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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Social dissatisfaction Anonymous 54351

I feel like I'm invisible. Nobody cares about the subject matters I talk about. Nobody sees me. Everybody dismisses me or makes fun of the shit I talk about.

Even if it's subtle, it's noticeable. Most prominently with men (as always). It's due to a shitty social circle, but I'm fucking trapped. Caged in. Feels great when you're trying to talk about something you're passionate about and all you get in return is some stupid dismissive thing by replacing some words with stupid shit like "bruh".

This sounds like a dumbass boomer rant, but I'm so fucking tired of this irony culture and detachment from the world everyone has built up. I'm tired of the alienation. I'm tired of being dismissed as eccentric.

Even my female friends just joke about shit, because "xD mental illness". Like sure it was funny to say that liking some shit too much is a mental illness initially, but when you just use it to dismiss what I'm trying to talk to you about, it gets to me. Just tell me you don't care.

I don't want to fall into some sort of stupid "I'm not like the others" mentality. I'm tired of being a social reject. I'm tired of being a foreigner. ​

Making friends online is hard for me. I am too paranoid.

I'm so lost. My motivation to do anything is gone. I don't see the point in learning anything anymore.

I want to isolate. Rip it all apart. I don't like anybody. I don't feel an attachment to the material. Everything is cold.

What do I even do?

OP 54355

Adding a bit onto this, I suppose. I'm foreign in the country I live in, which traps me even more in my choice of social circle and I don't know how to find people with common interests right now, nevermind people from my country/English speakers in general. My friends from back home are all caught up in life and studies so we talk sparsely.

Anonymous 54356

I can only speak from my own experiences but I have been in a similar position.

To be happier with your life, you need to make changes. You need to leave your toxic social circle, you need to find people you value who value you. If you're unfulfilled and you can't discuss your interests with anyone, you need to start taking action to be fulfilled and make connections that align with you.

Your current paranoia, sense of being trapped and lack of motivation are probably all symptoms of your situation and your extremely low mental state.

What benefited me in a similar situation (after some years of feeling like this and getting to be a point where I was almost constantly thinking of killing myself) was going to my doctor, going through a cycle of 3-4 antidepressants until I found one I could bear, and seeing a therapist. I found the antidepressants stabilized my mood enough that I could gradually begin to make changes in my life, and I could track my progress in making those changes with my therapist to be assured I was moving in a positive direction and thinking about what I was doing. I saw my therapist for ~6 months and was on antidepressants for ~1 1/2 years. I took about 3 months off work sick over this time, unfortunately I was working for an employer with decent sick terms and maybe you're not so fortunate there.

My life isn't perfect now and I still feel I have to do a lot of work to get to a place where I will be truly happy, but I have been able to come off the antidepressants and experience my emotions more and I'm still in a much better place. When you are as extremely compromised as it sounds like you are, it's very difficult to improve your situation. So much of your resources are spent just trying to get through each day. Medication helped smooth out my lows so I could get in a position to get better.

Anonymous 54357

OP, are your interested outside the normal small talk topics of Netflix, sports, etc? If you have lesser common interests, it’s better to talk about them one on one with someone that shares this interest. Doing it as part of a group usually doesn’t work, unless that group is focused on that topic specifically.

Could you also have female autism? This often is not diagnosed until women are older but they will have spent their lives never quite fitting in and having quite random in-depth interests that they struggle to discuss with others.

OP 54360


>OP, are your interested outside the normal small talk topics of Netflix, sports, etc?

Yeah, I have no interest in small talk topics unfortunately. I'm very disconnected from pop culture, which, I suppose is how I ended up on places like this in the first place. I guess I am only fully fulfilled with communication with others if I see it as an exchange of information that helps me grow and find out more about myself and the world. I do like talking about the music we have in common with my friends a lot though.

>Could you also have female autism?

I've thought about having autism, especially since a sibling is diagnosed, I have ADHD though so there's a lot of overlap. I don't think I match a lot of the diagnosis requirements – I'm not exhausted by social situations when they're fulfilling, for example. I'm not sure, I have pretty bad anxiety and depression on top of the ADHD. Developed okay socially until the anxiety hit.
I do struggle with feeling like an android and not feeling a lot of empathy for example though, and I usually have feel like I have to imitate "human" behaviour because I don't know how to express myself. That in part is something I've read people with autism struggle with, isn't it? Maybe not the empathy, but the mimicry. It could also just be the depression.

Anonymous 54361

Ok, it sounds like you would definitely benefit from meeting people who are interested in the same thing as you so you can always talk about that. I know it's always suggested but have you tried meetup.com? Or joining an online group for an interest then seeing if there is anyone near located you?

OP 54363


I should try again sometime soon but studies and shit are getting to me. Problem is that everything is online here.

I was thinking of maybe seeing if somehow there are irl group courses for a common hobby or something open against all odds or something. Online stuff just is scary to me because I always think about the possibility of someone connecting all my personal info across my posts, accounts, etc to hunt me down. I guess that's something I have to get over though. I am just holding onto the hope I can get a nice job and move back to my home country as soon as I'm done studying.

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