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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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getting rid of intense social phobia Anonymous 54392

how do you girls do it? i get immensely paranoid of people, keep thinking they have ulterior motives, always worry that im too much of a neet retard to ever fit into normal society, etc. i cant take pics of my face, either. i dont think i have a personality at all, im just constantly imitating what i think is normal. what do i do? how would i even bring this up to my psychologist? i want to be at least a slight bit normal.

Anonymous 54394

Honestly, I just use a lot of logic to fight against my thoughts. When I think someone has an ulterior motive then what could it possibly even be and why, do they actually have time to mess with me, etc. Sometimes I don't feel any better but my brain understands it's also nonsense, and it takes a lot of effort and practice - it won't always be easy or make you feel better. It also helps to remember that you're not the only one feeling awkward or uncomfortable in a lot of conversations.

Don't feel bad for not taking pictures of your face and don't feel pressured to do so online. It's better for you in the long-run to not have your face out there anyway.

If you have trouble talking about this verbally with your therapy, writing them a letter or note explaining it will also do! Even if it seems awkward if they have to sit and read it in front of you, you're making an effort to address your problems.

Anonymous 54396

Exposure therapy. No, being in a social setting and experiencing your anxiety is not exposure, it's experiencing your anxiety. Finding the smallest social setting possible that causes you anxiety, and then just working your way through it. Making sure to realize when you are feeling anxiety physically, and that the physical sensation are not reality.

Anonymous 54435


I am living such a solitary life that I don't even notice my social anxiety anymore, because I am just not in social situations.

But what I tried once years ago, when I was meeting up with a random stranger from an imageboard was to take a cold shower before. For the next hours I didn't feel anxious at all. It was like I was observing myself from third person view and having my brain go on autopilot.

Anonymous 54449

That's called disassociation and is literally a trauma coping response lol.

Anonymous 54461


im trying that, but if what >>54449 is saying is true, i dont know how much itll help. thanks anyways tho, and big same on the solitary life part.

Anonymous 54462

What can make you dissociate like that? It sounds so useful to be able to walk in public completely unbothered.

Anonymous 54482

>It was like I was observing myself from third person view and having my brain go on autopilot.
Can confirm this is dissociation, it is not always a trauma response because things such as anxiety, stress, and depression can cause it. Pushing down or away stress or displacing it can be helpful, but trust me anons you don't want to develop a dissociation problem.

Anonymous 54486

Okay, I would accept this theory, if I actually was in a situation that was traumatizing, but I wasn't. lol
It felt different. It's not that you disassociate yourself. It's about going with the flow. Not trying to force a certain image of you on other people or worrying constantly about how the actions you do are received. Not entertaining absurd thoughts like "what if she takes pictures of me and posts them on social media to bully me". It's about not planning anything, just doing what you feel like in the moment and realizing that in the end it wouldn't even matter, even if nothing came of it.

>What can make you dissociate like that?

Like I said. That was my cold shower trick. Maybe drugs have the same effect, but I wouldn't know. But I guess hormonally shocking your body with a cold shower does have some tangible effect on you.

Anonymous 54488

>Okay, I would accept this theory, if I actually was in a situation that was traumatizing, but I wasn't. lol
She mispoke. Dissociation doesn't happen only because of trauma, it's a coping mechanism for any sort of distress. This also doesn't mean it is bad inherently, it is a coping mechanism though. If it wasn't, you would just be stewing in your anxiety.

Anonymous 54489

Let me present it like this, >>54435
Anon didn't want to feel anxiety, so she took a cold shower. Her thinking then changed. She coped with her anxiety response by taking a cold shower that caused dissociation. Dissociation was a step up from anxiety, but it wasn't a return to normalcy either, else she would have just been normal, not "looking in a third-person view".

Anonymous 54494

Well, I guess disassociation isn't always bad. I can see how it would be bad though. I guess some girls getting pushed into porn probably are massively disassociated from what I have seen. I have taken an interest in ex-pornstars and their experience lately.

Anonymous 54517

>I guess disassociation isn't always bad. I can see how it would be bad though
No, it's not all bad, healthy people dissociate too. For example, when you've done a task repeatedly before and so the brain has no need to store that memory or take up a lot of energy to complete the task, such as washing dishes or walking to the corner store like you've done 10 times before. You don't want to rely on dissociation though, because it's easy to develop an issue and living with a related disorder is absolute hell.

Girls pushed into porn dissociate due to either trauma (past resurfacing or present) or due to taking copious amounts of drugs to help them endure the experience, as is normal for female porn stars to do. That thing moids call "the thousand cock stare" is just the look of suffering from dissociation and/or heavy drug abuse. It's more adequately the thousand yard stare, but moids save the term for war veterans.

Sage 'cause sort of OT.

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