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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021


pornography in a relationship Anonymous 55308

how do I cope with porn being present in my relationship? and to be clear- I’m not the one watching it. I know that being mad about it is childish, but I just can’t help feeling hurt. I know my partner is faithful to me, happy with me and loves me very much. Nevertheless, I can’t stop thinking about them watching other women’s bodies in those vulgar videos/pics…it seems so primitive to me… how to explain to myself that pornography isn’t the greatest evil in a relationship? literal me in the pic

Anonymous 55309

Demand he stop or break up with him, it's not worth it to feel bad like this.

Anonymous 55310

let him watch hentai instead of regular porn. Would that be fine for you?

Anonymous 55311

How many boyfriends do you have?
>literal me in the pic
How did you cross to the third dimension and does it work other way around?

Anonymous 55312

wellll, to be honest, he already does! we’re both into anime so I came up with watching some lewd ones together..any recommendations?

Anonymous 55314


>How many boyfriends do you have?
just one, I just sticked with “them” instead of “him” because I guess I wanted it to sound more general, dunno, practicing English skills gone wrong, I guess
>How did you cross to the third dimension and does it work other way around?
just a Sailor Saturn thing

Anonymous 55317


Today I will remind them

Anonymous 55322

Not that porn is okay anyway, but engaging with specific e-girls is different than just watching regular porn.

Anonymous 55324

Both are bad but can lead to the same thing dude finds favorite pornstar and subs to her premium on pornhub or something

Anonymous 55327

Ask if he is satisfied in the relationship. If he says yes, then ask why he feels the need to look at other women. Report back.

Anonymous 55328

This oozes of endorsing monogamy as a proper or natural state for humans.

Anonymous 55330

sooo let me ask you another question: would you all consider watching pornography regularly as cheating?

Anonymous 55333

I wouldn't consider it cheating but I would be grossed out and probably break up.

Anonymous 55335

Would break up immediately (hypothetically if they're my bf they don't treat women as a whole like shit and can use basic thinking skills to understand why porn is probably bad) it's not cheating but I'm not going to be with anyone who willingly supports the porn industry I don't want to help kids and women be raped lmao

Anonymous 55336

actually, we had an enormous fight over this today. He said he’s totally satisfied with our relationship. That the love and connection is what matters to him. That he can’t understand that ‘some fucking pixels’ make me so angry. Then added that he isn’t going to search pornography anymore. I didn’t get an exact answer for why he does that. I’ll try again though.

Anonymous 55338

Explain to him the ethics and ask if he's willing to risk watching a child or drugged woman be raped no normal human would say yes, especially if they're in a relationship, he's a man though so he probably won't empathize anyway so there's nothing wrong with having boundaries ask him how he'd feel if you watched huge cock giga chads around him?

Anonymous 55341

>he can’t understand that ‘some fucking pixels’ make me so angry
I would break up with him over this alone. He either isn't even trying to understand your view or is trying to gaslight you into thinking you are overreacting.

Anonymous 55344

Moids often do this because they lack any empathy for the female perspective and genuinely think we are just stupid when we disagree with them about anything they decided is "logical and rational."

Anonymous 55347

It's a stupid fucking argument too literally everything online is "some fucking pixels" does that mean everything ever posted is exempt from criticism?

Anonymous 55351

>Then added that he isn’t going to search pornography anymore
Press X to doubt. Based on the "pixels" comment he didn't make the slighest effort to understand or empathize with you. He only said he'd stop to get you to drop the topic, and is going to keep doing it, just way more discreetly. I've been through the exact same thing OP, the moid isn't worth it.

There's several ways this could go: 1) you mindbreak yourself into fully accepting his degenerate habit that inflicts great harm on literally every party involved 2) you don't, and just barely deal with him doing it as you feel your sanity and self-image eroding with each passing day 3) you convince him to understand your point of view and change his ways 4) you drop the motherfucker and don't look back.

