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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Anonymous 52600

How do I subtly get people to do this for me?

Anonymous 52601

Just flat out say something like, “Hey, I just need some reassurance that you still like me.” I’m sure it won’t seem weird if the person is your friend/partner.

Anonymous 52602

Stop contacting them. If they like you, they will contact you.

Anonymous 52605

>>52602
This is a great way to convince yourself you don't have friends. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Anonymous 52606

>>52602
The other person will think they did something wrong and that you don't want to be friends anymore.

Anonymous 52608

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>>52600
The trick is not to consider it as an option. Work on being self-fulfilled, so that even if someone hates you, you have the capacity to treat them with kindness.

Mentally sound people don't choose to "randomly hate someone". If somebody else really did choose to "randomly hate" you, then that means you're better off without them. You don't want friends like that, if you can call them friends.

As a general tip, I try be nice to everyone, regardless of how they feel towards me. When I reflect on daily interactions and think I've been unjustly unkind, I make an effort to be nice to that person the next time I see them.

Anonymous 52614

I follow that Instagram account and have this image on my phone OP get out of my head

But to answer the question, literally just ask “do you still like me”. It gets obnoxious if you ask it every day but it’ll make you feel better. I do this with my partner and I think he’s used to it.
>>52602
Eh, the way to tell if someone doesn’t like you is if they stop talking to you entirely (as in avoiding you) not if they don’t initiate conversation. I’m personally shit at initiating conversation unless I’m being paid to do so, even if I genuinely enjoy my time spent with a person. Maybe everyone here is just rude, but people will literally go out of their way to avoid you if they actually hate you

Anonymous 52629

>>52602
Everyone else has already said it but this is incredibly autistic advice. If you're always the one reaching out then yeah try stopping to see if they reach out on their own, but if you're just insecure about your friendships and trying to get validation, then don't do this as it will cause the contact to dwindle down naturally since both of you will think the other isn't interested. Basically don't sabotage yourself by doing this, it sends a misleading signal that acts as a self fulfilling prophecy.

>>52600
OP I used to be like you and to a degree I still am and all I can say is that getting older helped me deal with it better. Insecurity really wrecks all kinds of relationships and it's better to face it than to expect your partner to keep repeating the same phrases back at you so you can tune out the anxiety for a bit.

>>52608
>As a general tip, I try be nice to everyone, regardless of how they feel towards me. When I reflect on daily interactions and think I've been unjustly unkind, I make an effort to be nice to that person the next time I see them.

Anon I wish I had more chill like you a few years ago, I burned a few bridges that didn't require a clean break but I was too proud and too guarded. Now I think it would be nice to not have parted ways on such a clean break because it's always good to know people, both for companionship and for practical purposes, it's hard to walk back from cutting ties while "being busy"/"dealing with stuff" cools things down and leaves room for plausible deniability. You can even get away with ghosting (although you shouldn't).

Another reason not to burn bridges is that you don't want to end up feeling too awkward in spaces you might share with that person. You might end up sharing a friend of a friend or something and feel awkward going to their birthday party. You end up feeling like the place you associate with that person, like their town or their neighborhood depending on how close they are, is haunted and you feel like you're on enemy territory.

Anonymous 52632

>>52602
>tfw still convinced friend hates me even if he has been the one to initiate contact for the past ~4 months
Doesn't work, you'll never be satisfied. My brain just moved the goalposts to "he only contacts me out of pity, but dislikes me in secret"

Anonymous 52652

>>52632
This. "They're only messaging because they're bored"

Anonymous 52770

>>52600
There is no reason to be subtle about it. There is no "trick" to figuring this out like people in this thread are trying to make it out. Just fucking ask them. If they truly like you, it won't bother them that you have to ask. In my opinion, a good relationship is one where you can be open and honest about your thoughts and feelings at pretty much any time and not have to worry that your partner will hate you for it.

Just ask them. I used to have anxiety and paranoia like this too, even though I consciously knew it was stupid to think like that, but I would ask my bf about it and he would re-assure me every single time. Some people might not be as lucky but I really believe if they aren't ok with it then maybe they don't like you as much as you want.

Anonymous 52826

>>52770
>There is no "trick" to figuring this out like people in this thread are trying to make it out. Just fucking ask them. If they truly like you, it won't bother them that you have to ask.

This. As >>52601 said, "Hey, I just need some reassurance that you still like me.” is enough, succinct and honest. Someone that gives a shit about you won't be bothered, and if they already know that you're the anxious or fearful type then they'll be happier that you spoke up so they could reassure you instead of avoiding them or acting funny.



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