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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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interracial/interculture dating Anonymous 52837

whats the consensus on dating brown boys /feels/ ?

this south asian guy started working with me recently and we get along pretty well. pic unrelated hes cute and i was thinking of asking him out

have any of you anons been with a south asian before? i know im generalising, he grew up here but im worried there might still be a lot of culture clash. what am i getting into?

Anonymous 52840

I never dated a south asian before but I've been friends with a few. Personally I don't find them attractive or interesting.

I am currently in a ltr with a Mexican. Even though we get along perfectly. I sometimes culture clash with his family. They don't understand why we don't have children already and we're living together. Apparently that usually means there's a baby on the way. It's a lot of little dated and minor views on family. Also some political views clash. And they wonder why I don't talk to them more and it's that we really have nothing in common. I guess I'm not used to his family wanting to be included in everything we do. But even my man agrees their annoying. I get along with most of his siblings just fine. Also his mom and abuela make their food so SALTY, it's unpleasant. I'm not talking about spices, I love spicy food. It's salty food I can't handle.
I have racists in my family that don't like him because he's mexican, including my grandmother, which hurt. I don't care about much for my family. My dad disapproves for different reasons, more so that he's a dad.

Anonymous 52852

While exceptions exist the chances are that they will use you since a white non-muslim is ok to abuse which is most common at younger ages below like 20. If they're not a degenerate then the family pressure about both ethnicity and religion will force you apart later on. They generally try to keep the partner and family seperated but that isn't sustainable.

You can expect a big difference depending on their actual ethnic caste too apparently. I had a Pakistani explain to me that his girlfriend is from a higher caste and his family is slightly lower so her parents don't approve. They also described the ethnic caste beneath them as the "hoodlums" that cause all the problems pakis are know for.

If they're a good person, fairly secular with a westernised family then maybe it's worth a try.

Anonymous 52857

am pakistani. can confirm. i hate when my partners want to meet my parents. they are very judgemental and suspicious of everyone. i just want to save them the trouble and myself the embarrassment.

Anonymous 52858

i think it should be fine. same rules for men apply; depends on his personality. does he try to be ghetto, or is he very americanized, you know? also if he's a momma's boy, get out of there. fast.

Anonymous 52861

If he was raised in the same country as you, you too should get along fine, as long as you're compatible with each other.
There might be some culture clash between your families, but don't let that get in the way of you and your relationships.
When his family's around, try your best to be open minded and show some interest in their culture. It might help them approve of you and avoid family drama. At the end of the day, you only need his approval, not his family's, but it's good to try to maintain a positive relationship with his family as well.

Anonymous 52866

Really depends on the individual dude, his religion, and his family.
One of my close friends is Bengali and his family is Muslim. He's more progressive than I am in some ways (and I'm brown myself and bisexual…on that note he's even offered to help me get a gf). BUT his family is really fucking religious so to date someone they don't choose, let alone a non-Bengali non-Muslim woman, would force him to choose between them or her. I hate to say it, but if your guy is passive he'll probably choose them.

On the other hand, pretty sure Hindus and Sikhs are more open to this sort of thing so long as they're westernized. Though there are obviously still arranged marriage/caste/etc. issues even there.

As for my personal opinion/experience, at this point my ideal is to date within my gender and ethnicity. The less explaining about basic experiences, history, etc. the better. I can always have friends from different backgrounds if I want to learn.

Anonymous 52877

i’m arab and my bf is white, there are no issues directly between us because of it but family has definitely been a problem. honestly as someone who has grown up around a lot of brown guys i’d advise you to be cautious, don’t write him off immediately but brown guys can have weird ideas and expectations of white women, they often fetishise and stuff so be wary of that. also family and religion can often be an issue so be prepared for that to eventually come up. having said that a lot of brown guys are really great and sweet, hope it works out for you nona!

Anonymous 52882

The dynamic in most muslim families is often controlling and you could end up in a situation where he regularly chooses his family (who hate you) over you. As an aside, when someone is weirdly distant from their family it's usually not because they're degenerate it's because their family sucks.

Anonymous 52888

Not a Muslim but my dad told my cousin on the day of his wedding that his marriage won't last more than a year because his wife is white. We're not even conservative. So, it's very likely.

Anonymous 52897

in south asian cultures, mothers dote on their sons unconditionally, and prefer them over their daughters. thus, the sons grow up to be stunted manchildren that simply want another mother to baby them for the rest of their lives.

Anonymous 52898

i don't believe pakistani's have 'castes' unless you're talking about people who are from the poorer parts of the country. that's mostly a thing associated with hinduism.

Anonymous 52903

They are less likely to hate you but if they do it'd be the same. There are a lot of western families that are like that too, with monster matriarchs and patriarchs that try to rule everyone else in the family with an iron grip, and they all go along with it because that's how they were indoctrinated. There's way too many stories of women being mistreated by their in-laws and the husband not sticking up for her and telling her to shut up because "they're family"

Anonymous 52929

>pakistani's have 'castes' unless you're talking about people who are from the poorer parts of the country. that's mostly a thing associated with hinduism.
You know nothing.

Anonymous 52930

i am pakistani. ive never heard of such a thing.

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