1 and 2 are obviously shit. 3 sounds extremely unrealistic based on what we know from this thread, but if he's otherwise perfect, try reasoning him using porn critical studies and sources. If it were me I'd go straight to 4, though.

Anonymous 55362

The fact that he's calling other real women (possibly even children) just a bunch of pixels is a red flag tbh. Pornstars and prostitutes are people. He clearly gets off to dehumanizing them. Which is pretty common for coomers and porn addicts, tbh.

Anonymous 55372

during the night I came up with a few thoughts: i love him and don’t want to break up, but instead to figure things out. He genuinely thought I was gonna leave him the other night. But I feel like there is so many things worth fighting for…If he says he’s not going to watch porn anymore- well, I guess that’s what a trust in a relationship is for. But I’m going to continue on observing and if he brakes his statement and my trust, I’m leaving.
Thank you for your point of view, I needed to know if I was over exaggerating and old-fashioned in a way or maybe I wasn’t the only one for whom it all just didn’t seem right. It’s my first serious relationship and my first experiences in many different ways, so it just stresses the fuck out of me lol

Anonymous 55373


Oh honey. I’m dealing with this in my marriage.
99.9% of Reddit sucks ass but this sub actually helps.
Here: https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/
The resources are the most helpful part of this subreddit.
Also, reading other women’s experiences are helpful in knowing you’re not alone.

You’re not being childish.
Many women feel the same exact way as you.
I’m 33 years old. I feel exactly as you do.
My husband watching porn makes me feel betrayed, awful, and insecure about my body.
It kills his libido for me. It makes me feel like he has a Madonna-whore complex ie I’m his Madonna and porn is for his whore.
It’s tiring. We only have sex less than once a month. We’ve been married 7 years. It isn’t normal. I have less than normal libido myself but when I’m begging for intimacy, something is wrong.

I digress. This isn’t about my problems. Forgive me about going onto a tangent about it. It just cut a little to close to the bone since we literally argued about it this morning.
Look into that subreddit’s resources. It will help you understand betrayal trauma among other things.
And the comment sections are going to be littered with “just leave him” like here. Only you can make that choice.
Unless abuse (mental, physical, sexual, emotional, financial, spiritual) is present, it’s really no one else’s business whether you stay or go.
However I say only one thing though:
Watching pornography without your consent is a type of sexual abuse
Hope everything gets better.
If you ever want to chat, I’m always lurking.
Just ask for Rabbit, like “HEY RABBIT”

Anonymous 55375

>However I say only one thing though:
Watching pornography without your consent is a type of sexual abuse
This is almost as bad as diluting the definition of rape until it's useless.


Anonymous 55376


>Watching pornography without your consent is a type of sexual abuse

Anonymous 55378

Lol she's right you cumbrains. Watching porn is adultery.

Did your husband watch porn while you two were dating? When did the porn start? And are you thinking about leaving him?

Anonymous 55383

I’ll definitely read this, thank you for your help. I am very sorry for you, I feel like I only know a piece of pain you’re going through. I’ll definitely give you some feedback while I’m done reading! Prick your ears, Rabbit

Anonymous 55387

are all men like this? why do they need go watch porn and japanese pornographic cartoons/comics even when they have an active normal sex life? why are men like this?

Anonymous 55388

It's all a big plan to destroy society. The porn industry knows how damaging it is. It is impossible to watch pornography and also feel empathy for women. The more you watch, the more your kinks mutate, so your tastes become more violent and more depraved. All of this has turned men into sociopathic abusers with an addiction. The adulterous nature of it ruins their marriages, which in turn ruins their children's lives, which in turn destroys the very foundation of a healthy society.

Anonymous 55391


I'm pretty young and don't have my stuff figured out so I am only in this thread to try and understand others not to offer advice. But is the porn really the cause of the issue here?

It kinda feels like the main problem is men disregaring their partners well-being, wishes and insecurities.

Getting into multiple fights, only having sex once a month while he masturbates, those things sound like serious problems so are you actually working on them? Do you go to counseling or anything else or is it just a constant back and forth about porn?

