months (i got hired!) (allows me to save up a lot and lend my boyfriend some money toward bills and also invest more money into my crafts)

i figure this will make my hobbies a lot more exciting right now and since i can fund them without worrying about how much im spending i will enjoy them more. i will just be extremely exhausted, a lot of 6 day work weeks…

>begin like 2-3 online classes toward my A.A online

its nothing crazy but its worth a shot, and its all things i promised myself ill do for my wellbeing. in the end if i realize im not enjoying classes, then ill just return to neet and continue being productive with hobbies, because by then i will have money and hopefully be living back in my home state with much more to do. the balance im hoping to find, however, is doing a couple online classes and spending the rest of my time with my boyfriend, or visiting family, or on hobbies. i hope it will be the balance i need, i just need to push through the job for a few months. we also plan to move with his brother back to my home state in a year or less, so he’ll be helping out with rent and i hope he wouldn’t think of me as a leech if i was just taking some classes and not working like them.

my boyfriend is very supportive though, which im grateful for, but i dont like being low on money and i would feel so proud and secure with a cushion for myself.

i wanted to space this out so it wasnt hard to read or anything (not implying you have low reading comprehension or anything) but i just woke up and sometimes feel my writing can be a bit all over the place.
thank you so much anon again, and it feels nice that you relate. even if i go back to being a neet in a year, ill be more financially secure and educated than where i started.

Anonymous 51683

in addition, i just ordered some more materials for my shop with the bit of money i have and i have been working on things here and there. with more money from working, i will have even more freedom.

Anonymous 51759

Feel the fear and do it anyway.
If you wait until you feel relaxed to do something, then you're never gonna do it. Just do whatever you want, as long as you're not straight up passing out form anxiety or something really severe like that.
I personally also find to-do lists really helpful in dealing with feeling overwhelmed. It helps me break things into smaller tasks, and seeing the really long list makes me want to do things just for the sake of shortening the list.
Another helpful thing when you feel overwhelmed by a task is to turn on a timer for 5 minutes, then tell yourself "I"m gonna do the big scary thing just for 5 minutes today". Keep working until the timer is up. It helps because often just getting started is the hardest part.

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