It just sounds, for both the OP and you, that porn is a catalyst for way larger issues in the relationship.

Anonymous 55406

it's the porn.

Anonymous 55409

There are two reasons why a man would watch pornography. First, He is seeking intimacy by fantasizing about relationships with other women. Second, he views women as sex objects that he uses as tools to get himself off. Most men fall into the second category. Both are equally bad in a heterosexual monogamous relationship.

Wanting to find intimacy from another women is basically the same as virtual cheating, and it's easy to justify breaking up with a man who does this.

For the second bit, porn objectifies and dehumanizes women. The men who view porn start seeing women as consumable items and not as people. When most men see women in even titillating clothing, the "tool use" center of their brain lights up. They lack empathy in a way most women just cannot comprehend. They don't care that most of these women are abused and had terrible lives. They don't care if their porn is "ethically sourced". They don't care about the woman at all, just what her body looks like, and how much "use" he can get out of it. I find it hard to justify being with a man who views and consumes women like products.

Porn is like a drug in that the cycle of use is almost the same. These men are constantly searching for content that recreates their first high, or in this case their first orgasm. To do this, they have to seek out more extreme/novel content. It seriously damages their brains and perception of reality, but most will never stop because they're so short-sighted or simply do not care.

Here's the sad part… men don't actually give a shit about any of the damage their porn use causes. They don't care about the entire industry that is based entirely on the abuse and exploitation of women, and they don't care that the women in their lives are upset about their use. They only ever start to care if presented with the fact that porn damages THEM in some way. By shrinking his brain, or making his dick broken. Even then, most of them will make the sacrifice to keep consuming these "pixels on a screen".

Try these OP, they might get through to him.

I have dealt with an addict before, and unfortunately after getting redpilled on porn… it made me resent him in a way I wasn't prepared for. Once you understand how the male brain works you start hating them, all of them. My bf ended up quitting but I still ended up emotionally distancing myself to him and I know a breakup is right around the corner unless he does something to win me over. I don't see that happening, though.

Anonymous 55410

How did they prove that the "healthy volunteers" in the first study didn't consume porn? Were they trapped in a room for the study for months or did we just use the honor method?

Anonymous 55411

Men find it almost impossible to quit once they've started and there is nothing stopping them from escalating to the point of ruining their lives except their personal predisposition to form addictions.
Men are actual animals, and if they find a way to simulate sex they will ruin their entire lives over it if they have to.

Anonymous 55412

Anonymous 55413

Thanks for another study
Where did they find the "healthy control groups" for the study? Did they lock the men in a room for months or was it just the honor method when the moids said they didn't look at porn?

Anonymous 55414

mio honda walking …

>But is the porn really the cause of the issue here?
What you need to understand is that the current generation of moids has been molded into addicts at the age of 11 of younger by multi million dollar corporations that profit off sexual exploitation. If it were any other habit - one that doesn't insidiously prey upon their most base and powerful instincts - a good amount of those moids might have been more inclined to consider their partners' perspective. But it's an addiction comparable to a dependency on cocaine, and like good little addicts, they'll get defensive. They'll scream, cry, rage, and launch an entire arsenal of manipulative tactics against anyone who dares make them entertain the thought of giving up their precious porn. There's a reason the subreddit you quoted exists and thrives but not LoveAfterGamingAddiction, LoveAfterWorkaholism or any other bullshit variation. It is only after the moid makes a conscious effort to understand how immensely damaging porn is that he can begin to heal. But most will never even get to that point. Out of the already very small percentage that do, most will end up relapsing, maybe one or two will succeed, and I guarantee you none will give a shit about their habits' effects on anyone but themselves like >>55409 pointed out. Their brains have already been warped beyond recognition at that point. They'll spend the rest of their lives chasing another cheap high, spiraling deeper into degeneracy, and suck life out of any non-equally degenerate partner like a black hole.

The reaction OP described reads like a textbook case of cumbrained addict of the lowest kind. She brought up an entirely valid concern - who wants to bet that if she were the one with a daily search history of big black cock, he'd already have stirred a shitstorm of an intergalactic scale? But alas, he is now going throw a tantrum and do his absolute fucking best to convince her she's an overreacting childish hysterical bitch before he so much as admits to himself he might be at fault. His next line is probably "BUT EVERYONE DOES IT". If no further drastic action is taken, she's going to end up exactly like the thousands of women on that subreddit. I don't wish that upon anyone which is why I'm strongly urging her to consider getting the fuck away, the earlier, the better, or at the very least offering an ultimatum. It is vital that women stop enabling this kind of behavior.

TL;DR Yeah it's the porn.

Anonymous 55416

The chemical reaction of eating oreos is also comparable to cocaine, as much as I hate porn consumption, this seems to be a symptom of an even larger problem.

Anonymous 55417

Pretty sure if we want moids to stop looking at porn we just need to offer them something better, and no I don't think that's unrestricted access to sex. There's really no point in the majority of moids patterns and behaviors in modern society, so you'd need to actually incentivize them with something worth pursuing.

Also, you are going to lose almost every single argument concerning porn use if you use the "It's bad for your body!" since most men don't give a shit about their health in general. The "porn is unhealthy for you" has almost no effect on a high or low-functioning moid.

Anonymous 55418

Yet we don't have an epidemic of oreo cookie addicts prioritizing their chocolate wafers over close relationships and descending into madness as they seek out more and more exotic fillings since the regular flavor can no longer satisfy them. The reason porn is on a whole another level compared to other substances/behavior generally considered addictive like alcohol, junk food, and gaming is because it exploits the single most powerful evolutionary urge we have and takes much less 'rewiring' for it to become an addiction.

Anonymous 55419


>Yet we don't have an epidemic of oreo cookie addicts prioritizing their chocolate wafers over close relationships

Anonymous 55420


>as they seek out more and more exotic fillings since the regular flavor can no longer satisfy them.

Anonymous 55421

The obesity epidemic is caused by several lifestyle factors, it has jackshit to do with addiction to a particular substance.

Anonymous 55422

The pornography epidemic is caused by several lifestyle factors, it has jackshit to do with a particular subgenre.

Anonymous 55423

Just as you have argued with food, the pornography epidemic is the result of several cultural factors and in fact has little to do with pornography itself.

Anonymous 55428

Rabbit here.
Did it ever occur to you that there are different types of sexual abuse and sexual betrayal trauma is a form of sexual abuse?
Sometimes I wonder if women are as pornsick cumbrained as moids.

Thank you.
I had no idea it was this bad. I knew he watched sometimes but not to the point that it would effect our sex life.
Yeah I did think about it but everything else is fine in our relationship. It’s just the dead bedroom due to his pornography problem.
The thing is he doesn’t watch it all the time either. He’d just rather jack off to porn than sleep with me.
Which is hurtful to say the least.
You’re welcome, babe.
Fucking based
It’s the porn. Especially cause men start watching porn at around 11-13 or even younger (but actually start using porn at around 11-13). It effects the chemicals in the brain differently so you can’t bond correctly with your partner. It’s what >>55409 and >>55414 said.

Buckle up ladies cause it’s only gonna get worse.
With VR headsets on the rise, pocket stimulators, and the onset of ai sex dolls we might just be extinct because men won’t give a shit about us sexually any more.

Anonymous 55429

>Buckle up ladies cause it’s only gonna get worse.
With VR headsets on the rise, pocket stimulators, and the onset of ai sex dolls we might just be extinct because men won’t give a shit about us sexually any more.
Maybe free access to sexual content really wasn't all it cracked up to be, hope those "free love" boomers enjoy the monster they created.

Anonymous 55430

Rabbit says: fucking based

Anonymous 55433

Is that you Korean schizo-rabbit?

Anonymous 55464

Women can absolutely be porn addicted coomers. Just take a good look at all the women yelling "SWERF!!!" and gaslighting you into thinking you're not a real feminist if u dont support sex work whenever you criticise porn/only fans

Anonymous 55470

Rabbit here:
How tf did you know I was (part) Korean?
Yup. It’s exhausting.

Anonymous 55472

I would know your schizo-posting anywhere Rabit.

Anonymous 55473

Who is rabbit?

Anonymous 55482


Rabbit here:
It’s just me from these posts:
It’s cause I told OP if she needed to talk to ask for Rabbit. So I figured I’d go with it. shrug
Why thank you. I try.
Half of them would, I think. The other half I think would legit not give a shit. My husband has straight up told me to watch porn and get off. Mind you that was years and years ago but the point still stands that moids completely miss the fucking point.
I’ve been there. I still fight with it. It’s not you. It’s a literal addiction however little they use porn.
You could be the most drop dead sexiest woman on the face of the planet to him with the most amazing personality to him and if he has a porn problem. Nope. Libido is zero.
Now if he is also a sex addict that’s a different story.
But if it’s just porn?
Welcome to excuses and whenever you do actually have sex he ends up having limp dick because he literally can’t get it up because your not 2-D pixels and his hand.
My husband told me years ago jacking off was just easier than having sex with me because sex was hard and tiring. Like wtf. We’re like 29 at the time and we’re not super athletic but not like super out of shape either.
Bro. Even if you use porn once a month, if it’s keeping you from sleeping with your SO it’s a fucking problem.

Anonymous 55485



Thank you Rabbit
We love you Rabbit

Anonymous 55512

Why would you want to cope with it? Tell him to stop. Every boyfriend I ever had gave up porn for me, when I asked him to.

Anonymous 55586

Try to come from a concerned stance rather than a moralistic one. If he has so massive a cope as "fucking pixels," he's probably addicted. Say you're worried because porn addiction literally makes you depressed and you…don't want him to be depressed? He'll say he's not addicted, but you should tell him to drop all kinds of porn (softcore, hardcore, drawn–everything: he knows what porn is) for 30 days to see if he even can. It's a test for him and he'll feel your concern and he'll feel in control for dealing with this.
If he says it's not bad for you literally just google it. It's been demonstrated over and over again that porn is harmful.

Anonymous 55830

Sorry to burst your bubble, but most moids would watch porn and still have enough libido.
If your moid went to a romantic dinner with you, had too much alcohol and couldn't perform, would you say he had to cut alcohol from his life?
If he watches so much porn that he doesn't find you attractive, what made him watch so much in the first place?
If he feels sexually frustrated, and knew you were unlikely to help, do you want him to find relief OTHER than porn?

Anonymous 55831

It's called masturbation, holy shit.

Anonymous 55832

It's pretty common for most men that use porn to exclusively masturbate to porn

Anonymous 55833

Common doesn't mean good. Not being able to masturbate/orgasm without porn is a textbook sign of porn addiction.

Anonymous 55835

As disgusting as moids are most don't have porn induced ED lmao

Anonymous 55836

ok moid

Anonymous 55838

Isn't rabbit a known schizo?

Anonymous 55840


>exclusively masturbate to porn
absolutely disgusting

Anonymous 55869

Make him stop or break up with him. Coomers aren’t capable of love

Anonymous 55876

Anonymous 55877

Why do you say that?

Anonymous 55878

She's probably talking about Dogisagi, the nazi spamming the art thread a while ago. Dogisagi's avatar is a rabbit so anon probably got her mixed up with the anon from this thread.

Anonymous 55881

why try to convince yourself of something that isn't true? don't try to suppress your intuition, because it's not okay for your boyfriend to seek sexual stimulus outside of your relationship, and it reflects very poorly on his view of a woman's role in society as well.

Anonymous 55884


If there are indeed two rabbits, they are both schizo-posters. This rabbit writes posts the same way Dohisagi does, just with better coherence (a good day for the schizo?).

Anonymous 55886

lol definitely not the same person and not a schizo.
Thanks for being concerned though.

Anonymous 55887

The monogamous society is the reason people get to be a selfish hedonist without being stoned in the center of town. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but you gotta ask yourself who benefits more from people being selfish and "independent" in a consumerist world. Without a sense of community and responsability to others people are easy to manipulate and exploit

Anonymous 55889

Did I say I was concerned? I love schzioposters, they usually make great posters and this is a great schizopost. >>55482

Anonymous 56128

So, about the same as alcohol.
I don't see threads whining about why alcohol is destroying marriages and should be banned for everyone, and not just alcoholics who can't control their addiction.

Anonymous 56129

lol porn is degrading for both men and women. It’s a human rights issue. It causes human trafficking. It’s violence against women. It creates a distorted view of the human body, human sexuality and relationships. It causes women to be even more objectified.
Destroy the porn industry

Anonymous 56130


>banning alcohol
Lol they tried that in America, for the same reasons you mentioned actually.
Didn’t work and banning porn won’t either unless it’s replaced by something else

Anonymous 56131

don't get why women are so against their men watching porn. doubly so if it's just anime lol.
imagine getting mad over drawings on a screen…

Anonymous 56133

I don't think you're childish. He's literally ogling other women's bodies. Is it really THAT different from cheating? Let's be honest, if one of these women walked up to him when you weren't around and said "let's fuck", would he really say no?

Having said that, I think the modern moid has a sex addiction that literally rules all of their thoughts and behaviors. So it may help you to see him as addict. If he wants to get better, I think you should support him and forgive him for missteps along the way. It's probably going to be a lifelong struggle.

Anonymous 56134

It's not violence, it's torture. I don't know how anyone can bear to watch it due the sounds of women in pain trying to sound sexy. Can they not tell the difference?

What is it with Americans and "muh prohibition" anytime anything being banned is even slightly mentioned? Prohibition didn't work as it wasn't enforced properly. Learn your own country's fucking history before you parrot that tired point again.

Anonymous 56135

So you're saying polygamy is the natural state of man? No offense, but I don't think that's true at all.

Anonymous 56136

My aversion to porn is the reason I am still single. Its something I wont tolerate in men and since I know 99% of them watch it either openly or in secret, it means I can’t get a bf. I actually hate and resent men because of it and it makes me realize that men are literally incapable of being monogamous.

Anonymous 56137

Men watch porn with women crying and screaming and yelping because that is what turns them on, so much of male sexuality is all about hurting and exploiting women and girls. Fucking women, cumming on them, conquering them, these are all violent acts that impose on another being. Male sexuality is strange, the women they hate most are often the ones they want to fuck most. Male sexuality has nothing to do with love or tenderness, its about hurting and dominating and feeling power over another person.

Anonymous 56138

Men are perfectly aware of how much porn hurts their wives and gfs, they use it as a weapon on purpose to dread women into submission while gaslighting them into how it doesn’t matter because love and sex are separate to them. Whether that is their feeling or not is irrelevant. That’s like a guy saying him cheating is fine because it’s just sex and he didn’t feel any emotion towards the girl. Its still unacceptable to any non cuck woman,

Anonymous 56139

Oh, I agree. I've heard enough shitty moid excuses to last a lifetime. But my point is that IF he truly wants to stop (and thus recognizes how bad porn is), then he should be supported in doing so and forgiven if he slips up a few times along the way.

Anonymous 56140

I feel you, it's a wasteland out there. I've reached the point where I'll consider a man who wants to change. I actually prefer that to a man who claims they DON'T watch porn. I think those guys tend to be liars or have repressed sexual urges.

Anonymous 56141

You will never be a woman

Anonymous 56142

This. Ever notice how men always talk about sexual "conquests"? Their natural state of being is going around trying to dominate everything in the most degrading and sociopathic ways possible.

And what's really upsetting for me is seeing guys say that girls LOVE it when they choke them and spit on them and all that. I don't doubt that it's true, I just know that those women don't value themselves at all and are happy to be used and tossed away afterwards because that just confirms how worthless they are. Argh it makes my blood boil.

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